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August 30, 2014

GOP Senators vs. Polar Bears

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In case you missed it today, the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in the capital of our fair Republic (Washington DC, not Juneau) upheld the 2008 decision of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service to include polar bears on the list of threatened species. Because they are.

But like another Wasilla Republican we know, Senate President Charlie Huggins finds himself disappointed with the facts. “The federal appeals court decision is incredibly disappointing,” he sniffed. “America could be on its way to energy independence if only the federal government would free us to develop our vast natural resources. Federal overreach is out of control and Alaskans are sick and tired of the feds sticking their noses in every area of their lives.”

Strangely, Alaska Republicans seem to think we just love it when THEY stick their noses in every area of our lives.

And just for our petulant Republican Senators, allow me to cite Fox Business, who ranked all 50 states in terms of who gets the most federal money per capita. Guess who won?

1) Alaska
> Amt. per capita net of income taxes: $15,197
> Population: 710,231
> Pct. of U.S. population: 0.23%
> Amt. per capita: $17,762
> Pct. of U.S. funds per person: .39%
No state in the U.S. received more money per person from the federal government than Alaska. One contributing factor is that the state had the second-highest figure for defense spending in 2010, at $7,337.59 per capita. The federal government also allocated a great deal toward wages and salaries in Alaska — $5,709.52 per capita.

Yeah, feds. You know that overreach of giving us all that money, and all those jobs, and the military. *shakes fist at DC*  Butt out! Keep your nose out of our business, and your money flowing into our state.

The Court of Appeals decision came after the U.S. District Court granted a summary judgment to the Fish and Wildlife Service. The Court of Appeals affirmed, after they determined that the listing was “the product of reasoned decision-making.”

I’m sorry… Did they say “reasoned decision-making?”  Oh, feds. You silly, silly feds. You forget with whom you speak. The Senate Majority is not interested in your facts, NOR your reasoning ability. They cannot HEAR  YOU! LALALALALALALA!

Senate Majority Leader John Coghill took a break from playing amateur gynecologist to say, “This decision comes despite repeated assertions by the State of Alaska that the Fish and Wildlife Service misapplied the statutory criteria for the listing decision. Specifically, the agency ignored or misinterpreted the record before it and failed to adequately articulate the grounds for its decision.”

Can you believe it? The feds wouldn’t believe us when we told them those bears were just fine. Why… why it’s like they don’t trust us or something! It’s like they think the State of Alaska might have some agenda, or perhaps a governor who prefers to deny the facts if his oily overlords don’t like them.

Speaking of oil, Sockpuppet Senator Cathy Giessel put down her North Slope Crude Big Gulp long enough to also voice her disappointment.

“We’re disappointed in the court’s ruling in support of the Fish and Wildlife Service’s decision based on speculation about environmental conditions 50 years into the future.”

Forward thinking? That’s almost as disappointing as reasoned decision-making.

“We’re coming up on the 100th year anniversary of our Territorial Legislature, unfortunately, that happy milestone also marks 100 years of contending with federal overreach. It’s completely unacceptable.”

Looks like another one of the Mike Chenault secessionist crowd. Since Day 1, we’ve been living under their gubmint thumb.  And after after already enduring decades of tyranny and oppression beginning in 1913, they finally wore us down and we Alaskans threw ourselves under the jackboot of the federal government begrudgingly, and with a heavy heart.

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Nobody knows our pain.

And yes, ALL these senators, plus Click Bishop from Fairbanks want to appeal the decision. Hey, you’re the one picking up the tab, so why not? Don’t expect anything for education, though. It’s all about the priorities.

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5 Responses to “GOP Senators vs. Polar Bears”
  1. NickWI says:

    alaska has been under federal control for 146 years before it became a state every inch of alaska was owned by the feds, teddy roosevelt even considered setting aside all of alaska as a reserve. he didnt do it, but that would have been the worlds largest national reserve(the largests is a national park in greenland which covers 375000 miles- mostly ice cap). alaska is a enrpous, beautiful state, unfortunately, like many states in the union, many of its leaders are complete lunkheads. secession is unconstitutional, and frankly those who advocate for it, should be treated as traitors. the first admendmemt does not protect favoring secession, just like it doesnt favor shouting ‘fire’ in a crowded theater.

  2. Zyxomma says:

    Oh, Alaska. You’re a constant source of entertainment, amusement, and exasperation. Still, I love you.

  3. mike from iowa says:

    If memory serves,the D.C. court of appeals is one of the most conservative in the nation. Rilly surprises me they would uphold any decision by this administration.

  4. GoI3ig says:

    Alaska wastes a lot of money biting the hand that feed it. Yet another law suit on the horizon.

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