The Mudflats

 Before all is said and done, there’s going to be a whole shelf at the Wasilla Public Library devoted to Sarah Palin.  Mark my words.  And there will probably be a few books that don’t … er … make the cut.  So, let’s get our virtual library cards and enjoy a lazy Saturday.

Going ‘Hit Piece’

The news on the street is that Palin’s memoir “Going Rogue” is more than just a play by play of Wasilla High basketball games from the 1980s.  It’s more than revisionist history about Wasilla Chamber of Commerce meetings.  It’s more than shoving her way through that crack in the door while Common Sense was on the other side with its back against it pushing as hard as it could.  It’s more than a couple chapters written by Republican Party strategists about free trade and taxes and dollars and drilling.  It is, according to sources, a “self-serving press release” - aimed largely at destroying her daughter Bristol’s ex-fiance.  It’s a hit-piece against Levi Johnston.  She purportedly spends a lot of time refuting claims by Johnston, and going on about how she and the ex-first Dude don’t sleep in separate beds, and their marriage is strong, and that Todd does not sneak away and drink beer in the garage to stay sane, and she didn’t hurl her wedding ring into the lake in front of ther house. 

If these rumors about the focus of the book are true, we can all feel relieved to know that she hasn’t been taken over by speechwriters and managers and handlers from the GOP.  Whoever may have told her that presidential candidates need to find other things to focus on than smacking down teenagers, has been ignored.  She’s still willing to use her incredible star power and political capital to dive down into the mud and take on foes a fraction of her own size, thereby making them relevant and making her look like a big bully.  It’s what she does best.

Upstaged is the New Persecuted

Looks like there’s another Sarah Palin book that got its release date bumped up to November.  This one by Matthew Continetti is titled “The Persecuation of Sarah Palin – How the Elite Media Tried to Bring Down a Rising Star.”  I kind of like “The Persecution of Sarah Palin:  How Some Supposed Fan Put Palin on His Book Cover and Released it 5 Days Before Her Book So He Could Actually Sell Some, Even if Only By Being a Parasite and Because People Were Confused About What Book They Were Buying.”  But, that’s kind of long. 

Or maybe he was just worried that she will have already covered the (back-of-the-hand-on-the-forehead) ”I’ve Been Persecuted!” meme and beaten it to death and nobody would care any more, because people can only take so much whining.  Who knows?  But as long as that “elite media” keeps asking what candidates read, and whether they have experience, there will always be a job for the persecuted.

It’s Baa-aack!

Remember that X-box that Sarah Palin signed at the Wasilla governor’s picnic two days before she resigned?  It ended up on Ebay, but was delisted.  Then it came back.  Then it was delisted.  Well, the owner of said X-box is hoping that the third time is a charm, and that all the eBay listing rules  have now been obeyed.  So, it’s back up again, and is available for an opening bid of $1.1 million.  “You can own this 60GB, perfect-condition, one-of-a-kind item before her expected run for president of the United States of America in 2012,” the listing gushes.  So far there are no takers.  But you never know what may happen in the high-stakes world of Sarah Palin.  Financial writer and Wall St. guru offered to pay $200,000 for a charity dinner with the ex-governor and so far, he’s gotten the cold shoulder. 

The Canadian Palin fan goes on to say:

When I was in front of Sarah Palin, I told her that I had traveled three days to see her and asked her to sign my Xbox360. She said it was the most extravagant thing she had ever been asked to sign. I shook her hand, removed myself from the crowd, and then I packed up my Xbox360 and headed home. It was one of the greatest thrills of my life to have watched Sarah Palin on CNN, SNL, Youtube, and then to see her right in front of me.

And while you’re budgeting for this purchase, don’t forget that after you pay your $1.1 million, three’s a $15 shipping fee.  They just try to sneak those things in there hoping you won’t notice.  Oh, the greed. 

Or if that’s too rich for your blood, you can just browse the 13 pages of Sarahphernalia available on eBay; eyeglasses, CDs, bumper stickers, campaign pins, magazines, Barbie dolls, wrist watches, Halloween masks, comic books, t-shirts, yard signs, life sized cardboard cutouts, bobbleheads, and even…

Terminatrix

 This delightful “non-fiction” book features our very own Sarah Palin as the Terminatrix, leather-clad, fangs bared and ready to fill you, hapless four-legged creatures, and the elite media full of  metaphorical lead.  It’s brought to you by “the editors of the Wasilla Iron Dog Gazette.”  This little nugget might have skipped your attention with all the other Palin mockeries out there, were it not for this interesting and newly discovered piece of information.  One of the anonymous members of the “publishers of the Wasilla Iron Dog Gazette” is none other than one Adam Bellow (son of Saul Bellow) and one of the editors at Harper Collins who worked on…  wait for it…  Going Rogue.  Oops. 

Palin’s literary agent, high-powered Washington attorney Robert Barnett, offered a terse “no comment” and Lee Hough, the Colorado Springs-based agent who represents Palin’s collaborator on the biography, Lynn Vincent, emailed me : “Lynn is under a very strick [sic] confidentiality agreement and cannot engage on this. Sorry about that.”

What Took So Long?

Many were shocked and surprised by the speed at which the ex-governor was able to write Going Rogue.  Sure, she didn’t actually write it, but presumably she helped.  And the memoir was put together in 4 short months, which is breakneck speed in the publishing world.  Inspired by this lickety-split turnaround time, Joel Stein of TIME Magazine was inspired to write his own memoir.  He did it (with the help of a collaborator) in ONE day.  Eat your heart out Team Palin.  You can enjoy the 49-page one-day wonder HERE.  It’s actually pretty entertaining, which is more than what we’re expecting from the book that was its inspiration.

And the Ones We’re Really Waiting for…

And fear not.  Amidst the silliness and the revisionist history and the Levi-bashing, there are at least three books I know of that are in the works which will be infinitely more interesting.  More as details become available.