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Friday, November 5, 2021

Mayor Dan Sez, “Let’s Get Started!”

The world is going to Hell. And there’s not a damn thing we can do about it.

But, do you know what we can do?

We can mock bad campaign literature, that’s what. And at least it will make us feel like we’ve done something. I anticipate doing a lot of this during the next year, because many candidates have Print Shoppe Deluxe™ on their e-machines. And some of them even have the 16-CD set of “1,000,000,001 Clip Art Images You Can Use.”

It’s still early, but let’s trot out our first example before the class.

You’ll be glad to see that the offending document is from none other than Mayor Dan. That’s Mayor Dan Sullivan of Anchorage. Nobody calls him “Mayor Dan,” of course. His office gave him that nickname so he can sound folksy, or because “Sullivan” seems to be difficult to spell or pronounce for some of his supporters.

All I’m saying is it wasn’t our spontaneous idea to call him “Mayor Dan.”

Sullivan: Call me Mayor Dan.
Us: Yes, Mayor.
Sullivan: Mayor, what?
Us: Mayor Dan.
Sullivan: When I told you to call me that, I wanted you to mean it.



I digress.

So, “Mayor Dan” has decided to run for Lieutenant Governor.

Hey, wait a minute… If he wins, will that make him “Lieutenant Dan?”




Whatever it makes him, it doesn’t make him someone who has invested anything in a graphic design team. And sadly, he’s now decided to go back to “Mayor Sullivan,” and it’s unclear if this had anything to do with the previous mockery and derision of which “Mayor Dan” has been the recipient.

But fear not. There is still much to enjoy. Behold the spectacular display!

kick off campaign copy3

Well, since his mayoral signs were green, they had to have green. And since the Alaska flag is blue, there had to be blue. And since he’s a Republican, there had to be red. And since they really want people to read it, it had better have lots of colored type, and indentations, and italics, and exclamation points. And how about some buttons and stuff, too. And bullet points. And a map of Alaska with some kind of circular graphic element like a rising sun… only blue to match the flag.

And just in case you thought that the brilliant campaign slogan was just a slogan, and not actual words of wisdom and prophesy emanating from the mayoral mouth, they played it safe and put “Let’s Get Started!” in quotation marks. With an exclamation point. And just to be sure you really, really understand the intense level of emotional commitment to getting started, it’s also underlined.

But still… it needs more! How about Mayor Dan giving a thumbs up? Better yet, make it TWO thumbs up! Nothing says “trust me with the oversight of the Division of Elections” like the double thumbs, and a sea foam green tie. Perfect!

The whole thing is so filled with effort, and emphasis, and excitement, I almost hate to point out that “kick-off “should not have a hyphen.

The only thing missing was a co-sponsorship from the Party Planner.

  •  Stay tuned for MORE as the campaign “progresses!”



19 Responses to “Mayor Dan Sez, “Let’s Get Started!””
  1. Really? says:

    You never miss a beat AKM. “The only thing missing was a co-sponsorship from the Party Planner”..

  2. slipstream says:

    We should be thankful that the slogan is “Let’s Get Started.”

    Mayor Dan’s earlier draft for the slogan was “Let’s Get Busy.”

  3. beth. says:

    To me, the ‘thumb’ of Alaska looks as if it is giving a HUGE “thumbs down” specifically to Sullivan. Maybe if the designer of the flyer (if there even was such a person) had scooted the “kind of circular graphic element like a rising sun… only blue to match the flag” up, just a tad –say, a quarter of an inch or so– it wouldn’t have looked quite so bad. Maybe if…

    Aw, heck, who am I kidding? The whole thing reeks of such amateurishness and lack of attention to detail (not to mention being an on-the-cheap waste of good paper and ink) that even repositioning the outline of the State on it wouldn’t have helped. Nope; not one iota. ’tis par for the course, though, I suppose — it is, after all, all about, and for, the magnificent Mayor Dan. But, oh!, what better way for Sullied Dan Sullivan to “kick-off” his campaign than with such a spectacular and epic: FAIL? beth.

  4. Krubozumo Nyankoye says:

    The reason republicans are so reluctant to spend tax dollars on ‘socialistic programs’ like food stamps is because they would rather steal it for themselves. Even when they are caught red-handed stealing, like
    Sullivan and his insurance scam, they still walk away untouched. Anchorage mayor should be doing hard time for insurance fraud.

    How much of the half billion dollars handed to trans canada ‘for what exactly’ do you think managed to find
    its way back into the hip pocket of the klondike kardashian’s designer jeans? 1% would be Five million.

    Equal justice under the law? I don’t think so. You get the justice you can pay for.

  5. Moose Pucky says:

    Oh the irony, Lt. Dan in charge of Alaska elections, fair and equal and trustworthy Alaska elections. It boggles the mind.

  6. AKMagpie says:

    Gag. Just gag.

  7. ivan says:

    Mayor Dan’s campaign slogan.

    ” remember what sully sez : kick a homeless person today, it will make you feel superior”

  8. hedgewytch says:

    Oh Barf. I wouldn’t be caught dead in at the Petroleum Club, much less with that group of icky people.

  9. Alaska Pi says:

    Ya know, if you go over to that website and look at “Vision”, Mr Dan seems a mite confused about what kind of vision a LIEUTENANT Governor ought to be thinking about.
    Is he actually practicing up for King Gov instead of Lt Gov?
    I’ve been in denial that Mr Dan is trying to bust into the state scene.
    Better wake up and pay attention here, Pi

    • fishingmamma says:

      I had to go and check it out. It was good for a laugh. Like you, Pi, I don’t have the impression that he has actually read the job description. And he does not strike me as the guy that is comfortable working in the back room to advance the policies of the ACTUAL governor. I am wondering what he is really up to. What is the real plan? And who would benefit by having him in this position? Since nobody on that list of “co-hosts” stands out, it has to be someone else.

      Because I do not believe for one nauseating second that this greasy mayor chooses to run for statewide office because of his “Love for the great State of Alaska”

    • Moose Pucky says:

      Moose Pucky’ll leave the porno reading up to Pi. Yuck.

      • Alaska Pi says:

        I’m not sure it is porn but it is something akin to it.
        Is a lot of Mr Dan prattling on about exploiting every energy resource possible , with all the blah, blah, blah about Alaska’s future to tart it up some.
        Kinda like this doofus get-started dealie here- all over the place and not under the hands of a clear headed driver.
        Kinda reminds me pigs and lipstick and the like…

        fishingmama- I don’t know what’s going on because I agree Mr Dan is not the team player kinda dude who would work with the actual governor.

        and – people- please, please pay attention to this:
        This is my Reg Corp and Mr Dan is all for it.
        If I wasn’t already against it, I’d be with his grubby signature added on…

  10. CorningNY says:

    I find it inordinately amusing that his co-hosts include the Cashes and the Penneys, as well as the Winchesters. This campaign brought to you by money and guns!

  11. leota2 says:

    There is not enough water on the planet to make you feel clean after Dan
    did the two thumbs up thing.

  12. The Petroleum Club. How appropriate.

  13. Zyxomma says:

    I suppose he’s not looking for the support of Anchorage’s Jewish community, since this fundraiser was on the first night of Rosh Hashanah.

    He’s certainly not looking for the support of editors, proofreaders, and anyone with a real brain.

Check out what others are saying...
  1. […] Not “Mayor Dan” the feckless, smarmy chief executive of Anchorage – the other one. He popped in from out of state a few years ago to become Alaska’s Attorney General. Then, he was appointed Chair of the Department of Natural Resources. At that point, anyone who was paying attention realized that this career trajectory was leading to a run for statewide office. And now that he’s back from six weeks in Afghanistan with the Marine Reserves, he’ll be tossing his hat in the ring. He wields a resume as long as your arm, filled with all kinds of important and impressive things. His task will be to prove himself a “real Alaskan.” In a state where 15-year residents are called “newcomers,” it’ll be a trick. He’ll have to really razzle-dazzle a bunch of skeptical sourdoughs with his fancy fire-eating, sword-swallowing ways. […]

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