Torches and Pitchforks for Parnell
There are certain times when a government crosses a line, and there’s really no other way to adequately express one’s feelings about it than by deploying torches and pitchforks. The glinting of the tines in the firelight, the surging of the crowd, the bellowing of moral outrage… Ahhh. There’s really nothing like it to get the ol’ blood pumping.
Well, I guess there is another way, but I’m reasonably sure it’s illegal, and though it might be satisfying the irony of retaliating against a bully by tarring and feathering him could not be overlooked, and might garner said bully some unwarranted sympathy. So let’s stick with the first plan.
Who’s gotten us all wound up and steaming from the ears?
I speak, of course, of Governor Sean (air quotes) Choose Respect (close airquotes)Parnell.
He thinks there’s really no way to respect two octogenarians who have helped to shape the history of our great state, like former First Lady Bella Hammond and Constitutional Delegate Vic Fischer, than to sue them for a million dollars. Yes, you heard me correctly.
The Parnell administration, headed by the man who whines about people telling Alaska to sit down and shut up almost as much as his shrieking predecessor, is SUING 80-somethings Bella Hammond and Vic Fischer because they refused to “sit down and shut up.”
Are you feeling a little outraged by that? I think you are, because you are a decent human being who doesn’t like to see anyone bullied, let alone these two Alaskan icons. If you saw either of them getting harassed in the park by some two-bit thug, you’d have something to say about that, would you not? Because you, my friend, have a sense of right and wrong, a sense of justice, and a basic respect for those on whose shoulders you stand. The governor, clearly does not.
The governor is the two-bit thug standing up not for them, or us, but for giant multinational mining conglomerates who don’t really feel like dealing with uppity old people with things to say, and back yards to protect, and Alaskan industries to preserve. That’s annoying to them, and they should not have to be annoyed while they take Alaska’s resources away to foreign lands. Stroking the fur of these corporations is such a bedrock principle to the governor that he even broke his quaint little oath of office to “protect and defend the Constitution” to make sure his pals don’t have any trouble from the locals.
The other thing you would do after rummaging around to find the pitchfork in the garage, is clear your calendar for
Wednesday, October 23 at 11:30am at which time you would go to 7th and E Streets in Anchorage,
which is right next to where the two-bit thug has his shiny office with the lovely view of the kingdom. There, you would join your fellow Alaskans, and stand before them and the media, and with your presence you would proudly proclaim that you stand with Bella and Vic, and you throw your lot in with the growing number of Alaskans who do indeed think that the Governor should sit down and shut up, and let these two who have given so much of their lives to this state, have some peace. We should be thanking them, not suing them. And that’s what you would do.
That’s what I’m going to do, and I’ll see you there.