A Six-pack of Stupid. Happy Monday!
It’s Monday, so we thought we’d start your week off like this.
Here’s a compendium of stupidity from across the nation. Full stories are linked in the titles.
In an effort to ban all internet cafés (because why wouldn’t you), it seems that the hastily thrown together Florida legislation will make all cell phones, tablets, laptops, and every 40-pound PC owned by every retiree in the state illegal, because apparently they are the same as slot machines. You just know it’s only a matter of time before some red southern state is going to slip up and ban women. Because they too, are basically the same thing as slot machines.
Sorry Grandpa, no more aol for you.
So, you’re a Republican state, and you’ve already illegalized same sex marriage. But you still want to go that that extra step. What to do… Indiana knows. If a same sex couple fills out a marriage license application, it’s now a felony punishable by 18 months in prison, and a $10,000 fine. The private prison industry wins, God wins – it’s all good!
What’s even better than measures banning the ever-menacing threat of Sharia Law in North Carolina? Sneaking anti-abortion measures into the bill so women’s health advocates aren’t tipped off.
And also, it’s totally not ironic to the point of self-parody.
Guys who refuse to answer questions, wearing combat gear with semi-automatic weapons standing around in the woods. Apparently they’re guarding an area where core samples are being taken for a proposed iron mine. But they’re not talking. Literally.
Keep an eye out, Bristol Bay. You may be next.
This is not Fairbanks.
3-D movies used to be all cutting edge, and exciting, but let’s face it… you just don’t get the same rush you used to. Am I right? Take it away, New Mexico guy. Here’s the headline:
Man Who Is Apparently Unimpressed By 3D Caught Injecting Heroin Into Scrotum At Movie Theater
Looking for a rush, but the nasty side effects of heroin got you down? Don’t despair. Here’s some pure adrenaline.
“The three hooked the (giant, purple, 600-pound) chicken to a Chevrolet truck and dragged it a mile down the road. Ben Smith told deputies that one of the thieves mounted and rode the purple aluminum bird, the Sheriff’s Office said.”
At least somebody out there did something right.