Open Thread – Worst Sentence Ever.
Behold the winner of the semi-coveted Bulwer-Lytton award, which is given annually and rewards the author of the sentece which could begin “the worst of all possible novels.” The prize for the worst sentence is $250. Here’s the winner from Molly Ringle.
For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.
Why Sarah Palin did not enter this one is beyond me. Heck, I bet she could have done it in 140 characters or less.
Brilliantly awful . . . . .
But that thirsty gerbil image is going to haunt me for a while.
I’ll never look at the gerbil cage in quite the same way after reading that. : p
…or kissing…
Brilliant LOL
and i want to wish Canada a Happy Birthday. I love this Country ♥
Happy Birthday, Canada, and many happy returns of the day!
not gerbils, but chipmunks: Let’s go Mudflats Choir; all together now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFh-rX_Sfhs
headed for New Orleans shortly. I’ll try to check in on teh laptop when I can, but if you don’t hear much from me for the next week, not to worry, eh? I’m not going off the deep end… I’ll be doing important union stuff, learning and sharing and caring, speaking up and acting out, with thousands of union sisters and brothers.
(Oh, PLEASE, br’er fox, whatever you do, don’t throw me in that briar patch!)
L’Shalom.
Go unions! Go thatcrowwoman! Thank you for working to improve things for teachers, schools, and students! My husband is and I have been a teacher. We know how important your contribution is – and, also, too, enjoy New Orleans if you get a chance!
Thank you for this. I am a retired teacher, and I can not tell you all how important the job is that tcw is beginning. Retirement funding is getting kind of creepy in many states for teachers. Thank all the gods for current representatives who are working so hard for not only current employees, but retired ones as well.
i am a union girl too. so go speak up and act out. have fun Crow.
thx in advance tcw. safe travel & happy helpfullness.
Happy Canada Day to you twain12, to rebecca, and to all the other Canuckpups!
Happy Birthday Canada!!! and a huge Hurrah for the Canuckpups…. thanks P-Child for ‘Canuckpups”
Eeeeeoow
My word exactly, Wolf Pack!
double eeeeeeoooooowwwwwwwwwww from me!
that gerbil image is… well, like the baby on the plane in the e-trade commercial describing his buddy’s dancing – it’s ah, haunting…
Oh, wait! I think we’ ve discovered Scarahs’ speech, Facebook, and Twitter writer.
That’s as funny as the sentence! Thanks. I think all this will keep me chuckling all morning.
My favorite of the winners this year is actually the winner for detective fiction:
“She walked into my office wearing a body that would make a man write bad checks, but in this paperless age you would first have to obtain her ABA Routing Transit Number and Account Number and then disable your own Overdraft Protection in order to do so.”
(from Mr. Steve Lynch of San Marcos, CA)
OMG, that IS awful as well though the visual image of gerbils may just squeak by as worse.
I have a nomination for worst sentence in a speech:
“I enjoy running and as I thought of that sport, how that contrasts with the community of bowling and I think of it as a community. Any sport that shares shoes truly in my mind is a community.”
Hehe, Sarah’s truly awful. Her speech excerpts are as well.
Does anything happen ‘truly’ in her mind?
Mind? what mind?
I think the gerbil running on his wheel is getting tired in there and wants out, that is the only thing I know is happening
he’s probably thirsty too.. and on drugs… or wishes he was on drugs.
Did she just call bowling communist? That must have gone over well.
She also called them socialists being a community and sharing shoes also too! Spreading the wealth of the shoe sharing………………….
Keith just jabbed her for her lie about her fond non-memories of dad bowling in Idaho when she was a child. He he!
Yowza… that’s a pretty scary combination of words, lol.
Here’s a contender:
“Alaskans gotta ‘circle like the musk ox to protect … And mama grizzly will protect ya, Alaska, you betcha.”
It’s not just the teabaggers!
http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-poll-finds-86-percent-of-americans-dont-want-t,1916/
thanks BigPete….i just had to copy an excerpt from the article in the Onion.(86 percent of Americans don’t want a country anymore.)
I already belong to a health club, a church, and the Kiwanis Club,” Tammy Golden of Los Angeles wrote. “I’m a member of the Von’s Grocery Super Savers, which gets me a discount on certain groceries. These are all well-managed organizations with real benefits. None of them send me a confusing bill once a year and make me work it out myself, then throw me in jail if I get it wrong.”
I’m a sucker for bad puns. Low brow humor, to be sure:
As Jeffrey Hicks, the event safety coordinator for the Renaissance Festival finished posting the revised standards for weaponry, he thought of the day an unleashed dog wandered onto the jousting field, causing the rider from Indianapolis to stop short, impaling himself on the butt of his spear, and the following day’s newspaper headline which read: “Stray Injures Indy Knight, Hicks Changing Lances.”
http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/
That is brilliant! I love puns. Thank you.
Big Pete—-after reading that article, I am beginning to believe that Americans are watching too much TV-News. It is News—-24-7. We are getting hit on all sides It is like watch an on-going argument as to what needs to happen or is happening. I find myself yelling at the “box” sometimes, and then I think—-enough is enough and shut it off and find something to do to relax—-like something creative.
But look where it was published – The Onion. They do satire, not real news. So, hopefully, it’s not really as bad as all that.
Here’s a good article by Bob Cesca at HuffPo about how the Republicans are sabotaging the economic recovery.
It begins with the cynical exploitation of the angry, screeching Republican base. Unlike the Democrats during a Republican congressional majority, it’s clear that Republican voters generally don’t care whether their lawmakers actually attain any legislative accomplishments short of blocking the other guys. In other words, there’s no political demand from the GOP base to actually pass anything resembling a conservative piece of legislation. Consequently, there’s no need to barter or compromise with the Democrats.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bob-cesca/listen-all-yall-its-a-rep_b_631380.html
Could Sarah be the gerbil and the water bottle be the combined bank accounts of her adoring fans?
Just sayin…
JEEBUS!!! that’s even worst than my attempts at poetry.
LOL – I heard that the other day on NPR when I was in the car and laughed out loud. It’s even worse in print. I do like that detective one though.
Sarah wouldn’t even have had to write anything new – just pick something from any one of her speeches, and she would have won, hands down.
B@thch Fight!!, between Bristol and Mercedez Johnson on Mercedez’s Blog!
this whole situation is so very tragic and infantile. Bristol Palin is a chip off the old block. Mercede is a very young and unsophisticated person with a sweet nature. Levi is well….Levi. easily manipulated and therefore just right for Bristol. i think of whipped honey when i think of him at all.
none of them is worthy of national attention.
i, however, am worthy of attention. i am scared. terrified even. the dentist is sharpening his tools and preparing to rip a tooth out my head. so instead of getting ready for the trip uptown i am sitting here writing to you ’cause i am scared and frightened but i have to gird up my loins. btw..what are loins?…..bubs.
“Loins” is the abdominal and hip region. In the past, knights called buckling on their swords or other weapons around the waist/hips as “girding their loins.” Metaphorically, it means to prepare for battle.
bubs….It’s entirely appropriate to gird your loins to prepare for battle at the dentist’s office. In addition to a sturdy short sword, I also recommend an assortment of throwing knives and a battle ax or two. Can’t be too prepared. :>)
Bubs,
I feel for you. I’m having an extraction later this month followed by a bone graft and implant. I’m scared out of my wits. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you, but let us know how it goes and if you get any good drugs, please advise! Thanks.
Lyn
P.S. Loins are the inside of your thighs. I don’t know exactly what girding means in this context though – getting dressed so they’re protected? like with chaps?
The woman will lie about anything and everything:
http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2010/07/another-odd-lie.html
Where is the division line between making up lies, and being author of fiction. Sarah certainly has enough material accumulate by now for several novels.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Since James Frey got in so much trouble for making things up and embellishing his memoirs, how come Scarah has gotten away with so much fiction in hers? Why hasn’t Oprah called her out on it? (I know, it wasn’t one of her recommended reads, but it still seems that someone with her reputation should take $P to task for her calumny).
Fortunately, Palin hasn’t become president yet
(and yes I cringed as I wrote that)
so Bush Jr does have the opportunity to move up in the poll.
snip] Today, just one year after leaving office, the former president has
found himself in the bottom five at 39th rated especially poorly in handling the economy, communication, ability to compromise, foreign policy accomplishments and intelligence.
[end snip
read more @ http://thinkprogress.org/2010/07/01/scholars-bush-worst-president/
Arrrggggg! Can the women ever let even one thing go?
From her latest Facebook Novel: “Earlier this week, I spoke at the Freedom Fest in Norfolk, Virginia; and, evidently, the media was asked to leave – not by me, that’s for sure. I want my message out, so despite reporters making up a story about “Palin people kicking us out” (uh, the “Palin people” entourage would consist of one person – my 15-year-old daughter, Willow – and I have no doubt she could take on any reporter, but I know for certain she didn’t “kick ‘em out” of the event).”
The Bloggers in question explained the story, and what they were originally told they could do, they were later told they could not. They continued because they felt they should have been able to, and the security or whatever ending up having to ‘throw’ them out. But the Bloggers never used the word entourage – she did.
It aggravates me how ignorant she is about the workings of her very own profession for which she is staggeringly overpaid.
At every event there will be a point person for speakers who will coordinate that each speaker gets all their stuff etc, and they coordinate with the event staff etc. It is almost 100% certain the people who kicked out the bloggers did so not off their own bat (for which hey would probably be fired) but were following instructions. From whom? I’m sure Sarah herself never issued the command, but someone was just following their orders. I’m guessing it was someone who read the contract and realized they could be found in breach if they didn’t correct it. So they instructed the security or whoever it was to make sure they didn’t do whatever they were not supposed to do.
In any case, Sarah clearly doesn’t understand that those people were temporarily working for her on her behalf, therefore, they are by definition, “Palin people”. She should have lamb-basted the ones that kicked them out, not the bloggers.
And don’t get me started on how she dragged Willow into it, how she conjured if not violent imagery, at least confrontational, and, to boot, called the bloggers liars All in a few mere sentences.
It has been documented that Palin is always accompanied by body guards. At Stanislaus, she was photographed with them. Since the organizers of these events know this, what do they say when she lies about her lack of entourage? In her FB rant, didn’t she just throw the conservative bloggers under the bus as well as the organizers of this speaking engagement?
Yes she did. As I said, if the ‘throwing out’ incident was NOT at her request, the fault was of the people who did the ‘throwing out’. The bloggers were not lying about what happened to them.
If this statement is true ” I spoke at the Freedom Fest in Norfolk, Virginia; and, evidently, the media was asked to leave – not by me, that’s for sure. I want my message out”, then the proper way to handle that situation would have been to privately contact their contact person for the event and express her displeasure at the ‘kicker-outers’.
This is yet another example of Palin’s muddled thinking processes and the dreadfully inappropriate way she handles situations. I cannot imagine how a person who thinks and acts like this could possibly function competently as president.
I guess God only told her she should BE president. He never said anything about needing to be any good at it.