The Twelve Days of Christmas! (Sarah Palin Version)
Well, our imaginary Mudflats choir has now been standing out in the frosty air in Anchorage’s Town Square Park for 12 nights. And in a fitting end to our new version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” a gentle snow is falling in Anchorage tonight. Our choir is stomping their feet to keep their toes warm, rubbing their little mittens together, and their chins are quivering with cold. They are getting impatient with me, and want to zip across the street for some hot chocolate….so here goes… Our Christmas Eve final verse.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My new Gov gave to me:
Twelve hundred dollars,
Eleven moose a-stewing,
Ten witness tamp’rings,
Nine alsos, also.
Eight Russians creeping,
Seven bears a-swimming,
Six turkeys draining,
Five different colleges!
Four banned books
Three french pranks
Two shopping sprees,
And a pit bull fo-or VeeePeeeeee
And there you have it. You should have time to print out the lyrics and share a song after your Christmas dinner! And today, my humble little carol was given great honor. CC over at KUDO radio, actually sang the 11 Days of Christmas on the air in Anchorage this afternoon! Had I known in advance, I would have given you all a heads up…and I probably would have told her what the 12th day was going to be so she could sing the complete song…but I have been promised a copy of the audio, and will post it if I can. I know it is going to be great!
Over the last week, I’ve received several suggestions for things to include in the song. I feel the need for an honorable mention. Lame excuses, Wolves a-limping, and Lies a-Leaping were really great. But, I’d been working on this quite a bit before I started posting, and went with my original vision. However, feel free to insert whatever things have the most meaning for you, and mix & match your own personalized version. The sad thing is that there ARE only 12 days, and to really adequately cover this version, we’d need at least a month. I am leaving the comments turned on tonight, so that you might post your own days of Christmas.
And for thoughts or comments on other topics, join the Night Kitchen Open Thread already in progress…
Merry Christmas Mudflatters, and I hope you enjoyed your Christmas present!
Well if people really need more verses – there is always 99 bottles of (something) on the wall.
Am printing it now. THANKS a million. Don´t know if we´ll get it through it without a lot of laughing going on…..
MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone!
(mmmhhh 99 bottles. You might suggest if for the night thread?)
beggin’ yer alls pardon, but the polar bear still looks like it’s hanging onto a phallus.
There’s no snow here in downtown pennsyltucky, but the ice is really coming down. The snap crackle pop I hear is not the rice crispies in my bowl. Wish I had me an energy rebate to help pay for the gas my chainsaw is gonna be using once the precip stops falling. Power will soon go off, too, and that generator will be running for a few days. Wonder how long my 15 gallons of non-BP gasoline will last me.
And to all, a good night!
Merry Merry Christmas to you AKM. Thank you for a port in what was to be a Sarah Palin Storm. You kept me sane while the world was spinning out of control around me and for that I will always be grateful.
Best of Holiday Wishes to all the wonderful people who grace the pages of this most excellent of excellent blogs. Is it January 20th yet……?????
Willpen
BABY WATCH!
Where is the baby? SHould we start a pool?
Merry Christmas, AKM! Thank you for your hard work, your humor, your insight, your integrity, your persistence!
I’m looking out the living room window this morning at MORE snow coming down in Seattle. I’ve never seen anything like it. Fortunately, the power has not gone off, so we’ve been toasty warm, unlike many rural Alaskans.
Best wishes to all the Mudpuppies!
Great song. But if you need more, there’s always the Advent Calendar, with its 20 days (I think) leading up to Christmas. Perhaps a project for next year?
I couldn’t help reposting this, typos corrected, from a comment I made at POLITICAL ANIMAL. I think we need someone to write a definitive, hilarious book on Palin, one that will make even hard-core Republicans ashamed they voted for her. The key to defeating her is laughter, showing her as absurd and dangerous as she is. It’s a shame Bob Newhart is not doing his phone routines any more. For those of you who remember the classic “Sir Walter Raleigh and Tobacco” routine, can you imagine something like this? Newhart is a political consultant Palin wants to hire.
“Yes, so Mayor Palin was a member of the PTA. Okay, education. We can work with this. Maybe starting with a video of her making a commencement speech at her children’s gradu … oh, they aren’t attending college. They are too young, okay, at least we can catch her as they graduated from high school… oh! Yes, well, that is a difficulty.
“Getting married, you say, and the other one’s going into the Army. Okay, so we can show the marriage — it’s being delayed so the girl can give birth. Yes, well… okay, that gives us a handle. ‘Deeply affected by her daughter’s predicament, she worked hard to improve the level of sex education in the — no. Why won’t that work? Oh, because she still supports abstinence-only.”
“Yes, well maybe we shouldn’t do too much with the family. Except wait. Maybe the family she’s marrying into. I can see it now, Governor’s daughter marries into wealthy, prominent… They aren’t prominent. Except the mother, who just got busted for selling oxycontin. No, I’m sorry, I really don’t think we should make much use of the family. In fact, is there any way we can find something for them to do somewhere out of the country and forget to mention them?”
“No, we’ve got to start somewhere else. Now she was a mayor, you say. Small town, everybody knows everybody else, lots of warmth and cameraderie and old fashioned values. So what can you tell me about this Wassail, oh, Wasilla. That’s a shame, people like towns with cute names. Anyway, so Wasilla is… the evangelical, hard-right capital of the area. Hmm, evangelicals aren’t doing so well. Can we stress the churches, nand not go into… Pastor Muthee? You want to show a minister blessing and praying for the governor. Hmm, tricky, but, you say he’s black, now that’s something we can — and got his reputation by hunting w-w-w- no, I donb’t think we should use that. I understand it is metaphorical, that you really mean he fights the manifestations of evil in — it’s NOT metaphorical. Real witches. He got a woman driven from her home because… no, I really don’t think this would be as useful at supporting her image as you think.
“No, I think we’ll just stick with pictures of the churches, don’t mention the type of church. Yes, “Wassail, the town of Churches’ yes, we can… what ‘and the meth capital of Alaska.’
“YES! That’s it. Average mom gets elected to fight the evil drug scourge, drives the drug lords out of business. All we need is video of her giving her speeches leading the crusade and… What do you mean there aren’t any? Haven’t you folks heard of video cameras. Okay, so we can recreate one of them and film it and put ‘re-creation’ in insurance-company type beneath it… Oh! It isn’t that there aren’t any videos, there weren’t any speeches. She didn’t run against the drug dealers, she ran against the previous mayor.
Okay, can you tie him… no, the problem didn’t exist then. She ran instead as the first ‘Christian Mayor.’ Against someone named Stein. Oh, dear. I’m not sure we should mention this, it might be considered, shall we say, a touch anti-Semitic. Oh, it can’t be considered anti-Semitic because Stein’s a Lutheran. Well, yes, *ahem* I guess I can see that.”
“Okay, we can still go with the drug angle. As a small-town mayor, she knew she didn’t have the power to fight the scourge, so she sought higher office where she could… oh, no speeches or action there either. It’s a shame she didn’t do something like fire a corrupt cop, oh, okay, we can work with this. This State Trooper, she came down on him for failing to enforce the drug laws… no, she fired him because he wouldn’t fire her brother-in-law. Oh, they only claimed that’s why she fired him. It wasn’t that. She fired him because he tried to implement a program to fight violence against women. Okay, I guess we could use this. Over-bearing policeman attempts to shift resources to a minor problem, ignores major drug — not a minor problem. First in the country. For 23 of the last 30 years. I’m sorry, I’m really having difficulty finding something to work with…
“She’s a reformer you say. She fights corruption. Now you are talking. I remember that Senator that was arrested, no, not the bathroom guy, the crook. He was from Alaska, wasn’t he. And your Governor fought him tooth and … Chairman of his re-election committee. I really am afraid I might not… Okay, one more thing.”
“She, in effect, took over the oil companies, taxed their profits, and distributed them to the residents. Oh, I’m sorry. I hadn’t realized. I remember Alaska had elected third-party governors, but I am afraid there isn’t much profit in getting the Socialist Party nomination, not nationally. She’s not a socialist? She’s a conservative rePUBlican?
“I’m really sorry, but my phone has been ringing off the hook and I have to answer these calls, but I promise I’ll get back to you.”
“Miss Gladstone, don’t EVER put that person through to me again!”
(Okay, I’m not Newhart, but it’d be a place to start.)
PRUP, great job, entertaining, and certainly drives points home. Needless to say there is a lot more material to work with and it is imperative that this woman be shown for what she is.
She is dangerous to the citizenry’s pocketbook, morals, constitution, and scary as it seems, unless something is done to show the nation how far she is from a safe, normal political figure (as opposed to a “glamorous, sexy, empty-headed political figure”) we could be facing a disaster in the future like none we have seen thus far in the right wing evangelical party.
Go for it!!!
Happy Holidays to all the Mudpuppies and a big 2008 Thank You to AKM for giving us all this isle of sanity.
Prup (aka Jim Benton) (10:12:05) :
OMG! I can just hear that in Bob Newhart’s voice! I’m passing this along, and I can assure you it will go viral!
It would be fantastic if you could record an audio in Newhart’s voice…
Prup, that was wonderful. I just might borrow some of that…lol If you don’t mind. Of course if you do I won’t use it at all. I will of course give you credit if I have your permission to use it. I am laughing so hard it is hard to type…lol
Thanks for sharing. I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and will see you all in a few days.
great job on the twelfth, that is funny.
Alas, the arrest came too late— but when I heard the number of indictments against Levi’s mom, I immediately thought of the Twelve Muddy Days….
“Six Counts of Drug Dealing by Sketchy Future In-Law” Is a little too wordy, ALSO TOO.
Guess I need to “progress” my songwriting skills before next year, doggone it.
Happy, happy holidays to all you dear Mudpuppies and AKM who made this fall MUCH more bearable and a hell of a lot more fun!
Looking forward to tip-toeing along with you all in the New Year!
Prup just made the problem with Palin’s use of sex-ed clear for me:
Sarah- as a contraceptive technique, abstaining is most suitable *before* a woman becomes pregnant. While pregnant, not so much, even though you delay marriage and live apart.
I hope this helps.
Kate from Planned Parenthood Canada
Feel totally free to pass it on, but credit would be appreciated. As for the guy who asked if I could do it in Newhart’s voice, sadly my gravelly nasal voice is nothing like his, or like too many other Earthly sounds — thank goodness. I might see if I could do a video, where my bad acting could distract from my voice, but my voice alone, especially through a microphone — nooooooo!
Nite Mudpuppies,
A very happy Christmas to you all.
With love and best wishes from Ireland.
AKM,
I can’t even begin to thank you. So many highs and lows. And you made them humorous.
Perfect, AKM. Thanks. Merry Christmas and on to 2009!
@ Prup (aka Jim Benton)
Great Writing Job! lol, I could just picture Newhart in the role!
I’m wishing all Mudpuppies a Happy and Safe Holiday from my snowbound home in Seattle! My friend with Chains is picking me up for dinner at her place tomorrow. The power went out for a couple of hours this afternoon, so I’ve had enough of a white Christmas to last a lifetime.
AKM, I can’t tell you how much appreciated that you’ve shared your blog and kept us laughing! Your wit and humor has been topnotch! Thx!
We all met up in this electronic community in this year of insane psychological turmoil. We are all here to stay.
Merry Christmas to everyone!
“And to all a good night!”
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night, morning, afternoon, evening, night, and so on, and so on, throughout the year…
Great Job AMK!
Interesting from HuffPo:
Honorable Mention
Well, I just didn’t know where else to put these two, so I’m sticking them in honorable mention. Maybe it should be dis-honorable mention, you decide. I don’t know that they deserve any award, but they’re worth mentioning because they were part of the fabric (pun intended) of political life in 2008.
“Drill baby, drill!” Wasn’t this annoying? Well, yes, but the chant heard at the Republican National Convention (and elsewhere in Republican crowds) just goes to show — once again — that Republicans are just better at this “framing” stuff than Democrats. To reduce our energy choices for the future to three powerful words was so intimidating that Democrats in Congress immediately caved in to the pressure, and threw away offshore drilling bans that had been in place for years. That’s power, boiled down into three words, and for that alone it’s worth a mention.
And lastly, no roundup of the past year would be complete without mentioning Sarah Palin’s wardrobe. I still say the Republican National Committee missed a huge fundraising opportunity here, and could have auctioned off anything bought for Palin (whether she actually wore it or not) at a healthy profit. Instead, reportedly, they donated the whole $150,000 worth to charity. So that homeless women have designer gowns to wear to their alley, I guess. The whole thing was just so mis-handled from the beginning that it deserves some sort of special mention here.