Palin – “The Undefeated”
“Really? You think she’s running?”
I’ve been asked this question dozens of times by incredulous-looking people with furrowed brows.
Yes. Yes, I do.
And today comes the announcement that Sarah Palin, who has been politically written off by anyone who seriously understands how real presidential campaigns are supposed to work; and anyone who is saying to themselves that her numbers are down; and anyone who thinks she doesn’t stand a moose’s chance in September of actually winning, has a “secret weapon.”
No it isn’t some kind of magic gas in silver canisters that will be dropped on neighborhoods across America in the night, turning otherwise reasonably intelligent people into Palinbots. As you may recall from her resignation speech when she quit the governorship of Alaska on the shores of Lake Lucille, “only dead fish go with the flow”. That’s completely untrue of course, but nobody has bothered to mention that little biological fish fact. Her ignorance of things that swim notwithstanding, her secret weapon is what it always has been – going against “the flow.”
When she was worried about getting noticed in her Wasilla mayoral campaign, she picked pink and green as her campaign colors. When the media was all mean to her when she was governor, she started Tweeting. When no one cared what she had to say in press releases, she started posting on Facebook. And now that the GOP establishment looks at Palin like a bad rash, and her numbers are in the tank – she’s decided to go Hollywood. Not Hollywood in the “liberal elite” sense, but Hollywood in the “I found a conservative guy to make a fluff movie that will convince people I’m someone else” kind of movie.
Lights, camera, action! Enter conservative filmmaker Stephen Bannon, whose previous work apparently impressed the ex-half-governor. Almost in the can now is a full length feature film extolling the virtues and strengths of a woman who never existed, but whom Sarah Palin would have liked to have been. Actually as long as YOU believe that’s who she was, that’s all that matters.
The film will be titled “The Undefeated.” The fact, of course, that Palin actually WAS defeated aside, the title somehow sounds like it should be read in a dark, hollow, deep voice and that the letters should suddenly start dripping something. Like the Undead, Sarah is poised to rise again from the Twitterverse, from a suspended state of Facebookery, from the virtual Mama Grizzly den, and once again enter your world – as a presidential candidate.
Can she win? Barring some unforeseen and extraordinary act of God, no. So why would she run?
a) She believes in unforeseen and extraordinary acts of God.
b) She can continue to bask in the warmth of the body heat of cheering people and the golden rays of the klieg lights.
c) She and her new inner sanctum can have fun and slam people they don’t like.
d) They can also make buckets of money.
e) It’s a competition, and “the undefeated” doesn’t like to lose.
This isn’t a new idea either. Back when she was running for Wasilla mayor and one of her campaign volunteers told her that if she played her cards right, she might be governor some day, Sarah said, “I want to be President.”
When people tell you what they want, believe them.
Yes, boys and girls, Sarah Heath Palin wants to be president when she grows up. And while we’re waiting for her to grow up, she’s going to run. So, get your spangly formals and your tuxes and prepare to check out the premiere of “The Undefeated” when they roll out the red carpet, and the limos start arriving… in Iowa.