The Biography of Sarah Palin By:Mudpuppies Unite!

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[Icy]

Golly, when they found out that I am, well, I'm not ashamed to say that I too am, you know, also an economic expert.  So all these people, those media people, you know, wanted to interview me.  Well, gosh, I didn't expect them to ask me those questions about naked short selling, something also that we never talked about in Wasilla, but I wanted to answer them:

    “Well, the Bible tells us that we were created in God’s image, and being a mom of five, having seen all those naked babies, I certainly can attest to God’s words. But it seems to me, that manifestly, in this day and age, also, with weather so unpredictable, but not manifestly due to anything humans did, but according to God’s will, also, gee, who would want to be naked when they’re selling anything?

Now you betcha, I like wearing shorts, though when I’m home in Wasilla, I like to wear the furry kind from skins of animals I shot and also hunted my own self. But let me say this, my running mate will never say this about himself, so I have to step up and say it for him. I saw a picture of him before his POW days…and let me tell you, he was a hunk! Also I can see why Cindy, bless her heart, fell for him even though she had all that money and he only had, well, a wife and a family to support.

But now, in today’s world, I would manifestly state that nobody would miss not seeing my running mate in shorts. So, you betcha I mean it when I say, I will not blink when I tell them to ban the selling of those shorts. By naked people.”

[the problem child]

Hi jenny in maine,
I'm just across the border in New Brunswick. Haven't seen you before, I don't think, so "HI!".
Maybe our Palinese comes natural, you think, like there's somethin' in the water that also flows around us? You betcha.

[the problem child]

 But it seems to me, that manifestly, in this day and age, also, with weather so unpredictable, but not manifestly due to anything humans did, but according to God’s will, also, gee, who would want to be naked when they’re selling anything?

Who indeed?

[jenny in maine]

Hi jenny in maine,
I'm just across the border in New Brunswick. Haven't seen you before, I don't think, so "HI!".
Maybe our Palinese comes natural, you think, like there's somethin' in the water that also flows around us? You betcha.

Hey there, PC.  I learned my Palinese from watching her interviews, being unable to tear myself away from the train wreck before me.   I still cannot believe this individual is now going to make 7 mill on a book deal.  :angry:

Obamanos, I love the idea of this thread.

[Obamanos!]

 
Icy...manifestly speaking....that was funny!
And scary...too. Also.

[Quince]

Chapter IV: Gettin' More Mavericky There

Having my latte there, also in my hand, but thinking how to progress this campaign.  Telling me I'm gonna meet with Charlie and Katie also but they're not lettin' me make those calls yet, so they've got the bright lights and the latte's long gone and I ask for a diet Dr. Pepper for like the fourth time because it's pretty darn hot under those lights as any contestant would tell you also.  But understanding and appreciating that there's going to need more time, because I've only been at this for--what, four weeks?--and anyway but back to the latte because I look down and it's actually got words which are making up a message and that they're mentioning how women who don't support me have got a special place in hell, God bless 'em.  And this is a Democrat that's sayin' that on the cup, pretty sure, and sending a sign to Sarah, really ready to get out there sitting down with the liberal elite media and tell 'em what for.  So putting on the brown suit and then putting on the pink suit, the one on the far right on the rack with the pink suits, kinda bright and going to make a statement there because you know it's not like we don't have light and bright colors and such in Alaska even though God knows this one isn't from Alaska and still has the little crinkly packet there in the pocket in front also.  Piper's startin' a collection with the little gel things that are stuck in the pockets and there in some of her handbags also a jewelry box and Todd's new wallet and whatnot and seems like a kind of strange custom they have down here.   

But ya know the debate with Joe was really, it's all about that and it's all about being mavericky there on a team of mavericks, and also about job creation and health care reform and reducing taxes by makin' 'em lower and having them pay less taxes.  And this time I've got on the black suit and it's all shiny and the lipstick and I'm facing straight into the camera like Todd said and not blinking and that lady is not going to get me off track with more of those liberal elite gotcha questions and I'm talking to my Joe six-packs and my hockey moms and letting them know I'm gonna do the job and John McCain also.       

Showing the whole great nation what I'm made of that night.  

[Obamanos!]

Aggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
You had me at this sentence:

Having my latte there, also in my hand, but thinking how to progress this campaign

Oh and this one:

I ask for a diet Dr. Pepper for like the fourth time because it's pretty darn hot under those lights as any contestant would tell you also

Piper collecting the little packets in purses........oh my word.

TOO funny!

It's so crazy how she starts sentences in the middle of paragraphs.
And keeps going.....

HILARIOUS entry!

[Quince]

Thank you, Obomanos, and thanks for the thread; I very much enjoyed the procrastination from work!

--Quince

[jenny in maine]

Chapter XXMCV- They Were Never My Clothes

Well, you know, we up here in Alaska, away from the elite, and all that which the lower 48 ascribes to and well I just wham! ended up there before that first rally, and not knowin' how it's done, just tried on the clothes that they brought in.  I said, "Well, okay, if that's how ya' do it."  I didn't want those clothes and was only borrowing them from the RNC as a prop, like the lights and stage.  No one told me how much they cost.  Up there at my favoirte thrift shop in Wasilla, they don't have those fancy labels.  My hair was a prop too.  It's not really my hair.  It's sexism that the liberal elite jerks and the liberal media are wasting time talkin' about my clothes and how I look when we have important messages of reform and change.  Why not get back to the issues of change and reform that John McCain and I stand for.  With a Palin/McCain ticket, we'll say no to big govenrment spending.  We have ways to solve the problems of this great nation like overspending and the financial crisis brought on by those on Wall Street in that also Main Street has suffered.  We have ways and means and much importance should be weighed on that which is.  Those clothes were left there in the belly of the plane.  Right in the belly with all the posters an' buttons and the other campaign props.  I tell ya' I didn't want to wear them.  I just did what they told me.  I am a maverick an' a change agent, not like those elite liberals that seem so focused on what I wear.  No one is talking about what Senator Obama wears.  Sexism has raised it's ugly head just like Putin will in Russia and come into the airspace of this great nation in Alaska.  And those clothes will go back to the people, to be donated to this fine country to help those less fortunate.  I stood up to those corrupters in my own party up here in Alaska, you know, so I don't know why I put those clothes on if I didn't want to. Wait, I just got a sneaky question put to me.  Those unfair questions of the liberal media.  It detracts from the reform, the change, the message of those God chose to lead and reform and change.  They never let me speak and they dressed me up like a doll.  I was mishandled.  Maverick.....

YOU HAVE FOUND A MUDFLATS TREASURE!

[the problem child]

Oh, Quince! It's so frickin' POIGNANT the way you are tellin' it, also.

[Icy]

Oh gosh, Jenny & Quince...haven't laughed so much in a long while...

(Now if I can just get my son to quit with the Palinspeak....)

[the problem child]

"We have ways and means and much importance should be weighed on that which is."

Wait, didn't she actually say that at some point, did she? 

Priceless...

[the problem child]

not a chapter, not really, just noticing some very palinesque behaviours in my cat...

Lovin' my fur coat, not that I killed anything to get it. So pretty, and Oh, I can see across the street from my house, I should probably drill down into that litter box and see what I can find for assistin' the lower 48 with energy independence, but also, I need to leave a steaming chunk for whoever drills next there. My collar, you know, I didn't choose my collar or ever go shopping for it, and it will go to charity as soon as I can get it off, but also, it is so pretty, don't you think it matches my eyes, there, and those kids are always losing their underwear, I wish they would just practice abstinence, but God bless their souls, they are workin' on progressin' the economy, without, but also, but I just need to get both my feet into that great dish of pork, oh, it's not earmarks, but a bridge to having a nap there, but first and foremost, we need to make sure that the economy is strong, that includes job creation, also, and there for the real America.

[CO Almost Native]

Lucy, problem child, jenny and the rest-

No food, no beverages for me while I read this otherwise, it will be all over the screen, keyboard, me...

All we need is to add the wit of Chief Shikago- anyone heard from him?  He is the best translator of Palinese.

Keep up the chapters-

[Mirage18]

  , Jenny in Maine,

 I actually heard Sarah talking in my head when I read your chapter!.  Maybe the fact that it is almost 2 in the morning here is causing hallucinations? Or,  you have the syntax down perfectly. I am hoping for the latter.

[Irishgirl]

and those kids are always losing their underwear, I wish they would just practice abstinence,

Coffee everywhere, you should have warned me. 

[the problem child]

Without the media filter: Why the first amendment is there to protect us all from gotcha questions and not very patriotic

Back a bit to when I was going to journalism school, also where I majored in political science, well not at all of the schools, but at some of them, also the weather in Hawaii was so bad and the hunting was so boring that transfer I had to, because I wanted to see the world I went to Idaho where there, at least the weather is good in the winter and so I got a well-rounded background in many schools and journalisms where I can speak to that, also.

Specifically the way to have the media filter is to be the sportscaster and not to be doin' the interviews, whether as Charlie Gibson or as me, that's where I really do have a problem with that media filter that makes the first amendment protections we all cherish so much and are a part of the Constitution that those great framers intended to. A great time, there in 1988 workin' for and also with the great team at KTUU-TV and makin' waves there with the sports and the great athletes of Alaska, learnin' alot but also with my great experience to be a hockey mom, and also that the really great people I worked with there, one day be people I would turn to to help me out, to serve with my communications team, tapped to be governor and so, too, honoured to be chosen by the great maverick John McCain to be my running mate and a man of courage, too, and needin' to have to keep Alaskans and this great country, America, informed by our Truth Squad.

So much to say about Charlie, who reminded me of a teacher I had once at North Idaho College where they have this really great "open door" admissions policy but also this teacher always wanted to meet with me with the door to his office open, he said to protect me and to protect him also, but I don't know from what, I mean the bears only came down to the school dumpsters at night and you would think it would be safer to have the door closed, anyway he always wanted me to talk to him after tests because the answers I gave were so "interesting" and he had exactly the same reading glasses also.




Problem Child....I know it's weird and annoying, but the [ center ] tag has to be the last one added...meaning, it has to come first and last, or the system doesn't recognize it.  Go figure!

[lynnski]

Chapter XXX: The Medical Records

Now there ya go again with the askin’ and why, with just any little bit of effort with the gotcha! media askin’ about the intertubes and why they couldn’t do a simple thing like read the letter from my medical doctor who didn’t say a darn thing about tubes. It would have been so darn easy to just to read uh, everything, ummm, anything they put in front of them or whatever is available to me. I got a little tied up meaning you know tongue tied what with all the real American’s reaching out to touch me and what with the allegation, I mean litigation no I don’t. Also thank you Dr., I mean lie-gation but really, isn’t that just the kind of thing we hockey moms talk about when we’re sittin’ around not drinkin’ those elitist soy lattes we love to talk about what really matters to all the great people here and there in the real America. And so a little thing like that darling Trig is so much more important in God’s plan than all that Gotcha! Education and who wouldn’t take advantage of an open door like that and spend some quality fishin’ time with a real American like that darling Levi who I don’t believe is actually named after the dungarees but maybe he is so or the Johnson & Johnson baby wipes because they are a true lifesaver for a multitaskin’ woman who it is just an honor to do more than one thing at a time. And anyway it’s all about jobs and working on the North slope like Todd and I believe together is good enough for anyone with real responsibilities like I said. And who needs a class in trig-O-metry or such? When you are as beautiful as my daughter so Todd and I and around the kitchen table they are doing the right thing and anyone can get mono but God opened that door while Levi and Sadie were cookin’ and I don’t mean Texas chili!  *wink!* But there were some crystals but we're not scared of a little ice here in Alaska is just like anywhere else and my honor is to do what’s best for Alaskans and God made it so there you are. And I am so pleased that the record has cleared that all up, too.

[Rubo]

Wow, these are really great!    

[Sirenoftitan]

 

You guys have a great future as ghost writers.