2010 Hanshew Middle School Band

Not many people in political circles know that I credit music with saving my life.

I started playing the piano when I was six-years-old. I often kicked and screamed about practicing, but my mother was determined and I continued through my entire school career.

In sixth grade, I discovered the snare drum and concert band. I absolutely loved playing music with a group. That was around the time that I discovered that music was an escape from the insanity of my life at home.

Unfortunately in high school, I discovered that drugs and alcohol provided a different kind of escape. I dropped out of any band activity, though I continued with piano. My grades plummeted and it became clear that with only a 2.5 GPA junior year, I wouldn’t be getting into a decent college…

…until I started auditioning as a piano major. Suddenly, I was accepted at schools we couldn’t afford, like Temple University and Berkley School of Music. I received some modest scholarships to a couple of smaller schools but ended up going back home to Ohio and The University of Dayton. It was there that I truly fell in love with their much-touted marching band and was a member all four years. My membership in that band was my lifeline at a time when I was sinking deeper into alcoholism and depression.

When I made it to Alaska and sobriety, music reclaimed me. I even made a very tiny living for several years in the Anchorage music scene. Those were some of the best years of my life.

Music has now come full circle in my family. Morrigan took piano lessons for awhile. However, when a music teacher in grade school taught the kids to play penny whistle, we discovered that my daughter had a knack for the woodwinds. She started on the clarinet in sixth grade band and after only a couple of months, auditioned and was accepted into the Honor Band.

While the idea that music enhances math skills has been long claimed, recent studies show a more direct correlation between music and algebra:

Helmrich divided the students into three groups: Those who had received formal instruction on a musical instrument during the sixth, seventh and eighth grades; those who received choral instruction during those same years; and those who received no formal musical training.

She found the students who studied music significantly outperformed their peers. “Formal instrumental instruction impacted algebra scores the most,” she reports. “Choral instruction also affected scores, but to a lesser extent.”

From our experience, my husband and I noticed that as our daughter started to learn clarinet in sixth grade, she began to struggle less with her algebra assignments. Now, she’s two-years ahead in mathematics.

The video below is of the 2010 “Sonic Boom,” the end-of-the-year mass-performance of all sixth grade bands in the Anchorage School District.

If Governor Sean Parnell and Mayor Dan Sullivan have their way, this long-time Anchorage tradition may disappear, along with the entire sixth-grade music program.

Per the Anchorage Symphony website:

We learned that last week the ASD Music Supervisor received a request for information from a school board member about the potential cost savings if 6th grade band and orchestra were to be eliminated.

The school board will have its final reading of and will be voting on the ASD budget on Thursday, Feb. 9, starting at 5:00 p.m. in the ASD Education Center Board room.

We can express our opinions regarding the importance of 6th Grade Band and Orchestra in the following ways:

1. Call or email the school board. To email the school board, send one message to SchoolBoard@asdk12.org and all seven members will receive it.
2. Testify at the Feb. 9 meeting. People can sign up to testify via the same email address or can call 742-4312. Testimony is taken in the order received.
3. Attend the meeting [5530 E Northern Lights Blvd, Anchorage] to show support for music education. Please wear concert dress or all black.

The most important message is children must start an instrument early in life; middle school is too late. Personal stories have a big impact, especially from young people. This program has been cut over the years. Students used to start instrumental music in 4th grade, then the program was cut to starting in 5th grade and several years ago the program was cut to a 6th grade start. This year, 91% of ASD 6th graders are taking band and orchestra!

Remember: in order to testify at a School Board meeting, you must sign up with the Superintendent’s Office to testify at the meeting any time before 5:30 p.m., or one hour prior to the start of the meeting, whichever is earlier.

Cutting the sixth grade music program is just the latest of the bad possibilities from a school board that is desperate to find a solution that is least hurtful to the least number of students. If there is no increase in funding, the prospects are bleak. Those of you who read The Mudflats know that we’ve been spending quite a bit of time explaining what is happening to education in Alaska. We’ve told you about the several $$ million in outrageous fees Mayor Dan Sullivan has tacked on to the Anchorage School District and how he refuses to tax to the property tax cap. We’ve shared in several posts about Governor Parnell’s severe underfunding of the Department of Education in the budget currently before the Alaska Legislature. We’ve also described the horrible cuts the Anchorage School District is facing.

It is very, very important for folks to attend the Anchorage School Board Meeting and let their voices be heard. However, that MUST be followed up by contacting Governor Sean Parnell, Mayor Dan Sullivan, the Anchorage Assembly Members and the Alaska State Senators and Legislators. They must be told how important Alaska’s public schools are on a personal level.

I’ll see you on Thursday!

**UPDATE** (NOTE: There is no official action on the table at this time to cut 6th grade band/orchestra programs. The concern of music teachers/parents/musicians across the city comes from the fact that a member of the Anchorage School Board requested information as to the cost of the programs and currently, the Board is trying to figure out what cuts to make. When you testify Thursday, realize the Anchorage School Board is not the villain. Anger and frustration over the budget situation must be directed constructively (in a civilized way) at Governor Sean Parnell, Mayor Dan Sullivan, the Anchorage Assembly Members and the Alaska State Senators and Legislators. They are the ones who hold the purse strings.)

Brian the moose was lucky enough to attend a fabulous performance of The Capitol Steps at the Alaska Center for the Performing Arts on Saturday. He enjoyed it immensely. But the best part was getting to meet long-time Mudflatter and Palin impersonator extraordinaire, Bari Biern (right) and new Mudflatter in the cast Janet Gordon (left).

When “Palin” entered stage right in her red blazer, and started off by saying, “I may not be your governor any more…” she never got to finish the sentence, because just that much brought down the house with thunderous applause and hooting.

“Laugh all you want,” she went on, “because there are plenty of people who want me to be President.” [Booing from the audience] “Most of them are Democrats.” [More laughter and cheering]

It did a heart good.

Do catch a performance if you have the opportunity. This is the second one I’ve seen, and I can’t recommend it enough.

~Thick and fast they came at last, and more, and more, and more…

Adorable on Steroids

Be warned. Do not play this video unless you are able to handle a serious overdose of cuteness. This is a polar bear cub from the Scandanavian Wildlife Park. His mother was unable to nurse him, so little Siku (sea ice) has been coddled around the clock by his human caretakers.

To keep the cute coming, you can like Siku’s Facebook page HERE.

Clinton and Obama are Most Admired – Palin Slips

Gallup reports that once again Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama have topped the charts for most admired woman, and most admired man in any part of the world, each receiving 17% of all mentions.

Clinton tops the list of most admired woman for a record 16th time, and Obama won the title of most admired man for the fourth consecutive year.

The lists, which Gallup has compiled nearly every year since 1948, are a mix of popular, high-profile leaders in politics, business, charitable causes and entertainment.

Our ex-half-governor slipped from a #2 spot last year, to #4 this year.

Those who have been in the top ten the most? Billy Graham, and Queen Elizabeth II.

Zing!

Remember how Newt Gingrich said that his name not getting on the ballot in Virginia due to the incompetence of his own campaign was akin to Pearl Harbor? Well, Mitt Romney had a great observation. When asked about the ballot fail by a reporter in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, Romney responded:

“I think he compared that to … Pearl Harbor,” Romney said. “I think its more like Lucille Ball at the chocolate factory. So, I mean, you know, you gotta get it organized.”

Newt responded to the hilarious Lucy comparison with the following humorless testosterone-laden adolescent rant:

“I’ll meet him anywhere in Iowa, for 90 minutes, just the two of us, in a debate, with a timekeeper and no moderator,” Gingrich told Blitzer after being shown the clip of Romney mocking him. “I’d like for him to have the courage to back his negative ads,” Gingrich continued, adding that he could not prove that he could beat President Obama at a debate without going through Gingrich. Blitzer noted that Romney had debate Gingrich, and “he was standing during those debates rather close to you.” That wasn’t enough for Gingrich, however, given the recent negative campaign. “If you want to run a negative campaign and want to attack people, at least be man enough to own it,” he replied.

That’s right Willard (pokes finger in chest), you and me, outside, right here, right now… if you’re man enough.

BP Off the Hook

Judge Ralph Beistline released BP from probation over a 2009 oil spill of 15,000 gallons from a pipeline rupture that contaminated wetlands on the North Slope. The judge told BP that it better not happen again, but said it was an accident and that there was no way BP could have reasonably expected what happened to have happened – even though it did. So, does this mean “negligence” must be purposeful? Next time BP makes elaborate plans to spill oil for jollies, and deliberately opens the spigot while doing the evil “lets destroy wetlands” dance, they’re in biiiiig trouble.

“It is incumbent upon BP to make sure this does not happen again,” he admonished. Beistline’s order followed seven days of hearings — in effect a mini-trial — into allegations that BP violated probation conditions from its conviction in 2007 for violating the Clean Water Act with a 250,000-gallon spill. The Justice Department and the Environmental Protection Agency sought to have the 2007 probation revoked and reinstated with new conditions — additional fines and an extended period of compliance. Like most other criminal defendants, BP’s probation agreement required it to obey state and federal laws. The 2009 spill amounted to just such a violation when crude spilled from a transport line that was plugged with ice after operators failed to address repeated alarms that sometimes lasted for months, prosecutors charged.

Feature films, too, seemed to suffer the same affliction – “Alaskan” themed movies on the big screen were shot in British Columbia, or Colorado, or Washington state, or Massachussetts of all places!  It was a humiliation not to be suffered lightly.We wore our movie martyrdom on our sleeves.

But all that seemed ready to change. Alaska’s new and generous film incentive program passed by the legislature gives financial breaks to films that decide to shoot in Alaska!  The state picks up about a third of the tab to keep filming in this out-of-the-way corner of the country from being prohibitively expensive, and to compete with other states with similar incentives.

This means lots of roles for extras and small speaking parts for Alaskan actors who are quickly building up their resumes. And it also means the hire of prop people, caterers, seamstresses, and crew; plenty of booked hotel rooms; lots of money pouring into restaurants and stores; some great PR for the state; and a bit of excitement here on the Last Frontier.  Last year it wasn’t unusual to spot Ted Danson, or Drew Barrymore enjoying the delicious delicacies at Ginger downtown during the filming of Big Miracle (formerly Everybody Loves Whales). This fall, John Cusack and Nicholas cage have been out and about in town filming the story of Alaska’s infamous serial killer Robert Hansen for the film Frozen Ground.

It’s a new industry, a big bold future for Alaska where locals learn new skills, we get to show our real face to the world to entice tourism, local businesses reap the monetary benefits, and (let’s face it) it’s pretty cool. Everyone benefits and everyone is happy, right?

Of course not!

A disgruntled group called the “Alaska Film Alliance” is not happy.  Rather than to seed an exciting new fledgling industry in the state, that has already provided hundreds of jobs to Alaskans, and a huge influx of money into the local economy, they think that we need to rethink this. We just might be giving too much away. They might not be hiring all the Alaskans they could. We need to tweak this.

Now, I’m no expert on film industry incentives, but the following is enough to give me pause.

Who, you may ask, is the one chosen to speak for this group? Who is the public face of these seeming party crashers? Ironically, none other than Mayor Sullivan’s party planner, the lovely Bernadette Wilson.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with the talents and abilities of Ms. Wilson, you can refer back to my piece The Strange Tale of the Mayor and the Party Planner.

Anchorage Mayor Dan Sullivan and his paid party planner Bernadette Wilson. Photo from Alaska WTF.

From late night volunteering, and licking stamps for the mayor’s campaign, she rose to success quickly. First, she ran the show at the mayor’s inauguration, and was soon given the paid gig of planning parties (a job which previous mayor Mark Begich had done in-house). Even with no apparent previous party planning experience, she was seen in City Hall with her very own office and phone and everything. When questions were asked, and things became uncomfortable, Ms. Wilson disappeared for a little while, other than an occasional appearance on someone’s Facebook page…

Assemblyman Adam Trombley, and Bernadette Wilson at a Republican Christmas party

…or being a yes-woman for conservative right-wing radio host Dan Fagan. She described herself as being “the tender age of 25″ and we wondered if this might be the sad end of her promising nascent political career.

We had almost written her off when, with no apparent political experience other than the aforementioned licking of stamps the planning of parties, and the flapping of gums, she showed up as the head of the Prop 2 Parental Consent campaign, and THEN as the Chair of  Joe Miller’s senate campaign! Wow! Talk about upward mobility!

I know, right? Her career has really blossomed impressively. Here she is celebrating victory with her future boss on primary night.

Joe Miller, and his future Campaign Chair Bernadette Wilson. She was then heading up the Prop 2 Parental Consent campaign. Photo by Zach Roberts.

I have to question the reason,  judgment and political motivation of the Alaska Film Alliance, if for no other reason than their choice of a divisive, teabaggin’,  ladder-climbin’, opportunist as their ambassador to the world. But, here she is again, telling us all how the evil Hollywood is bilking poor Alaska and not providing enough local jobs. They want too much money.  We need “extensive public hearings” so we can “reform” this giveaway before it does more damage.  This, of course is music to the ears of conservatives who’d love to stick it not only to Hollywood, but the evil Democrat (sic) legislator who spearheaded the program.

Right wing radio hack and friend of the party planner Casey Reynolds was in the audience for her big debut. And Palinbot Rep. Bill Stoltze (R) agrees that this whole thing really needs some close scrutiny.

The Anchorage Daily News notes:

One thing to watch as this battle plays out in Alaska: How partisan will the debate become?

Will it devolve into Democrats supporting the subsidy, which every major movie producer I’ve interviewed said is the only reason they can or would film here, and Republicans seeking to dismantle it?

It certainly seems to be shaping up that way. Why else choose to be partisan and divisive from the outset?

If it hasn’t occurred to you by now, I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that apparently this crowd has no problem giving away billions of dollars to the oil industry, in which more than half of slope workers do not live in the state of Alaska. They also don’t have a problem sending pallets of money down the giant sinkhole in Cook Inlet that feeds that second Bridge to Nowhere (KABATA). Nope, that’s just fine. But we really need to cut corners, and save pennies, and keep a laser focus on … film subsidies.  Drop, meet bucket.

Critics of the program point to the fact that more money has been paid to non-Alaskans than Alaskans, but fail to note that the program has created almost four times as many jobs for Alaskans as those brought up from the Lower 48.  Unlike the oil industry that continues to hire Outsiders who maintain their residency in other states, the film industry hasn’t had much time to train locals and make sure there’s a pool of local talent who can do the job.  Once there is, you can bet they’d rather use trained locals than to have to ship them up here and pay to house them. And the numbers those who oppose the incentive use don’t even include the latest two feature films Big Miracle and Frozen Ground.

They also complain that Alaskans only get the lower-paying jobs, not the ones that make big bucks. At which point I’d remind them that actors, producers, and directors tend not to live in Alaska, just like the CEOs of BP, Exxon, Conoco, Anglo American, Northern Dynasty Minerals and PacRim coal.  I’m not sure how much tourism and feel-good excitement is generated by the latter group either, come to think of it.

At least we know that the ranks of the unemployed do not include our favorite party planner. Who knows? Maybe hobnobbing with this crew will inspire her to launch a career in the film industry. It might be a nice change from the dirty business of politics.

[h/t Mudflatter HP for the graphic!]

Alaskans are busting their buttons this week. I couldn’t let these wonderful accomplishments pass without a little hat tip to the folks that made their fellow Alaskans proud as peacocks.

Brian Schmidt

An Australian-based astrophysicist, Brian Schmidt, who won the Nobel Prize for Physics is a product of the Anchorage School District, having graduated from Bartlett High School! He originally had dreams of being a meteorologist and worked for a time at the National Weather Service in Anchorage. When that career path proved to be less challenging than he had hoped, he was on to bigger and better things, like proving that the universe is expanding and accelerating, creating a colder darker and less densely populated neighborhood with passing time… I’m not sure how I feel about this, but congratulations are due regardless.

STOCKHOLM – Three U.S.-born scientists won the Nobel Prize in physics on Tuesday for overturning a fundamental assumption in their field by showing that the expansion of the universe is constantly accelerating.

Their discovery created a new portrait of the eventual fate of the universe: a place of super-low temperatures and black skies unbroken by the light of galaxies moving away from each other at incredible speed.

Debby Dahl Edwardson

Barrow resident, Debby Dahl Edwardson is one of five finalists for the National Book Award in the Young People’s Literature category. The winner will be announced November 16th.

“My Name is Not Easy” is the story of three Inupiaq children sent to a boarding school between 1960 and 1964. The story deals with their homesickness, hope, loss and some specifically Alaska matters. Kirkus Reviews said, “The rivalry between Indian and Eskimo is made … vivid, along with the stereotypes and bias that both sides believe about the other.”

Clarence Lee Alexander

Fort Yukon’s Clarence Lee Alexander, 72,  is one of only 13 Americans invited to the White House next week  who will receive from President Obama, the Presidential Citizens Medal, the second highest civilian honor in the nation. There were about 6,000 people nominated for the award which recognizes American citizens who have  “performed exemplary deeds of service for their country or their fellow citizens.” according to a White House press release.

Sometimes called the grandfather of tribal government in Alaska for his long-held role as Chief of Fort Yukon, Clarence Alexander has done extensive work cleaning up the Yukon River, resulting in closure of numerous open-burning dumps and the removal or recycling of millions pounds of waste. Alexander is former Grand Chief of the Gwichin people of Alaska. Alexander receives the Citizens Medal for demonstrating how much good a dedicated leader can accomplish.

Nanci Morris Lyon and Kate Taylor

These two Alaskan women, also known as “Team Bear Trail” may not be as well known as the others on this list, but their accomplishment and what they are doing with it make them eminently worthy of our respect and admiration. They were the top fundraisers of this year’s 24-Hour Fish-A-Thon in Nebraska. Not only did they smoke the competition, but they raised about $8,000 – more than the entire Fish-A-Thon raised the year before! Half of the funds they raised will be dedicated specifically to the campaign for Bristol Bay, to stop the proposed Pebble Mine. Do we love them, or WHAT?

They also won an all expense paid fishing trip to Griffin Fishing Charters on the Mississippi Delta near New Orleans, Louisiana. Congratulations, and thanks for sharing the spotlight with Bristol Bay and all those who unite to stop Pebble Mine.

Check out 2:33 in the video for the awesome “Wrong Mine Wrong Place” no Pebble can cozy!

This summer Anchorage was abuzz with a flurry of activity we don’t often see in these parts. In town were the cast and crew for a full-length feature film starring Drew Barrymore and Ted Danson called at the time “Everybody Loves Whales,” which has been retitled “Big Miracle.” Thanks to Senator Johnny Ellis (D), and other supportive legislators, incentives have been put in place to entice film production companies to shoot films in Alaska. What a concept! Alaskans know their turf, and it’s always frustrating to see stories that are supposed to be taking place in Alaska being filmed in Washington State, or the Rocky Mountains, or somewhere in a fishing village in Maine.

Big Miracle is based on a true story of three grey whales who were trapped under the sea ice on the north coast in Barrow in 1988. With no escape to open ocean, and only a small hole from which to breathe, the story became national as a massive rescue operation ensued that captured the imagination of the country.

The trailer is finally out, and it looks like it’s going to be a great movie. Keep an eye out for it in your local theater and when you go see it, know that you’re seeing the real deal, not a sound stage in Hollywood. I even got to watch the filming of one scene from the window of the courthouse while waiting for jury duty!

Here is about a minute of silent footage of the actual whales from 1988 from the Alaska Film Archives at the University of Alaska in Fairbanks.

~Thick and fast they came at last, and more, and more, and more!

[The Walrus and the Carptenter, Lewis Carroll]

A half dozen on the half shell. Slurp ‘em up! (Links in the titles)

Rick Perry, Evangelical Economist

Rick Perry thinks that God crashed the economy on purpose to teach us a lesson and return us to Biblical principles.

I think that God inflicted Texas with Rick Perry for not allowing gay marriage.

Rembrandt Returns!

I have conflicting feelings about art theft. While I understand more the impulse and obsession to own great art, rather than simply a desire for a pile of stolen bills, it still remains a fact that art theft deprives us of the joy and appreciation that can only come from a unique object of beauty.

That said – they caught the refined SOBs with the exquisite taste and returned the stolen Rembrandt.

Bridge from Hell Shakedown

Guess what, Alaskans! You know that giant span across Cook Inlet that now looks like a big watery hole into which we pour endless amounts of money to pay people to think about a bridge?  Well, be prepared because KABATA (the Knik Arm Bridge and Toll Authority) has told us how it’s gonna be.

Consultants on the billion-dollar Knik Arm bridge project were pretty clear Thursday the financial plan for the bridge is for the state to foot the bill for any difference between how much money is collected in tolls and how much the private developer will be paid.

That’s right. You may now expect the invisible bony hand of KABATA to grab you by your ankles and shake you over the Boondoggle Pit until your pockets are empty. Have a nice day.

Hot Sauce Mom

Is punishing a 7-year-old by putting Tapatio sauce in his mouth torture? How about forcing him, sobbing and screaming, into a cold shower?

What does it mean to do these things to a child, at least in part, for the sake of publicity?

An Anchorage jury is looking at these questions this week in the case of Jessica Beagley, an Anchorage mother charged with misdemeanor child abuse after a video of her angry hot sauce and cold shower punishment session appeared on the “Dr. Phil” show.

Julia O’Malley at the Anchorage Daily News tweeted from what has been dubbed the “Hot Sauce Mom” trial, yesterday. Check out her excellent assessment of the whole sad mess.

Reports finally came today that divers in the North Sea have managed to stem a secondary leak in what has been the worst oil spill in those waters in decades.

Divers closed a relief valve which was the source of a small secondary leak, discovered after the first major leak in the pipeline at the Gannet Alpha platform had been plugged last week. Government officials are now opening an investigation into how the leak occurred and whether the correct procedures were followed. They will also have to decide whether Shell should pay for government expenses incurred in the clean-up operation.

Who is the culprit? What oil company was drilling in these northern waters, and was mandated with the job over oversight and stewardship of the North Sea and the life it supports? Royal Dutch Shell.

“Is that the same Royal Dutch Shell that is trying to drill in the Beaufort and Chukchi Seas off the North coast of Alaska?” you ask. “Why, yes. It is one and the same,” I answer. And to save your next string of questions, I’ll just answer them first. Yes, these are the people that tell us they can drill offshore amid pack ice, and never spill. Yes, the nearest Coast Guard base to the Beaufort and Chukchi is more than 2000 miles away, and is closer to Seattle than the drilling site. Yes, the entire congressional delegation of Alaska  -Murkowski (R), Begich (D), and Rep. Young (R) – think it’s a swell idea to drill there without requirements for acoustic triggers to collapse a leaking well, or relief wells, or a nearby Coast Guard Station equipped to handle a disaster.

To become further incensed at the stubborn ignorance of those who favor unsafe drilling, please read the excellent piece in The New York Times. At least someone out there “gets it.”

A beautiful gem from the State Museum in Juneau.

Anna Brown Ehlers (Tlingit)
Wool, cedar bark
Gift of the Rasmuson Foundation Art Acquisition Initiative, 2008

The art of Chilkat weaving has been practiced in southeast Alaska for at least two centuries. This very laborious and challenging technique is used to make ceremonial robes and other regalia decorated with clan crests. The Tlingit name for the robes, “naaxein” refers to the long fringe of the robe that flays about wildly when danced. Today there are fewer than a dozen weavers making these robes.

~Thick and fast they came at last, and more, and more, and more!

Here’s a plate of slurpable stories to start your week. Source links are in the title. Start shucking!

Pay Up, Joe

An Alaska judge on Friday ordered that failed U.S. Senate candidate Joe Miller pay more than $17,300 in legal costs incurred by the state in fighting Miller’s challenge to last year’s election.

Don’t even get me started.

OK, I’ll start. First the disclaimer – I didn’t vote for Joe, would never vote for him, am ideologically opposed to his political philosophy, and have written extensively on all of these things. I am no Joe apologist. BUT. He was absolutely correct to challenge Alaska’s outdated and flawed election system. The machines used to count votes here in Alaska have been outlawed in California. They decommissioned thousands of them at great expense. And now because Miller challenged the vote, he’ll be footing the bill, sending a message to future candidates who step out on that limb to try to fix the system. For a full wrap-up of all the reasons Miller had a point, click HERE. And HERE. And HERE.

The only thing that might distract me from fuming over this is a…

FROG Attack!

If you’re going to be sneaky, at least do it with style and grammatical consistency. That’s what I say. And it seems that the National Security Agency (NSA) agrees. Yes, boys and girls, the NSA has a “Style Guide.” In addition to grammar tips and advice on usage,

We learn that C3 is a symbol for command, control and communications, FROG is an acronym for “Free Rocket Over Ground” (Not to be referred to as a missile) and “conducted operations” and “likely scenario” are listed under “hackneyed phrases.”

“Missile?” “Likely scenario?”   That is soooo last year.

Back to the Movies

In the never-ending world of Palin…stuff, there is always more. First the spin, then the anti-spin. It’s a wonder we’re not just wearing helmets and clutching our midsections to keep from throwing up.

Oh, wait.

As your theatrical anti-venom to the latest Palin puffumentary “The Undefeated,” veteran filmmaker Nick Broomfield presents a film that will cast a critical eye on the ex-half-governor. It will be filled with interviews, and is due to screen next week in L.A. for potential buyers.

A trailer for the film features interviews with former Alaska legislative director John Bitney and former state senate president Lyda Green, both of whom describe an “unengaged” Palin who made of a habit of texting on her mobile during important meetings and legislative sessions.

“I never felt that Sarah was ever connected to the business that was going on in the Capitol,” says Green, a Republican who retired from politics two years ago. “It was always, I thought, a rather cursory attendance when she was there; lack of interest, and she’d generally have her two Blackberries and was texting most of the time.”

Speaking of Crazy Governors…

Seems like Rod Blagojevich, who dared to challenge the great state of Alaska in the Crazy Governor Craze-Off, has finally gotten his comeuppance. His retrial is over, and a jury has convicted him for essentially trying to sell Obama’s former senate seat. He’ll spend the next 6 1/2 10-20 years in the Grey Bar Hotel despite his pleas for mercy from the jury. (Grab your hankies, everyone)

Blagojevich seemed to believe he could talk his way out of trouble from the witness stand. Indignant one minute, laughing the next, seemingly in tears once, he endeavored to counteract the blunt, greedy man he appeared to be on FBI wiretaps. He apologized to jurors for the four-letter words that peppered the recordings.

“When I hear myself swearing like that, I am an F-ing jerk,” he told jurors.

He clearly sought to solicit sympathy. He spoke about his working-class parents and choked up recounting the day he met his wife, the daughter of a powerful Chicago alderman. He reflected on his feelings of inferiority at college where other students wore preppy “alligator” shirts.

One of Blagojevich’s classmates (who may or may not have been wearing an “alligator shirt”) was none other than former Attorney General under the Palin administration, Talis Colberg who stepped down shortly after telling administration officials and Todd Palin, who had received legislative subpoenas that they didn’t really have to show up. Small world.

And a rapidly warming one…

A whale! Shalom!

A grey whale was spotted recently off the coast of Israel. At first, this sounds like good news. Grey whales have been extinct in the Atlantic when they were hunted to extinction there in the 1700s. But microscopic plankton have migrated across polar regions to the Atlantic for the first time in 800,000 years as well. The effects of shrinking ice in the northern polar region is beginning to have an effect.

“The implications are enormous. It’s a threshold that has been crossed,” said Philip C. Reid, of the Alister Hardy Foundation for Ocean Science in Plymouth, England.

“It’s an indication of the speed of change that is taking place in our world in the present day because of climate change,” he said in a telephone interview Friday.

Reid said the last time the world witnessed such a major incursion from the Pacific was 2 million years ago, which had “a huge impact on the North Atlantic,” driving some species to extinction as the newcomers dominated the competition for food.

“Really? You think she’s running?”

I’ve been asked this question dozens of times by incredulous-looking people with furrowed brows.

Yes. Yes, I do.

And today comes the announcement that Sarah Palin, who has been politically written off by anyone who seriously understands how real presidential campaigns are supposed to work; and anyone who is saying to themselves that her numbers are down; and anyone who thinks she doesn’t stand a moose’s chance in September of actually winning, has a “secret weapon.”

No it isn’t some kind of magic gas in silver canisters that will be dropped on neighborhoods across America in the night, turning otherwise reasonably intelligent people into Palinbots. As you may recall from her resignation speech when she quit the governorship of Alaska on the shores of Lake Lucille, “only dead fish go with the flow”. That’s completely untrue of course, but nobody has bothered to mention that little biological fish fact. Her ignorance of things that swim notwithstanding, her secret weapon is what it always has been – going against “the flow.”

When she was worried about getting noticed in her Wasilla mayoral campaign, she picked pink and green as her campaign colors. When the media was all mean to her when she was governor, she started Tweeting. When no one cared what she had to say in press releases, she started posting on Facebook. And now that the GOP establishment looks at Palin like a bad rash, and her numbers are in the tank – she’s decided to go Hollywood. Not Hollywood in the “liberal elite” sense, but Hollywood in the “I found a conservative guy to make a fluff movie that will convince people I’m someone else” kind of movie.

Lights, camera, action! Enter conservative filmmaker Stephen Bannon, whose previous work apparently impressed the ex-half-governor. Almost in the can now is a full length feature film extolling the virtues and strengths of a woman who never existed, but whom Sarah Palin would have liked to have been. Actually as long as YOU believe that’s who she was, that’s all that matters.

The film will be titled “The Undefeated.” The fact, of course, that Palin actually WAS defeated aside, the title somehow sounds like it should be read in a dark, hollow, deep voice and that the letters should suddenly start dripping something. Like the Undead, Sarah is poised to rise again from the Twitterverse, from a suspended state of Facebookery, from the virtual Mama Grizzly den, and once again enter your world – as a presidential candidate.

Can she win? Barring some unforeseen and extraordinary act of God, no. So why would she run?

a) She believes in unforeseen and extraordinary acts of God.
b) She can continue to bask in the warmth of the body heat of cheering people and the golden rays of the klieg lights.
c) She and her new inner sanctum can have fun and slam people they don’t like.
d) They can also make buckets of money.
e) It’s a competition, and “the undefeated” doesn’t like to lose.

This isn’t a new idea either. Back when she was running for Wasilla mayor and one of her campaign volunteers told her that if she played her cards right, she might be governor some day, Sarah said, “I want to be President.”

When people tell you what they want, believe them.

Yes, boys and girls, Sarah Heath Palin wants to be president when she grows up. And while we’re waiting for her to grow up, she’s going to run. So, get your spangly formals and your tuxes and prepare to check out the premiere of “The Undefeated” when they roll out the red carpet, and the limos start arriving… in Iowa.