Sarah Palin – On to a “Higher Calling”
26 07 2009
It’s Quittin’ Time here in Alaska. Yes, according to our almost former executive-in-chief, we’re yesterdays news. Tossed like an old banana peel on the compost pile of past political ambition. Cast off like an old peep-toe pump with a broken heel. Jilted.
So, why are we so happy?
It’s kind of like being dumped by someone who was really bad for you anyway. Sure there are some hurt feelings. Didn’t we measure up? Weren’t we worth fighting for? “It’s not you, it’s me?” What does the Lower 48 have that we don’t? Is it the money? But, you said you loved us! What about that oath you took?
Oath shmoth. After all that wears off, you look back at all the lies, the false promises, the people that got thrown under the bus, and you realize that you were taken in. And then there is a sense of freedom. There are new possibilities, new beginnings. You’ve been shown plain as day all the things that can go wrong, and you feel charged with a mission of changing those things so that they never ever happen again. Ever. Seriously.
That’s where we are today. At this moment, the governor is standing in Fairbanks, in the heart of our great state that she loves so much, and she’s doling out another round of barbequed meat to lines of swooning tourists, and she’s looking us in the eye, pulling that ring off her finger, throwing it on the ground, and hightailing it out of here to her next relationship. And we’re being dumped live on national TV.
But, hold your head high, Alaskans. If you’re one of the many that voted for her a couple years ago, and are now face-palming and saying to yourself “What was I thinking?” it’s OK. You’re not the only one. She has lots of ex-es. Those who voted for her, those who didn’t, those who were fired, those who quit, those who were threatened with lawsuits, those who were called out in state press releases, and many more that remain unnamed. We know how you feel. (putting my arm around your collective shoulder)
And remember, we’ve got a new relationship already. I know, I know….rebound relationships can be dangerous too. Yes, I know…people call him Captain Zero. It’s looking like nothing much will change… but give him a chance. We know what to look out for. Now that the sparkly object is out of our sight, we can focus more on the actual policies, and the things we need to change and fix. And we can focus on the words and sentences, because they may make sense now.
And no worries that our old flame will go away entirely. We’ll still feel free to enjoy the entertainment value of the slow motion train wreck that appears to have a never ending supply of cars. But now, the difference is, she won’t actually be running a government anymore.
And think of all the potential relationships we’ve got coming down the road after rebound guy! We’ve got Bob Poe, and Ethan Berkowitz, and Hollis French and Rob Rosenfel… It’ll be like a fantastic round of speed dating. We’ll get to know them, and then we’ll pick one. None of them are perfect, but they’re all head and shoulders above … uh… above um…. (banging on forehead with heel of hand) What was her name again? Gimme a minute….I’ll get it.
[And of course, a big hat tip and bear hug to flyinureye, the Mudflats graphics god. This really may be your best yet.]
*CNN is broadcasting the abdication of the throne LIVE…including a So Long Sarah countdown clock. It’s like New Year’s Eve! Everyone get your champagne ready. Anyone know of a live link? Please post in comments! Thanks! And everyone feel free to live blog the event.*
July 27th, 2009 at 9:12 AM
Lee 323 #511-
Excellent sh*t detector work!
July 27th, 2009 at 10:58 AM
AKM, I don’t know how you manage to muster the patience to produce transcripts of Palin’s speeches. I listened on CNN, and have now read it to confirm that it was as snarky and angry as I experienced while listening. During last Fall’s campaign, and surrounded by conservatives, I began referring to Sarah Palin as Sarin. Yes, Sarin – just like the well-known nerve agent. And after consulting the CDC list of symptoms of exposure, I found it to be an apt moniker. Symptoms increase w/ severity and length of exposure – confusion, nausea, irritability, dizziness, disorientation, headaches … One quick read is all I’ll risk today – I can’t afford any recovery time.
Oh, the irony. I found the Mudflats one or two days after McCain’s famous folly, and two days after her resignation, I’m leaving for a week in Mexico followed by several months in South America, most of it in Suriname. The economy still is pretty sucky here in southern AZ, so I’ve struck a deal w/ an engineering firm in Mexico to manage several flood control projects for them. They were looking for a pilot/IT person and an Engr/ProjMgr. They’ve agreed to an Engr/ProjMgr/pilot and a (bright, gorgeous and fun) Latina who just got her MS/IT at the UofA. She also, unlike me, speaks Spanish much better than a two-year-old. The deal was destined to come together – it was, after all, initially brokered by my friend Jesus.
I’ll check in when I can, but for now Mudpups, I leave the defense of those realms threatened by Sarin in your capable hands. Hasta la vista!
July 27th, 2009 at 10:59 AM
“”…she’ll never fit in and will only be a freak-show curiousity at the onset.”"
I only wish that was true – I just talked to a friend in Tx who still believes all her spiel.
I asked him to not believe her lies – he got all defensive.
July 27th, 2009 at 11:31 AM
here’s a link to the LA Chapter of the Freepers re: the Aug 8 Reagan Library appearance (??) http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2293011/posts — sounds like there is some uncomfortableness on her hostesses’ part about having invited all this “Sarah Gone Wild” attention
July 27th, 2009 at 11:38 AM
PS. The comments on the Freeper site above are absolutely chilling. Here’s one example:
“SARAH (”Gipper 2.0″) will be there.
And, if the DU-mmies show up, we will deal with them, too.
)
For MANY of us who will be there, this is not our first rodeo.
And, guess which side the Simi Valley Police Department will be on.
)”
Nothing like appending your taser/billyclub threats with smileyface…
July 27th, 2009 at 1:23 PM
I’m sure Todd was sitting around the sports fishing channel one day and thought to himself, ”I’m married to the lyingest Bizatch in the world! Wonder what lies she’s telling me with a straight face?”
She quit Governor and Todd quit her before she could quit him.
Cool for him she’s been the breadwinner ’cause he’s set for life. Even if she didn’t have to pay him, legally, she would ’cause he knows where ALL the bodies are buried.
Either that or he’ll have an Accident flying his plane one day. Watch and see.
July 27th, 2009 at 1:28 PM
http://www.adn.com/photos/story/877571.html?/1521/gallery/877572-a877564-t3.html
Lol…check out the ”Palin-free” sign
July 27th, 2009 at 3:29 PM
@Bretta
I was referring to residing in The Hamptons…but your TX friend is part of her base, and I don’t doubt palin has a base. I know ppl also too in her base…you can’t have a reasonable political conversation with them. They have to see it for themselves, I guess…or palin would have to do or say something to jolt them into reality. I’m not schooled enough to get into their heads and say the exact thing to make them stop and think there are two sides.