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July 18, 2018

Voters Duped by Pot Initiative Says GOP Senator

Monday, the Alaska House of Representatives voted to legalize the farming of industrial hemp (the kind that doesn’t get you high). The Senate passed the vote unanimously but only after Sen. Johnny Ellis, the Democrat at the helm retired and gave the bill to a Republican to carry. Because anyone knows that good ideas can NEVER EVER come from Democrats. And by gum, we’d rather stop entrepreneurs from launching new businesses, and stonewall local farmers, let great legislation wither and die in committee, and fold our arms in the corner than give credit where credit is due. Things I learned in…

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Obama!

Me: Hey, Republican! Would you like some delicious ice cream? Republican: Yes, I would. I love delicious ice cream. What kind? Me: What kind would you like? Republican: Hmmm… Do you have Rocky Road? Me: Yes! Would you like some delicious Rocky Road ice cream? Republican: Mmmmm. Yes, please. Me: Hey, did you know that Barack Obama also enjoys a nice bowl of Rocky Road ice cream? (buzzing short-circuit noise) Republican: I… I… I changed my mind and suddenly remembered that ice cream is from the devil! Me: Hmm. I think it’s a little too warm down there to make…

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Fan Prevents FL. Governor Debate

There was a very Palin-Esque moment of absurdity at the Florida Gubernatorial debate Wednesday night. Governor Rick Scott (R) refused to take the stage to debate Fmr. Governor Charlie Crist (D) due to a fan. We’re not talking about some crazy obsessed fan, we’re talking about the kind of fan that you buy at Costco. Just watch. Prevent your head from oscillating back and forth violently otherwise you won’t be able to view the full absurdity of this moment.

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You Want the Palin Brawl? Here it is.

I’ve been asked countless times over the last couple days to weigh in on the Palin’s drunken rumpus that has now dominated the national news cycle. I’ve been begged. BEGGED. “You of all people!” “I’ve been waiting!” “Don’t let us down!” Honestly, I would rather be rolled in French fry grease, sprinkled with sea salt and fed to the ravens. It may be the same reason I disdain tabloids, and rubbernecking accidents. But because I love you I will weigh in, in whatever manner there is left to weigh in on the Hindenburg that is the Palin family. I knew as…

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Carpetbagger Flees Fish

I’m guessing that Dan Sullivan was the kind of kid who “stayed home sick” when he forgot to study for a test. Because he just did that. He declined to attend the candidate debate on fisheries in Kodiak. That’s like declining to attend your phD dissertation, or declining to attend your wedding rehearsal dinner, or a Presidential candidate declining to attend the foreign policy debate. It isn’t done. The reason that isn’t done is because this is a candidate’s opportunity to prove he or she is credible. If you’re running for Senate,  this is your big chance to prove that even…

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Sullivan – The Deadliest Fail, Homer Edition

It’s almost become a sport now – like shooting fish in a barrel. In the primary debates, and now as we head into the general election, there is a new kind of question being presented to Senate candidates.  It falls under the genre “How Alaskan are You?” In the primary debate between Mead Treadwell (the most Alaskan), Joe Miller (the next most Alaskan) and Dan Sullivan (the DC beltway guy from Ohio for whom these questions are intended) there were questions like: Have you eaten salmon this week? Have you ever been to Koyuk? Kipnuk? Kake? Will you retire in…

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Krazy Kampaign Ad Alert! Again!

Um. Really? This weird/disturbing/moronic ad for No on 1 makes just about as much sense as giving billions from Alaska’s treasury to the wealthiest corporations in history, with no promise of more jobs, exploration, or production. In other words, it makes as much sense as voting No on 1. Most of Alaska’s hard-working men and women who actually own the oil in this state don’t have “an assistant.” But I’m sure the gratuitous tattooed cleavage, chainsaw and black panties will appeal to the rocket scientists who think giving away the farm makes good business sense. Way to go, guys. (And yeah,…

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Sullivan, Treadwell vs. Women

You’d think a vote for the Violence Against Women Act would be a no-brainer. You’d think this because opposing violence against women should be as controversial a position as supporting the troops or enjoying apple pie. If you live in Alaska, you’d really think this is an easy vote, because all three members of Alaska’s Congressional delegation—including Republicans Lisa Murkowski and Don Young—have supported the bill in the past. Senator Murkowski has gone so far as to lobby House Republicans on reauthorizing the law, and has signed on to a bipartisan letter of support which reads in part as follows:…

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Time for Another Alaskan Debunking

It’s in all-to-common phenomenon to see articles written about Alaska by people who are not from here. Or, at least, with this one in particular I have to assume the author is not from here because she got so many things wrong. The piece I am referring to was published in a real estate blog called “Movoto,” and claimed to detail “22 Things You Need To Know About Anchorage Before You Move There.” Setting aside the grammatically challenged approach to capitalizing every word in the headline, as I read the piece, I started seeing some errors. 1. “To State the…

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The Floodgates are Open

This week I listened to one of the right-wing sock puppets yammer on about what a victory for freedom the most recent campaign finance court decision was. Honestly. The guy was more about “free and dumb” than freedom. The court, in yet another 5-4 decision, basically created eBay for elections. What we didn’t need was more stinking money in our election process but the five say otherwise. Freedom of speech is now equated with how much money you have and are willing to spend. Of course, the reverse doesn’t work. You can’t walk into a store and purchase items with…

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