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August 23, 2014

Primary Post Mortem

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Alaska’s primary election night is over, but the election itself is not quite done. About 14,000 absentee ballots remain to be counted, and the final results will not be known for days. That said, it will be a tough hill to climb for the passage of Ballot Measure 1, which would reinstate the ACES oil tax system put in place by former Governor Sarah Palin and a bipartisan coalition in the Alaska legislature. Sean Parnell, former ConocoPhillips lawyer and lobbyist, and Palin’s former Lt. Governor dismantled ACES with Senate Bill 21 which would give billions from Alaska’s treasury to the…

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Robin Williams on Sarah Palin

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So many have eulogized Robin Williams more eloquently that we could. But we thought the best send-off would ultimately be with laughter. Nobody could do it like Williams, with his unique brand of irreverence and lightning wit. Here he pillories Sarah Palin, the Clintons, and more. Definitely not safe for work, and definitely funny. Thanks for the laughs, sir. And rest in peace. “And if you want comedy, there is always Sarah Palin. God bless. She is wonderful. Sarah is a self-opening piñata. She’s a gift.”

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Purgatory Will Turn You Vegan. Apparently.

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And now this, from the Palin Channel, which clearly has not raised enough money for speech writers. Or teleprompters. Or some guy making cue cards with a Sharpie. Luckily, they’ve been able to scrape up enough for a fake tree, and a pile of leather-bound books which were put in front of her so maybe now she has to read them, a lacquered photograph of a flag, and a ring of keys for a house belonging to a race of giants. Gravitas. That’s what that is. The ex-half-governor must have been feeling confident this day, because she decided to take…

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Palin Slams Parnell, Says YES on 1

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Former Governor Sarah Palin was likened to Joan of Arc by her followers in her 2006 run for governor. Today she was back in the saddle taking on the “good old boy network,” using her new subscription website to slam the administration of Republican Alaska Governor Sean Parnell (her own former Lt. Gov.), and members of the state legislature (also R) for engaging in crony capitalism, and shilling for Big Oil. She was, as they used to call her, a breath of fresh air. In an 18 minute long address provided to viewers as a free sample of her programming (which costs…

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We All Need a Tweditor – Palin Edition

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Before we begin: WHY must you continue writing about HER, you demand to know. PLEASE stop giving her attention, you insist. As soon as you pretend she’s not there, she will evaporate into the ether, you delude yourself. I plead guilty to a personal, professional, and morbid fascination with the enduring social and political impact of the trainwreck from Wasilla. Some people are really into sports, or photograph their lunch, or amuse themselves by taking Facebook quizzes to find out what color aura of what punk rock band’s totem animal they are, or other ultimately inconsequential hobbies. And as long as…

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Breaking: America Wants Sarah Palin to STFU

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Recently, NBC/Wall Street Journal/Annenberg took a poll.  They asked Americans if they think the ex-half-governor of Alaska, who didn’t become the Vice President of the United States, and who quit her job “governing” to spend the last six years turning gibberish into books, wearing glittery belt buckles, and subsisting on diet Redbull and the tears of the intelligentsia, should be speaking on the issues of the day. A solid majority, 54% of voters, think she should push her lower jaw up until it won’t go any farther, and hold it locked in that position. If this poll were an election, it would…

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Palin and #WTF Foreign Policy

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by Jeanne Devon and Zach Roberts Half-term Governor Sarah Palin has once again decided to demonstrate the flexibility of her intellectual consistency, and take a firm stand on two sides of a controversial issue. Last week she claimed that President Obama “blew it again,” with a deal that traded five members of the Taliban for the return of captive U.S. Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl. Bergdahl stated that he had been tortured and kept in a cage during his nearly five years as a prisoner of the Taliban. That didn’t seem to be reason enough for the President to work for the…

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Palin Slams GOP Successor in Alaska

"Try to not bankrupt the state like you bankrupted your campaign. Now kiss the ring."

Hey, Alaska! Sarah Palin is back. She left our state’s politics in the dust after quitting office in 2009, but yesterday she returned to her favorite local media platform—The Bob & Mark Radio Show—to slam her successor and one-time Lt. Governor, Republican Sean Parnell. The bone she had to pick with him relates to her signature legislation as governor, Alaska’s Clear and Equitable Share (ACES). The oil tax system that ushered Alaska’s bank account into golden days of plenty, with a savings of more than $17 billion, ACES funded subsequent investments in roads, schools, and critical infrastructure projects. Under ACES,…

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Palin: Waterboarding is Baptism for Terrorists

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It was reported a couple weeks ago that Sarah Palin, speculating on the whereabouts of the still-missing Malaysia Airlines plane, said it had “flown straight to heaven.” It turned out she hadn’t said that at all. The quote was part of an article written on one of the infamous news satire websites that continually dupe unsuspecting users of the internets. The good ones hit so close to the mark, it’s hard to tell. A couple days ago, Sarah Palin was quoted speaking on the United States’ CIA torture program saying, “If I was in charge, they’d know that water boarding…

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Why Did John McCain Choose Palin?

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Books have been written, movies have been filmed, pundits have… pundicized. But no one really knew the answer to the most asked question of the 2008 Presidential campaign. Why the f*** did John McCain choose then Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate? Well, he finally answered that question on (of all places) Late Night with Seth Meyers. Check it out. hat tip to Mediaite

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