Breaking: America Wants Sarah Palin to STFU
Recently, NBC/Wall Street Journal/Annenberg took a poll. They asked Americans if they think the ex-half-governor of Alaska, who didn’t become the Vice President of the United States, and who quit her job “governing” to spend the last six years turning gibberish into books, wearing glittery belt buckles, and subsisting on diet Redbull and the tears of the intelligentsia, should be speaking on the issues of the day.
A solid majority, 54% of voters, think she should push her lower jaw up until it won’t go any farther, and hold it locked in that position. If this poll were an election, it would be a landslide victory for Silence – comprised of of two-thirds of Democratic votes, a majority of Independents, and even four out of 10 Republicans.
The poll was conducted from June 30 to July 7, coming on the wake of a loud screeching noise emanating from Palin’s head which sounded like “immmpeeeeeeeach!”
Just for fun, here is what her actual op-ed on Breitbart.com would sound like if the majority of Americans got their way.
Enough is enough of the years of abuse from this president. His unsecured border crisis is the last straw that makes the battered wife say, “no mas.”
Without borders, there is no nation. Obama knows this. flood of illegal immigrants is deliberate. foreign nationals who want to sneak into our country illegally. purposeful dereliction of duty illegal immigrants will kick off their shoes and come on in,
There is no end in sight as our president prioritizes parties over doing the job
debt; healthcare system, social services, schools
our “leader” wealthy bipartisan elite
The poll also came on the heels of the Supreme Court’s Hobby Lobby decision, after which Palin fervently urged Americans to go on a shopping spree – kinda like the one you do so the terrorists don’t win. She’d like the ladies to buy stencils and glitter glue to support a business which refuses to allow women to receive compensation from their insurance providers for birth control, because the bosses are Christians don’tcha know, who are selling crap made in China, which coerces abortion – and also too Godless communism.
Hey… settle down. You’re acting like this has to make sense.
The poll contained another interesting tidbit. Even more people want Palin to stuff a sock in it than former actual Vice President Dick Cheney who came in with a paltry 45% gob cork factor. The pollsters didn’t ask about Oliver North, which I wish they had, but a quick virtual poll of The Mudflats staff reveals that 100% would like him to “not recall” how to make sentences other than, “I can’t believe I’m not in prison.”
So will any of this do anything? No, it will not. But sometimes it’s good to know we’re not alone.
We now return to our regularly scheduled word salad.