Can You Write Like Palin?
We’ve been reading transcripts of her speeches, and her Tweets for months now. A few of us have even been reading the ultimate mind-sucking tome Going Rogue. It’s time to test yourself. Do you have the stuff? Can you write meandering, self-absorbed ponderings about local flora and fauna of Alaska? Can you take us down the carved out ribbon of highway in your mind and evaluate which particular country singer provides an appropriate sound track for your musings of the day? How about ripping people to shreds and praising the Lord in the same sentence?
What is the single worst sentence in Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue? According to Slate‘s Going Rogue index, it comes on Page 102: “As the soles of my shoes hit the soft ground, I pushed past the tall cottonwood trees in a euphoric cadence, and meandered through willow branches that the moose munched on.” Michiko Kakutani of the New York Times didn’t have to read past the first paragraph for her nomination: “I breathed in an autumn bouquet that combined everything small-town America with rugged splashes of the Last Frontier.”
If you think you can write like Sarah Palin, Slate wants to hear from you. The goal is to write a sentence that could have come from the pages of Going Rogue. It must be one sentence only, in fewer than 150 words. Send your submission to writelikepalin(at)gmail(dot)com BY TODAY, WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 25. The best ones will be published later in the week.
Feeling free to share your submissions there, of course, in the comments down below. With great respect also for those who stand up and show up for our rights provided to us in that great First Amendment, which is freedom of speech.
Oh, this should be fun.
The page 102 sentence from her book gets my vote for worst sentence.
I have a feeling that any good natured attempt to sound like Palin would enormously kinder and more entertaining than the real thing. Laughing beats the grisly feeling I get when I read her crap.
Palin doesn’t know what a euphoric cadence is, or anything else for that matter. She’s the classic village idiot who escaped the village and wrote her book on idiocy so she could teach others to be exactly like her for company. Hope she paid her ghostwriter a whole bunch of moo la for all of those big words she’d never had a clue what they meant (and still doesn’t)
The submissions are likely to be hilarious. Palin thinks her stupid is the new smart!
what a hoot!
My mind, jello-like in anticipatory quivering, cannot itself wrap around the fullness thereof Palinlike writing… much less the thinking-motivation to comprehend.
Such a great opportunity, also, there, to work with all the fans, too, in order to progress this book, which is meant to be a service to all the real Americans in this great country ~ God Bless them ~ having said all that, just wantcha to know I am lookin at 2010 getting all the Right People in there with family values to take care of babies with the right to live and all our freedoms, and, dang, my dad spilled the beans about my goal for 2012, not knowing I had ordered my family ~and dear Levi, who doesn’t follow my instructions very good~ to keep their mouths shut, heck with freedom of speech.
Just saw this post.
Do I take a break from pie making and cooking for our Thanksgiving dinner and make time to attempt to go Palin? You betcha!
My mind is spinning with conversations of turkey, patriotism, grammatical incorrectness, and nasty paybacks.
Also too and there again, perhaps, we must all be thankful that this woman is not VP!
I am off to compose and then back to the kitchen.
My submission:
Much lies, and also, innuendos of lies, were spread and surrounding me, and also, false statements and Obama directed opposition research that could have been disproved easily up there in Alaska, where the flag flies upon the ever blue skies over glittzing ice cubed filled waters, which is a microcosm of America where we read everything put in front of us, also, itâ??s gotta be about job creation and our troops, and God might open some doors for me to make some small government across this great land where pockets of real Americans live and donâ??t make stuff up and, also, though, people lie especially that Steve Schmidt, gosh, but also though, starlets think polar bears are not roaming the waterwaywards of Alaska for us to eat next to our mashed potatoes, and then they lie also, like the elitist media and also Ricky Hollywood, now that there is porn.
I know, I know, not nearlt flowery enough for Palin speak, but truely who can match her word salad? We shall find out……………
Paula, you had me justa howling. Too funny, you betcha.
I know that I know that I know that when I made up the “what’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull” joke that as the teleprompter stumbled, even though later people said that they had not seen it stumble, that I did make up that joke and it was not written in the speech already and to that, I say, those of you who are not commonsense Americans just waitin’ for government to get outta the way, do not want to hear the truth, do not want to hear what I have to say about the gotcha journalists, and that’s okay also too.
Here is my submission:
I find it wonderful that here in the Heartland of America, Jacksonville, Florida, that I can look out over this parking lot and see real Americans who love their country enough to know that all that taxin’, all that cap and tradin’, isn’t going to keep our country safe from left wing terrorists who don’t even look like us, and don’t care about real family values like all of us do, and want to kill our parents with those death panels, and probably also too the dog, and Amen, somebody get this baby, I think he’s wet.
I just got done trying to read the transcript and wincing through the video of part 2 of John Carpenter’s interview on KTUU. (And I thought watching the first part was challenging!)
It never ceases to amaze me how utterly self absorbed and ignorant Palin is. She spews out a distracted rambling train of thought that is very Pavolvian – meaning she doesn’t really think critically about how and what she is saying – it’s all just knee jerk reactions to key phrases that she returns with more key phrases. Ethics complaints = personal destruction, health care = death panels, Repbulicans = Values
Her paranoid persecution complex was on great display during this interview and went along perfectly with her narcissistic personality disorder. I don’t know how John Carpenter could sit there with a straight face listening to some of her answers. Her whole body language radiated nervousness, unsureness, distrust and defensiveness.
An example from the interview Part Two:
http://www.ktuu.com/Global/story.asp?S=11570423
“And you know I think it was quite unfortunate those shackles there of the bureaucracy that were created by the adversaries, by the opposition playing this political game of personal destruction is what the adversaries were really engaged in up there with the false charges and the lawsuits and the ethics violations charges.
That was all so nonsensical, that Todd and I both said ‘Wait a minute, how are we helping Alaska, the state that we so dearly love, by allowing that opposition to shackle us and to hold our administration back, and to cost the state millions of dollars and thousands of staff hours to fight those false charges? Let’s not let them win. Let’s hand the reigns over to Sean Parnell, who’s going to plow through this.’
I started to write a Palinized sentance, and immediately started to get a headache. I’ll leave it up to those with stronger constitutions than I do to make the attempt.
Hedgewytch, try diagramming one. Oh, that hurts!
Here is my pathetic attempt. I haven’t submitted it because it needs Lynn Vincent!
Ricky Hollywood, formerly known as Levi Johnston, givin’ me a guttural headache with his backassward ways and too much talkin’ to the the librul media and knowing as I do his shimmering propensity to flat out not tell the unfiltered truth as I know it under the evocative Wasilla sunset complete with sourdoughs and checha (sp…I have forgotten that again), and don’t forget I have seen that p0rn star in my house once without his front teeth in I guess he musta misrepresented them.
The REAL Ms. Scarah would not be bridled and shakled by this clearly elitist limit of only 150 words. The REAL Scarah would call on all right-thinking Alaskans, and Americans to join with her up on her two hind legs as the mother bear says NO!, we’re not gonna be limited to 150 words, because our founders were not limited were they? No, they were all about Christ and callin’ upon God to smite their enemies, which were elitists with educations that spoke better than them.
Also, it’s about jobs creation too. So, NO! We’re not goin’ with the flow like a dead fish, we’re all about makin’ money against the elitisit tide and also makin’ the world safe for Christians of all kinds, like the Bible tells us to.
“She thinks she’s the Queen, and we’re the sorry people”
Lynn Vincent looks up, bleary eyed, from her transcriptions of taped interviews. Meanwhile, Sarah is taking a bubblebath after a long run. She put in two hours of nonstop jabbering this morning, and then goofed off the rest of the day. Lynn feels like she needs a bath herself, after reading all the slime. Slamming gay rights and abortion in her previous books felt good; this feels like living with the Hogworts troll.
OK, OK, back to work, she tells herself. But if I have to translate one more sentence of Sarah’s into English, I’ll vomit. While Lynn ponders, her laptop goes into screensaver mode, and starts flipping through a slideshow of Alaska scenic sites. Lynn perks up. I’ll treat myself by writing something about the beauty of Alaska, and then I’ll get back to the trash.
You could write about this….lol:
Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin devoted a chunk of her book to explaining her disastrous interview with CBS News’ Katie Couric.
Asked if she would ever grant an interview to the anchor again, the “Going Rogue” author said she would rather Couric be in the hot seat.
“I want to know if she understands yet what we have to contribute up there in the state of Alaska,” Palin told Fox News.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/25/palin-wants-to-interview_n_370672.html
The minute I was on that stage in Florida with all those lights in my eyes and the smell of Alaska still on my fingertips and my family, too, all around out there, I was where I dreamed of all those years on the basketball court and in Alaskas’s God given beauty which we must cherish and use as God gave it us to use and in honor of the troops, also.
Somewhat O/T, but I think Quittypants paints such a nice picture of the natural beauty of Alaska:
1. To help establish the “refuge” idea her “Left Behind” fans have about “the end of days”. Yup, Alaska is Rapture ready.
2. To AVOID talking about the human misery of the small(ish) population of her state, and her failure to substantially address them.
As far as the worst sentence in her book, some other site had a similar idea and quoted a long, rambling sentence about her first apartment with Todd that featured a dog carrying a plastic bottle in it’s mouth that made no sense at all.
The gurgle-osity sensation of suddenly leaking life sustaining amnio fluids while on my trip to Texas to speak about energy for America’s hungry markets made me realize that the God-given oil that was under our Christian nation’s feet was there to sustain our lives like amnio fluids too because we’re God’s children so I took my early labor as a sign that God was giving me a higher calling to go ahead with the energy speech so His words could come through me to America and so without blinking I said, “Okey Doke God, here we go cuz I can labor for you AND this special needs baby at the same time so we can work to shore up the economy, win this war for real Americans and also put that Couric badger in her place”.
jimzmum and overthemoon you crack me up, also, too, all you other contestors out there. poor lynnvincent.
i’m thinking, i’m thinking. but some of these responses are priceless. must check slate.
OT: AKM, is the video of Palin’s Death Panel available yet? i will google…yep, just what i thought. 10,866,125 hits, all about how sarah palin says HCR will bring death panels to the elderly and the special needs children.
Please clearly label direct quotes of Palin vs. parody, I can’t tell the difference!
This is too much fun, great readins, also, though, everyone.
And another, just 4 fun
And also, though, Obama knows, that I know, that you know, that real Americans know that our troops, and up there in Alaska, where Gods oils flow from crevices, that drilling will shore up the economy and, also, job creation will be created from drilling, for the troops to work and be employed from, and, also though, we hunt because we eat, and that’s why the polar bears are dying in out beloved northforward kingdom where I didn’t quit, I reloaded, because I love Alaska but not her lame ducks, and will fill our hearts for those troops, because you know, that I know, that they know, up there in Alaska, we don’t back down to terrorism and their forms of terror cells, and also, elitist liberal lies, and mainstream media and, also, the disabled, and the Jews, over these next weeks and months will return to their holy lands.
As I squinted into the vanity mirror, surrounded by those round lights just like they use in Hollywood and sparkling like the stars on the flag of my beloved, crown-shaped state of Alaska, I saw with horror that my formerly smooth as bright new snow face resembled the rugged terrain, also, of that special state that the Almighty has chosen for great things in the future, and realized then and there that I was unselfishly sacrificing my youthful looks due to the awesome stress of governing that beautiful state that I spoke of before, but for the sake of all those patriotic Americans out there who love me and Jesus with all their heart and soul, bless ‘em, I had to do something; but then, as I put my hand with Todd’s precious wedding ring up to my cheek, I heard God’s own voice guiding me: ’Botox–botox, my child.’
Happy Thanksgiving–and we should ALL give ourselves a break from the crazy train at least for the day!
Oh my my. Wonkette is going to go crazy!! I can’t wait. LOLOLOL
“Cathy in Texas Says:
November 25th, 2009 at 9:43 AM
Just saw this post.
Do I take a break from pie making and cooking for our Thanksgiving dinner and make time to attempt to go Palin? You betcha!”
I never, in my adult life, have prepared and served a molded salad for Thanksgiving dinner, but $arah’s Word Salad undoubtedly has lime Jell-O and cottage cheese in it… urghhh, excuse me…!
Oh, way too much fun…….I shall imagine some passages, because of course there’s no way in heck I will ever subject myself to what poor AKM endured:
“It was with a gutteral feeling that the grizzly in me arose to the news, the sanctity and clarity of the iconic crystalline skyline seeming so good and so true when compared to the politics of personal destruction, which was more like a blotch of blood and ungulate parts seeping onto a blanket of snow.”
It’s a Bulwar Litton contest without the literacy!
“That was all so nonsensical, that Todd and I both said ‘Wait a minute, how are we helping Alaska, the state that we so dearly love, by allowing that opposition to shackle us and to hold our administration back, and to cost the state millions of dollars and thousands of staff hours to fight those false charges? Let’s not let them win. Let’s hand the reigns over to Sean Parnell, who’s going to plow through this.”
———–
Our administration? Todd and I? Did AK elect TODD? She couldn’t do the job she was elected to for roughly half a term, even with Todd’s help? AK, someone needs to put a stop to this whacko that has been unleashed on the rest of the world.
ROFL
Sorry, Bystander, the stuff above was a quote from her KTUU interview transcript.
Ideas fall fluffily upon my antlers as does the snow outside my window that walls out the cold terror of those who would be unamerican and support death panels and health care for all.
The idea that Sarah calls “right” is the same idea that someone else calls “wrong.” The solution that Sarah calls “perfect” is the solution that another calls “unworkable.”
The position that you feel is unassailable is the very position that others assail. What will solve all of this? Not attack, that’s for sure. And not defense, either.
So what is left? Simple human love. The kind of love that says, “It isn’t about who is right or wrong. It only matters that I don’t hurt you and that you do not hurt me or others.
We all can learn to grow in our understanding of each other. We can grow our love deeper and reach inside our heart and humanity to find our unity and common bond. That is your God given right and responsiblity to each other. So….when will you start? G.O.D
mlaiuppa,
Get it right hiney,
it isn’t literacy,
it’s literararicy .
I know, cause I read everything in front of me, and it’s all written by Palin, that famous best ever funnestest literaricist writer.
I wish I knew more of that fundy lingo she uses, but I try to avoid fundy anything at all time. Sigh.
And we, having been through so much up here in Alaska, with those frivolous ethics complaints, again meant to bring down our — those goals of real Americans and keeping in touch with again, our first amendment rights — those that our founding fathers would again, want us to act on, so yes, being the common sense kinda gal we are, we said “thanks but no thanks!”, we’re gonna get around this full court press! Stood on the shores of a placidly thriving lake teeming with wildlife and those rugged salmon who go their own way, there in our own backyard, built by Todd and his buddies, with a great appreciation again for just plain hard work, and looking into the pale blue nursery of a sky, we whispered, “I’m not retreating, I’m reloading!” and knew, then, that God was again, calling upon us to better America and progress her.
You guys are awesome! My little dog is looking at me like I’ve lost my mind at last ‘cuz I’m laughing that hard.
I’m glad I don’t have to be the one to choose the best because these here are priceless!
Thanks for all the laughs.
Happy Turkey Day all. We’re going to my son’s home in Putnam County, upstate NY tomorrow. He just bought a turkey fryer and Lord knows how much peanut oil for it. He’s so excited about this thing. Who knew that a big ‘ol tub of fat could make him so happy? I could have saved a fortune in
birthday and Christmas presents.
The real question is, “Can you smite like Marg Delahunty?”
See for yourself: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/video/palin-meets-marg-delahunty/article1376930/
All you have to do is LIE!
God, bless His heart, his hand that so has touched Alaska and more so too then has touched our great lower 48 and in so doing bestowed perhaps not on just me, but so many normal Americans like me, Todd, Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, Trig and my newest patriotic American who resulted from Bristol’s dedication to life. Bestowed a spirit in me.
An open door and a servant’s heart a door to walk through with a patriotic American spirit, a love for the right kind of America for like while too it may so be very precious but then no more precious than our unborn children and our soldiers. They go marching into battle everyday to protect our rights of free speech and to provide sustenance for our great nation. If they are with us, who can be against us perhaps?
They too, perhaps are the ones who are like family to me just therefore as my own who support me, Todd, Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig and they keep us safe and our lives private unlike the media and other hateful and wrong Americans.
To them I give a mother’s shout out for freedom and then they are doing what is right, protecting our great nation, our unborn children from death, also too as they protect our dying from the strong arms of Government and they also keep the Jewish people better able to return to their homes in their also wondrous continent on the other side of what will always be God’s country to me in Alaska.
For these freedoms given to us by God and our soldiers, I am willing to walk through any of God’s doors that perhaps would be a way to help this country and the great real Americans that I love so dearly.
As I sit with my steaming white chocolate mocha, looking at the alpenglow
spreading across the Talkeetna mountains and breathing the fresh, spruce scented
air of God’s one true refuge, Alaska, I was struck again with the power of my love for
those Patriots, those brave men and women serving so selflessly in uniform so
that we can all safely drink Red Bulls and Taco Bell crunch supremes, and, too, the
desire Todd and I so strongly feel to progress this blessed country full of so much energy and so many God given resources that our current president continues to keep locked away, and also you, you true Americans, Americans who are being ignored, and misled, and lied to by the gotch-a media.
[[ jimzmum (@ 12) posted:
"... and Amen, somebody get this baby, I think he’s wet."
~~~~~~~~~~~
jimzmum - I'll be sending you the cleaning bill for that one! As soon as I read it, I turned my head so I wouldn't Pepsi the computer; I got the carpet, window sill, and two lower window panes, instead. ]]
The Mudflatter’s Palinentences are all wonderful! I’ll say this much for her: She’s, yup-by-golly, darn-tootin’ inspirational! beth.
“If hasn’t happened yet, but If any libruls ever came over for dinner, I would just whip them up my special moose stew, made with old moose meat I got from kid-tasering, sister-cheater-on, Todd-obsession, evil trooper Mike Wooten, dang I hate him, not Todd – he’s hunky – have you seen him– his blue eyes remind me of the reflected reflection on blue ice of a blue neon sign on a crisp freezing day in late December as the wolves are howling and then explain to them the libruals, not Todd he’s hunky – dang – have you seen him – I mean really have you seen him – my philosophy on being a blithering idiot because I just say if God had intended us to use our brains for anything, how come He made me?
We’ve got the hockey moms, the huntin’, and the fishin’; more colors of lady’s jammies than autumn leaves! crunchwrap supremes, cuttin’ outa work, shoppin’ channels. Gazin’ on the lake, I’m Queen of Alaska, … .
#’s 23 and 43, I am sorry. I had so much fun writing that that I forgot the stinking congealed salad that I have never in my life made, but Mother can no longer remember. So, I have her cookbook and am trying to work out what she wrote. I think it is a sham, and she just doesn’t want to chop what looks to be written ” 4 bushels of berries”, but I am hoping that works as four cups. It’s her favorite Thanksgiving treat, and she used to make tons of it every year. It is very good, and maybe that whole bushel thing is right.
Whoa. It sort-of sticks with you, doesn’t it? Hope it stops soon. Himself and I have to drive to Kansas tonight.
OK, in the words of Ann Strongheart: “Y’all are crackin’ me up!”
J-Dog nailed something from b1tchy Palin that is priceless:
“…and Americans to join with her up on her two hind legs as the mother bear says NO!, we’re not gonna be limited to 150 words, because our founders were not limited were they? No, they were all about Christ and callin’ upon God to smite their enemies, which were elitists with educations that spoke better than them.”
Me, God, troops, war, also, too, Reagan, socialists, dither, war, troops, God and Me!
Ha! In trying to create my own Palin barf speak paragraph – it finally dawned on me why Palin says “Gutteral Instinct”. It isn’t just a misuse of the word, it is Palin not remembering/knowing that the term is “gut instinct”. She just can’t get it right, so she just makes sh1t up as she goes. Palin’s stupid really is the new smart to her slack jawed followers who don’t understand one thing about how the world works.
Now she is giving advice to the Canadian people on healthcare. Why doesn’t the MSM report that her family is covered by government run health care?
Okay, so it’s probably not disjointed enough. How does that woman write this garbage on a regular basis?
Behold the mighty male moose, his antlers reach to touch the cloud laden sky, I pause, take a sip of my coffee, contemplate the beauty that is Alaska, from the crunchy leaf strewn backyard to the distant calls of the jay, what a glorious fall morning. It with this observation, this oh so Alaska God given moment, that reflect on, also too, my children, the things I have to give, God asks us to give, to our beautiful USA, the country that right now is under threat, we have to stand up, and we have to understand our enemy, their country too, and make it right, we can be great again, ask Track, he knows how strong, and we must not forget the beauty of Trigs birth, the pit bull mom in all of us, whole again.
And again, wanting to with great appreciation for, thank the brave Alaska Muckraker who bravely went through Palin’s book so we can exercise our freedom to repudiate the God and carnivorous vomit there also.
OMG. i can’t take any more! you pups are fabulous. my tummy hurts from laughing. oh my.
My husband read the first sentence about breathing in splashes of frontier, when he did a book reading last week.
He was at the Chelsea GAY center in NYC for a book called Good Men.
He read the essay he wrote, but he started with Palin’s bad line and then said, woops, that is Sarah Palin’s book and THE CROWD HOWLED IN LAUGHTER.
good times
You guys are good. Sarah has competition.
Sarah’s ponderings: As she slides into a foggy moment revelling in her possible fates of political aspirations sprinkled with memories of Todd’s snowmachine, which fades into a surreal mist as the flag goes down; millions of ice fragments crescendo-ing through the Alaskan air on a frigid day at the Iron Dog, where smells of other dogs (hot dogs) waif through an unscripted air with a hint of onion and mustard.
OK, I was in the moment.
A Palinesque sentence in under 150 words?!
Impossible.
‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves
And the mome raths outgrabe.
Sorry, my mind wandered a bit. Jabberwocky by Lewis Carrol, from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872. That was real literature. Sarah will never be that poetic, euphoric candence notwithstanding.
I did hear an advertisement on the radio this morning. The man and woman were discussing the perfect gift for their gift list– a voice recognition system for the computer. No more typing. All you have to do is talk directly into it, and it will type it out for you. Now, Sarah can save the ghost writer fee, and go direct.
As I walked down the briny riverbank, the old salmon bones sounding like my favorite crunch wrap as I bite into it, I realize that since I was a little girl who worked to progressing our great state of Alaska and all the resources, God bless, I knew that my message would be heard by Real Americans, God bless, who know we need energy independence, and sub-atomic particles that act differently in the great State of Alaska, the microcosm of real America on a dark winter day under the Northern Lights.
Her (ghost) writing reads like really really bad Hemingway.
ARRRGH AKM! What a curve ball!!!
Not sure I like you much right now… so much to do, so little time, and here I am, unable to quit reading and grinning, giggling and laughing out loud, when I should be finishing preparations for tomorrow.
Oh, never mind! As the ball rounds the imaginary curve, another thought:
I love you, you are great, all of you! Thankfully yours, Ing
Had i only known that which could never exist.
Oops I went unintentionally rogue or either I have had so much of Palin that I funtion like her by not reading and not following the rules.
My submission was too many words and more than one sentence.
Here is a corrected version. Meanwhile back to backing the pies, the salads,(I almost dumped some of Sarah’s words into them) and stuffing the turkey. I am having visions of Turkey gate!
Palin on Patriotism
I, like so many other normal real Americans, have a door to walk through given the key by God in His knowing that He gives me a patriotic spirit and a servant’s heart also that I can love this great land of sustenance and our soldiers they too perhaps are the ones who are like family to me, Todd, Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig and they that support me and other God fearing Americans in the lower 48 so too we are blessed to have them fight for what is right protecting our precious unborn children from death and our dying from the strong arm of the Government that I so courageously want to minimize not perhaps so much as a selfless act of patriotism as instead I believe in doing my part to progress this great nation and if I die tryin I die tryin so be it.
Correction: Baking the pies
Writing in Palin disables my ability to type correctly!
My entry:
“After thinking for a moment about what Ronald Reagan might have eaten for dinner when he was considering a leap to the next level, I hungrily threw myself into the delicate flesh of the hailbut taco, one of the richest bounties of Alaska’s annual oceanic harvest. I turned to Bristol and cracked a joke about what those liberal Hollywood environmentalists would think if they saw the size of the hooks we used to haul these suckers out of the ice depths of the Kasilof River, where the fish mingle with the rapidly-flowing silt from the Tustamena glacier. Holy geez, I thought. This is a darn good taco. As I dabbed the sour cream from my lip, I remembered a passage from Jeremiah and some wise words from my hero, Margaret Thatcher, and it was then that I heard the voices inside my head, urging me on to something more. But what?”
While Todd put my daughter, Piper, my little trouper, to bed, having already fed, bathed, and put my second son, Trig, the special needs baby, down, I ruminated adjacent to a roaring fire keeping the invigorating winter night’s starlit air at bay, and thought how lucky I was that my life in many ways resembled the confluence of the mighty Yukon River with rivers, like the Coleen, Porcupine, Tanana, Pelly, and Koyukuk, some with native names, that run from it as part of God’s always blessing of Alaska and America, too, with plentiful liquidational assets and nourishment for bountiful harvests of strong men and women some of whom bravely serve with an open heart, like mine, people of the US by answering calls to duty as my son, Track, did and as my daughters Willow and Bristol and baby Tripp magnificently appreciate for their love, like me, of progressing freedom.
~~~~~~
I will go brush my brain now. With alcohol. Lots of it. beth.
A tingle, they say, went up Chris Matthews leg; my naughty monkey slipped off; I demurely waited, slowly reaching down, down to push it back onto my feminine toes, realizing this was the only thing that would bring me close to the big boy’s club. The tease was subliminal; I winked. What could I do, to bring down those blushing boys with guns, guts and glory…….
Has anyone heard how the other Going Rouge book is doing? Is it selling good and SP is getting credit for its sales?
Happy Thanksgiving to all! Some of you are just too funny for words but also, too, you are giving her some well deserved competition in her mix of word salad.
On a serious note, maybe we need to forgive Oprah and watch one more time. Can’t have blunderbrain beating out Obama in ratings (you don’t have to watch it, just turn on the TV and shut the door)……….
The daytime queen will interview the president and first lady for a primetime special called “Christmas at the White House,” which will air on ABC on December 13.
The troops, progressing our great America not needing much government remind me of Alaska’s wonderful silvery salmon that fight the fight of going upstream when God’s test really make your loyalty to America a hard thing to hang on to, like the dappled birch trees that lose their willowy leaves in a bitter gust of fall wind – signaling the bittersweet feeling that the glorious summer is being raptured away again and we will overcome by using the snowmachines, glinting in the lowly and weak autumn sun and we wiil be back but until then we glory in looking up at the creeping night, therefore longingly loving the Big Dipper but knowing in our patriotic hearts, if you will, that the troops will not go downstream.
My submission:
The turbulence bounced us on the plane like God’s playthings, but I was God’s favorite plaything and therefore I felt the warmth of His smile upon me as I again gave myself unto Jesus, accepting whatever would come knowing the fight against His will is a futile exercise for the weak and I looked over to the Godless McCain staffers in their panic and smiled at them, not to reassure them, but to give them some small measure of comfort to tide them over during the Eternity they will surely spend in Hell.
# 47 Martha Unalaska Yard Sign Says:
November 25th, 2009 at 11:54 AM
OK, in the words of Ann Strongheart: “Y’all are crackin’ me up!”
J-Dog nailed something from b1tchy Palin that is priceless:
“…and Americans to join with her up on her two hind legs as the mother bear says NO!, we’re not gonna be limited to 150 words, because our founders were not limited were they? No, they were all about Christ and callin’ upon God to smite their enemies, which were elitists with educations that spoke better than them.”
and
49 Martha Unalaska Yard Sign Says:
November 25th, 2009 at 12:00 PM
Ha! In trying to create my own Palin barf speak paragraph – it finally dawned on me why Palin says “Gutteral Instinct”. It isn’t just a misuse of the word, it is Palin not remembering/knowing that the term is “gut instinct”. She just can’t get it right, so she just makes sh1t up as she goes. Palin’s stupid really is the new smart to her slack jawed followers who don’t understand one thing about how the world works.
*************
MarthaYUS, I am counting on you to take her down. You sound angry enough to make a difference. Someone has to do it, so I nominate you!
Thank you all for making me laugh.
Go to Politico right now to cast your vote about whether the criticisms of Sarah Palin are unfair: http://www.politico.com
My favorite activity, as you probably know about already because I’m just so honest about the things I love don’cha know, is just spending time with my wonderful, of course beautiful too, family and extended family with friends because where would I be without my wonderful friends and acquaintances too even though I might have just met some of them but they’re important too especially to my freedom to just be myself without all those negative critics who can’t blog about anything but negative things they just make up and fabricate too about me and my kids just leave my kids alone it’s not fair that Obama’s family was off limits to the librul effete media but my kids …. noooooooooo, I mean it, knewwwwwwww, my kids were the target in some non-american way left and crazy media spotlight and target like it was aiming just straight at them just waiting for one of those gotcha moments, don’cha know. Isn’t our military men and women great? So patriotic and downright our kind of America.
Sorry, just can’t, my brain won’t let me.
@ nswfm CA
“MarthaYUS, I am counting on you to take her down. You sound angry enough to make a difference. Someone has to do it, so I nominate you!”
I’ve been “on it” since Aug 29, 2008! However, it takes more than one villager to flush out the crafty idiot. I’m in good company and our numbers are growing…
@ Maria
You gotta try – it’s actually very fun and therapeutic! Do it, just let your mind wander like hers and just add a lot of “Alaska”s or “up here in Alaska”s!
uh…is everyone voting for mudflats for the best political blog.
look to the bar on the right and get those votes in.
Yes, let your ‘mind’ meander and forget every rule of grammar you’ve ever learned. Plus, suspend reality and ignore any signs of mental illness. Then, you too, can write like SP.
AKM, as dedicated a mudflatter as I am, I have to respectfully decline this particular exercise. It is difficult to read palin-speak, let alone write it – ON PURPOSE!
Anyway, it has been done over the years. Do you recall the Buler-Lytton Fiction Contest wherein the challenge is to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels?
“It was a dark and stormy night, ….” Edward Eugene Bulwer-Lytton, Victorian author (and later plagarized by Snoopy.)
I consider anything she writes or says double-plus bad! (and that IS a literary reference!)
Having said that, have fun! I will read with pleasure, as always.
I’m sorry, I have no desire to deprive my brain of oxygen, which I’ve determined
is the only way to imitate her. Plus, I left my “Palinictionary” in the 6th dimension
and holiday traffic is a killer. However, I will bestow upon Her Quittyness a quote
from one of my heros:
“MEEP!”
You know, just about this time last year, some forum pups were already writing S’error’s autobiography in her very own voice. http://www.themudflats.net/forum/index.php/topic,3853.60.html
Sittin’ here in my walmart jammies wonderin’ by golly why youse are all makin’ fun of me, cause all I ever wanted to do was to was to make Halcro speak like a man and wash the sh*t off Bitney’s tie and stop Katie flashing those silver eyelids and looking constipated at me, while at the same time keeping Ricky Hollywood at bay and Celtic Diva preoccupied with dogs rather than cold cats and oh feck it, this is just so Ammerrikan and Alaskannn, jeeebus, was that the rapture I just heard on thanksgiving eve?
#
71
Martha Unalaska Yard Sign Says:
November 25th, 2009 at 1:28 PM
@ nswfm CA
“MarthaYUS, I am counting on you to take her down. You sound angry enough to make a difference. Someone has to do it, so I nominate you!”
I’ve been “on it” since Aug 29, 2008! However, it takes more than one villager to flush out the crafty idiot. I’m in good company and our numbers are growing…
~~~~
To all of you, you have my deepest gratitude, and I hope it’s soon! Not sure how much of this sideshow I can take!
~~~~
Also, too, check this book out:
http://www.amazon.com/Going-Rouge-Candid-Political-Conservative/dp/1449587941/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
Including the reviews!
Time for a Bullwer-Lytton writing contest, only with Palinisms instead!
breathing in splashes of frontier Eeuww. I think I need a tissue. Hope it doesn’t stain.
Forgot to mention the troops.
Poor Palin! As I hear more about more and more about the book and her stories of the campaign she reminds me of nothing less than that obnoxious kid in high school – you know the one – who just switched schools. Or that new worker who came from a different company. “Well, at XXX School, we – “, “A really funny thing happened when I was at YYY company…..”, “Well, at XXx School, we always did it this way – ” , “I had this client once, at YYY Company?” “My old school had a better football stadium.” “Company YYY’s IT department was more helpful than here.”
With all due respect to you Alaskans, she’s got this incredible home-jingoism, coupled with an incredible inferiority complex. She’s always suspicious someone is looking down on her because she’s from Alaska, so she overcompensates by being Alaska’s biggest booster, to the exclusion of anything else.
She gets interviewed by a national news anchor, and she thinks she’s going to get asked about Alaska. She gets a Vogue picture shoot, and she thinks she’s going to get asked about Alaska. She visits the UN, and she’s miffed that the foreign dignitaries don’t want to her about Alaska. She turns down a spanish language network interview, because they want to ask her about something other than Alaska.
No offense, but why doesn’t she figure it out that someone in national office has to know AND CARE about something other than their own home state?
Socialist!
I meant, IrishGirl is a socialist. But g is too. How dare g use an elitist Ivy League word thingie like “incredible inferiority complex” to describe Jesus Christ’s chosen representative in this holy-geez world, who though she is no spring chicken is radiating beauty from body and spirit, and who reflected His will and his generous bounty by giving birth so many many times, her children including her son Major General Track, one of the troops, who gave up chew for twenty-four hours out of sheer love of his mom and the country, and also, it’s gotta be all about jobs.
@76 Hilarious “consider anything she writes or says double-plus bad! (and that IS a literary reference!)”
OMG, I was thinking the same thing about Palin’s book, and “a dark and stormy night”.
Here we go…..
It was a dark and stormy night…no wait….It was a dark and stormy star spangled night….no wait….
It was a dark and stormy star spangled night. My red money pumps drove their spikes deep, deep into the soft ground. As the earth moaned, I breathed in Autumn’s bouquet as my chest heaved upward with euphoric pleasure. Splashes of America’s last rugged frontier falling behind me, around me, below me. With willows and cottonwood securing our path, his mouth covered mine as I cried out………God Bless America.
Oh wait…..am I off track?
Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel, I am shocked I tell you. How could you possibly think I was a socialist? And if you don’t mind me sayin’ , with a name like Tarquin Biscuitbarrel, I’m wonderin’ if you are one of those librul elites?
And Van Flea has seen you around the various blogs!
These are Sarah’s words from the KTUU interview, not mine. But they are oh-so classic Sarah blabbing, blabbing, blabbing …
That was all so nonsensical, that Todd and I both said ‘Wait a minute, how are we helping Alaska, the state that we so dearly love, by allowing that opposition to shackle us and to hold our administration back and to cost the state millions of dollars and thousands of staff hours to fight those false charges? Let’s not let them win. Let’s hand the reigns over to Sean Parnell, who’s going to plow through this.’
His agenda is my agenda, and without the distractions, then Alaska will progress. So I know that Todd and I made the right decision there. And I know that we’re going to be able to help Alaska in the Lower 48 and of course, in our state. People in Alaska need to realize too that the issues in Alaska are American issues– energy independence that the Lower 48 is so counting on Alaska to produce, in that context, and national security issues that so affect Alaska. You know, we’re all one big nation, and me being in-state and out-of-state to work on those things, it’s going to be good for the 49th state.
@ trisha
It’s gotta be one whole sentence… just ramble and blither ya know!
“I want to know if she understands yet what we have to contribute up there in the state of Alaska,” Palin told Fox News.
Huh?….nuf said
Errrrrrrr….Are you telling me I’ve got to rework my romance novel? ha, ha
trish LOL at “off track”
I actually did submit an entry. I’m not sure if they would appreciate having it pre-published elsewhere, so here is another one for your enjoyment, keeping in mind that it is the ghostwriter who came up with these gems:
Gazing out with Bristol over her eponymous and chill Bay, we could just track the snorfling of a porpoise as it went its way, undoubtedly getting all the best fish before we would be able to get out there and slay them ourselves because Piper had to have a nap before driving the skiff that Todd had providentially built for our family’s small business, allowing us to supplement our income and pay some of those legal bills for the frivolous ethics complaints.
It was a dark and stormy star spangled night. My red money pumps drove their spikes deep, deep into the soft ground. As the earth moaned, I breathed in Autumn’s bouquet as my chest heaved upward with euphoric pleasure. Splashes of America’s last rugged frontier falling behind me, around me, below me. With willows and cottonwood securing our path, his mouth covered mine as I cried out………God Bless America.
Oh wait…..am I off track?
————————————————————–
Get a grip woman! This is a serious literary thread. No trashy novels here.
Mother Nature wins again, as the best of the plentiful caribou and mighty moose are brought low by the ravishing wolves, without a thought for our God-given Alaskan Constitutional rights.
..and then God opened the door I was waitin’ for Him to do, and I thanked the troops and Todd for everything they have done for us real Americans then turned away from my children and walked right through that door, toward the light that shows me that the real hope is change, also, but that change is only what you make of it and my plan is to make hope and change for every good and real American. Also. Too.
ouch
the problem child…hilarious.
Irishgirl, You mean it’s NOT material for serious literary work? Go figure. LOL
g (that’s a short name!) @ 90 said a whole lotta things I agree with.
I’ll one-up ya with she WANTS to talk about Alaska because that’s the only thing she knows about! When she talks about Alaska she can sound reasonably intelligent (obviously enough to get elected governor). Also, when she has those non-Alaska questions, she is very uncomfortable and comes off looking bad when she is forced to talk off the cuff about stuff she doesn’t know anything about.
But instead of just saying “Well, I don’t really know the whole history of the relations between India and Pakistan (i.e., telling the truth) she ad libs this non-answer answer that is crafted just non-semantically enough to fool the rather more non-thinking people into thinking it actually demonstrates she knows something (whereas, if you actually took the time to take it apart, it quite clearly does the opposite).
I wrote this ages ago, but this MO is just exactly what she did in the talent portion of the Miss Alaska competition. In the flute playing, she starts off fine, when she knows where she is, but then the arrangement goes off into the bit she obviously did not practice, or memorize, or expect, which means she was NOT PREPARED!!! She faked her way through it, and I have to give her credit for that, rather than quitting, but it was painfully, painfully obvious she was lost, floundering, and just ‘makin’ things up’. I can accept that from a pageant contestant. I CANNOT accept that from a candidate for any high office in government, particularly our highest, the US President for crying out loud (If you haven’t seen the Bill O’Reilly interview, see it. She actually puts her executive experience right up there with – beyond, even – Barack Obama’s, and tries to chastise Bill for not being tough on Joe Biden – Bill’s comeback is simple, to the point, and factual, and she can’t counter it. Makes her look a trifle foolish)
So g, you nailed it in that last sentence – for her to win an election she HAS TO represent more of America than just Alaska, Alaskans, and people who like Alaskan ideals. Gretchen Carlson at Fox after her interview was asked by her colleagues what she found surprising about Palin, and Gretchen said something like “that not all women seem to relate to her”, then goes off about “but she’s a mother! She’s a working mother! Surely every single woman out there can relate to that!”. So ……. once again, I’m supposed to support her JUST BECAUSE she’s a woman and SO AM I? What narrow-minded thinking. In terms of education, I have more in common with President Obama than I do with her, and that is exactly (as g says) what she and her blind followers are missing.
There is a rant coming on, but I’ll spare you. Save it for later. Just suffice it to say I am getting tired of her insulting me in her backhanded way – I live in a city so that’s not ‘real America’, I didn’t come out to her book signing, so I am not a ‘patriot’. I’ve got a masters degree so I am spineless and elitist. Etc., etc.
Trisha, I loved it. I haven’t laughed so much in one night. I knew this thread was going to be fun.
Ok, am putting on jammies and hopin’ I don’t dream of those things that jump out of trees and sprout into humans with boils beside their ears and strange hairpieces, spouting goobledygook.
103 terpsichore Says:
November 25th, 2009 at 2:50 PM
…..Gretchen said something like “that not all women seem to relate to her”, then goes off about “but she’s a mother! She’s a working mother! Surely every single woman out there can relate to that!”. So ……. once again, I’m supposed to support her JUST BECAUSE she’s a woman and SO AM I?
——
This statement is one where as a single woman, I HAVE to say “she’s a mother? who gives a sh:t? when will she start acting like a mom? and she works? doing what? is lying work? because she seems like a very practiced liar….”
The problem is we see through her act:
http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2009/11/palins-problem-with-women.html
It’s very simple why women don’t like her as much as men. Women saw through Sarah Palin and we saw through her quickly. Men are literal and are more likely to say what they mean and mean what they say. Women are more nuanced and better able to persuade and manipulate others with their words. So it’s quite natural for us to be able to look below the surface of another woman’s words and grasp the intentions behind them.
Sarah Palin is the peppy cheerleader in high school all the boys thought was so sweet but the girls knew was really a vicious shrew. She’s the new girl in the office who wears tight shirts and three-inch heels, is super-friendly to her male superiors, ignores the other women, and gets promoted sooner than her more capable and hard working peers. She’s the outgoing PTA mom all of the other women are scared to cross because they will find themselves put on the worst committees. Only a woman knows how to give another woman a sweet smile and at the same time cut her down to size with an artfully crafted “compliment” ….
After her convention speech that so many pundits raved about, I talked to a few of my Republican girlfriends and they all disliked her immediately, telling me things like, “she’s mean”, “who does she think she is putting Obama down like that” and “I just don’t like her”. ….The one who switched her vote to Obama did so solely because of Sarah Palin. It wasn’t really the attack lines the McCain camp gave her to deliver that had turned my friends off. It was the relish with which she delivered them.
The Republican women I know who love Palin are a great deal like her–simplistic thinkers who are always feeling victimized themselves. ….if the McCain camp had spent more than a weekend checking Palin out, a woman on his staff (my money would be on Nicole Wallace) would have figured out what kind of person she was and none of us would know her name right now.
And let’s face it: the straight men are also bedazzled by the beauty. Men are led first and foremost by an organ a little cruder than the brain….
nswfm CA, you have beautifically articulated exactly what I have thought of Mrs. Palin’s FEMALE fan base from day one: only the sad, uneducated, victim, “popular girl wannabees” think she is the bee’s knees. Just look and listen to her fans. Women who are smart, articulate, educated, confidant, and savvy can identify her as the slightly skanky female type who uses winks, high heels and snark to stay on top of the pile. (Raise hands, those who can name that girl from high school!!)
Next look at her MALE fans…the Viagra crowd and the “losers” for whatever reason – those guys that you never wanted as a Physics lab partner- as well as the “not too smart” rednecks that were scary b/c they were such pigs.
Shame on McCain’s lackys for not doing homework before unleashing this horrible example of “women in politics” on the rest of us smart and accomplished women!!!
What, ME divorce Todd? Dang, have you experienced and seen the sweat-drenched, sun-swept muscles rippling and ripping through his shirt, gleaming in the midnight sun, as he reaches over to grasp the child of my bossom, to hold and nurture as only a man can. Have you SEEN Todd?
As Todd and I sit up here in Alaska, him wanting to help me progress our great country as so many of you real Americans sit on your porches and do too, looking up into the sky which is only part of God’s country and we think to ourselves “There must be a better way for loyal Aryans, oops real Americans to show the world that we are a force to say Bullcrap! when we hear of our liberties being stomped on and killed like a mighty moose from the Great Frontier would do!” and therefore we reflect on the mysterious aurora that shines light on the wilds of Alaska and gives us hope even if you don’t live up here in Alaska because the hope is here whether you can see it or not and we will learn from God that the beauty of the waving Fireweed is only one of his gifts and that we will prevail when the pitch forks are delivered.
Todd is a creep. Believe me, I’ve heard stuff from reliable women that he is a first class creep. Nothing worth looking at there – he’s an Iron Dog race cheater, too as per more reliable sources.
Also worked in the canneries, King Cove, Valdez, Chignik, where the beautiful waters filled with the species, the salmon, intersect with the commerce that really makes what is Alaska beautiful to understand for the outside world. Oil, too.
“Pukeworthy” comes to mind.
My platform in 2012 will have many planks as planks must be sturdy for progressin’ a country which —it’s all about the right to life and cuttin’ taxes –those taxes which bear down on businesses which should shore up the economy by reining in spending–that’s my main plank, a very strong plank there except for supporting the troops —really a plank of sturdiness because the troops are the greatest plank there for keepin’ our country safe — not just for allowin’ a plain hockey Mom breathing crystalline Alaskan air with a heartful love for family and –yeah, it’s all about sturdy planks on my platform there –taking back our country one plank at a time kinda like God gave the Jews Israel one acre at a time.
Once upon a Thanksgiving eve, after I pardoned the turkeys, except not the one’s being slaughtered behind me on the camera I wasn’t comprehending, I thought about Alaska, and America, and apple pie, and pumpkin too, also, and me and my role in the leadership of America, with or without an actual title, because I don’t really need one to be real leader, that I would choose one open door or another, but I don’t know which one will open and which one will shut and neither do you, and if I did, I wouldn’t tell you anyway, that the troops should have a happy Thanksgiving, but not those bloggers in pajamas, because I am pro-life and pro-God and pro-real-Amerika, and also because I am good, and real Amerika is good, but it’s not found in Seattle or California but where real Amerikans line up for me and my book that I am thankful for the money and attention it’s given me and blue-eyed Todd (Has anyone seen him?) and our babies and their babies, except Levi, who will inherit the earth as the sleek and gifted and Republicans were intended to have dominion over for drilling oil and shooting wolves, and I may not use the actual number of words you ask me, because I have a message that should not be constrained by rules—that’s why I’m ROGUE.
Irishgirl, I am so… busted! Fortunately, I have in-house counsel in case Van Flea comes sniffin’ around, catching me droppin’ those final consonants in a manner that ill befits a scholarship-grubbin’, work-study-workin’ graduate of the University of Snootypants.
eventhough jesus Mitiplied fishes we all know that man did come from fishes
if he had we would certainly come from sharks to swin down on liberals
and make then taste good we need fish that taste good not fish with
liberal good taste.
When dear Track was a toddler and I was a budding Hockey Mom I knew in my mother bear’s heart which is very tough unless crockpot-ed by the way, that I was going to rule America because Alaska is the real America and it starts here with the Rapture Grounds gathering so I knew I was destined and ordained to be the leader and to tell the jaded world that Alaska is beautiful and I feel the wondrous strength and drink up the clear cold water coming from glaciers which meander through the ranges of Alaskan majestic mountains and it all goes to my gutteral bear heart as I rear up and take charge but not like a bear charging a person, but taking charge of America before more wolves are saved and because I need to save the down syndrome children in the country so they may vote for me later because they know not what they do.
I’m done – someone else please go to Crazy Woman land and come back with a story.
Oh my gosh, you all are fantastic! I love them all. Thanks for the great laughs..perfect companion for my glass of wine and Thanksgiving baking.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. I’m so thankful for all your insightful remarks, great links, great laughs, and a for making this such a wonderful place to blow off some steam when Ms. Jibber-Jabber spout off.
I received my Thanksgiving letter from the President so I sent it to all my Evangelical family members! I hope they read it, it was beautiful.
MarthaUYS
My cousin in Texas always told me that he had that ‘look.’ Not surprised; she’s always better at that stuff than I. (divorced and broken engagement)
This thread is a hoot! You guys are GOOD!
and what Trisha said.
Is Fire-weed one word or two? Don’t want to go over my word count, you betcha.
nswfm CA, hmm, wrote a reply that supported your 3:09 pm.Unfortunately, went to moderation due to mentioning a drug that causes old guys to perform like..well…… due to a drug NOT a problem with healthcare reform…only saying….
As the sulfur-filled odor of gunfire crept into my nostrils like wispy tendrils of smoky resonance, I paused to pontificate upon myself the existential significance of my leadership in this haphazard, wayward, and malevolent world we call home and, as the colossal mass of tangled moose met the ground like a God-given, prophetic bounty, I quietly nodded in recognition that this indeed was a sign of higher calling, a neon road marker tracing my righteous path toward the day I will stand in front of my people with Mr. Beck, Todd, and God at my side as the president of this big, wild great nation and lead them to victory.
OK, here’s the scary thing: it gets easier each time. You find yourself going into your own little world, just knowing in your mother or father bear’s heart that the masses want to hear every little babble out of your lipsticked mouth.
See what I mean? My last post doesn’t even make sense – father bears don’t wear lipstick. I’m seriously considering watching Mary Poppins or the Wizard of Oz to get Sarah Salad Speak out of my head.
Sorry, I misread my reference, it is Edward George Bulwer-Lytten, NOT Edward Eugene.
While I’m at it, the reference is from Paul Clifford (1830) and reads
“It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents–except at occasional interval, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that strggled against the darkness.”
Prisonernumbersix, you are a scholar and a gentleman.
“And it’s gotta be about job CREATION, too ……. and it’s gotta be about JOB creation, too …… heck, those gotcha McCain folks sure wanted me to remember some hard phrases, but you betcha, sometimes I just had to wonder why the liberal media and all those ungodly folks in other parts of this great land of ours, other than the sacred Homeland of Real America, really wanted to know about crazy things like “facts” and “figures” when all they had to do was look into their hearts, their God-Created Christian Republican Hearts, and know that a loving God with all his guttereal instincts, wouldn’t want a socialist as President, because you know there’s nothin’ in the Bible about a socialist being President, just like my BFF Carrie told me that God doesn’t have a problem with breast implants also, too, since that’s not in the Bible either. God Bless.”
One more:
As I stepped off the campaign bus into a scintillating burst of flashing lights and the adulating screams of my grateful fans, I took a breath from deep inside my Alaskan roots to feel the frigid air where the North Star shines brightest and the virgin snow not touched by acid rain still brushes the tenderly amiable cheeks of family and friends who were giving radiantly strength as I did the Lord’s work which was so far from Wasilla.
Trisha #93 – Triple Crown! $arah Palin, Bulwer-Lytton, and Barbara Cartland. Brilliant!
Bonus points for keepin’ God in it, and America too, also.
“It was a dark and stormy star spangled night. My red money pumps drove their spikes deep, deep into the soft ground. As the earth moaned, I breathed in Autumn’s bouquet as my chest heaved upward with euphoric pleasure. Splashes of America’s last rugged frontier falling behind me, around me, below me. With willows and cottonwood securing our path, his mouth covered mine as I cried out………God Bless America. “
btw, if “money pumps” wasn’t a deliberate typo, it should be. “Money” is the right word for the whole sordid saga.
Foreign policy is where $P really shines. The original quote from her GVS interview on the bus:
“PALIN: Well, that’s — and that’s the nature of superpowers, too, is that saber rattling, and is that — that — that seeking of even more power. The world is so volatile right now, especially when we talk about the nuclear arms, though — the world is so volatile that we cannot afford to hesitate to at least attempt to bring these leaders together and get them to understand again we have a common enemy. Pakistan, India, America, we have a common enemy, and it is the terrorists.
Why can’t we forge an alliance there, a military alliance even, to finally get rid of those terrorists in Pakistan that are threatening and have — and have attacked Mumbai and some of the areas in India? Why can’t we get these folks together and forge that relationship that’s so necessary? It’s such a volatile world where parts of our world could be literally be blown up with these nuclear arms. We cannot afford to hesitate at all in at least attempting to bring these leaders together.”
My submission, from the dept. of People Who Live in Glass Houses:
Levi is so volatile right now, especially when we talk about the nuclear arms, though — Levi is so volatile that we cannot afford to hesitate to at least attempt to bring him together with Bristol and get him to understand again we have a common enemy, and it is the media terrorists, so why can’t we forge an alliance there, a military alliance even, to finally get rid of those media terrorists goin’ up there in Alaska that are threatening and have — and have attacked me, also why can’t we get these folks together and forge that relationship that’s so necessary, because we cannot afford to hesitate at all in at least attempting to bring these young people together.
AARRGGHH!!! They’re ALL soo Good !!!….. and I had to wrire engineering instructions today , and so had to be as clear and concise as “She who shall not be Named” cannot be…
…but knowing as I do, that those who would mock and talk about my children in ways that are not appropriate, even with the First Amendment rights that I would defend even for THEM to use, as would all REAL Americans , although they would filter my message thru the Liberal Media when I try to reach out to all of those who love this country as I do, that when I pray to God to allow me to forgive them, knowing that He will give them their come-uppance in due time, also supporting our troops while they are defending our great country,…….
.. oh RATs!… I left out Obama and William Ayers,,, oh well…..
nswfm at #103 – you nailed it: Mean Girl Flirt
“Sarah Palin is the peppy cheerleader in high school all the boys thought was so sweet but the girls knew was really a vicious shrew. She’s the new girl in the office who wears tight shirts and three-inch heels, is super-friendly to her male superiors, ignores the other women, and gets promoted sooner than her more capable and hard working peers.”
This is my entry in the Sarah Palin sentence contest-
While the true symbol of Alaska freedom and strength, the great glowing Northern Lights pulsing across the pristine night of this great continent, Alaska where freedom and patriots grow behind each tall tree as emblems of the good life, but rugged life we live, I am sipping my Diet Dr. Pepper and snuggling up in my Wal-Mart pajamas and warm Arctic coat that the farfel lady complained about, and we showed her how frivolous her charges were and we Alaskans know, it flows in our blood because our life is a hard life and we just don’t go with the flow like a dead fish, but stand up for our beliefs and refuse to sit down and shut up and if we die we die and Todd, Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig, I think I got them all were voting on whether I needed to resign and each said yes and there was one Hell yes, and I will have to tell you about that sometime but know as a private citizen I have a higher calling but Alaska is first and foremost rest assured.
OK – one more… [Gads, this cr^p is addictive ~ no wonder she's always at it.]
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To MudsFlat President/CEO:
As we always do after partaking of His Glorious Bounty witnessing the waxing daylight of another glorious afternoon instilling me with awestruck ebullition of the expansiveness of Alaska that we have a burden to share, too, with all real Americans, we sat at the computer and performed the thrice-daily “Palin” page-search and when we pulled up the MudsFlat Blog to see what Akayem had there of me, my eagle-sharp journalistic eye captured the sight of my blue-colored size-2 slacks with exultant flames pouring from their sides and I thought: “How joyously Akayem’s icon captures my true inner spirit!!!! — a Hockey Mom conservative from Wasilla on-the-go progressing our citizens and blazing a trail for others to follow as fast as a NASCAR racer races, and my blazing Glory-praising, also, our Troops, God, and Nation!!!!”; convivialityness and thanking you, Akayem, for Alaskanating good, faithfully, and honestly, me, S’arah, in the awaiting world.
With Faith and Reagan, too,
Your Friend,
Governor Sarah Palin
—DISCLAIMER: the above was NOT written by EX-Governor Palin. (Just wanted to make that clear…in case Van (What’s His Name, lawyer) is browsing the site and wanted to get all picky in regards: truthiness. b.)—
Happy Turkey Day, y’all! beth.
It was a clear and crisp autumn day here in the great state of Alaska when I was sitting at my kitchen table and then saw on my laptop that my great and beautiful Christian friend and also beauty pageant contestant Carrie Prejean had sent to me an email with 8 video links.
So looking forward to seeing these video links I opened them and upon seeing the contents realized that my friend in Jesus and God Carrie had sent to me videos that showed to me the way forward for our young girls attempting to live lives of abstinence until marriage.
I shared these videos with Carrie’s friend who also is my daughter Bristol and we agreed that truly Carrie’s videos teach a new lesson to those young girls who are remaining abstinent until their sacred marriage vows are met.
Also too as well I took this opportunity and this glorious fall day that God had bestowed upon us to share with Bristol, as she is now a woman having produced the blessed grandson Tripp, the contents of the secret shoebox under my bed. The box whose contents she will learn to use with Carrie’s videos as a tutorial, the box whose contents insure that women can be happy and abstinent and actually can be more content than with having a man in the picture.
AKPetMom – that hurts! It’s so wrong but it’s so right, too.
@ 130 benlomond2
You didn’t leave out a thing! You wrote a wicked good rendition of Palin’s scrambled eggs elocution!
As I was out running by my house at Lake Lucille, with a Blackberry in each hand and spare heels for the Manolos because you can never be too prepared when you’re a hockey mom governor from a proud rugged state that reflects our true American spirit and founding principles of never being too far from good shopping value even in this great remote natural wonderland of ours, where the hum of box store traffic salutes our private enterprise system in the late evening shadow of alpenglowy tingly peaks, and I forgot really what the point of all this was except to keep on going like the Energizer Bunny, a real American hero that we can all look up to for just chugging away and setting an example of grit and determination and endless media presence that really we could all aspire to, who would make Ronald Reagan proud.
Martha @ 126, last night we drove about five hours to our daughter’s home for Thanksgiving. I was explaining to Himself about Palin-speak, and that is what we did for most of the drive. Pathetic, it gets so easy. Himself, being a sick-making show-off just had to Palinize Twain’s “Grandfather’s Old Ram”, and that did it! Interstate 70 has never been more fun!
I just reread them. You are all hilarious!
Mrs. Biscuitbarrel, I must say I am honored that you mentioned my humble comment. I am an admiring follower of you on several blogs.
The thing about Palin and sexism – I found it amazingly sexist that she assumed that her campaign interview with Couric would be about a “working mom [speaking] to another working mom. It was supposed to be a little bit more lighthearted.”
She’s a candidate for national office. Couric is network news anchor. Who, other than someone making stereotypical assumptions about womens’ roles, would assume that the interview would be about what it’s like to be a working mom, instead of her qualifications to be the potential leader of the free world?
First, what did she think the office she was running for was all about? And second, why didn’t she think Katie would be just as serious about interviewing her than a male anchor?
Now, apparently, she wants to “interview” Katie because “I want to know if she understands yet what we have to contribute up there in the state of Alaska.”
She’s learning her journalism ethics from her pal John Ziegler, who’s all about putting someone on the spot and exposing what he believes are their flaws. Plus – who the hell cares whether Katie understands what Alaska has to contribute? Katie wanted to know what Sarah had to contribute to the country, not Alaska, per se.
And as far as Alaska’s contribution goes – I’m sure it’s quite valuable indeed, but Sarah seems to think SHE is what Alaska has to contribute. I’m sure you all disagree!
Gee, thank you, g. I enjoy your posts very much!
I completely agree with your gem above: How in the WORLD could $P possibly have thought that she and Katie Couric would get together and laff it up lightheartedly about being workin’ moms, on camera, given Couric’s job and Palin’s campaign? And as many, many folks have been commenting lately, all $P knows is Alaska, and that’s not enough!
It disturbs me the way that $P tosses around the word “sexism”: she’s all for it if it works to her favor, but otherwise not. And don’t get me started about JZ!
And really, the part of Alaska she knows and adheres to is but a fraction of the whole. She knows how to court her fraction–er faction.