Oyster Roundup – Jail Break, Flaming Pants, and Commie Frog
~Thick and fast they came at last, and more, and more, and more!
A 30-year old man escaped from jail during a bathroom break in the remote Western Alaska village of Alakanuk. It’s been nine years since Kevin Patrick has escaped from the Alakanuk jail during a bathroom break. This time his arrest was for drunk driving. The last time it was for assaulting a police officer with a shovel. After the first jail break, he was caught and arrested by trooper Eric Spitzer in a now infamous case where Patrick sued the state for the trooper’s excessive use of force during the re-arrest. The half million dollar settlement from the state wasn’t enough to keep Patrick out of trouble, apparently. He was last seen heading out of town on a green Arctic Cat snowmachine…
A decade ago we learned the shocking news that beloved teletubby Tinky Winky was a secret gay icon (why else would he have a triangle shaped antenna and carry a magic bag?). And now, Fox Business shares with us the horrifying revelation that the Muppets are communists. That’s right – those seemingly charming and loveable characters who have free access to the innocent psyches of children are really freedom-hating capitalism-destroying commies. Pinko pigs and red frogs are on the march. It’s totally easy to see. The antagonists in their latest propaganda film are Big Oil, and it’s spokesman Tex Richman. It’s only a matter of time before one of these Muppet movies shows Gonzo shopping in the state store, and Big Bird winning all the speed skating events at the Olympics. Don’t fall for the Muppet Manifesto, America. Keep Comrade the Frog at arm’s length.
Remember when Municipal Attorney Dennis Wheeler lied to the Assembly and told them that the ordinance they were about to vote on, restricting the right to sit on city sidewalks, had been “run by the ACLU” and that they had no problems with it? Well he didn’t and they do. The Anchorage Daily News finally picked up on it (see link above), and at tonight’s Assembly meeting in the Loussac Library, Dick Traini will seek to have the law rescinded or repealed, ADN reports, because Wheeler “wrongly indicated” that he had talked to the ACLU.
Hold the Onion
No, this is not a satirical piece from The Onion. This is an actual Ron Paul ad. It is airing on TV in the key early voting states of Iowa and New Hampshire. Wow.
Why do conservatives like to make up words? I guess I do too, but I don’t actually pretend or think they’re real ones. Palin was the champ of that. Remember “refudiate?” And who could forget “mandation?” Well, Donald Trump has just announced that he’s going to help out some lazy inner-city youth learn work ethic by making them “apprenti.” Yes… “apprenti.”
[Newt] Gingrich, who found himself in hot water last month for saying America’s child labor laws are “truly stupid,” called on Trump to create an “Apprentice”-style program for 10 inner-city New York children to teach them “work ethic.”
“We’re going to be picking 10, young, wonderful children, and we’re going to make them ‘apprenti,’” Trump said after a high-profile meeting with Gingrich on Monday. “We’re going to have a little fun with it, and I think it’s going to be something that is really going to prove results. But it was Newt’s idea, and I think it’s a great idea.”
Nope, Newt won’t give up on child labor for the poor. Maybe all it needs is a TV show!