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October 30, 2014

More Caption Winners!

DonYoungPanda-ChildrensParties

Congressman Don Young, a boat, a cigar, a shotgun… a panda. We asked you to caption this unbelievably non-photoshopped image and you didn’t disappoint.

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We Must Retire Don Young, and Here’s Why

Zach D Roberts

I was about 10 when I heard a sermon I will never forget. The speaker that day drew a few gasps from the congregation of the Homer Christian Church when he disagreed with a passage from the Bible. He quoted from 1 Corinthians, Ch. 13, the passage you often hear at weddings: “Faith, Hope and Love, the greatest of these is love.” “That’s not true,” he said. “The greatest of these is hope.” He explained that his father had committed suicide. There was no shortage of love in their family. His father had simply lost hope that the pain of…

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EXCLUSIVE Don Young Caption Contest

DonYoungPanda

  Of course it’s EXCLUSIVE. You think just anyone gets their mitts on a photo of the longest serving member of Congress smoking a cigar on a boat, seemingly about to menace a rubber panda man with a shotgun? And yes. This is real. It was taken this summer, and there is no photoshopping. Let’s be serious. If we were going to make up a photo with Don Young in it, even we wouldn’t have come up with this.  And now… it’s all yours. Leave your caption in the comments, and we’ll meme the best ones.

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Obama!

Palin-Obama

Me: Hey, Republican! Would you like some delicious ice cream? Republican: Yes, I would. I love delicious ice cream. What kind? Me: What kind would you like? Republican: Hmmm… Do you have Rocky Road? Me: Yes! Would you like some delicious Rocky Road ice cream? Republican: Mmmmm. Yes, please. Me: Hey, did you know that Barack Obama also enjoys a nice bowl of Rocky Road ice cream? (buzzing short-circuit noise) Republican: I… I… I changed my mind and suddenly remembered that ice cream is from the devil! Me: Hmm. I think it’s a little too warm down there to make…

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Young Now Blames Fed Largesse for Suicide

dy

  Alaska’s lone congressman sure dug himself into a hole yesterday, didn’t he? And you know what they say. Since you’re in there anyway, you may as well just keep digging. At first it appeared as though Young may have been repentant about telling grieving high school students who had just lost a friend and classmate to suicide that the problem was the lack of support from family and friends. Matt Shuckerow responded to a request from the Alaska Dispatch News in an email stating: “Congressman Young was very serious and forthright when discussing the issue of suicide, in part because of the…

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Young Insolent to Students – Suicide, Gay Sex & more

bullsex

Alaska’s lone congressman, Don Young, spoke to a group of students at Wasilla High School Tuesday. If that sentence alone made you wince, then congratulations. It shows you’ve been paying attention to the rapidly crazying octogenarian who represents all Alaskans in the halls of Washington D.C. Earlier this month, Young barked at his Democratic opponent after a touch on the arm, “Don’t ever touch me! The last guy who touched me wound up on the ground, dead!” This time it’s insensitive remarks about suicide, berating friends of the victim, and comparing Alaska’s newly legal same-sex marriage to bull fornication. And…

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Alaska Women, Time to Decide

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My social media feeds are stuffed with my fellow Alaskans sick to death of political ads end-to-end on their televisions, and even the staunchest pro-deforestation people are wondering if we’ll have any trees left after they’ve checked their mailboxes. I get emails from people asking, “Is that true?” about something they’ve seen or read. Here’s the kicker. Political ads, per a decision by the U.S. Supreme Court, don’t have to be true. I KNOW! You have to swear on a Bible when you’re elected, but up until that point all bets are off. Did you know Mark Begich hates puppies?…

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Don Young Killed a Guy. He Says.

dy1

Last week Alaska Congressman Don Young (R) pulled a “Don Young,” and thanks to the magic of the internets and the television, it’s percolated up to the national media. Chris Hayes, on his show All In (see video above), talked about the incident that occurred at the Kodiak fisheries debate, in which Democratic challenger Forrest Dunbar made a terrible terrible mistake… One that could COST HIM HIS LIFE!     (<——– Say this in baritone movie promo voice) Forrest Dunbar… touched Don Young. He. Touched. Him. Not a “show me on the doll where Forrest Dunbar touched you” kind of…

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Sullivan Goes ‘Fog of War,’ Then Flees

sullivanawkward

Looks like our Republican “Alaskan” Senate candidate has been watching The Fog of War, and taking a little advice from former Secretary of Defense Robert MacNamara. “Never answer the question that is asked of you. Answer the question that you wish had been asked of you.” Savvy advice when one’s actual answer might be harmful to one’s political prospects. The question asked of the candidate by KTUU’s Grace Jang was pretty straightforward: “How much backing are you getting from the Koch brothers?” One would expect, perhaps, a numerical answer of some kind, like “millions of dollars.” Percentages maybe. Or a…

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Ohio Dan Gets Cocky, Goes to Ohio

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There’s nothing like a couple polls giving you a slight edge in an Alaskan political race, to make the inexperienced Alaska politician feel a little cocky. U.S. Senate candidate Dan Sullivan has spend the entire election cycle so far dodging accusations he’s a carpetbagger from Ohio, who moved to Alaska for a Senate seat which will be purchased for him by the Koch brothers, and his wealthy family and friends in the Buckeye state. Sullivan turned up Sunday as the dreaded “empty chair” at a candidate forum that was attended by incumbent Senator Mark Begich, and Libertarian candidate Mark Fish. That’s two marks…

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