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September 23, 2017

Oyster Roundup!

~Thick and fast they came at last, and more, and more, and more!

In all honesty, I probably owe you more oyster roundups than I care to count. By way of a little explanation for the scarcity of content from yours truly, Mudflats Central (aka me) has been stricken by a nasty case of pneumonia. So, as a result, I’ve been thinking of all the things I want to post, and then watching days slip past without anything actually going from my brain to my fingertips. Things appear to be on the upswing, which is good. And thanks to all of you for your patience, and especially to all the wonderful writers who have been giving you all kinds of things to chew on for the last three weeks while my respiratory system has been making sounds never heard before on the planet. My favorite was Spouse’s comment one morning – “Is that a woodpecker?” as he strained to listen. “No,” said I. “That’s my lungs.”

BillyMac is Back

Former KTUU news man, Palin press flak, and charm school dropout Bill McAllister is back in the public eye. His previous gig as the spokesperson for Alaska’s Department of Law is now over and he’s been hired by CBS affiliate KTVA to be back in front of the cameras.

Mudflatters may remember the caustic Mr. McAllister when he battled PETA head Ingrid Newkirk, and went snowballistic over a video game that encouraged players to throw virtual snowballs at a virtual Palin. Oh, the horror. It was almost like drawing crosshairs on Congressional districts, only innocuous.

He describes his new role as “multifaceted.” At KTUU, he explained, he had been solely focused on politics. “That was like my whole thing,” noted the eloquent Mr. McAllister.

Atlas Bombed

In a delicious little moment of Objectivist poetry, the movie Atlas Shrugged seems to be failing miserably in the free market of the box office. Perhaps my favorite review of this Ode to the Ego is from Roger Ebert.

“The most anticlimactic non-event since Geraldo Rivera broke into Al Capone’s vault. I suspect only someone very familiar with Rand’s 1957 novel could understand the film at all, and I doubt they will be happy with it.”


Levi Tells All

Sometimes it’s easy to picture Levi Johnston picking the petals off a daisy saying, “She lied, she lied not, she lied, she lied not…” In an undecipherable back and forth of accusations and apologies, the young Levi Johnston, almost son-in-law of ex-half-governor Sarah Palin has made accusations and recanted them, gotten back with Bristol, broken it off, and made more than one monosyllabic TV appearance in an attempt to tell his ever-changing story. Apparently now he has found his muse and will write a tell-all book due out next fall. It has the unfortunate title Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs. Oh, deer.

The Irreverent Moon

What celestial phenomenon got the innocuous and endearing Bill Nye the Science Guy booed in Waco, Texas? Get ready for this one. The audience actually booed Mr. Nye for daring to suggest that the Moon does not actually emit its own light, but simply reflects light from the sun.  Yes, our moon… the one that orbits the Earth. You see, it says in the Bible that God created two lights – one for daytime and one for nighttime. So, the notion of the Moon as a reflector rather than the source of its own light outraged the Waco crowd and resulted in some of them storming out of the presentation.

Next week – the Earth is shaped more like a ball than a pancake.

There is much work to do.






43 Responses to “Oyster Roundup!”
  1. benlomond2 says:

    Bummer, dudette !! Like,,, get totally well and stuff ! :) AS we’re giving out remedies… MY personal favorite has been several double Gin and Tonics, with a twist of lime or lemon ( depending on which tree has fruit on it in the backyard) .. The Gin to sanitize your system, the tonic for maleria (quinine!) and the lemon/lime to keep the scurvy away… works for me, I always feel better, and I gets lots of sleep !
    seriously- don’t overdo it, and if you feel better, wait a couple of more days before kicking it in gear…

  2. Wallflower says:

    Sarah Palin has inspired Levi Johnson to put his name on the cover of a book. That’s sooo sweet. You know, there’s this other weird thing some people do where they actually write down the words that go inside of the book, too. It’s called “writing.”

  3. Aw, I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had pneumonia. I had a mild case once and it definitely wasn’t fun and took a long time before I had energy and could breathe well. Take care. However, I have to say that I laughed when I read the part where your lungs sounded like a woodpecker – before I thought how awful that really is.

    I’m still shaking my head over the moon thing. I guess it was something that happened a few years ago? But it doesn’t matter – stupid then is still stupid now. And it makes me really glad that hubby didn’t get that job in Fort Worth all those years ago. I’m so glad I live in the Pacific Northwest instead of anywhere in Texas.

  4. weaver57 says:

    AKM – please take good care of yourself and give your body time to regroup. That stuff is nasty.

  5. GoI3ig says:

    The worst thing about the Waco story is that the Texas board of education is rewriting history in their school books which unfortunately are used nationwide. Our schools will soon be teaching that the 4000 year old earth is indeed flat. Scary times we live in.

  6. AKjah says:

    Here i thunk you were writin up a storm.
    Dont push yourself, it takes a while. I know after my last bout of Puh-nomia–i say’s it as they spells it- i had to take baby walks to get back up to speed. Just glad your on the mend.

  7. Zyxomma says:

    OK, I’m in total agreement with everyone who said REST and finish your meds. Additionally, avoid dairy, sugar, and coffee till you’re considerably improved. Inhale steam with eucalyptus (either the plant or the oil). Drink fenugreek tea, if you’ve got it. Each morning, boil a cup of water, take it off the heat, add the juice of a lemon, and sip it as hot as you can stand it. Pneumonia is horrible, but you’re healthy, and you’ll beat it!! Love, health, peace, and all blessings to you!

  8. bubbles says:

    glad you are doing better AKM. take care.

  9. Alaska Pi says:

    Just lots of wishes for you getting better AKM
    Yuck, yuck on being sick in the spring and bleah on it being pneumonia.

    Got a giggle over the so-appropriate appellation BillyMac :-)
    Thanks !

  10. Baker's Dozen says:

    Nice to have our very own Palin-tologist back on the job!

    Progress is inevitable. Keep progressing!

  11. Gimme-a-break, Sarah says:

    Take care of yourself, AKM!

  12. michigander says:

    AKM, love this round up, Thank you!

    Now you keep taking care so you don’t relapse – we’ll still be here! Thanks to all guest bloggers for keeping us content and looking out for AKM (o:

  13. mike from iowa says:

    I can only hope you have decent health insurance for you and your family. A three week vacash in any hospital would wipe out about 75% of all nations,let al;one the one place in the Universe where healthcare is so undervalued by rwnj that they would prefer people don’t have it so the wealthy can have more tax breaks.Besides pneumonia sucks. LKB has been very entertaining and started a food fight that was fun to get involved in. Not speaking for all Mudpupds,but it doesn’t take much to amuse me. Or as Kelly Bundy-Palin might espouse,”Keep Me simple,Stoopid.”

  14. seattlefan says:

    Love the Oyster Roundup. Thanks AKM and do take care of yourself. Hope you are better soon. Pneumonia is nothing to sneeze at (no pun intended).

  15. EatWildFish says:

    Check this out: Alaska Dispatch has a Facebook post by $arah Quitter, er, I mean her ghost writer, RAM, that rips into Obama over Libya!

    What is notable is that it has been completely ignored by major news blogs/media.

    Bwahhhahahahahahahahhhhh — won’t be long before the Liar/Quitter is featured on a ‘where are they now’ page in some obscure rag.

    (S)he that winketh the eye causes trouble, And a prating fool shall fall. Proverbs 10:10

    • michigander says:

      I love your comment!! Double your Bwahahaha and thank you a bunch (o:

    • carol says:

      Oooh, thank you for that proverb quote. Here’s one I like to send to people who send me crap that they should have, could have, didn’t check out. “He who conceals hatred [has] lying lips, And he who spreads slander is a fool.” Proverbs 10:18 New American Standard Bible
      And some of the people I send it to must be related to theWaco, Tx, folks because I’ve sent it to the same people time and time and time again and still they can’t figure out how to fact check. Sent them links to multiple fact check sites, but oh, no. They just CAN’T seem to fact check.
      Okay, enough bellyaching, back to work.

  16. leenie17 says:

    Poor AKM, so sorry to hear that you’ve been battling pneumonia.

    I had it a few years ago and it took what seemed like forever to feel better. (Of course, the fact that I spent several of my sick days on the living room floor making costumes for a school play instead of recovering in bed just MIGHT have had something to do with the slow pace of my return to full health!)

    Make sure you get lots of rest, lots of pampering from Spouse and lots of doggy snuggles from Buf!

  17. Kath the Scrappy says:

    Whew, that pneumonia stuff is hard to get over! Grateful to hear you are finally on the mend. We’ve missed you a lot!

  18. auni says:

    AKM I hope you recover quickly–pneumonia is awful. Rest!

  19. MinNJ says:

    Sorry to hear, AKM. Busy, stressful times and loss do take their toll. Take care and continue to heal.

  20. Dave B. says:

    Sorry to hear you were ill. Take good care of yourself, finish all your ‘meds’ and don’t over do it! Pneumonia can be tricky and you don’t want a relapse.

  21. DuckDriver says:

    They have invented a car for those idiots in Waco!

    Talk about great mileage!


  22. BeeJay says:

    So, the moon is a big white pancake, and the astronauts needed maple syrup and butter? If there are two lights in the sky, then why does one shrink and expand predictably every month in a fashion that does not always mean there is light upon the earth? That certainly cannot be god’s (sic) will! He would always command it to be light at night at all times…

    Can we give Texas back to somebody else? I think we can turn Arizona around, but Tejas seems hopeless.

    Sorry to hear about the pneumonia AKM! Best wishes from the deep mesquite!

    • Oh, but understanding that would mean actually thinking about science, and they don’t want to do that.

      These are the same people who watch movies or read books that are only approved by their church. They couldn’t possibly figure out something complicated on their own. They are intellectually lazy as well as afraid of anything they don’t understand.

  23. vyccan says:

    Sorry to hear you were ill, but glad you are on the mend. Continue to take good care of yourself!

  24. Riverwoman says:

    I feel your pain. I have asthma, and am constantly coaxing my lungs to continue functioning. I wish you a speedy recovery, and remember, as my grandma used to say, Rest is Best!

    Poor science guy! It would be difficult, in his shoes, to decide to give up and leave Texas forever, or to stay and try talking some sense into those people. When you get all of your ‘science’ from the bible, you are in deep trouble.

    Mrs. Brown has something to say about taking the bible literally:

  25. BHT says:

    You might want to check your facts on the Waco moon incident. It happened in 2006, and the story seems to have been distorted.

  26. 1smartcanerican says:

    So sorry you have been under the weather with pneumonia but happy to hear that you believe you are on the mend.

    My son told me about the Waco event. Hard to believe that people can really be so uneducated that they cannot believe honest science! Bill Nye must have been flabbergasted. Why did they even attend a science event if they don’t believe any of it? I’m guessing these are more of the totally ignorant, home schooled xtians that the teabaggers so adore.

    Heaven help us all if these people ever get any power. They will totally destroy America.

    • seattlefan says:

      I had not heard this. Omg…..are there really people in this country that are that stupid? I rarely use that word but it fits here. I guess they think the earth is flat and The Flintstones is a documentary. Geesh!

      • Baker's Dozen says:

        Don’t forget Gilligan’s Island. So close to the edge of the earth that people are afraid they’ll fall off trying to rescue those poor souls. The Professor is now working on a way to slant the planet so the island will wash down the slope and run into the mainland. That’s what caused the last tsunami. (And no flippancy towards people who suffered through that event.)

  27. barbara says:

    wow. so sorry to hear about your illness! take care of yourself. on the other hand, it’s always a treat to read something you wrote. one of the finest writers on the web even while sick.

  28. merrycricket says:

    Laughing at the idiots in Waco so hard I may just pee my pants! Wonder if any of them would care to scoot on up there to change the bulb? Heck send the whole damn crowd up there to colonize the place.
    Hope you are on the mend soon. That pnemonia is some nasty stuff.

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