Virginia Kills Santa
(Washington, DC) — While the government shutdown may currently be the most nationally covered spectacle to emit from this town it is, incredibly, not the most disgusting thing to happen within it. That dubious distinction is reserved for its service as prime media market for the Virginia gubernatorial race.
In this corner: Ken Cuccinelli (R)
Consumers of progressive media are by now well versed in the Virginia Attorney General’s draconian platform on social issues, and MSNBC’s infotainers have made Cuccinelli a poster child for his party’s most talibanesque tendencies.
He’s also a craven lad, as his most recent ad features an African-American woman and alleged “lifelong Democrat” vouching for Cuccinelli. Yes, Ken wants you to know he has black friends.
A fundraiser he headlined with Sen. Ted Cruz (T – Texas) in the past week also illustrated that Cuccinelli isn’t one to stand on ceremony. Or loyalty. Though his political soul mate sang Cuccinelli’s praises throughout his remarks, Ken wouldn’t have known this as he gave the junior senator the slip before the former even began speaking. There would be no photos with Cruz nor even a single mention of his name by The Man With Lots Of New Black Friends.
In the other corner: Terry McAuliffe (D)
The state’s last two Democratic governors—current US Senators Mark Warner and Tim Kaine—are generally regarded as decent, competent guys who meet the basic requirements of integrity. Their party clearly found such traits a total snore and has decided to add some tabloid pizazz via former Clinton bagman and all-around dirtbag Terry McAuliffe.
What’s that? “There’s no need for such hyperbole and name-calling,” you say? Permit me to submit this headline from today’s Washington Post as Defense Exhibit A:
So yeah, I’ll go ahead and stick with “dirtbag.”
His tradecraft over the years has boiled down to monetizing his political connections generally, and his proximity to the Clintons in particular. McAuliffe is a self-dealing financial vehicle that has left skid marks across the backs of some pretty vulnerable people.
McAuliffe’s most admirable quality is providing the entertainment value that comes with watching someone completely unmoored from any shred of integrity, honesty, or basic decency. If Joe Isuzu had knocked up Leona Helmsley, Terry McAuliffe would be the result.
Although obviously produced by his political enemies for partisan purposes, the hatchet film Fast Terry is still darkly hilarious.
The winner: Terry McAuliffe
It’s not going to be close as residents of the Old Dominion, like many other Americans, have decided they’ll take a slimy operator over a theocratic extremist.
The loser: Virginia
It’s a phenomenally beautiful state of beaches, horse country, Colonial architecture, and the Blue Ridge Mountains. It’s home to one of our nation’s finest public universities, several of its greatest Presidents, and many of its most notable historical sites. Good people can disagree about the merits of being home to the Dave Matthews Band, but the point is this is not some hapless backwater with nothing going for it. Given that, the gubernatorial choices confronting Virginia voters are rather stunning.
“Thomas Jefferson still survives,” were the final, dying words of his presidential predecessor and fellow Virginian John Adams. We shall see about that. Thankfully, Virginia limits its governors to a single term.