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November 25, 2017

America by Heart – Chapter 4, Raising (Small-r) Republicans, Part 1

We’ve made it to chapter four, and there is no rest for the weary.  This chapter, while mostly non-political, is maddening nonetheless.  And while we get a blissful reprieve from the Founding Fathers, and Milton Friedman and Alexis de Tocqueville, we will find ourselves being irritated with Helen Keller.  We will not hold a grudge for very long, though.  How can you stay mad at Helen Keller?

This chapter will require the use of an extra piece of equipment, you should be warned.  In addition to the usual Maalox (or Pepto Bismol, your choice), adult beverage, and helmet to avoid head bang injury, you’ll want to dig up a whiplash collar for the end when our author spins wildly out of control bouncing like a pinball between abortion, Alger Hiss, excessive government control and proof of God.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Page 91

Her family is her “true north.”  They are what keep her… “sane.”

(Sometimes the snark just writes itself)

Page 92

“For me, the rule is put your family first.”

(And again.)

When she was little they went on a backpacking trip and her dad took everyone’s load so the kids could enjoy themselves, while he sacrificed his own comfort.

(If he had made them carry their own stuff, I’m sure we would have heard how that taught them the value of work, and taught them to take care of themselves and not to get used to being coddled like leftist nanny-state liberals who hate America.)

Page 93

She remembers how much her dad sacrificed, and his backpack burden when she feels overwhelmed by making peanut butter sandwiches and spending almost 20 years lugging around a diaper bag.

“Self-described feminists talk a lot about how family and children hold women back and limit their professional choices… But in my case, precisely the opposite is true.”

(The kids proved useful for her career, I guess.)

Page 94

Todd is super awesome. He is her partner in every conceivable way. “If you want to get anything done in this life, it’s helpful to have a First Dude.”

(Remember that, girls. A First Dude. Very helpful.)

“During the vice-presidential campaign, people would ask me how I could expect to balance it all if we won the White House. I thought, They really don’t get it. I don’t balance anything. We do it together. And if we’d won, we would have done the White House like we do everything else: as a team.”

(“Done the White House?” I wonder if John and Cindy McCain realized that they would have had roommates?  Because usually, Vice Presidents live in the Admiral’s House at the Naval Observatory.  Either that or somebody wanted to move up and had some “special plans” for Gramps when the Secret Service wasn’t looking. *Note to 2012 voters – if you are actually going to vote for Sarah Palin, you’re getting Todd too. Oh, goodie.)

Having a family teaches you that “the sun doesn’t rise and set around you.”

(An ongoing lesson, apparently…)

Page 95

The Palin family is no different from others.

(Oh, reeallly.)

When her “then-seventeen-year-old daughter” told her she was pregnant “our little world stopped spinning momentarily.”  The shock came because Bristol was getting good grades, and playing basketball, and chairing the Junior Prom committee, and working in the local coffee shop and Sarah thought “she’d be too busy for anything else.”

(News flash – sometimes it doesn’t take that long.)

The excuse for why family didn’t come first this time?  Get ready, it’s a doozie.

“I was in Alaska’s capital city, Juneau, during my oldest daughter’s junior year of high school.”

Juneauites might beg to differ, and I’m reasonably certain that any of them reading this now are chuckling aloud.  In case anyone needs a reminder, here’s a summary from The Washington Post from September 8, 2008.

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has billed taxpayers for 312 nights spent in her own home during her first 19 months in office, charging a “per diem” allowance intended to cover meals and incidental expenses while traveling on state business.

“Preoccupied with the enormous job of being governor of the nation’s largest state, juggling schedules around Todd’s job fifteen hundred miles away in the North Slope oil fields, saluting (and worrying about) our son’s decision to enlist as an infantryman in the U.S. Army, and busy with our younger kids while wrapping my arms around the fact that we’d soon be joined by our newest family member, Trig, I assumed that Bristol was making only wise decisions while staying with my sister in Anchorage.”

Whew! That’s a whole  lotta blame there. Let’s see.. (counting on fingers)
It’s Alaska’s fault because it’s really big
It’s the state’s fault because the governor’s job is “enormous”
It’s Todd’s fault for keeping a job 1500 miles away while his kids were farmed out to relatives – family first!
It’s the future combat veteran Track’s fault because he made her worry
It’s Willow and Piper’s fault because she was somehow busy with them
It was unborn Trig’s fault, or Todd’s fault for getting her pregnant
It was her sister’s fault for not keeping an eye on Bristol
And it was Bristol’s fault for not making wise decisions at seventeen years old

That was eight fingers, if you were keeping track. Nine if you count Trig and Todd separately.

So now that you know it really wasn’t her fault… She’ll be the bigger person and “kick” herself. (In addition to everyone else.)

Page 96

Levi wasn’t there until the end of Bristol’s labor, so Sarah had to help deliver the baby and cut the umbilical cord herself. (Even though Dad was apparently there by then, the umbilical cord usually coming last if I recall)

It didn’t take long before Bristol and Levi figured out that it was no fun being teenage parents. But Bristol went to college and suffered sleepless nights and long, lonely, cold car rides to the babysitter (No heat?)

“Of course we all had to bite our tongues – more than once – as Tripp’s father went on a media tour through Hollywood and New York, spreading untruths and exaggerated rhetoric. It was disgusting to watch as his fifteen minutes of fame were exploited by supposed adults taking advantage of a lost kid.”

(Funny, I don’t seem to remember the biting of the tongue.. Was that on Oprah? Or the statements from Meg Stapleton? Or are you talking about NOW.)

Page 97

Now that Levi has been eviscerated, she tells us that their “hearts broke for him and the price he would pay.” But their sorrow was mixed with “justifiable anger.” It was really hard on Track the patriotic combat veteran in Iraq to read about all the hideous lies being spread about his family, while he was in a war zone and unable to do anything about it. It’s a good thing he was there though, because she knows that Track would have wanted to “clobber” Levi. (We could have added aggravated assault to the list.)

And it was hard on Willow too. And Piper lost her innocence. Sarah was embarrassed also, because you know they were just a “normal family” and stuff like this wasn’t supposed to happen to them. Why, she and Todd had to use everything they had, not to “lash out” at Levi. (Again… not remembering the restraint.)

She even thought for a moment that it wasn’t worth it and that they should just slink away to Wasilla and stop “feeding the media beast.” She wanted to just give her family a break…. (YES!  Do it! Do it! Family first! You said so yourself!!)

Page 98

… but then she read an inspirational quote from Helen Keller (I swear I am not making this up) about how character can only be developed through trial and suffering, and she was inspired to continue.

(Thanks a LOT Helen Keller)

It’s been two years of apologies, and accepting those “assumed sincere” apologies, and “struggling to atone,” bla bla bla. But they’re all a better, stronger happier Palin family now.  Hooray.

Some friend of hers told her a bunch of smack that an anonymous blogger said about her and told her to “hang in there… surely your reward is in heaven!”

“I looked at her like she was an idiot, grinning through clenched teeth as I assured her we’d definitely “hang in there.” But at that particular moment, I thought, I’d rather God keep the reward that may await in the hereafter. I’d rather have peace on earth for my daughter than an extra ruby in my crown.”


Page 99

But, hey, everyone has troubles. You may not have a pregnant teenager eviscerated by the media wolves, but she’s sure you’ve got something. And if you aren’t struggling now, you should help someone who is.

Page 100

Everybody thinks their baby is a miracle, but to others it’s just a screaming baby.

Excerpt from The Onion: “Miracle of Birth Occurs for the 83 Billionth Time” (Actually funny.)

Every child is a gift of life.

She doesn’t make a practice of quoting herself, but she’s going to make an exception and quote from Going Rogue. (You know, I never thought I’d miss Going Rogue, but frankly I’d rather be reading that one. Hell, I’d rather be reading Alexis de Tocqueville’s Democracy in America.)

Page 101

“On April 20, 1989 my life truly began. I became a mom.” (That was her quoting herself)

She became a better person. Her heart grew. It’s not about her. There was pain and joy. She became vulnerable. She became more open.

Page 102

Story by Tony Woodlief about how parents love all their children equally.

Page 103

“It’s the quantity of time we spend – not the quality – that’s best for our kids.” Busy parents like to comfort themselves by thinking they can make up for time they don’t spend with their kids by having quality time, but they can’t.

Fred Barnes, the editor of The Weekly Standard agrees.

Woody Allen says that 90% of fatherhood is just showing up.

Page 104

God must exist because you couldn’t have possibly created a baby. “Something more powerful and more loving is at work here.”

She remembers a commercial with running, laughing children and a voiceover that said, “All these children have something in common. All of them were unplanned pregnancies that could have ended in abortion. But their parents toughed it out and discovered that sometimes the best things in life aren’t planned.”

Page 105

That’s the problem with government today. “By asserting more and more government control over us, it actually disrespects our humanity.”


Abortion bad…

Government trying to exert control over us also bad…

I have NO earthly clue how these two things appear next to each other with no transitional thought, but trust me, they do and there is no connection I can see that she was going for. Just right from one to the other. Maybe the editors figured nobody would get this far.  Or maybe they quit half way through…)

Stopping global warming and the rise of the oceans, and “healing the planet” is politics posing as religion.

(Seriosly. They quit. And I don’t blame them. They just threw the manuscript up in the air and walked out.)

“It’s the love we have for a child that has the potential, more than anything else, to expose all the utopian promises of men for the lies that they are.”

(Make it stop!!!  Editors come back! Don’t leave me here. I’m afraid!!)

When Malia Obama asked her dad if he had “plugged the hole” of the Gulf oil spill yet, it was sweet. But it should serve as a parable for us that we are not children and Barack Obama is not our father. Sometimes government can’t do anything and shouldn’t even try. (I dunno. Enforcing stricter regulation might be a start. Just throwing it out there.)

Page 106

We are fallible and fallen, just like Whittaker Chambers who used to be a communist and turned in Alger Hiss. Communism used to be his religion but he denounced communism and found God.

(Does anyone have a whiplash collar?  Or a Xanax?)

Page 107

Whittaker Chambers had a revelatory moment looking at his young daughter and “the delicate convolutions of her ear – those intricate, perfect ears.” He knew that those ears were not created by chance like the communists said. Ears could only have been created by God.

Families bring us closer to God and they bring God closer to communities. When you have a child you become invested in the world.

I thought I was going to make it through the whole chapter in one sitting, but it’s not going to happen. I feel like a runner going up hill on a hot day, and the cool grass looks just too inviting. So I’m just going to lie here under a tree for a while and gasp for air until I don’t feel like I’m going to have a stroke.

While we’re looking for proof of God, if I might be so bold as to make a suggestion… Any time that any particular deity out there might want to spontaneously burst this book into flames, I wouldn’t complain.  Not to tell you what to do or anything… I know you’re busy. Even busier and more important than the governor of the biggest state in the country.  But it’s been a while since the whole burning bush thing, so if you felt like having another go at it, feel free at any time. Really.

Next time… (barring spontaneous combustion) Chapter 4 Raising (Small-r) Republicans, Part 2.



239 Responses to “America by Heart – Chapter 4, Raising (Small-r) Republicans, Part 1”
  1. ibwilliamsi says:

    “Self-described feminists talk a lot about how family and children hold women back and limit their professional choices… But in my case, precisely the opposite is true.”

    Because in her case her older kids lugged around the diaper bag while she pursued her professional choices.

    “And if we’d won, we would have done the White House like we do everything else: as a team.”

    Because if they had won instead of that knife in the back for John McCain and his team, there would have been a literal shot in the back for John McCain. Then it would have been the Palin Team.

    “Sarah had to help deliver the baby and cut the umbilical cord herself.”

    Oh, come on. You know if there is any ring of truth to this it is because Sarah Barracuda elbowed Levi in the eye so he couldn’t get to the scissors.

    “And Piper lost her innocence. ”

    A LONG time ago, Sarah.

    “All of them were unplanned pregnancies that could have ended in abortion. But their parents toughed it out and discovered that sometimes the best things in life aren’t planned.”

    I was explaining “snowflake babies” to my former Texan former Republican friend last night. It’s amazing how much these people don’t know about what they stand for.

    “Sometimes government can’t do anything and shouldn’t even try.”

    And now you know what to expect from a Sarah Palin government. She won’t even try.

    I’m taking my cue from Bristol, now. STFU Sarah.

  2. Bretta says:

    This is nice, high-quality stuff:

    Thursday, November 18, 2010
    Top Ten Surprises In Sarah Palin’s New Book
    10. It’s one, long run-on sentence
    9. Lists her favorite things to gut
    8. In 2008, she voted for Obama
    7. She plagiarizes the stuff George W. Bush plagiarized in his book
    6. Averages six “You betcha’s” per page
    5. In high school, was voted “Most Likely to Serve Half-Term As Alaska’s Governor”
    4. Comes with a caribou jerky bookmark
    3. There’s also an edition that’s been translated into English
    2. Explains why they call her Baba Booey
    1. Palin recently worked as a Tina Fey impersonator

    By David Letterman.

  3. karen marie says:

    Palin is a special brand of clueless. Helen Keller was not just a Socialist, she was also a strong supporter of the Wobblies.

  4. leenie17 says:

    This ‘book’ has now descended into deep cookie-tossing territory. Bless you, AKM, for donning your Hazmat suit and waders to slog through this sea of toxic sludge.

    As I read through the page summaries, she reminds me more and more of a close family member who is mentally ill. Like Palin, she is delusional and has a completely distorted perception of her life that has absolutely no conenction with reality. She refuses to admit to being wrong even when presented with documented facts to the contrary, and refuses to acknowledge that she even has a problem, no less seek help for it. After dealing with this alternate reality my entire life, I have finally made the decision to sever ties with this family member because of the destruction she was causing in my life.

    Sadly, I don’t see a positive ending for Palin or any members of her family who don’t terminate their relationship with her. She will drag them all down with her.

    • benlomond2 says:

      “Sadly, I don’t see a positive ending for Palin or any members of her family who don’t terminate their relationship with her. She will drag them all down with her”

      Might be the reason the Native Alaskan side of the family hasn’t seen her in so long, as per the reporting of the SPA episode …. they know a rabid animal when they see one…

  5. Cassie Jeep says:

    Sorry, AKM. I’m checking out.

    Once I realized that Sarah “doesn’t balance anything” I knew I could read no more.

    Not a checkbook, not a magazine sale, a cookie drive…can’t balance anything.

    The witch need to go home, try to do some of this “balancing” and MAYBE resume a public life once she does. Her balancing act, so far, is only a circus show.

  6. Bretta says:

    Page 107,

    Perfect Ears?
    Perfect Guilty Conscience?

  7. Bretta says:

    RE: Todd as co-president, page 94.

    Didn’t they get in trouble for that precise activity as Co-Governors? Todd’s job was “Shadow Governor” as in he told her what to think and say, he was copied on all emails, etc.

    The $Palins tried to get out of it when Todd was subpoenaed but the proof was in the Troopergate documents.

    $he’s been a puppet for several years now.

  8. I wonder what maybe we should do some bloodtesting in case akm needs blood or organ transplants. With all the bile stored up in the other side’s guts,it might be a good idea to start a new bloodbank. This could be a line from a Bob Seeger song about going where angels fear to tread. I guess all that acid would not be good for heavenly wings.

  9. Lacy Lady says:

    SARAFINA——I for one, did write letters during the health care ordeal.. I wrote to Sen. Harkin and Sen. Grassley. As I remember—-Sen Grassley never apoligized for his remark–“pull the plug on grandma”. If I remember, Grassley was paid off by the insur. companies to fight the bill. So—-What else is new??????

  10. Sarafina says:

    Yes, the Republicans are continuing in their royal ways. I’m in Texas, and have no hope of reasonable Senators or Reps. If Grassley actually listens to opposing views, great, but where were the letter writers during the health care ordeal?

    I appreciate AKM’s yeomanly efforts.

  11. Largo says:

    Wow. Pukeworthy.

  12. DudleysPa says:

    “I’d rather have peace on earth for my daughter than an extra ruby in my crown.”

    An EXTRA ruby? She’s already got herself a crown with rubies? Has Princess Sparkle Pony been measuring Buckingham Palace for new drapes?

  13. OMG says:

    Ed Rollins finally says it: I knew Reagan and Palin, you are no Reagan!

    Her book tour is being accompanied by a lot of mud being through back at her.

    • SouthPaw says:

      good comment to above…

      “Come on, Mr. Rollins. You are pussy-footing around the real issue here. Show some courage for once and speak what you know to be the truth without the politicized sugar-coating. The fact is, you and many other Republicans know that Sarah Palin is a narcissistic idiot. She knows nothing about this country’s history, much less world history. She’s a fascist masquerading as a counterfeit populist and she couldn’t care less about her mindless adoring fans.

      She thinks George Washington was one of the Founding Fathers and, until about a month ago, didn’t know why there were two Koreas. She has also referred to Africa as a “great country”, and believes that being able to see another country in the distance qualifies as foreign policy experience.

      As you will soon find out when she counterattacks you, Sarah Palin is, on top of everything else, a nasty, vindictive woman who tries to stir up hate against anyone who criticizes her astonishingly ignorant points of view. I hope you don’t just sit there and take it, Mr. Rollins, like most of your fellow Republicans.”

  14. Paula says:

    Stand up AKM! Stand up by God! It doesn’t suit you to be lying there eating dirt!!!

  15. Paula says:

    I had to stop at page 103. The tard realizes Hellne Keller was a commie & not blind or deaf by adulthood, right? And that Woody Allen is married and banging his step daughter, right? Oh…yeah. Forgot. She’s a tard.

    • Lilybart says:

      KELLER:She is remembered as an advocate for people with disabilities, amid numerous other causes. She was a suffragist, a pacifist, an opponent of Woodrow Wilson, a radical socialist and a birth control supporter.

      Someone who really was an advocate for people with disabilities! The Irony.

      And her favorite movie was written by a commie who had to move to France for the rest of his life which is looking better and better!

  16. Blooper says:

    Thanks, AKM for trudging through this sorry waste of dead trees. If you or anyone else here are still reeling from the vat of stupidity that is Palin’s written (or ghostwritten) works here is some cheap instant therapy. Go to Google and type ‘Palin is’ and (if you have the autocomplete feature turned on) you will see what the majority of people out there really think of her. It’s the digital equivalent of chicken soup for the soul. 🙂

    • Lilybart says:

      Great advice!

      This book is nothing.
      Getting no notice because there is nothing there but some old lady whining about those kids today.

  17. NMJ says:

    AKM, I’m so proud of you. The sacrifice you are making for us deserves a Purple Heart, at the very least!

  18. Lacy Lady says:

    Simple Mind—–I just heard this on CNN and I am BURNING!!!!!!!
    I intend to write to our Rep. Senator of Iowa (Grassley) and tell him what I think of him and the rest of the Reps in Congress. How they think money in the pockets of the rich is more important than any thing on the planet. They don’t care if people are without jobs, food on the table, a place to live — Just the almighty dollar. They are telling us—–they got theirs and to hell with the rest of the country.
    If they continue this block thru December—–there will be no bill for DADT and it will never come up again for years. This is only one important vote. I think we all must act now.

    • Irishgirl says:

      They have done the same thing in Ireland. Tax cuts for the corporations to draw them in….then, when everything goes belly up..they reduce the minimum wage, reduce all benefits, tax the middle class, and still refuse to increase the tax on the wealthy.

      On a brighter note, we do have some great photographers in Ireland. We are experiencing quite the chill over here.

      • SouthPaw says:

        Beautiful pictures Irishgirl. Love the one of the Lucy. Keep warm.

      • bubbles says:

        i forgot to tell you Irishgirl. i finally found my way to a favorite of yours and went through the orientation of The Idiot Speaketh:

        hello there. my friend Irishgirl from the blog Mudflats sent me. she thinks i will fit right in here. hmmmnnnn….wonder why?
        i will be back. i gotta go tell the others where i am. they are gonna be jealous cause i am in a harem and they ain’t. we are reading AK Mudraker’s analysis of the idiotic palin screed America by Tart..uh.America by the Tart or somethin…, your friend Bubbles
        oh yeah. drop in and stay awhile. you’re gonna laugh idiotically. bring your own booze.

      • Mag the Mick says:

        “The papers were right. Snow was general across Ireland.” – James Joyce. I wish I could rmember the rest, because it is probably the loveliest paragraph he ever wrote.

        • slipstream says:

          This from wikiquotes:

          Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over Ireland. It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the Bog of Allen and, farther westward, softly falling into the dark mutinous Shannon waves. It was falling, too, upon every part of the lonely churchyard on the hill where Michael Furey lay buried. It lay drifted on the crooked crosses and headstones, on the spears of the little gate, on the barren thorns. His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead.

      • mag the mick says:

        Ah, here we are: “Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over Ireland. It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the Bog of Allen and, father westward softly falling into the dark, mutinous Shannon waves. It was falling, too, upon every part of the churchyard on the hill where Michael Furey lay buried. It lay thickly drifted on the crooked crosses and headstones, upon the spears of the little gate, on the barren thorns. His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead.” James Joyce, from his short story :The Dead”

      • Blooper says:

        Irishgirl: I just got done looking at all those pics and.. wow! Ireland is indeed a beautiful country. For awhile there I almost thought I was looking at pictures that were taken locally here (Anchorage, AK) what with all the snow.

        Thanks for sharing. 🙂

      • jojobo1 says:

        Thanks for the beautiful pictures Irishgirl

  19. Simple Mind says:

    Off topic – sorry. The Senate Republican leadership has just issued a letter signed by every Republican Senator stating they intend to filibuster “any legislative item until the Senate has acted to fund the Government and we have prevented the tax increase that is currently awaiting all American taxpayers.” In other words, unless they get the budget they want and keep the Bush tax cut for millionaires, they are going to stop the Senate from operating. For anyone who argued that voting in Lisa Murkowski would free her to throw off the shackles of the Party of No and become the moderate independent she secretly is, take a look at her signature on that letter.

    • bubbles says:

      uh huh. no going to say another word……but (mumble,mumble) told you so.

    • leenie17 says:

      This will make you feel much better:

      It’s Rachel Maddow explaining that this filibustering has been going on for 4 years and is nothing new. She has Debbie Stabenow on to explain that the Democrats are planning to force the Republicans to vote on a bill that JUST includes the middle class tax cuts. For once, they seem to be standing up to the right wing and making them show the public that they’re willing to sacrifice the safety of the country and the welfare of 98% of its citizens in order to benefit their millionaire and billionaire friends.

  20. Moose Pucky says:

    In my mooselets eyes I see, God’s creation looking up at me. Sarah, put away your gun and respect our lives!!

  21. Jean says:

    I guess her dad didn’t watch the grizzly bears show their baby’s that “noone’s going to do it for you”.

  22. Laurie says:

    Have seen several reports on the book signings where people are told that the Palin girls are there and will “work the line” but only the youngest girl has been seen so far. Grandma Palin is behind the curtain with the guards. Those real americans get to see her after they have been searched and separated from their coats and personal effects.

  23. AuntieRuth says:

    I think that most mothers who work outside of the home are offended by her flip explanations about “teamwork” and “quantity time”. Anyone who has actually raised kids while pursuing a real career knows that it is *#(&ing HARD!!!!!

    She finds it easy, because SHE HASN’T DONE IT. She didn’t work while the older kids were little, Then Bristol raised Piper and now Piper and a squadron of nannies is raising Trig. And we all know how hard she “works”.

    • lilybart says:

      I have to make dinner and get my daughter to do her homework (she is 8, not easy!) and then bath and bedtime and that is only ONE child I have and I have a job. She never cooks, god only knows who gets those kids to school or makes sure they do the homework, but I suspect NO ONE does.

    • lilybart says:

      When she says teamwork she means the kids get dumped on grandparents and aunts.

  24. Tom (FL) says:

    “Todd’s job fifteen hundred miles away in the North Slope oil fields”
    Hmmmm. I just brought up Yahoo! Maps, and asked it for driving directions from Wasilla to Prudhoe Bay. It came out to be 898 miles.
    It’s not just that she lies, it’s that she lies about the littlest details!

  25. g says:

    She even thought for a moment that it wasn’t worth it and that they should just slink away to Wasilla and stop “feeding the media beast.”

    Yes, but the big bucks won out, didn’t they?

    • Martha Unalaska Yard Sign says:

      The real Twit never “thought for a moment” – that’s just a convenient theme she uses to pretend to connect to others. She doesn’t think at all, she just reacts. There was never any question in her puny mind that she would continue to feed the media beast. Remember, a Palin with an open mouth = lie.

  26. Terry in Maryland says:

    “For me, the rule is put your family first.”

    Which is why she gave a speech in Dallas after her labor started, then flew all the way back to Anchorage before going to a hospital.

  27. weaver57 says:

    Today’s Lexington Herald summarized Palin’s book “Take a Sarah Palin stump speech, expand it to 272 pages, and you’ve pretty much summed up America by Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith, and Flag.”

    Unfortunately, line tickets to get a book signed are sold out. Oh well, Kentucky is a red state.

  28. g says:

    “Self-described feminists talk a lot about how family and children hold women back and limit their professional choices…

    Seems like in her world there’s an awful lot of un-named people writing or saying paraphrased things that she disagrees with. Does she ever, even just ONCE, actually cite a real person for these straw-man quotes of hers?

  29. Simple Mind says:

    What all this reminds me of is ….. John Edwards. During his run for the Presidency, I agreed with 90% of his positions and would have happily voted for him. Then the news about his incredibly stupid affair surfaced. Predictably, thankfully, and hopefully forever, Edwards has sunk off the political radar. Bill Clinton was arguably one of the most successful Presidents in modern history until a stupid affair with an intern tumbled him to a side role as interesting but largely irrelevant media character. Immoral duplicity essentially ended these careers. What strikes me as bizarre is the right wing’s propensity to put forth fundamentally flawed wingnuts like Palin, O’Donnell and Miller and when faced with the undisputed evidence of their lack of honesty, character or talent, the right sticks with them even more tenaciously than before. The Tea Partiers are angry and Lord knows that our government has given them (and us) plenty of reasons to be angry. They have some legitimate gripes. Yet they continue to worship (there is no other word) foolish and venal characters like Palin. I suppose I should be thankful. If they got behind someone with brains and integrity, we’d all be in real trouble.

  30. Colo. Native living in NC says:

    From Salon today:
    For Sarah Palin, who (or, perhaps, a staffer) tweeted today: “Inexplicable: I recently won in court to stop my book “America by Heart” from being leaked,but US Govt can’t stop Wikileaks’ treasonous act?”:

    Treason is an act against one’s own country. Are you aware that WikiLeaks is not based in the United States, and that Assange is not a U.S. citizen?
    Are you saying you could have stopped Web and newspaper reports from other countries with U.S. court order? Can you find even one lawyer who agrees?

    • g says:

      She actually didn’t stop her book from being leaked. It was leaked. She only reacted to that.

      • Hope says:

        Didn’t the guy guess her password ect, by simple means???? Double yikes. Hide the codes!!!

        • Eykis says:

          Yes, that kid fro the University of Tennessee actually got jail time – TRAVESTY – if Snowbilly Grifter had stayed home the kid would have gotten off scot-free as he should have – the statutes in Tennessee have some “weird” interpretations. Not only did Snowbilly Grifter show up – she had Barstool testify against the kid for skeering her in absentia. Made no sense – had the kid been in Nashville or Memphis rather than TennesseeEvangeliban territory, the case would have been thrown out.

      • Blooper says:

        Yup, apparently $carah thinks there is a master ‘delete’ button for things posted on the Internet. Just like she thinks that we can use ‘cyber tools’ to shut down wikileaks permanently. She obviously has no idea how the Internet in general works. Even if we wanted to, there is no way we could ‘permanently’ shut down a site like that. If the U.S. took out one server (or group of servers), others would just pop up elsewhere. And these servers would likely be on international grounds where it would be (essentially) illegal to perform such an act.

        Ugh. The stupid, it burns!

    • Simple Mind says:

      Sarah Palin, meet Valerie Plame.

  31. Gasman says:

    Who is Palin trying to kid? We all know that she has never read a single word written by de Tocqueville or Friedman and she already has shown that she has no idea of who the Founding Fathers were.

    I know how to make Sarah Palin’s blood run cold and break out in torrential flop sweat: during an on camera interview, ask her to spell “Alexis de Tocqueville.”

  32. TrueBlueGirl says:

    PLEASE read this from the Russian newspaper Pravda, titled “Spankin’ Sarah Palin: A clown short of a circus” and you can link to it here:

  33. Martha Unalaska Yard Sign says:

    Shrill, disconnected, poorly written and whiny. Yep Twit, you may have actually penned some of this chapter! You have no control over your kids and you know it. You like the fact that many folks are mistakenly under the impression that you rule with an iron fist. It’s the other way around, dear – and we know it. WPE, that’s you!

  34. daisydem says:

    Haven’t read all the comments yet AKM, but I love your closing paragraph … re the burning bush. I will help and send up a similar prayer to God.

  35. Miller says:


    Thank you for providing this public service to those of us who do not have the stamina to slog through this (insert any word(s), you want, here) . You are a true hero. I needed the xanax and whip lash collar about the time the editors quit. My head has not stopped twitching. Thank you for your analysis, it is priceless and I agree, it should be published.
    “Done the White House”, this was a true Freudian slip. Had the editors’ brains turned to jelly by this time or was it by design? Besides the obvious location error (VP – Naval Observatory), I kept thinking of a movie entitled “Debbie Does ….” Ok, Ok, I am not suggesting that Sarah would be similar to Debbie BUT she would have managed to screw up everything in her wake.

    Re: G. Kathleen, You are correct and I applaud your rant.
    Re: Writing Skills
    I teach in a community college. Students who lack writing skills are required to take a series of remedial courses. By the time, they are in my class, their skills have improved. They have learned the rudiments of basic writing.

    Her writing style (If you can call it that) is beyond belief. Her thought processes are scattered. I am happy that this book is in print. Hopefully, it will be used against her by those who wish to thwart her “doing the White House”.

  36. Hope says:

    If you get a chance to “refudiate” this, check it out. This is almost funny.

    Some of us hope that Palin running is a myth. However, it wont be the D’s crying when Palin wins the Republican nod. We own building up Palin while the Republicans have said nothing. Okay. Sure.

    Nicolle Wallace interview:
    Happy Mika asked the question.

  37. Evie says:

    Great read: Spankin’ Sarah Palin: A clown short of a circus

  38. maelewis says:

    Sarah’s sense of self-importance is as large as that largest state that she used to govern. Thank you, AKM, for reading and reporting on that trivial book. And, judging from the beautiful photographs and descriptions that you post from time to time, you clearly love living in Alaska. However, Alaska’s population is one sixth of the large metropolitan area that I live in. The mayor deals with millions of people, not hundreds of thousands. When Sarah was Mayor or Wasilla, it had a couple more people in it than my kids high school. The principal of the that high school had a job that was every bit as difficult as Sarah’s mayoral job, and he didn’t leave the place in debt or have to hire a school-manager.

    Alaska has also been blessed to receive a great deal of federal money, including that famous Bridge to Nowhere. If Sarah is against big government handouts, let Todd renounce his free native health care. Let the Heaths and the seniors Palins renounce Social Security and Medicare to stand in unity with Sarah’s anti government stand. And, if Sarah is wants to get big government off our backs, then they should also get out of our bedrooms.

    • Elizabeth says:

      I beg to differ: Your principal had much more work to do with a High School, than Sarah ever dreamed of.

      In my frame of reference, Alaska’s population if somewhat bigger than Seattle, WA, and much less than King County, WA. Those two chief executives sometimes run for governor. Gary Locke was King Co. executive when he ran for governor.

    • lilybart says:

      It is a trivial book, thanks for that. I didn’t know how to describe it best. There is nothing there.

  39. jc in co says:

    I didn’t think it was possible, but alas, sarah has spewed out something more puke worthy than her first endeavor. I’m befuddled by her comments regarding “quantity” vs “quality” time with her children. Since her every waking moment is reported to us by the “lamestream media” I don’t see evidence of either in her twisted idea of how to raise her spawn. I believe her idea of proving to us what an all American, just like us family she thinks is being portrayed on her TLC debacle is backfiring on her. Her kids come across as disrespectful, entitled brats and she comes off as lazy, weak mother unwilling to assert her parental control.

  40. Wallflower says:

    Dear AKM, I think it’s time we staged an intervention. You don’t need to do this for us. We will all function quite well and lead happy productive lives even if we don’t know what’s in the latest hardcover pamphlet Sarah Palin put her name on. Please stop hurting yourself. You are too valuable to injure your brain this way.

  41. MimiC says:

    When she goes to heaven she’s going to get a crown? Will she be Jesus’ Queen? I’m sure glad as hell I’m not going there.

    • jwa says:

      This is fundamentalist Christian dogma that comes from some biblical quote relating to when you get to heaven. Your reward in heaven for things on Earth will be jewels in your crown when you get to the golden city of God (or something). I could look it up but that’s the idea. When fundy Christians talk about their ‘crowns’ or jewels in their crown it has a literal meaning to them in the afterlife.

      • LisaB says:

        Yeah, fundie X-tians take earthly materialism straight to heaven with them. How childlike and un-charming.

        • lilybart says:

          Oh, yes, many mansions, jewels in crowns and an actual body. Preachers could never tell me what age and what health that heavenly body would be though. Not sure I want eternity with an arthritic thumb and wrinkles.

          • LibertyLover says:

            This sounds silly, where would one put the jewels? Does one have to wear the crown at all times? Could one take off the crown for a pickup basketball game? One has no pockets, does one? Or do we get clothes too? I guess one would need them, how else would you know what team you were on? 😉

          • leenie17 says:

            “how else would you know what team you were on?”

            Different color wings, silly! 😉

      • slipstream says:

        Actually, the Christian New Testament talks about being given a crown on day of the Lord’s victory:

        1 Peter 5:4 “When the chief shepherd appears, you will be given the unfading crown of glory.”

        Compare 2 Timothy 4:8, James 1:12, and Revelation 2:10; 3:11; and 4:10.

        I read this metaphorically rather than literally.

        Nowhere does the NT mention jewels added to anybody’s crown, as if one person’s suffering in life gives that person brownie points in heaven.

        Apparently evangelical Christians imagine God is like a football coach, who awards stickers that football players can put on their helmets for a really good play . . . . Well, they treat football coaches like God, makes sense they would picture God as a football coach.

        Anyway, it is NOT Biblical.

        • Zyxomma says:

          … and I always thought my crown of glory was my long, lustrous, beautiful brunette hair. Thanks but no thanks to the bumpit.

        • Jen in SF says:

          Thanks everyone for explaining the odd ruby comment (moments like this I’m actually glad I grew up in a less orthodox form of Christianity: Catholicism O_o) …. and thank you AKM so much for soldiering through this. May all the be-crowned and be-jeweled give you foot massages in Heaven.

          • Eykis says:


            I am with you – my husband has a background in Church of God and Pentacostal – it is much easier being raised Catholic – you always knew where you stood and the rules did not change much. ROFLMFAO

    • bubbles says:

      you ‘n me both.

  42. Anonymous Reader says:

    Does the Quitter understand that Hellen Keller was proudly a Socialist?

    • Arakasi says:

      Probably not. I’ve found that when wingnuts quote Helen Keller they almost never know anything about her life that isn’t covered in The Miracle Worker . Keller is useful to them as long as she is helpless – a symbol for whatever they want to hang on her. Once she gets to the point that she took control of her own life, they have no further use for her.

      Of course, that isn’t anything new – her Wikipedia page has a quote from her discussing this:

      “At that time the compliments he paid me were so generous that I blush to remember them. But now that I have come out for socialism he reminds me and the public that I am blind and deaf and especially liable to error. I must have shrunk in intelligence during the years since I met him…Oh, ridiculous Brooklyn Eagle! Socially blind and deaf, it defends an intolerable system, a system that is the cause of much of the physical blindness and deafness which we are trying to prevent”

      Things don’t appear to have changed much in the last 100 years

    • Reba in Va says:

      Fact checkin”…what’s fact checkin?

  43. If anyone really doubts that her fanboy website isn’t pure and deliberate satire should consider the following statement from this article
    “For practically everyone, the written word is noticeably more coherent than the spoken word. Undoubtedly this general rule is due to the fact that when writing, there is sufficient time to develop cogent arguments and weave them into a logical narrative.”
    The article is a long-winded rant against some guy Scarbourough (honest, I’m not sure who he is but I guess he is on the teevee) but the opening graf seems SOOOOOO apropos.
    Her fanboy website really deserves a look now and then just for a laugh at the fine conjunction of loyalty and insolence which becomes more apparent with each passing day.

    Mark Springer

  44. LibertyLover says:

    Did she read the inspirational quote from Helen Keller on a bumper sticker? Refrigerator magnet? Quote Garden?

    Inquiring minds want to know.

  45. Hope says:

    She is evidently having an (ego vs id) battle.

    Just read some of the Amazon reviews. Wow. There is no middle ground. People either think she is floating in the air with wings or a total waste of time.

    How’s the “meany dividey” thing working out for you! By all means make a ton of money, be happy with family and stay in Alaska!

  46. Cortez says:

    “During the vice-presidential campaign, people would ask me how I could expect to balance it all if we won the White House. I thought, They really don’t get it. I don’t balance anything. We do it together. And if we’d won, we would have done the White House like we do everything else: as a team.”

    How does she expect to use her whole family as a team (remember, the family voted on her quiting as governor), and still keep her family out of the news? One, thats impossible, you can’t have it both ways. Two, its downright scary that she plans to have Bristol, Willow, Piper, etc, consult with her on important issues. I’m sure her God and Todd will be there too in those major policy decisions. We know Todd was a bit more than just a supportive husband when she was half gov.

  47. jwa says:

    What’s all this about being embarrassed that Bristol got preggers while unmarried? If this doesn’t happen to ‘normal’ families – WHAT ABOUT TRACK? Does she think the public is completely blind to the fact that SHE, her OWNSELF got pregnant out of wedlock too?

    Not that I care one way or the other. It is unfortunate when young people have babies before they are ready to make a mature choice to do that. And I wouldn’t want my kids to be in that situation. But the total hypocrisy of bemoaning Bristol’s lack of good judgment while completely ignoring her own exact parallel mistakes is just so typical. Embarrassment implies you think it’s all about you. What might the neighbors think? I mean, really!

  48. NOLA says:

    As an “author”, she’s like those people on American Idol whose parent’s tell them they can sing…..

  49. lilybart says:

    The rule is” “Put your family OUT THERE first, as a sheild” like Piper booed at the hockey game.

  50. Alaska Pi says:

    Oh dear!
    This is all too hilarious to handle!
    (sorry- dear mudpups who have worked so hard to be decent parents, it really is )
    This chapter , so far, needs to be renamed American Women and Government – How to Make the First Real Case for Repealing Suffrage (and revoking women’s rights to own property and make their own business or ANY other decisions)

    • Alaska Pi says:

      oops, need to quit chortling and finish…
      American Women and Government – How to Make the First Real Case for Repealing Suffrage …
      Whilst Assuming One is Doing the Opposite

  51. SendLawyersGunsAndMoney says:

    I used to have a problem with Quitter McWordSalad making so much money, millions, going to a narcissist fraud who’s entire persona is a myth. But now I tell myself that she is an idiot making idiot’s money off of idiots. Idiots paying an idiot to be an idiot. It is much more soothing to my soul.

  52. AKRNC says:

    Thank you, AKM, for putting up with that nauseating pretense of a book. I never saw so many excuses jumbled into one to let us know, IT’S NOT HER FAULT that Bristol became pregnant. Hell, has anything ever been $arah’s fault? In all seriousness, has anyone ever seen or known of a time when Sarah apologized or took responsibility for mistakes she has made? I looked through a lot of old articles and couldn’t find anything. “I’m sorry” or “it was my fault” are phrases that are NOT in her vocabulary. What an ego this woman has!

    When I read the last six pages, all I could think was her sitting there typing away with her bottle of Bailey’s right next to her, although there was not much left, a few ounces at most. I’ll bet that when the kids see it getting low, they either hide or replace it with a new one. I’m starting to feel sorry for some of them.

  53. TrueBlueGirl says:

    In what parallel universe is the VP in charge of the Senate and living at the White House? Grandiose much?

  54. merrycricket says:

    True confession time here. I gave birth to my first son when I was 16, so I feel a little more qualified than most to speak on this subject. Sarah can blame anyone she wants for Bristol’s pregnancy but the truth is, Tripp is an escape baby. Teenage girls don’t get pregnant just because, they are looking to escape an unbearable homelife and to assert themselves as adults. All the rumors swirling around about her wanting to have a baby have to have some grain of truth in it when you think abokut how insane her homelife must have been. Add to that, all the problems the other kiids are having, I would say that is one seriously troubled family and Sarah is the cause of it. You mark my words, there is even more going on that we dom’t see or hear about.

    • Alaska Pi says:

      or to have something to control in an uncontrollable life…
      I really don’t like to talk about her kids themselves but this has been on my mind for a long time
      and I do find myself worrying about them.

      • merrycricket says:

        I usually don’t either but in this case I made an exception since Palin brought up the topic in her book and Bristol is an adult now.

        If Sarah is going to continue to parrot Obama saying “kids are off limits” then she. Needs to STFU about them already. The woman needs to go home, chase all the cameras out, call a family meeting and bring in a family counselor to do a mega intervention. THAT’S how you protect your family, not by repeatedly sticking them into the national spot light and daring the media to write about them so YOU can continue to cry about what a victim you are.

        • Bretta says:

          Even GlennBeck smacked her down on the crap about kids & media. He was very clear about if the paps were approaching his family he would be intervening.

    • lilybart says:

      I have never heard Bristol refute that statement by Mercede, that they were trying to get pg.

    • kate says:

      I think Levi Johnston said that Bristol did a lot of the parenting…cooking, chores, looking after the younger siblings — even at the Republican convention in 2008, Bristol had a lot of babysitting or looking after or holding Trig and Piper. Maybe subconsciously she did want to break away and be her own family rather than take care of her parents’ family…..sadly, whatever it was, she is now pretty much glued to Gov Palin’s fortunes with little chance to have space for herself.

    • bubbles says:

      nicely spoken MerryCricket.

    • leenie17 says:

      Based on what we’ve seen of Palin’s abysmal parenting, I have no doubt that Tripp was a way for Bristol to acquire unconditional love. She was clearly not getting attention from her absent and self- absorbed parents. Working in a city school district, I see the pattern all too often, sometimes generation after generation in the same family.

      I may have little sympathy for 20-year-old Bristol who is seeking an easy path to fame and fortune, but I certainly have sympathy for 16-year-old Bristol who just wanted someone to love and to love her back.

  55. Angela says:

    I’m surprised she would say quantity of time is the most important, when she is saying she was away and her husband was away….. I think you have to have a quantity of time and quality time but how can she say she has quantity, even now? Think she is confused and doesn’t know the difference between quality and quantity?

    The woman is a nut case.

  56. Ripley in CT says:

    You know that part where you count for us on 8 fingers the people responsible for Bristol’s pregnancy? Heh heh… I SO pictured you actually counting your fingers in order to write that sentence! I almost did it myself, but I trust your ability to count! LOL

    Anyone reading this book with any shred of common sense and intelligence will see this for what it is; a hit piece.

  57. trisha08 says:

    Done the White House?

    Gawd, she is stupid. Does she think the VP and family live in the White House?

    Was she planning on sharing a bed with John and Cindy? Or, did she really think that SHE was the top of the ticket?

    That little gaffe is very telling.

  58. Lacy Lady says:

    DF—–please don’t wish that on anyone—-especially our President. UGH!!!!!!!

  59. TrueBlueGirl says:

    You just have to wonder why all the editors who COULD have edited this mess DIDN’T. Hmmm.

    Taking the long view, here’s a happy thought: that she has created the ideal source document is in itself perfect justice! Forever and ever these printed pages – IN HER OWN WORDS – will document the weird period in American politics and culture when a lucky grifter hit the jackpot of populist demogoguery. Grad students of the future will wish for AKM’s comfort and sanity as they slog through the crazy. Just think of the thesis titles!

    • NOLA says:

      That’s a truly funny thought at first, but then, upon reflection, it sends a shiver down my spine! I sincerely hope that her “work” is not anywhere near a poly-sci class (or governemnt or civics or women’s studies). If this tripe appears on a college campus, I hope it is in either Journalism or English in a “How NOT to write” course!

      • TrueBlueGirl says:

        I was thinking about the A+ I received in 1974, after the Watergate revelations but before Nixon resigned, on a college poli-sci paper not-so-subtly titled “Nixon Analyzed: Is There a Nut in White House?”

        Sarah Palin will be a bizarre footnote to history. The crazy will be her legacy.

        • NOLA says:

          Excellent point and I bet it was scary to write, considering this is the “leader of the free world” you were discussing. I just hope that no one can ever write a paper like that again… “Palin Analyzed: The author is now in the nuthouse!” or… Palin Ananlyzed: Another nut in the White House”
          Shivers still….. 🙂

        • Bretta says:

          $he has more in common with Nixon’s paranoid insanity than with anything Reagan.

        • Eykis says:

          That is hilarious. In the late 70s I wrote one titled, “Guilty or Not Guilty: ompence to Stand Trial” on psycho-tropic medications regarding Son of Sam.

  60. DF says:

    Uh-hum! What do you say after this stuff? I have to say that the blood pressure did not go up this time. Little of it makes any sense — whoa, does that mean that the previous chapters did? No-oooo! OK, I have to say something… that’s why I’m here!

    Wouldn’t it be funny if Palin learned that she was related to Barrack Obama?

  61. Man_from_Unk says:

    This is much more fun than reading the book itself! I can’t believe people would read this baloney.

  62. overthemoon says:

    One, the only thing Sarah has in common with Hellen Keller is she is metaphorically deaf and blind.

    Two, maybe this already made the rounds, but I wonder if Sarah, when reading everything, reads Pravda. I’m sure she’s thrilled to have gotten her brand recognized by that magazine. Or paper. Or whatever Pravda is. Its from Moscow, Sarah. That’s a city in Russia. You know, the big mean country just across that Bear Ring Straight by your state.

    • lilybart says:

      That is worth a click!

    • Cortez says:

      The Pravda post is so right on, and I’ve seen similar takes on Sarah in other European press. Unfortunatley, her supporters will just say its because they are all afraid of her, and fear her power if she was to be President. I take the article for exactly what it says, a clown without a circus.

    • Reba in Va says:

      I just read the Pravda posting…Best smackdown EVER of Miss Quitty Pantsonfire!

      Got to LOVE the title… Spankin’ Sarah Palin: A clown short of a circus

      and the closing paragraph, ” The United States of America has evolved. She has not. ”

      Tweeter response to the “Commies” in 3,2…. LOL!

    • barbara says:

      i’d like to see that go viral!

      • Eykis says:


        It has gone viral thanks to – Check out that VERY LIBERAL BLOG for some great fun and good SNARKINESS. Also Dunno, but am guessing the SouthPaw posting here is the same Beagle – really SUPER DUPER guy, IMHO. Met over at HuffPo.

    • LibertyLover says:

      Wow. That was an amazing smack-down! I wonder what Sarah Palin will tweet in response? 😉

  63. Crunk Petrol says:

    AKM, I sincerely appreciate your efforts to protect our brains from being transformed into mush.
    However, I do have one mild complaint. Please stop picking on poor Alexis de Tocqueville. I read his book twice, in both college and law school and found it an interesting study of America at a particular point in her history. (Maybe you just had the wrong teacher).

    It is not Alex’s fault that Palin has become fixated on him and abuses his work (kind of like a stalker).

  64. GrainneKathleen says:

    wow, that “done the white house” comment – just wow. does that mean that after them the white house would have ended as we know it? poof, gone? doubtless.
    one thing that often irks me when sarah talks about the role of women in our culture is that she totally disses women who choose not to, or who cannot, for that matter, have children. she claims her life didn’t even start before she became a mom. that’s both sad and infuriating. most women realize that you can’t do it all, so you have to prioritize, and then sacrifices have to be made. choosing not to have kids doesn’t make a woman less than. it means she has chosen her own path. maybe it’s the fundie in sarah, but what is it with all this barefoot and baby-bearing nonsense as a prerequisite to being a real woman? as someone who would like to have kids with my hubby, but who has DECIDED to put it off for years while i heal from a serious nerve injury that I feel would prevent me from being a fully present parent, i am always offended by her “i’m so much more woman than you and i have 5 kids to prove it” subtext. for all those women who choose not to have kids because they don’t want to or because they know they can’t have it all, or because they can’t have them at this point in their lives, i give you a big ol’ bristol middle finger, sarah. life for me started a long time ago, and i am still more traveled and educated and happier in my life than you are with all your millions and your however many kids – the jury is still out on that one. vent over.
    and shamelessly exploiting helen keller like that – low sarah, very low even for you.

    • lilybart says:

      What is amazing is the editor left that in, “doing” the White House.

    • Elizabeth says:

      “done the White House” is not all that uncommon a phrase in some circles, like we “done the fair”. You went to and participated in an event. They would have put in their time at the White House.

      What gets me is her assumption that they would be living in the White House. I think, in her mind, she was running for President. Mr. Obama beat her personally. Mr. McCann is out of the picture completely.

      • CO almost native says:

        I can understand Palin’s assumption she and her BFF First Dude would be living in the White House; after all, she couldn’t explain what a Senator’s job entailed.

        • Omomma says:

          I think she figured that since she didn’t really know what a Vice-President does, they would just make the switch once the election was over–John and Cindy could go live in that other house and FLATUS and FDOTUS would take over the White House since it’s bigger and they have more kids anyway and deserve it. Makes sense to me.

        • LibertyLover says:

          I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know what a POTUS does all day either.

          And First Dude wouldn’t be able to go into the Situation Room, he wouldn’t be able to get clearance.

      • Bretta says:

        My thought on $Palin’s relationship to McCain was more sinister, that is, she expected to off him somehow and become president, like, instantly, you betcha.

        As you say, $he really didn’t see McCain in the presidency – so it is personal – that, I agree, is why she continues to stalk Mr Obama to this day.

      • Eykis says:


        That is is EXACTLY what I’ve been saying for two years – Snowbilly Grifter is the mean girl/cheerleader and Obama is the star athlete who will not acknowledge her existence – that is why Snowbilly cannot say a decent word about Obama, EVER.

    • leenie17 says:

      Thank you! I am extremely offended by the implication that, because I don’t have children, I also don’t have a life. It is the biggest regret of my life, but it’s the reality that I have to live with.


      During the various permutations of my career I have had a direct and profound impact on thousands of children that I consider ‘my own’. In fact, a former boss told me once that I reminded him of a ‘mother tiger protecting her cubs’ when he and I butted heads about changes he wanted to make to the program I was running. I still have a photo on my computer desk of me posing with a young man in a wheelchair 13 years ago. I never found out his name but he knew I was in charge of the sports program he was competing in and wanted his picture taken with me. I’ve always been extremely proud and touched that he made that request.

      Over the past 28 years I’ve worked with kids from five countries and more than a dozen different states. I now work with children who are deaf and hard of hearing, and help to teach them language. According to the self-proclaimed Mother of the Year, I am worthless because I have never given birth, but I can guarantee I have contributed more to the lives of special needs children than she will ever do, despite the fact that she claims one as her son.

      Okay, rant over. Whew, I feel better!

      • fromthediagonal says:

        Leenie… you deserve a medal!
        There surely are many of us here who send our heartfelt gratitude.
        May you always have the strength your profession requires… (((((((((hugs)))))))))

  65. TX SMR says:

    I’m confused — is she using Woody Allen’s 90% comment as a good thing or a bad thing?

    Much as I love Woody’s movies, he doesn’t seems to be father role model material to me.

    Here I have been living my life thinking it was about quality not quantity, guess I got that quote backward. Who have I been misquoting? Was it Dolly Parton who said “quantity not quality” all those years ago?

    I am going to stick w/my comment of several days ago: this trash heap of a book is a good thing. It has to be driving indy supporters away in droves.

    I really loved the AKM bits about the missing editors. My favorite part.

    • Crunk Petrol says:

      I agree relying on Woody Allen is just really bizarre. The man had an affair with his much younger step daughter and divorced his wife (after he got caught) to marry her. This is Palin’s idea of a role model?!

      • Dagian says:

        Sarah missed all of that. Too busy doing…something else I suppose.

        More evidence that she fired the editors and this is how she writes and “thinks”. Pathetic, isn’t it?

    • Laurie says:

      She has been googling for quotes again.

    • lilybart says:

      “Eighty percent of success is showing up.”

      Actual quote, NOT specifically about fatherhood, but then why do I expect her to know better?

      • jake says:

        I’m wondering if she saw that Onion quote about the 83 millionth miracle as a serious quote rather than the satire of Onion fame. Since I haven’t (nor ever will) read the context of the statement, I can only guess, but I’ll guess she did. She would be one to get her panties all wadded up after reading J. Swifts “Modest Proposal”, suggesting the babies should be eaten to lessen the burden of too many children and not enough food, assuming it was a serious option.

        • Bretta says:

          It is my opinion, in ancient times, that babies were eaten, especially in the winter months, because of starvation. In many cultures babies were terminated at birth instead of in utero. Infanticide is commonly practiced on female neonates even in current times. You can nurse a baby but the mother has to have resources of extra calories and water. It may have been one reason for the practice of hiding during pregnancy. If no one knows, then no one misses it.

          Eew, creeping myself out here.

    • CO almost native says:

      If I was her editor, I’d be AWOL, too. also.

      • Bretta says:

        It would be consistent if $arah said, I can do this all by myself, I don’t need an editor, it is easy, I can tell the Five W’s, all I have to do is Google.

        I wonder if she annoyed the real editors so much they are giving her enough rope to hang herself?

  66. jimzmum says:

    Mercy Maude! I believe I have a case of the vapors. That is as nice as I can get right now w/o angering the censor widget. What a crock of unmentionable.

    AKM, you are the best. Hope you have a great day after reading that dreck.

  67. Diane says:

    When is the last time she has spent “quantity time” with her kids? I would love to know how much time she has actually spent with Trig.
    If quality time is not as important then quantity time then why is she dragging her kids all over Alaska in a tv show? Shouldn’t they be spending time at home with out interruption?

    And does “quantity time” include 2 blackberries in your hand?

    • Gimme-a-break, Sarah says:

      And my constant question is who’s taking care of Trig? I know she sometimes takes him (and Piper) along when she and Todd go jetting off for campaign appearances and booksignings. But how much time does she actually spend taking care of her own kids – aside for what’s done for the camera of a reality show?

  68. ks sunflower says:

    I cannot imagine a more painful intellectual experience than reading this book. I know trying to embrace logarithms in Math 101 in college was excruciating, and to this day, I still cringe a little when I hear or read (or type) the word, but honestly, Sarah’s second book makes understanding logarithms seem like a walk in the park on a very nice Spring afternoon.

    How does she survive? Heck, why does she exist? Surely it is because she is here to teach us all a very crucial lesson. I hope we master it soon so she is no longer needed in any public way, and can retreat to hearth and home, the bosom of her dear family and leave the rest of us alone. I think we can handle things very well without her input, don’t you? At least I am sure willing to try.

    Maybe the End Times are upon us after all. Sarah sure could pass as one of the Plagues as far as I am concerned. Boils I can deal with – Sarah, not so much.

    • Bretta says:

      LOL truest words yet:

      “…Sarah sure could pass as one of the Plagues…”

      Thanks, KS, I just had to see it stand alone!

    • Eykis says:

      There is a billboard in Nashville now stating that Jeebus is returning on May 21, 2011 – send Snowbilly Grifter down here with her StalkerFanTeabagger, Judson Phillips, and maybe they can go away together and we will not have to put up with either of them again – dunno if Jeebus is playing The Opry or The Ryman, will keep you updated as news becomes available here in Music City, USA – wonder why Jeebus is coming to Music City, USA and not a few miles north to Hendersonville, home of the TBN, which was once Conway Twitty’s Compound – you can imagine for yourselves what that place looks like now with Paul and Jan Crouch as decorator/tenants.

  69. BuffaloGal says:

    She sure did put a ton of effort in to the spinning that happens on page 95. ( handing AKM a cool compress dabbed with lavender and chamomile oils )

    *** “Preoccupied with the enormous job of being governor of the nation’s largest state, juggling schedules around Todd’s job fifteen hundred miles away in the North Slope oil fields, saluting (and worrying about) our son’s decision to enlist as an infantryman in the U.S. Army, and busy with our younger kids while wrapping my arms around the fact that we’d soon be joined by our newest family member, Trig, I assumed that Bristol was making only wise decisions while staying with my sister in Anchorage.” ****

    Seems like she’s trying to put out a whole bunch of rumor fires all at once. I guess that’s pretty much the purpose of the entire book, but this particular paragraph stands out to me.

    Besides that, it casts her in a terrible light. Makes it sound as if she viewed her life as being in chaos and she couldn’t handle it. Although I’m sure in her mind she thinks that passage comes off as making her sound strong and pulled together.

    And seriously – what parent in their right mind EVER “assumes” their teenager is only making wise decisions ? The only way I got through the teen years with my two was by always assuming they would naturally make UNwise decisions, and most likely, repeatedly. And if I had let them be out of my care for MONTHS, I would assume they would be trying to get away with as much as teenagerly possible.


    • sarjo says:

      I agree about the rumor-fire-putting-out–that single sentence is carrying a heavy load!

      On a related note, I find the “only god can make an ear” section very strange, because:

      1) the usual creationist example is the human eye, not the ear;
      2) for those who question Trig’s genesis story, one major piece of evidence is known as “the mystery of the ruffled ear.”

      On an UNrelated note: “(News flash – sometimes it doesn’t take that long.): was hilarious!

      • Pinwheel says:

        Me too also, this ear comment is way too odd. What about the Seattle artists who made Jimi Hendrix’ ear? They don’t count?

    • Dagian says:

      Yes, but you are a good parent.

      She and Todd are total fvck-ups.

    • lilybart says:

      This covering her ass chapter means that Margaret Cho knew what she was talking about when she said that Palin blames Bristol for losing the election. Which is NOT TRUE since the only people who might care, the religious right, was fine with it.

    • muldoon says:

      “Preoccupied with the enormous job of being governor of the nation’s largest state…”

      I wonder if S.P.’s fans realize she’s only talking about square miles here. As far as population goes, an equivalent statement would be: “Preoccupied with the enormous job of being mayor of Memphis, Tennessee…”

      • Eykis says:

        As someone who lives outside Nashville – when equating Memphis to Alaska, you absolutely must mention “without Graceland and without the people of color”.


    • daisydem says:

      And that paragraph of hers can be debunked if compared with the emails that were released that clearly show Todd was doing much of the decision making around “governing” the state; meetings, trips, etc. He was hands on … she was missing in action pretty much according to her constituents, especially the ones in Juneau (right, AKM?).

      • slipstream says:

        Yep! Remember state legislators walking aroung the capitol wearing buttons that said “Where’s Sarah?” And that was before the VP run.

    • CO almost native says:

      By lumping it into one run-on sentence, Palin hoped to sneak all of those pesky little problems by the readers, and get on to the important stuff. Whatever that is…

    • g says:

      So she’s got this huge job, and her husband is 1500 miles away and her oldest is thinking about enlisiting; she’s taking care of “younger kids” (a six year old and a 14 year old?) and she’s pregnant and her eldest girl is living away from home.

      But I thought she and Todd were “a team?” Where’s Todd’s support and contribution here? Is this the kind of competence they’d bring to “the White House”?

    • vyccan says:

      ‘Seems like she’s trying to put out a whole bunch of rumor fires all at once’

      Exactly, Bubbles! That is all she seems to spend her time doing. I wouldn’t be surprised if another book isn’t on the way – to justify/explain the events (gaffes, etc) of her life over the last year.

  70. WakeUpAmerica says:

    When you’re finished with your analysis of “The Book”, I think you should publish it. Seriously, this is hilarious. You could call it “America By Tart!” I feel your pain, but you should get something out of this effort.

    • Olivia Lowe Partridge says:

      YES! Do publish this. I like the name “America by Tart” It will be a best-seller. Kindly put me down for the first copy…

    • bubbles says:

      i absolutely agree. AKM’S commentary is priceless.

    • Eykis says:

      Excellent Idea – I saw Denis Leary on Morning Joe today, he published a book of his Tweets for the firefighter charities he started………you could publish your analysis and keep the money – Snowbilly Grifter does not give her money away and you would not lose an fans if you kept the money, btw, thanks for doing this – I have to go from Nashville to Dallas over Christmas and be around my Snowbilly Grifter-loving moronic imbecile of a sister-in-law and try not to laugh at her stoopidity at every mention of the Snowbilly.

  71. benlomond2 says:

    Journalism professors must be having spasm attacks nation wide….. GGAAAKK,… GGAAAKK !! And this chapter is about raising kids ?????? If Sarah became a better person after becoming a mom, I don’t think I want to know what she was like before !!!

    • Hope says:

      What I would like to know is if she learned that if a person opens their mouth and insults the President and everyone else that she can think of, that it might come back. I am assuming that she is smart enough to realize that if she is big enough to start the blame game, it may come back and pop her the backside.

      She is not a Warrior Princess that has come to slay the Liberals. She is the annoying fly that keeps buzzing around and wont shut up. There is a difference. She smacks down her own hero and doesn’t even realize it. Takes on the blue bloods (whatever she means by that) and is still acting like the jealous pageant queen that lost. I don’t understand how she can act like the President and not a single person doesn’t think that this isn’t delusional.

    • Valley_Independent says:

      I think this explains why her alma maters aren’t crowing about her.

      Sadly, it is quite common to have given birth and fail to be a good parent. I highly recommend not having children if you are not a) an adult that acts like an adult b) a good person and c) able to provide for their needs on your own.

    • Jen in SF says:

      I agree, benlomond2.

      On the “my life began when I became a Mom point” … Sarah goes on and on about how she’s a struggling, hard-working Mom and then suddenly has to blurt out that Todd is her partner, no really! I know she’s trying to be a noble victim (alone in the wilderness, the wind savagely combing her hair as children cling to her bodice, blah blah blah) but either her husband shares her burdens …. or he doesn’t.

      She’s spiraling further and further out of orbit, isn’t she?

  72. Irishgirl says:

    “Done the White House?” I think she meant they would have cleaned it out!

  73. FGFM says:

    Helen Keller was a socialist, of course.

  74. thatcrowwoman says:

    oh. my. goodness.
    You are so much more than Our Muckraker, AKM…

    I don’t know how you do it.
    You are strong and brave and intelligent and articulate and funny and so generous of spirit.

    You are my hero! I want to be just like you are when I grow up.
    {{{{{ AKM }}}}}

  75. Boudica says:

    Y’know…Helen Keller was a big time socialist. Why is she quoting socialists in her book?

    • lilybart says:

      AT least she didn’t use the other most over-used story in the world, Job and his troubles.

      • Zyxomma says:

        ” … she didn’t use the other most over-used story in the world, Job and his troubles.” She didn’t use it YET. We’re only on Chapter 4.

        • CO almost native says:

          I’m afraid to turn the pages…can someone let us know ahead of time that Job is lurking, waiting to spring out from unread chapter? I’ll put on my tin foil hat and arm myself with my electric toothbrush- ready for orders- just in case 😉

        • Bretta says:

          Do ya think she ever actually read the bible? Probably the part written by Rev Witch Doctor.

    • g says:

      Yep, Sarah’s just like Helen Keller. Keller had to overcome physical disability and discrimination. Sarah had to overcome the “trial and suffering” of being gossiped about.

  76. GoI3ig says:

    Page 94…Todd her partner in every conceivable way? What about when she’s conceiving? I challenge anyone to pull up pictures of the late Curt Menard and Track Palin. There sure is an uncanny resemblance to her oldest child and her high school flame. Just saying….

    • GoI3ig says:

      Here’s a link to the pics if you want to make your own analysis.

    • KJ in NC says:

      You are so right. And not only a very strong resemblance to Curt, but also to his father. Track is clearly not a Palin.

      • lilybart says:

        Those photos shocked me they were so obvious! I wanted to turn away!

        Lots of kids don’t look exactly like their parents, but when they are ringers for the neighbor family, we have a problem!!!

        • nswfm says:

          Yeah, those pics shocked me too when I saw them. What also shocks me is this idiot of a mother brings up ears, too, in her book. Not only Track/Menard’s ears come to mind but Ruffles and Trigonometry, also, too.

          AKM, I almost went to the kitchen to get a knife to slit my wrists after reading the first chapter. I don’t know how you have gotten this far reading this tree massacre of a book, although I did lol at your lip gloss on MF’s locker pic. Thanks for taking one for the team.

        • Eykis says:

          Like the Farkle Family from the Laugh-In days of old?

      • Bretta says:

        Track looks so much like Linda Menard – more so than Dr Menard or Junior.
        That makes so much sense of the to-do regarding Linda Menard’s takeover of Lyda Greens political seat – more so than the published accounts of $Palin’s radio snark re: Green’s cancer.

        Curiouser and curiouser.

    • maelewis says:

      I’ve seen that photo line up, comparing Todd’s high school photo and Curtis Menard’s photo as a young man with Track. As they say on Sesame Street, “One of these things is not like the other.” In Sarah’s TV series, she mentioned that Track will take over Todd’s fishing business. I was under the impression that Todd had access to that fishing spot because of his native heritage, his native blood. If Track does not have any native blood, how can he be allowed to fish there?

      • UgaVic says:

        The rights to fish a set net site, as Todd does, is not tied to his Native blood. It was probably a relative’s site and thus became his either through them passing it down or a sale. He can transfer or sell it to just about anyone, Native or other. The premit is his but the site, stretch of land if he has one, is actually obtain due to a lease with the State of Alaska, Dept of Natural Resources.
        The fishing permit part is called Limited Entry and came about in the 70’s in Alaska.

    • Marnie says:

      I just checked Google for Curt Menard in general search and Track in Images. The Curt Menard articles that came up are of the elder Menard’s death.
      But the comparison of Track with the man who is possibly his grand dad are breath taking. Chin, eye brows, even the hair line in the younger photos of Curt are the spitting image of each other. Track’s face is thicker but that is about the only real difference.

    • Carol says:

      How? Where does one go to get these photos? Understanding that most of us are not close to Wasilla and cannot go and look in year books.

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