Domino’s Pizza Trashes Alaska Seafood
Why do you hate Alaska, Domino’s pizza?
The new “Powered by Pizza” ad campaign for Domino’s Pizza asserts that good ideas and American innovation begin over pizza. It’s the food of brainstorming sessions, cutting-edge garage bands, and geeky future startup pioneers.
Domino’s isn’t really my thing, but it’s a clever, upbeat sort of ad—something a little different, and inoffensive. Or so I thought. They seem to have taken a cue from our former half-term governor who isn’t content to simply promote her own ideas, but must also create a fictitious “evildoer” to knock down in the process. And we, on the Last Frontier, are not pleased with their choice.
Not only, they say, do brilliant ideas happen over pizza, but they DON’T happen over this other food; a food so evil, it sucks the genius directly out of your cerebral cortex; the antithesis of all that is creative, and American, and good; the anti-pizza. This food hates capitalism so much, and is so horrible, so disgusting that it cannot even be swallowed; it must be spat out into the dish from whence it came. That’s how revolting is …
Eating halibut, according to Domino’s, is the gastronomic equivalent of pallin’ around with terrorists.
“No one’s coming up with a world-changing idea over halibut,” snarks the announcer, with a wrinkled nose, and derogatory tone, “No way.”
It should be said that I didn’t read about this ad campaign somewhere, or hear about it on social media. No, this little gem was delivered right to me in my Anchorage, Alaska living room via the television set.
Um, Domino’s? We can hear you up here.
And by the way, the sweet white manna from the sea, for many of us, is our favorite food. In addition to the perennial classic recipes – beer battered, Olympia, and Poor Man’s Lobster, Alaskans eat halibut in chowder, off the grill, on a bun, smoked, in tacos, and yes… on PIZZA.
Alaskans’ passion for the tender white flatfish should not be underestimated. We love it so much, we go and catch it ourselves. A commercial fishery makes sure that those in the Lower 48 can enjoy our succulent bounty too. Charter services, those small mom and pop businesses America and Domino’s love so much, are built around taking locals and tourists alike out into our icy waters for the experience of a lifetime. A few hours and a beautiful drive south of Anchorage, you’ll find this sign welcoming you to Homer, Alaska, Halibut Fishing Capital of the World on the shores of Kachemak Bay. There’s even a derby.
We take it seriously. And you, Domino’s, have made it personal.
While Domino’s is busy celebrating America, and job creation, and looking for a “bad guy” as a food foil, why are they picking on a great wild Alaskan fishery – one of the few things we have left in this country that can’t be outsourced to China? And Alaskan halibut is one of the healthiest foods on the planet, garnering a “Best Choice” designation from Seafood Watch! Perhaps they came up with their campaign of personal destruction during a brainstorming meeting over… I dunno… pizza.
So, yes Domino’s. If I actually patronized your establishment, I would revel in telling you how I would never darken your door again. But I will have to leave it to those Alaskans who have a penchant for chain store pizza to decide on their course of action. All I can do is raise my voice in defense of the ugliest, most delicious, (and now) most maligned fish on national television.
We Alaskans will not stand by while our homely jewel of the deep is cast as the villain in your despicable plot to further the spread of mass-produced corporate “pizza.” We will not allow the sullying of the good name of “Halibut” to go unchallenged, simply to give the fast food overlords a convenient scapefish to demonize, while they clog our arteries and destroy our pancreases with their refined white flour, greasy meat byproducts, and processed “cheese.”
Heck, we wouldn’t even use that as bait.
UPDATE: Domino’s has apologized to Alaska, and the fishing industry. But should the ad be pulled? READ HERE.