Chapter Six – The Way Forward (and The END!)
(Cracks knuckles and rubs palms together briskly)
We are about to knock off the last agonizing chapter of the hardcover $19.97 bologna sandwich that some rogue calls a book.
Ready? Let’s go.
Page 383
The drive to Fairbanks for the abdication ceremony was “magical”. The motor home was “filled with coffee.” A bunch of local reporters came to say goodbye and they were worried that once she was gone they’d be out of a job. Yes, the Palin administration was “good for business.” All that lyin’ and tabloidization and lurkin’ in driveways really pays off for the liberal media. But really, you know, as a free-market fiscal conservative it was the nicest compliment anyone could have given her.
The speech -
North to the Future! Good bye governor’s office and hello to new and wonderful ways to help the state of Alaska by quitting!
Page 384
They took off from Fairbanks and stopped to make a campfire and roast marshmallows for s’mores, and eat hot dogs.
She keeps getting asked “What does Sarah Palin stand for?” (Other than lying, blaming, air-kissing hand mirrors and quitting?) She was shaped by The Last Frontier. More shout outs to Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher.
She’s a Republican because they have the strongest “planks.” Todd is “not registered with any political party for sound reasons.” (Yes, like if your wife is running for office, it’s probably a good idea to drop your 7-year membership with the secessionist party) She’s a Commonsense Conservative.
Page 385
Conservatism is a respect for moral principles. But she doesn’t think she’s more moral than anyone else. Another great quote! “Conservatives who act “holier than thou” turn my stomach.” But she’s fair because the stomach turning also applies to “elite liberals.” I guess elite conservatives like the previously name-dropped Alan Greenspan, Dick Cheney, John McCain, Jeb Bush, Fred Malek and crew make the cut. Good thing. It would be embarrassing to have your stomach turning at a swanky dinner party.
She’s a conservative because she believes among other things in the “inherent dignity of the individual.” (Unless the individual is an elite liberal, or someone disagreeing with her social philosophy)
Mini book report on Thomas Sowell’s Conflict of Visions. The problem with liberals is they believe people can become better, and we can fix things. Conservatives understand that people suck and are marinated in sin and that government can’t actually fix anything.
Page 386
The economy is bad but it will get better. Strained metaphor about Alaskan wildfires creating new growth potential. We used to have horses and buggies, now we have cars. We used to have LPs and 8-track tapes and now we have iPods.
It’s easy to promise free health care, but how will we pay for it? (Guess there are no questions asked about how we pay for war, just health)
Page 387
What happened to the Republican Party? They deserve the criticism because they’ve gotten off track. And now look what’s happened. Things are Democrat-controlled. And evil Hollis French does bad things in the legislature, like support reproductive rights.
You can’t claim to be a fiscal conservative and then increase spending (Like EVERY Republican president in the last 30 years?)
Page 388
Many people just stopped questioning government growth….until now. Because THIS administration is unprecedented in growth. (I thought it was Bush that added the entire Homeland Security bureaucracy. And spent us in to oblivion, more than any other administration EVER.)
Page 389
We spend too much money.
Page 390
Government programs encourage dependency. Tough love. Rewarding companies that are “too big to fail.” Shout out to Uncle Kurt’s ‘Bruce’s Muldoon Chevron.’ (I wonder if he’d sign my book?)
Cape & Trade should be called “Cap & Tax.” Taxes bad. You’re going to be taxed into oblivion.
Page 391
We should all be like Reagan. We need to cut taxes. You’re going to get taxed into oblivion. Reagan got us out of a recession. Reagan was brave.
Page 392
Reagan’s tax cuts worked.
The key to growing an economy is to drill for oil and gas because “God created them right underfoot beneath the American soil and under our waters.” (Yes, kids… God gave us oil. And why would he have given us oil if he didn’t want us to drill, baby drill? It’s like a big fossil fuel sacrament – Resource Creationism! Shiny black stuff made from 6,000 year old plants. But no mention of why God made the vast majority of the blessed oil underneath Arab countries’ soil.)
It’s silly to think that we’d take any chances with the environment. We raise our kids here, so why would we mess it up, silly? (Thinking Exxon Valdez…)
Page 393
“Taken together, Alaska’s energy reserves coupled with future discoveries on our continent could yield domestic energy supplies to cover American’s needs for decades.” ( And if I take my paycheck, and add to that my lottery winnings from the future, I’m a zillionaire!)
And about war… Yes, you American’s may be “war weary” but suck it up. We need to keep our homeland safe and we have to win over there to be safe over here. We need to be able to say, “We won. You lost.” Just like Reagan.
Page 394
But there is more to guaranteeing peace and freedom than by being at war… We can help others like Israel. (Don’t think of it as giving other nations gobs of money, think of it as a Rapture accelerant) We must remain a Shining City on a Hill. She respects Obama’s leadership in reaching out to other nations… (??? Re-reading that several times just to be sure) BUT, (and you knew there had to be one) we shouldn’t “project weakness.”
If we just stay in our own country and mind our own business, the world will be more dangerous and violent. “We don’t go looking for fights, but we’re ready to face them if necessary.” (Iraq anyone?)
Page 395
We must move forward, and we should not repeat the mistakes of the past. And we move forward by looking to the past. We look to the (failed) policies of Ronald Reagan and that will fix all our problems.
A call to all Americans to … throw tea parties! (AAAAAARGH!) Go to Town Hall meetings. Vote in every single election on every single issue.
“Stand Now. Stand Together. Stand for what is right.”
(And bang your head on the desk until the pain goes away.)
EPILOGUE (aka “What I put in there to replace all that stuff I took out about Levi when he threatened to squeal)
Page 397
She is writing the book from a small apartment in California.
Piper is trying to comb her hair but it is not working. “Yeah, and it was picture day on Wednesday and Bristol wouldn’t fix my hair and I had to go to school soaking wet and I couldn’t even find a comb!” Piper says. (Hey, everyone under the bus! Scoot over, Bristol’s coming. Guess she’ll have to add hairdresser to her list of things to do, right after working two jobs, taking college classes, and being a single mom raising a baby at the age of 18.)
Page 398
Piper decides to wear one of Todd’s baseball caps. She interrupts her mother by yelling for her sisters to lend her some money. “I’m broke! I had to pay for Mom’s mocha again when we were down in California, and now I don’t have any quarters!” (First, Piper is 8. Second, is this bizarre little epilogue supposed to be flattering to anyone?)
Getting ready to go to the Fair. Piper barking “commands,” boys in matching jackets, Piper licking her palm and slicking Trig’s hair… (Zzzzzzzz……)
Todd says she better get home because Trig is about to walk. Trig slept through the night. Piper finds change in the laundry room. (This deceivingly tiny little Epilogue is NEVER going to END!)
Page 399
She takes a run. The sun is shining. She runs slowly. Then she had to slow down to a walk. She was happy to be in a city where nobody recognized her. (Californians were all sleeping last fall?) She thought about Track. She kept walking. She thought about Trig, and the last year and the politics. “Oh, the politics.”
Then she stopped walking. Then she sat down on the grass and prayed. “God, thank You. Thank You for Your faithfulness … always seeing us through… I don’t know if this chapter is ending (4 pages left. Thank you, God!) or just beginning, but You do, so I hand it all over to You again. Thanks for letting me do that.” More praying.
Page 400
It was surreal to go from the “trappings of power” to sitting at a kitchen table with Meg Stapleton. Quitting was liberating. She used Facebook to “call things like she saw them” and it made an impact. And just think, Facebook was created by the private sector in a dorm room at … wait for it … Harvard! (The irony of this apparently does not strike her) And this young liberal Harvard elite didn’t need a government grant to invent Facebook. She loves the Facebook.
Republicans got trounced in the last election, but she is not discouraged. If Ronald Reagan could spring from the ashes in 1976, so can we!
Page 401
The grass smelled good. What was the matter with Californians? Why weren’t they all outside running? She retied her shoelaces. She got up. Her knees creaked. She started running again, but this time she felt better because she was thinking about nice things, like thankfulness for our country. She felt hopeful and free and thankful!
But not THAT hopeful and free and thankful, though. Our country is headed in the wrong direction. She feels that Joe the Plumber and Tito the Builder may become discouraged and not want to participate in the system. Both parties need to clean up their act.
Page 402
We need to make America welcoming for those that “some may not consider ‘perfect.’” Citizens are rising up and asking the government to trusht them. The government is supposed to work for us, we’re not supposed to work for the government. (I thought in a Democracy, we were the government.) People want to “throw the bums out of Washington,” both Democrats and Republicans.
Page 403
She thinks back on Michigan where she first “went rogue.” Now, she didn’t want to stop running!
She’s going to head back to Alaska and sit at the kitchen table. God doesn’t drive parked cars. She’ll gear up for hard work and new goals. She’s going to bake a cake, and show Piper where Michigan is on a map.
Page 405-408
Some guy I’m supposed to have heard of wrote an email about Palin saying she’s great. So, here it is, and Palin says “I hope you get a good laugh, as well!” (Oh, good! Humor! I need a good laugh about now.)
She did good things, including beating Frank Murkowski, single-handedly exterminating the Corrupt Bastards Club. (And here we thought it was the FBI), firing the chef, and dismissing her security detail in her last trimester of pregnancy because she was packing heat. She thought about a gas line in a new way (where IS that thing?), and she wants Alaska to be on 50% renewable energy by 2020.
She wanted to go back and work for Alaska but “the haters wouldn’t let her.” “Now, these adolescent screechers are obviously not scuba divers. And no one ever told them what happens when you continually jab and pester a barracuda. Without warning, it will spin around and tear your face off.”
(Yeah, that was hilarious! [dabbing my eyes] That part about tearing your face off? What a riot.)
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
“I’m very glad this writing exercise is over.” (Me too!) “I love to write, but not about myself.” (OK, now THAT’s funny!) The next time she writes a book, the focus will not be on her. (Next time?!? Noooooooo!)
Long list of people. She’s not the only one in the family who has interesting (and some Alaskany) kids’ names – Payton, Lauden, Karcher, Happy, Kier, McKinley, Heath and Teko. Denali, Brooks, Skyler, Camryn, Isha. Thanks to Lynn Vincent “for her indispensible work getting the words on paper.” To her kids’ teachers – “thanks for your patience with our unconventional schedules, and despite some political opinons held by their mom, thank you for mentoring and loving the Palin kids anyway.”
Thanks to her friends because she “couldn’t do a thing without your generous help with the kids – babysitting, carpooling, overnights, diaper changing, storybook reading and arts & crafts entertainment.” Kristan Cole, Kris Perry, Thomas Van Flein, Meg Stapleton. Cabinet members, mom & pop businesses, Todd’s “slope buddies.” “The Prayer Warriors from Wasilla to Washington to Winnipeg, it is your intercession that allows me to stand today.” Valley Pastors Prayer Network.
“A special shout-out to airline flight attendants (you know why).” (HUH??)
Special needs community who are lucky because God touched them in “unique ways.”
Fred Malek, Conservatives4Palin, Team Sarah, 2012 Draft Sarah Committee (!!!)
To “media professionals” like Glenn Beck, Greta Van Susteren, Rush Limbaugh- “please keep making the idiots’ heads spin.” (Whose idiot head would Jesus spin?)
And finally to her immediate family. “I breathe you.”
She knows there is a God. Her life is in his hands. Everyone should let God take over their lives. She’s thankful for “His majestic creation called Alaska” and for his “touch on America.” (I knew it! I just KNEW God was an American!) “By His grace, an American life is an extraordinary life.”
The End.
I cannot believe I made it.
And corks pop at Mudflats Central.
Thanks for coming along on the “wild ride” through this mind-numbing, stomach-churning, brain-bleeding, eye-gouging, ear-poking, head-banging exercise in wading through and endless, steaming pile of words that were cobbled together for maximum delusional effect. You were with me through the lies of omission, the lies of inclusion, the revisionist history, the fairy tale myths, all seen through the pretty pink fireweed colored glasses of the new self-proclaimed leader of the “commonsense conservative movement.”
And now, I bid you adieu for the evening. I have a large jar full of warm soapy water and a loofah pad waiting for my weary shrivelled brain. A quick rinse with a nice Shiraz, and a pat dry with a soft fluffy pillow and it will be as good as new.
Wait, did she really end this thing with a (metaphorical?) threat to tear someone’s face off?
Thank you for doing this. I don’t know what the antidote is for crazy, but you need to find it. Fast.
AKM you can have an extra piece of pie today. I think today that looking at the Onion is about as far into the news as we should all go. Enjoy lady.
I’m taking a break from slicing, dicing and getting things ready for tomorrow. Just wanted to wish all Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful to be able to read well informed, well expressed opinions, to see different points of view and have my own point of view reinforced when it needs it. I do love the sense of friendship and community that has been established here.
And, very special thanks to AKM, who could have been outside taking beautiful photos, inside writing beautiful descriptions of Alaska, and, instead, took on the mind-bashing task of reading “Going Rogue.” (If you were writing the three line description on the book jacket or Amazon listing, what would you truthfully say that book was about?) Happy Thanksgiving to All!
“She did good things, including … dismissing her security detail in her last trimester of pregnancy because she was packing heat.”
The Governor fired her security detail and started carrying a gun? Or am I reading that wrong?
You deserve a medal for having this kind of patience and generosity in reading such terrible trash, fact-checking and summarizing the “book” for all to see.
You are a brave soul and I am deeply awed by your tenacity.
Also, too.
So…we have to move forward, by going back to the policies of the past…
you know that bush sucked, and i know bush sucked, and we both know all of the reasons he did, so please let me say this before my head explodes:
The NYT did a study of budge deficit projections and…uh…THE “BUSH” TAX CUTS account for a quarter — at least — of the budget deficit. Think of that! thanks, I know you guys know that…but, again…head explosion.
gee, do you think she’ll post something to facebook on thanksgiving in response to the announcement today (11/25/09) that israel decided to halt construction of settlements? can’t wait…
watching Sarah Palin is for me like going through peopleofwalmart.com…
it’s hilarious, then i’m outraged that people like this exist, and then i’m sad, and then i laugh, and then i’m outraged, and then i’m sad…
So, America, if you disagree with her “the barracuda tears your face off”?
To quote another famous cartoon character, I pull my shirt over my head and ask:
“Hehehehe, Mrs. Sarah Palin, ARE YOU THREATENING ME?”
AKM:
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
You are an excellent writer, and I have never laughed so hard in all my life.
Sadly, too. Also.
Everyone, have a warm and wonderful Thanksgiving.
wow, AKM, we <3 you and salute you!
what I am struck by is just how nasty and mean spirited this book is.
and I, of course, am not the only one: http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2009/11/25/i-read-sarah-palins-book
Thanks, AKM, for going where I dared not go, reading what I dreaded thinking about reading, and leaving me relieved that you, and I, survived. It was, indeed, an act of valor.
Conservatives understand that people suck and are marinated in sin and that government can’t actually fix anything.
______
I’m glad she admits that her pals suck and sin and can’t fix what they screwed up.
Also, too, we Californians don’t give a rats a$s about her, so no surprise no one was running with her. We live here. Pay taxes here. We can run outside when we want to, not on her schedule.
Finally, she even grifts from her 8 year old kid. WTF? If she kept her job, she could pay for her coffee instead of hitting up her kid.
This whacko needs to go. AK, please finish her career off. The country needs your help in ending this hideousness.
Thank you AKM for taking one for the team.
Trooper Mike Wooten is finally talking and he’s ANGRY about Palin’s lies in her book about him:
“They’re (the Palins) like poisonous snakes in the grass who spew nothing but venom,” Wooten said. “They just lay in wait and they attack you until you’re dead.”
Shocking information on the so-called citizen’s complaints against Wooten:
“In Going Rogue, Palin mentions none of Wooten’s military record, but cites many charges that were brought against Wooten that were subsequently dismissed. She contends that there were “ten different” citizen complaints field against Wooten–without acknowledging that all of them were filed by members of her family or close friends. “They filed every stinking one of the charges,” Wooten contends. “But it’s been more like two dozen.
In an interview conducted in Alaska this past summer, John Cyr, the former Alaska Public Safety Employees Association Executive Director, confirmed Wooten’s charges:
Not one complaint has ever been made about Mike Wooten’s professional performance from any member of the public other than the Palin/Heath family and their closest friends. The troopers that I’ve talked to that have worked with Mike tell me Mike is the kind of guy they’d go through a door with. That he does his work. He’s a professional. You know, just no complaints out there about Mike’s work.”
And interesting background information on Wooten’s military service:
“Wooten served 10 years in the Air Force and three more in the Air National Guard Reserves. He participated in a trio of U.S. military operations in the Persian Gulf War–Desert Storm, Desert Shield and Restore Hope–before returning stateside to Alaska at Elmendorf Air Force Base, about 45 minutes from Wasilla.”
More of the article at:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/geoffrey-dunn/more-palin-lies-the-troop_b_371293.html
Oh AKM, I don’t know how you did it! It was exhausting and stressful just to read your page-by-page summary of this “steaming pile of
sh–” as Stephen Colbert so eloquently described this book. I was curious about its contents, but just couldn’t stand the thought of buying one and having her profit from it and add one more sale to her numbers. You saved me from having to buy one and I appreciate it and thank you for it. It sounds like it was a bigger undertaking and headache than you had anticipated, but considering that this was a work of fiction by none other than Sarah Palin, I guess in retrospect that it should have been expected that this is what it amounted to.
Oh, so Bush did good by us???
Spent money we did not have on a war we didn’t need, all so we could get oil, right?
And Sarah finds that conservative and a learning curve…how smart of her.
Just like a grifter, spend others money, never your own, moan and complain when there isn’t enough, throw them under the bus when they have no more to give.
Way to go Sarah, a major leech!!!
She actually thanked “draft Palin 2012″????
She actually put that into words?
Oooooo, scary …….
Wow! What a steaming, mix-mashed pile of poopy stuff. Bless you AKM for doing the dirty work. At least my copy of “Going Rouge” is in the mail and I can shortly look forward shortly to “Real Writing” in a Real Book.
I think we all need levity with a little air cleaning, brain cleaning refresher of the Youtube here from a few days ago. One of the funniest things I’ve ever seen!
Lawrence O’Donnell on Countdown compiles the latest Late Night Jokes re: Mrs. Palin’s new book. Including the jumping on the couch with Oprah from Letterman and Conan’s “Honesty” clip:
Palin in Late Night TV Punchlines
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xu9ssWzTtw4
Now that AKM has finished, we can all see that those comedians were ‘right on target’!!!
Thank you AKM for plowing through the “500 yards of s@@t-smelling foulness” (luv the Shawshank redemption photo). I, like Red, can’t imagine having to do it myself.
Happy Thanksgiving! (Thank goodness she didn’t pardon another turkey).
Honestly, the caliber of this writing is right up there with a “Silouhette Romance”. I mean, seriously: “I watched Todd, tanned and shirtless, take the baby from my arms and walk him back to the ranch house so Trig could nap while I made calls. Seeing Todd’s blue eyes smiling, I chuckled. Dang, I thought. Divorce Todd? Have you seen Todd?” How could anybody, in their right mind or not, not be insulted by this inane drivel?
“And no one ever told them what happens when you continually jab and pester a barracuda. Without warning, it will spin around and tear your face off.”
Diabolical. Possessed. Demented and dangerous!
Or just a barracuda out of water.
“Page 402
…The government is supposed to work for us, we’re not supposed to work for the government. ”
geeez…I just heard that on a teevee commercial…
AKM, you are a trooper.
I am now (at 3 am here) heading off to sleep with freshly clean and warm from the dryer flannel sheets on the bed.
I’m certain the dogs will be joining me and stinking them up before morning, but I will enjoy the fleeting moment of the bliss of clean sheets…
Happy Thanksgiving Day to one and all!
Thank you AKM for enduring this so we did not have too. It surely sounds just like 400 pages of piss and vinegar.
And Horray for Trooper Wooten finally speaking out! He was smart….lying in wait until she had all of her lies written in her owns words on paper. Can you say lawsuit, Scarah? What a great week, John Binkley speaks out and now Wooten. when will Frank Bailey spill what he knows?
Thank you AKM for reading that atrocious um… book, mess, junk? so we didn’t have to endure it’s mind draining words. The woman is crazy.
I also read the article about Trooper Wooten speaking out on huffingtonpost and thought ‘finally’! He’s been dragged through the mud and stomped on by the Palin ‘clan’ and he really needs to speak his side. Good for him for doing so.
Once again, Thanks AKM!
Thank You AKM we will raise a glass of Shiraz in your honor tomorrow and give thanks for you! You did more than I could I couldn’t even bring myself to “touch” the book!
An Hooray for Trooper Wooten… it is time for you to be that Snake now!!!! Have fun while you go get ‘em!!
Happy Thanksgiving ALL~!
Trooper Wooten has a very long wikipedia entry and it was worth a read. The wiki entry essentially covers Trooper-gate quite thoroughly. S’error doesn’t smell so good in it.
Great, thanks for the sharing.
AKM and all you mudpuppies, may I take this opportunity To wish you all.
Happy Thanksgiving.
AKM I really enjoyed your reading of Parlins book.
Maureen in Australia.
Apparently Sarah doesn’t know anything about Facebook and the subsequent legal battles over – surprise – ethics! Seems like Sarah might admire the real story – the enterprising “elite” Harvard guy allegedly cheated. Ha!
Harvard students Cameron Winklevoss, Tyler Winklevoss, and Divya Narendra sued Mark Zuckerberg after he launched Facebook, claiming he had done work for their project and then stolen code from it to start Facebook.
They reached a settlement last summer in which Facebook agreed to acquire ConnectU for cash and stock — $20 million in cash and 1.25 million shares of Facebook.
December 2002: Harvard students conceive of a college social network and hire Sanjay Mavinkurve to work on what later becomes ConnectU
May 2003: Mavinkurve graduates from Harvard, with the site still unfinished; Victor Gao, another Harvard student, later picks up work on the site
November 2003: After Gao leaves the project, ConnectU’s founders hire Mark Zuckerberg to work on Harvard Connection, a website that later became ConnectU
January 11, 2004: While still promising to finish Harvard Connection, Zuckerberg registers the domain for thefacebook.com, a fact that the ConnectU founders allege that didn’t disclose in a meeting three days later
February 4, 2004: Zuckerberg launches thefacebook.com
She wanted to go back and work for Alaska but “the haters wouldn’t let her.” Okay, good. We got that excuse out of the way.
“Now, these adolescent screechers are obviously not scuba divers. And no one ever told them what happens when you continually jab and pester a barracuda. Without warning, it will spin around and tear your face off.”
Wow, she just gets more skills all the time. Now Sarah is a scuba diver, knowledgable in vertebrate marine life? What scuba diver would “jab and pester a barracuda”? That must be something that scientist Chuck Heath told her…
Here’s some amusing factoids about barracudas:
“So, is the barracuda a cold-blooded killer? You betcha! A barracuda is a predator because it needs to eat to survive.”
“It lays eggs rather than giving birth to live young.”
“They are voracious, opportunistic predators relying on surprise and short bursts of speed to overtake their prey.”
“Barracuda prey primarily on fish, sometimes as large as themselves, by tearing off small chunks.”
“Barracudas are scavengers, and may mistake snorkelers for large predators, following them in hopes of eating the remains of their prey.”
“Diamond rings and other shiny objects have been known to catch their attention…”
Yup. Sounds like Sarah.
http://school.discoveryeducation.com/schooladventures/planetocean/barracuda.html
I think the reference to flight attendants was re: she dressed like a s lutty one. Letterman. Palin stretched that into saying that he said all flight attendants were slutty, which he didn’t say. No, I think he was thinking of the clingy red velvet job with the thigh high black patent leather spike heel boots. But we all know she just didn’t like the clothes they made her wear. And, somewhere in that book it says that the campaign kept making her hairdo go higher.
Thanks for all the work, I saw a poll yesterday that the majority of the people were tired of hearing about her.
“God gave us oil”
He also gave us the atom bomb. Just because he gave us bleach, doesn’t mean our children should drink it. He gave us wind, sunshine, geothermal, perhaps we should use those. He gave us a brain to think, to use logic and reason.
“Peace & Freedom through war”
WTF? “I’m going to rip your face off” …. if I don’t get my way. It obviously hasn’t occurred to her, that in a globally dependent world economy, there are other tools in the shed besides a war machine.
“Thank you for your Faithfulness”
Apparently $’error is saying God believes in her. Which is pretty crazy megalomaniac thinking.
“Citizens are asking Government to trust them”
I thought we had a representative Government in America? The only people asking Gov to trust them are the polluters, Wall St and the Banksters. As Puttin said, he doesn’t trust anyone. As a responsible leader, the stakes are too high, he must verify.
“Facebook created by the private sector”
Well actually, the internet was developed by the Government.
“Reagan – Less taxes”
Except for Bush II, Reagan created the largest deficits is US history. During Bush II, presidency the have-mores were taxed less than Reagan and see how that worked out… world economic meltdown. Nothing got trickled down. Rather it went off shore into tax havens.
“Quitting is liberating”
$’error should know.
The end. Finally. Enjoy the shiraz AKM, you deserve it.
Well, at least we know how easy it is to thwart her from doing her job. So I guess we can relax; we’ll be there when she runs for office, too.
Oh—I have so many things to say but I am tired so I shall focus on the first thing that caught my eye:
Trigg is about to walk? Let’s see, this was what, July? Which would make Trigg what, about 15 months old? Many DS babies don’t walk until they are 2 or possibly even 3. Amazing… his motor development is… normal??? That would be great if it were true but somehow I doubt it.
Next up-it seems Piper got thrown under the bus quite a bit during this “book”.
Hmmm-she is not any more moral than anyone else but she wants the big bad government to make safe choice illegal. It always works for her if it supports the agenda that SHE is promoting…(including giving her a job…that she then quits…to write a book…that bites the hand that has fed her for most of her life)…
“Free” health care? Did she say that? Did she actually say that? Nobody gets “free” health care Sarah. Someone pays for it no matter what. We are not talking “free” health care. We are talking fair health care. We are talking about spreading the risk amongst the greatest amount of people to make it more affordable. We are talking about covering everyone so that no one gets left out. We are talking about decreasing the insane profits of the health insurance companies. Where our hard earned money (you know–the free market–where we all work hard all our lives) that we pay for insurance actually goes to pay for “health care” instead of into lining some fat cat’s off-shore bank account so he can buy condos in Dubai)…it seems kind of like the ummmmm…well… moral thing to do? ack.
Here we go. Piper, Piper, Piper, poor pitiful Piper. God doesn’t drive parked cars. I think I’ll bake a cake. Yum, this grass smells good. I hope I’m not sweating too much. Dang, these Red Monkeys are hard to run in. God, God, God. Thank god for Rush and all the people who “worship” me.
I have a conservative friend who waited for the book to be 25% off before she bought it. She said “It’s not that bad”, to which I responded, “what page are you on?”. “Page 23″. “Call me when you’ve finished it and then I want your take on how Christian she seems to be” was my response. This friend walks the walk when it comes to her Christianity so I will be interested to hear her take. We don’t agree on many things but Sarah’s quitting was a slap in the face to her.
Thank you for a week of great laughs AKM. It seems like it has been an exhausting marathon for you though. I am amazed that you made it through before being put into a profound and deep sleep from boredom.
May you, AKM and all of the other mudpups have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving! I am giving thanks that friends invited me over and I don’t have to cook!!!
Thank you for continuing to expose, what 22% think (or do they?) is the answer to their prayers, Sarah Palin. Go out, take some deep breaths of that wonderful Alaskan air and release all that poison that you have been exposed to on our behalf. Cheers!
Page 392
Reagan’s tax cuts worked.
Reagan also raised taxes. Just not on rich people.
He and Bush number one also sent tiny socialist checks to everybody. LIke throwing pieces of candy to the peasants instead of helping them in their business endeavors.
“But no mention of why God made the vast majority of the blessed oil underneath Arab countries’ soil.”
Maybe you best line ever AKM.
Very quotable. (hint, hint)
My ears bleed when listening to her voice. My eyes would follow suit if I had to slog through that book. Does she ever listen to herself? Meandering through a sentence in search of a period. Like a helicopter overhead trying to find a landing strip. God awful!
Bad enough she is given time on on air to mangle her way through a thought but to then have her adoring fans shriek that she “speaks for them” only raises the question of just how dumb this nation is if they are willing to bring back a skirt wearing George Bush.
God help us all if she is seen as the answer to solving the nation’s problems. I am at a loss for words to describe my repulsion to this brain dead woman.
Many months ago we discussed what would be the appropriate thing to do with Sarah’s book.
I’ve had a new idea of how to manage its burial without hopefully dishonoring the sanctity of the written word and books in general.
My initial though was to bury it beneath a tree, so the paper would grow up to beome an lovely tree some day.
I know think that burying the book in the mudflats would perhaps be more appropriate.
In each case the paper and cardboard will recycle and hopefully rise again someday in a more eco-friendly form.
Happy turkey day to one and all, whether chruch, food, football or family, let this be a day of peace and healing for us all.
C.R.A.P. here she comes! I still cannot believe that treasure of a prophecy came out of the flats. Amazing…
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I’m off to New Hamster today to eat with family…Enjoy the bounty of luscious smells and tastes today, mudpeeps. I know I will.
OMG!! hahahahaaaaaa…
“The problem with liberals is they believe people can become better, and we can fix things. Conservatives understand that people suck and are marinated in sin and that government can’t actually fix anything.”
Ohhh, thanks for that. Makes me day. Hope ya alls have a very happy one, too. I thought I had the bestest turkey in the oven, but AKM again proves that S’error is the biggest turkey out there. But what do I know? Afterall, as one of S’error’s little people, I suck.
i am so glad i bought Al Gore’s new book instead. now THAT is a VP worth reading.
“We must move forward, and we should not repeat the mistakes of the past.
Absolutely!! Let us not repeat the mistakes of the past… by never again electing S’error Palin to any office on this planet. Not even dog catcher.
Barracuda??? HA HA!! Barracudas swim, Sarah doesn’t! And I do, Sarah!! Wanna meet me in the water?? I dare you….
Thanks, AKM. Maybe your dog would enjoy chewing up the book of lies.
5 million dollar advance on this pile of wood pulp and Piper has to scrounge money in the laundry room and buy Mommie’s Mochas??
All those friends and family that have been raising her kids for her…hmmm….maybe it DOES take a village to raise a child, after all.
Maybe she meant the Alaska flight attendants to whom her “stage of pregnancy was not apparent”?
Infinite cheers to AKM for surviving the book, and a blessed Thanksgiving to all.
Does Piper ever go to school? Or play with friends her own age? She is a cute kid but she seems to love the spotlight as much as Mommy as she is front and center much of the time. Sarah has another “little Sarah” in training right there alongside her. The kid seems to just bask in the spotlight! Wearing makeup for the Barbara Walters segment caused me to gag at what they are attempting to do with that child.
And Sarah complains about the kid coverage? What else can you expect when the kid is thrown out there at every opportunity. Education does not seem to be at the top of the list for this group.
@ 43 Overthemoon, If I recall correctly, I thought I read somewhere that $arah never brought money to pay for her lattes, she felt that she was celebrity enough to have to not pay for them. Hmmmm, did Levi say that or a person that works at a coffee shop that she frequents? Such a big “that one” has.
Also too, I was wondering why she didn’t write about leaving Todd high and dry in Fairbanks? Does anyone remember that? After passing the torch to Parnell, $arah got in a truck w/trig and guards and left Todd there? Who forgets their husband? He was standing there, the camera still rolling, watching the Black truck take off and says, “Hey, they forgot me”. I thought that was soooo funny I called my sister to tell her about it.
the shout out to flight attendants was in reference to letterman saying that sarah has that “slutty flight attendant look.”
funny, because i recently read a short article by a make-up artist assessing sarah’s new go-to book selling and interviewing look. the consensus among make-up artists is that it resembled a sixties flight attendant. wonder if the author was channeling letterman?
Thanksgiving won’t ever be the same after sharing with the Mudpups the Turkey Pardoning with SP last year! And this Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for AKM doing yeoman’s duty and reading “The Book” for all of us.
I did find the Acknowledgments interesting, especially
To her kids’ teachers – “thanks for your patience with our unconventional schedules, and despite some political opinons held by their mom, thank you for mentoring and loving the Palin kids anyway.”
and . . Thanks to her friends because she “couldn’t do a thing without your generous help with the kids – babysitting, carpooling, overnights, diaper changing, storybook reading and arts & crafts entertainment.”
Here she is, again bringing up the kids, which is probably normal, with a tribe like that. But it does make you wonder what exactly did SP do for her kids if everyone else is doing all those things a mother usually takes care of.
I’m a big reader, but I’ve never seen anyone thank their kid’s teachers in a book of this nature Here she is again, bringing up the kids, but no-one else is supposed to. On the one hand, it seems like a very nice gesture, on the other hand, I think it’s just supposed to make her look good that all these folks helped The Queen. Wonder if she ever thanked them in person? Happy Turkey Day, all!
Wonder what Brian and Brenda would do with the book? Maybe they’d just amble upon it in your yard, or maybe find it buried in a bowl of moose munchies. Surely they could recycle it. Photo ops as time mooves on?
All I can say is “Thank you, AKM, for taking one for the team”
I have so enjoyed your comments….I despise SP and everything she stands for.
Happy Turkey Day to all of Mudflatland………..I am thankful for all of you.
Thank you! I appreciate all you do. Hope your day is crazy wonderful.
oh, and thanks so much akm, for this hugely entertaining reading of sarah’s book. your words come to mind whenever i hear her voice on the radio, or see her on tv before i can flip the channel; your words have the adverse effect of bringing me joy now whenever i see sarah. this thanksgiving i am thankful once again that before it was too late, you and other conscientious alaskan bloggers saved us with the truth from a reign of terror.
happy happy thanksgiving to you and to all the fellow mudpuppies!!!!
Holy S**t, Batman! Calling her bat guano crazy is a compliment!
Thanks for slogging thru this for us. It’s been surreal, but then the whole S’error Saga has also, too, been that way.
Wishing AKM and all the mudpups the joy of Thanksgiving. Be happy. And be grateful this ordeal is over! (at least for today)
But…but….but….but……
AKM, you MISSED them!!!!!
All those ‘substantive policy’ chapters!!! You must have skipped right past them because I’m SURE they must have been there…somewhere.
‘Cause Rush SAID they were!!!!!!
~~~~~
Bless you, AKM, for wading through this steaming pile of poopy mess for us. We are eternally grateful and in awe of your tenacity, courage and ability to control your gag reflex!
Thanks for taking it all on. Have a warm and wonderful Thanksgiving. On my list of “things I’m thankful for” this year is you.
Of all the present and future parodies of this “steaming pile of crap” (Colbert) nothing will ever touch the self-parody of Sarah writing on the 409th page of a non-stop brag about herself that she “doesn’t like writing about herself”.
You truly can’t make it up.
I hope that the trashing of dozens of people by the mean girl will ignite a back lash that will result in the rest of the country, not just the AK bloggers, knowing what Sarah Palin is about, and dooming any political future for her.
Thanks so much for your effort in posting this for all of us. I really appreciate the pain you went through so we didn’t have to!!!!!!!
It’s like a week long constipation and the laxative just kicked in. It would take an entire book to list all the stupid, wrong, and nasty things she wrote. What rushbo meant by policy was “do what Reagan did”.
Take a look at Trooper Wooten’s response on Immoral Minority or Huffpo.
I wonder how many others on the sh@t list will be coming forward. McCain staffers, Halcro, Bitney, Wooten…
Thanks AKM for wading the sewer of Scarah’s tome.
I hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving full of warmth and love.
Really unbelievable! Again AKM, thanks for the summary. I hope you enjoy a very well deserved rest on Thanksgiving.
“tear your face off.” Ahhhh, Sarah. Spoken like a true christian.
On this Thanksgiving day, I am beyond grateful for the information, wit, and service of AKM, and for the wit, warmth, and wisdom of my fellow Mudpuppies everywhere. Without you, Shannyn, Diva, Gryphen & the rest of you brave Alaskans, who knows what might have happened last November? Joy and blessings to all who visit here, and to all you care about. Love, health, and peace.
Each Thanksgiving, I make a list of my blessings for the past year. I have put AKM at the top of my list for this year. Not only did she slosh through the muck and mud of that waste of good trees, but she survived with her sanity intact!
Happy Turkey Day to all!
Isn’t it funny she keeps bringin god into the big picture yet it was with the help of god he openned the eyes of reasonable people to see she is the worst person to be in the VP.
“We need to be able to say, “We won. You lost.” Just like…” eh, Obama?
That’s right, Sarah dear, YOU LOST. Go away.
Wow, thanks for reading that for me. I was tempted to pick it up at Costco (isn’t that were books go to die?)
Today I am thankful for Mudflats Nation, and especially, Mudflats Central. Thank you, thank you, AKM, for your sacrifice. I have not had to even glance at, nor pick up to peruse, a copy of the vile tome.
I am “celebrating” with family “Outside”, and we will not be able to discuss politics. I’m deep in the belly of the beast. O’Riley country.
Happy T-day all. And Thank you to our President for the following:
http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/statement-president-native-american-heritage-day
Tomorrow, we celebrate Native American Heritage day.
Thank you AKM for taking this major hit for the team! I so enjoyed your Cliff’s Notes version!! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Mudpuppies every where!!
She feels that Joe the Plumber…. may become discouraged and not want to participate in the system.
Well, since he was a fake, I should hope so. But it’s not true, he is definitely participating in the system….. of getting exploiting his 15 mintues of fame.
Thanks AKM. You went way above and beyond the call of duty. I’ve told everyone to not, even as a joke, get me this book, as I already know what I need to know – thanks to you. Remember back when – “they” said there would be a christian version of the book too? If it comes out, please do NOT read it. I fear you would not get through it with your sanity intact. Thanks again. And I hope you will be able to banish that book from your psyche and be able to cleanse your spirit.
There is no way to thank you, AKM. You are our hero, and frankly, I would rather be a victim in a “Saw” movie than have read the book “dry” – your side comments are what made the whole episode almost enjoyable, and definitely stopped my eyesballs from popping out in sheer rage.
So, here is a wee offering that hopefully will make you laugh.
Here are three Facebook pages, with their fan numbers:
Jesus the Saviour has 124,101 FB fans as of Thanksgiving Day, 2009.
Sarah Palin has 1,069, 750 FB fans as of Thanksgiving day 2009
“Dexter” has 968, 507 FB fans as of Thanksgiving day, 2009.
Looks like “the Barracuda who rips peoples faces off” has a Serial Killer hot on her heels in cyberworld!”
Happy Thanksgiving, AKM, and all of the Mudflatters round the table!
KMJ
Republicans have the strongest planks?
More like the biggest sticks up their asses.
Hmmm. Are you sure the flight attendant shout out wasn’t because of the “wet cleanup – Aisle One!” on the way back from Texas?
What’s the matter with you, AKM? You don’t get it! That’s the HOLY LAND! That’s why the oil is there! The entire middle east should be ISRAEL! Why do you think we have our military there? We own it by right! Those Arabs are thieves!
The oil is simply, temporarily, under control of the wrong people!
Hahahahaha.
Caribou Barbie is such a dope.
Thanks AKM for your contribution to our sanity by condensing the so-called book and for all you have done since August 2008 to keep the country from that vile Alaska politician wanna-be. Happy Thanksgiving to you and the entire Mudpuppy community.
I almost didn’t want the book to end, it was so entertaining to read your recaps, gasps and see those pants on fire sprinkled throughout to remind us how incendiary this poor “error” of a woman is.
She didn’t like to write about herself?! And she didn’t like to hear people complaining… what, it takes up too much of her marked territory (where she pees on the trees *and legs of “this great nation” and makes it all her very own?)
*That reminds me of Judge Judy’s book “Don’t Pee On My Leg and Tell Me Its Raining.”
What could she possible write about next time? She doesn’t know about anything but Sarah, and that pitiful soul she has to lie about…apparently even SHE doesn’t like “the real Sarah”. Woe is her.
Isn’t that last image TimRobbins/AndyDufrense after crawling through a half mile of sewage? Enjoy your loofa and Shiraz and a breath of clean air.
Thanks again for all you’ve done!
Another one speaks up…Wooten in his own words, promising more to come!!!
She can’t hold up to much more of this, can she???
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/geoffrey-dunn/more-palin-lies-the-troop_b_371293.html
Thanks for taking one for the team, AKM. The term “nattering nabobs of negativity” came into my head and then Spiro Agnew, so I searched around and found a great article written November 04, 2006 by Jay Stevens on the Gather Blog. I think the whack job and old Spiro had some things in common:
“Ironically, the “nattering nabobs of negativity” more appropriately describes Nixon’s vice president and his political progeny. Agnew’s brand of rhetoric was shrill and aggressive. He questioned the patriotism of any who opposed the Nixon administration’s Vietnam policy. He constantly and consistently defined GOP enemies as “communists” and “hippies” and saved his harshest words for those that opposed the war. In short, he was a pioneer of the rhetoric that the Republican Party and their conservative allies perfected in the 1990s through talk radio and the 1994 campaign, rhetoric that would later permeate all things conservative. Rhetoric that was bitter, fantastic, and divisive.”
“Is it any wonder then, that there’s momentum building in favor of the Democratic Party this election? As more and more independents and moderates leave the Republican banner, more and more voters become “unpatriotic” or “un-American,” more and more people become the target of conservative vitriol.
The rhetoric has come home to roost.”
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474976831065
Yep – the whack job now has a new nickname – she’s a “nattering nabob of negativity! Yes, it’s Shiraz time.
I am sure glad the pigeons are back at roost. It’s been a long hard struggle keeping up with this exercise in the new American trivia and tomfollery obsession but thanks to AKM we were aided mightly by this insightful summary.
Now that the book has finally been put to rest, whenever you feel like recycling this monkey business where it can help fertilize more than just a few lazy minds, there are some reasonable suggestions to be found here for just that:
Top 10 uses for “Going Rogue”
You have found/run over a copy of Sarah Palin’s “book.” Now what?
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2009/11/25/notes112509.DTL
Thank you so much AKM for all your hard work on this stuff. You definitely took one for the team here and I, for another, sure appreciate it. Time to wind down, take a good stiff drink or two, or three….and pat yourself on the back.
<3
I will say again that apparently God chose President Obama over Ms palin and she thinks God was wrong
Thank you for taking one for the team!! An amazing effort to get through the book without poking an eye out with a spoon.
Here’s a link to another blogger who liveblogged his reading of the book. He was a fan… but now has serious questions…
http://firstthings.com/blogs/evangel/2009/11/rogue-thoughts-chapter-by-chapter-on-sarah-palin/
@Jojobo1, 10.01 pm – that’s too funny!