Obama Comes to Alaska: We Have to Break the Ice, so We Can Save It.
As I drove, I imagined having to explain to a Secret Service agent that the reason my boots set off the sniffer dog is because the last two places I wore them were a pig farm and a gun show respectively. So, there was a perfectly good explanation why I smelled of gunpowder, and fertilizer. “No really! I swear! I still have the pictures on my phone!” I was glad I had allowed extra time. I had allowed so much extra time, it turns out, that I was the first member of the press at Joint Base Elmendorf Richardson (JBER) and waited in…
Obama Comes to Alaska: We Have to Save the Ice so We Can Break It
As I drove, I imagined having to explain to a Secret Service agent that the reason my boots set off the sniffer dog is because the last two places I wore them were a pig farm and a gun show respectively. So, there was a perfectly good explanation why I smelled of gunpowder, and fertilizer. “No really! I swear! I still have the pictures on my phone!” I was glad I had allowed extra time. I had allowed so much extra time, it turns out, that I was the first member of the press at Joint Base Elmendorf Richardson (JBER) and waited in…
President Trump Wants Palin in Cabinet
I’d like Sarah Palin to be in a cabinet too – preferably one that is soundproof. But, we don’t always get what we want. Loudmouth fake political celebrity, and bad hairpiece-wearing reality TV star Donald Trump is running for office. And he’d love to have loudmouth fake political celebrity, and bad hairpiece-wearing reality TV star Sarah Palin in his cabinet in the unlikely event he is elected President of the United States. When you think about it, it’s really amazing these two haven’t connected long before now. I mean, ok, there was that awkward first date where they both ate…
Palin Outraged Clinton Pulled a Palin
Sarah Palin, whom shame and decency dictate should be hiding out somewhere in the back of a dark deep cave with a bag over her head this week, is instead standing on the tippy top of Mt. Hypocrisy with a giant bullhorn yelling, “Look at me!” Should any of us be surprised? No. Was I still a little surprised? A little. Apparently the thought of raking Hillary Clinton (whom Palin thanked in 2008 for putting “16 million cracks in the glass ceiling”) over the political coals was just too tempting, just too enticing to put in check her own conscience, or…
Palin for President? Oh please, oh please, oh please…
Like a bear being wakened from a long winter’s nap, so have I been roused from another project to return to these pages. Was it the warm southern breezes and the promise of a new spring that brought me out of my cave and into the sunlight? No, it was not. It was more like the sound of screeching aluminum right before it succumbs to metal fatigue… kind of a high-pitched squeal that hits you right where the base of the skull connects with the spine. I refer, of course, to Sarah Palin making an announcement. According to The Washington…
Alaska Girls Kick Ass & Midterms Matter
If you live in Alaska, you’ve seen that bumper sticker a hundred times if you’ve seen it once. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it when I arrived in the Great Land. As the years passed, I did things I’d never have done if I had stayed in east coast suburbia. I camped in bear country, and wolf country; I sailed in high seas in the Gulf of Alaska; traversed mountain passes with a baby on my back; almost tumbled into a gorge on a 3-wheeler; pulled up my share of halibut from the deep sea; had Thanksgiving in…
Obama!
Me: Hey, Republican! Would you like some delicious ice cream? Republican: Yes, I would. I love delicious ice cream. What kind? Me: What kind would you like? Republican: Hmmm… Do you have Rocky Road? Me: Yes! Would you like some delicious Rocky Road ice cream? Republican: Mmmmm. Yes, please. Me: Hey, did you know that Barack Obama also enjoys a nice bowl of Rocky Road ice cream? (buzzing short-circuit noise) Republican: I… I… I changed my mind and suddenly remembered that ice cream is from the devil! Me: Hmm. I think it’s a little too warm down there to make…
Deer Hunting in Paris
Congratulations to Mudflats contributor Paula Lee who has won a big, fancy, and prestigious award for her wonderful book Deer Hunting in Paris! She’s given us an excerpt to enjoy. Winner of the 2014 Travel Book award of the Society of American Travel Writers, Deer Hunting in Paris is an unexpectedly funny exploration of a vanishing way of life in a complex cosmopolitan world. The liberal author, Paula Lee, recovers her roots in rural Maine by running after a headless chicken, learning how to sight-in a rifle, shooting skeet, and butchering game animals. Along the way, she figures out how…
Palins Vindicated! Just Ask Them.
I’ve learned that I cannot ignore the Palins’ drunken rumpus. But in light of the fact that our friends at Wonkette have taken the newly released Anchorage Police Department report and run with it as only they can, I’m just gonna put this right here to give you a little taste. CLICK for the full story of the Palin’s “vindication.” You’ll be happy to know that we stand by our original illustration of the event, and that t-shirts remain available for purchase HERE. Remember, Christmas is coming and nothing says Peace on Earth, Good Will to Man like ripping your shirt…
Money Machine Steamrolls Alaska
This week I received an email from a Republican friend. (Yes, I have those.) She requested a different kind of column from me this week. “Instead of adding to all the ugly, negative political comments out there why not a column about the economic stimulus this election is having on Alaska with all the Outside money coming into the state?” Really? Yeah! We have Outside money trying to get a guy elected that wants to get rid of Social Security! That’s the opposite of economic stimulus. So the short answer is, no. I won’t be riding that unicorn this week….