The Mudflats

We all know the scenario.  There’s a wedding and the invitations are sent out.  The envelope arrives in the mail box of Jim and Sally Smith.  The envelope is addressed to “Jim and Sally Smith” or “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”.  The host and hostess have a clear idea in mind of how this evening will go, how many people they are inviting, and why.  But invariably there will be one person who calls and says, “Are my kids invited too?”

The host or hostess, whoever has had the ill fortune to answer the call, is put on the spot.  What do they say?  If they are secretly hoping that the Smiths won’t show up, they may answer, “I’m so sorry, it’s adults only.”  If they really want the Smiths there, then the answer might be, “Sure you can bring them.  Gosh we love your kids.”  And even if neither of these scenarios is the case, our generous host and hostess may just not have the heart to say, “No.  Your children are NOT invited to my wedding.”  It’s kind of awkward, and people usually like to be nice, and not risk offending people.  So the invitation will be extended.

So, with that in mind, check out the new form on the Governor’s website.

Sarah Palin, who now has agreed to reimburse Alaskans for 10 out of 40 trips in which she billed the state for her children’s travel expenses, has figured out a great way to weasel out of future problems.

The form that constituents fill out to invite the governor to an event, now asks flat out, in flaming red letters:

Is the First Family invited?: *

(The asterisk indicates that this is a ‘required field’ and must be filled out before the form can be submitted.)

This raises a whole host of interesting questions.

Governor Palin has already told us that regarding her children:

“…the discharge of my duties should not prevent me from spending time with them.”

Does this mean that she is less likely to attend an event to which the “first family” is not invited?  And what is this whole “first family” concept anyway?  I don’t remember a Murkowski “First Family” or a Knowles “First Family” or any other “First Family” for that matter.

And who exactly IS the “First Family” that we mean when we click the box to invite them all to our event?  Trigg, Piper, Willow, Bristol, Track and Todd?  Oh, wait.  We forgot Tripp.  And what about Levi?  Do fiances count?  What if Track decides to pop the question?  Would his fiance count?  What about the governor’s parents, Chuck and Sally?  They were present on the campaign trail, so why not?  And if Bristol has another baby, would that baby be invited too?  Exactly how many extra mouths to feed, and hotel rooms to sleep in will the “First Family” need?

So, the person who wants to invite the governor looks at the form and decides that if they really want the governor to show up, they’d better invite the whole fandamily.

With all these questions swirling in our poor confused heads, let’s take a moment to read a memorandum from the Alaska Department of Law on the issue of travel.  The memo was written in 2004 by then AG Greg Rehnkes, and then re-released in March of 2007.  Read it HERE.

Tim Petumenos (the investigator whose findings on Palin’s ethics lapse in the Troopergate investigation somehow directly contradicted the Legislative investigation that found her guilty of abuse of power) has also used his magical skills to decide that only 10 out of the 40 trips the Palin kids took had more personal benefit than benefit to the State of Alaska.  He must have all kinds of complicated and impressive formulas to figure this stuff out.  I guess that’s why he gets paid the big bucks, because, call me stupid, but I can’t figure this out.  If it wasn’t in the best interest of the state to have the Pain children travel to attend the Startof the Iron Dog snowmachine race in Anchorage….then how was it in the best interest of the state to pay for the first family’s travel and lodging expenses to attend the Iron Dog Finish in Fairbanks the following weekend in both 2007 and 2008?  (Scratching head, stroking chin, rubbing temples and doing all kinds of things trying to figure this one out….but alas to no avail)

In addition to Petumenos’ impressive ethical travel calculation voodoo, he’s been trying to find some precedence to help him out.  But, there just doesn’t seem to be any.  It appears as if the former governors of Alaska just never seemed to have this problem.  Is it because they didn’t have kids?  No, it’s because they didn’t have bad judgment.  They just never billed the state for family trips because why would anyone possibly think that was appropriate?

And in exchange for Palin paying back about $10,000, he wouldn’t bother to check further.  As a matter of fact he’d just stick his metaphorical fingers in his metaphorical ears and go, “LALALALALALALALALA!” until the nasty media just goes away. 

It’s an interesting way of doing business.  It feels like studying the cultural anthropology of the Palin administration.  And one can’t help but wonder, knowing what we all know about the cultural anthropology of the IRS, what will happen when these two civilizations meet?

Stay tuned for the fun!