Mayor Dan Sez, “Let’s Get Started!”
The world is going to Hell. And there’s not a damn thing we can do about it.
But, do you know what we can do?
We can mock bad campaign literature, that’s what. And at least it will make us feel like we’ve done something. I anticipate doing a lot of this during the next year, because many candidates have Print Shoppe Deluxe™ on their e-machines. And some of them even have the 16-CD set of “1,000,000,001 Clip Art Images You Can Use.”
It’s still early, but let’s trot out our first example before the class.
You’ll be glad to see that the offending document is from none other than Mayor Dan. That’s Mayor Dan Sullivan of Anchorage. Nobody calls him “Mayor Dan,” of course. His office gave him that nickname so he can sound folksy, or because “Sullivan” seems to be difficult to spell or pronounce for some of his supporters.
All I’m saying is it wasn’t our spontaneous idea to call him “Mayor Dan.”
Sullivan: Call me Mayor Dan.
Us: Yes, Mayor.
Sullivan: Mayor, what?
Us: Mayor Dan.
Sullivan: When I told you to call me that, I wanted you to mean it.
So, “Mayor Dan” has decided to run for Lieutenant Governor.
Hey, wait a minute… If he wins, will that make him “Lieutenant Dan?”
Whatever it makes him, it doesn’t make him someone who has invested anything in a graphic design team. And sadly, he’s now decided to go back to “Mayor Sullivan,” and it’s unclear if this had anything to do with the previous mockery and derision of which “Mayor Dan” has been the recipient.
But fear not. There is still much to enjoy. Behold the spectacular display!
Well, since his mayoral signs were green, they had to have green. And since the Alaska flag is blue, there had to be blue. And since he’s a Republican, there had to be red. And since they really want people to read it, it had better have lots of colored type, and indentations, and italics, and exclamation points. And how about some buttons and stuff, too. And bullet points. And a map of Alaska with some kind of circular graphic element like a rising sun… only blue to match the flag.
And just in case you thought that the brilliant campaign slogan was just a slogan, and not actual words of wisdom and prophesy emanating from the mayoral mouth, they played it safe and put “Let’s Get Started!” in quotation marks. With an exclamation point. And just to be sure you really, really understand the intense level of emotional commitment to getting started, it’s also underlined.
But still… it needs more! How about Mayor Dan giving a thumbs up? Better yet, make it TWO thumbs up! Nothing says “trust me with the oversight of the Division of Elections” like the double thumbs, and a sea foam green tie. Perfect!
The whole thing is so filled with effort, and emphasis, and excitement, I almost hate to point out that “kick-off “should not have a hyphen.
The only thing missing was a co-sponsorship from the Party Planner.
- Stay tuned for MORE as the campaign “progresses!”