Sarah Palin – On to a “Higher Calling”
It’s Quittin’ Time here in Alaska. Yes, according to our almost former executive-in-chief, we’re yesterdays news. Tossed like an old banana peel on the compost pile of past political ambition. Cast off like an old peep-toe pump with a broken heel. Jilted.
So, why are we so happy?
It’s kind of like being dumped by someone who was really bad for you anyway. Sure there are some hurt feelings. Didn’t we measure up? Weren’t we worth fighting for? “It’s not you, it’s me?” What does the Lower 48 have that we don’t? Is it the money? But, you said you loved us! What about that oath you took?
Oath shmoth. After all that wears off, you look back at all the lies, the false promises, the people that got thrown under the bus, and you realize that you were taken in. And then there is a sense of freedom. There are new possibilities, new beginnings. You’ve been shown plain as day all the things that can go wrong, and you feel charged with a mission of changing those things so that they never ever happen again. Ever. Seriously.
That’s where we are today. At this moment, the governor is standing in Fairbanks, in the heart of our great state that she loves so much, and she’s doling out another round of barbequed meat to lines of swooning tourists, and she’s looking us in the eye, pulling that ring off her finger, throwing it on the ground, and hightailing it out of here to her next relationship. And we’re being dumped live on national TV.
But, hold your head high, Alaskans. If you’re one of the many that voted for her a couple years ago, and are now face-palming and saying to yourself “What was I thinking?” it’s OK. You’re not the only one. She has lots of ex-es. Those who voted for her, those who didn’t, those who were fired, those who quit, those who were threatened with lawsuits, those who were called out in state press releases, and many more that remain unnamed. We know how you feel. (putting my arm around your collective shoulder)
And remember, we’ve got a new relationship already. I know, I know….rebound relationships can be dangerous too. Yes, I know…people call him Captain Zero. It’s looking like nothing much will change… but give him a chance. We know what to look out for. Now that the sparkly object is out of our sight, we can focus more on the actual policies, and the things we need to change and fix. And we can focus on the words and sentences, because they may make sense now.
And no worries that our old flame will go away entirely. We’ll still feel free to enjoy the entertainment value of the slow motion train wreck that appears to have a never ending supply of cars. But now, the difference is, she won’t actually be running a government anymore.
And think of all the potential relationships we’ve got coming down the road after rebound guy! We’ve got Bob Poe, and Ethan Berkowitz, and Hollis French and Rob Rosenfel… It’ll be like a fantastic round of speed dating. We’ll get to know them, and then we’ll pick one. None of them are perfect, but they’re all head and shoulders above … uh… above um…. (banging on forehead with heel of hand) What was her name again? Gimme a minute….I’ll get it.
[And of course, a big hat tip and bear hug to flyinureye, the Mudflats graphics god. This really may be your best yet.]
*CNN is broadcasting the abdication of the throne LIVE…including a So Long Sarah countdown clock. It’s like New Year’s Eve! Everyone get your champagne ready. Anyone know of a live link? Please post in comments! Thanks! And everyone feel free to live blog the event.*
Filed under Alaska, Alaska Governors Race, Democrats, Election 2010, Ethan Berkowitz, Fun!, Popcorn time!, Rallies and Events, Republicans, Sarah Palin, Sean Parnell, Troopergate, Whackjobbery · Tagged with Ciao for now quitter queen, Lower 48 she's all yours, Miss Sarah Quittypants, Palin gone Alaskans rejoice, Quitter Quitter see you on Twitter, Quitty quitter, Sarah Palin buh-bye, Sarah Palin hamburgers, Sarah Palin is a quitter, Sarah Palin quits, Sarah Palin resigns, Sarah Palin weenies, Sayonara Sarah, Sean Parnell, the twit quits, Where's the champagne?, Who is Sean Parnell?