Snowzilla Declared a “Public Nuisance”. Decapitated.
22 12 2008
When you consider all that Alaska is known for these days - (political corruption, mostly), it’s the little happy things about living in Anchorage that make all this humiliation bearable.
One such bit of holiday joy is a 16-foot snowman that appears in the Airport Heights section of town every year. Dozens of kid-hours are spent in the creation of this iconic symbol of seasonal joy, who has lured camera crews from far-off lands who are intrigued by this Goliath of the frozen north. He was lovingly dubbed “Snowzilla.”
In just three short years, Snowzilla attracted a devoted legion of fans who would bundle the kids in the car and do a drive-by every year. A visit to Snowzilla quickly became a holiday tradition of…well…large proportion!
However, not all of Snowzilla’s neighbors were feeling very charitable about their giant frozen neighbor. And this year, Snowzilla was officially declared a “public nuisance and safety hazard.” And he got whacked. Literally.
My city is a murderer.
I guess none of those people who decided to complain were ever children. I guess they never saw Frosty the Snowman. And if they did, I bet they never cried. Whatever the reason, the “not in my backyard with your damn holiday cheer” crowd has won the day, much to the dismay of the young at heart here in my fair city.
(insert Frosty the Snowman music)
“He led them down the streets of town right to the traffic cop;
and only paused a moment when they heard him holler, “Stop!”
For Frosty the Snowman, had to hurry on his way,
But he waved good-by sayin’ “Don’t you cry, I’ll be back again some day.”
(and add the new verse) “Unless he lives in Anchorage, in which case the traffic cop becomes a City Code Enforcement Officer, and Frosty will be declared a nuisance and decapitated in front of the children who brought him back to liiiiiiife…..”
I like the original version better.
Farewell, Snowzilla. Wishing you a cold and frosty holiday season…wherever you are.
December 23rd, 2008 at 11:32 AM
Ok reading on Alaska Dispatch this stands out:
Billy Ray says. “My old house is a rough old house. I’m a welder and I’m a blacksmith. I have hobbies. I’m on the poor-boy program here. I’ve had beyond the normal amount of stuff in my yard. I admit that. But this issue with the city is all because one of my neighbors has made it her career to cause me problems.” Alaska Dispatch’s headquarters aren’t far from Billy Ray’s home and we can attest to the fact that more than one neighbor doesn’t care for his yard or Snowzilla. On the other hand, this is Anchorage, Alaska, as Billy Ray says. Residents aren’t particularly known for keeping up their yards.
I had parents like that. If they didn’t like someone they would harass the hell out of them, calling the city, the police anyone, until they could get them to move…Yes move. People need to MYOB!!!! Billy, who can I send the multiple chucks of COAL to????
December 23rd, 2008 at 11:37 AM
UPDATE: Snowzilla Reborn
Snowzilla rises from the dead
There wasn’t a picture of the rebirth, yet!!
December 23rd, 2008 at 11:45 AM
Yeah! Like the phoenix rising! Go Snowzilla, and the elves that helped!
Bah humbug to you coal eaters!
December 23rd, 2008 at 12:19 PM
Does the dump truck run ??? If so…..run out to the infamous turkey farm and fill that sucker up with turkey poo and park it right on the shared property line with Ms. Hall Monitor…..is there a rule against storing fertilizer for spring planting ??
December 23rd, 2008 at 2:11 PM
I wonder … and I am really wondering, I have not formed my own opinion yet.
If it had been a giant Jesus snow sculpture instead of a snowman, or a sprawling snow nativity scene, would the neighbors have still complained? Would the city officials have handled the matter in the same way?
December 23rd, 2008 at 5:56 PM
Sarah has Joe the Plumber …….we have Billy Ray….let’s get it on!!!!!