The Biography of Sarah Palin By:Mudpuppies Unite!

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[Obamanos!]

Problem Child...oh my word....first this:

"intended to"

Now, you KNOW she has said this....you KNOW she has.......haaaaaaa

And then this:A great time, there in 1988 workin' for and also with the great team at KTUU-TV and makin' waves there with the sports and the great athletes of Alaska, learnin' alot but also with my great experience to be a hockey mom, and also that the really great people I worked with there, one day be people I would turn to to help me out, to serve with my communications team, tapped to be governor and so, too, honoured to be chosen by the great maverick John McCain to be my running mate and a man of courage, too, and needin' to have to keep Alaskans and this great---

Okay, reading that was so disturbing.
It's just too close to reality.

How on earth is this woman going to write a book?

Simply can't wait for it!

[Obamanos!]

and I don't mean Texas chili! 

Too fun!

What fun it is to read these things!

[the problem child]

"But there were some crystals but we're not scared of a little ice here in Alaska is just like anywhere else and my honor is to do what’s best for Alaskans and God made it so there you are. And I am so pleased that the record has cleared that all up, too."

Now that is a pure and unadulterated snow job!

And guys, thanks for all the "mudflattery". You do realize you are just encouraging me?

[Steve]

Chapter XXX: The Medical Records
...But there were some crystals...

Crystal meth? Could that be what keeps her going the way she does?

[Irishgirl]

Keep 'em coming guys, they are brilliant!  

[lynnski]

It is a sad fact but true that the media has changed in many ways some of them not you might say or it could be said positive, since I got my journalism degree. Which was very meaningful to me and a lot of my true dear friends too even though so many pretend they didn't know me at that time because of the choices they made also I did but I am tolerant of tolerating their right to be tolerated. Now there are shadowy figures called "editors" which you may have noticed or perhaps not intentionally the word begins with the same letter as "elites" which that letter is E.

Thank you for your kind words about keep 'em coming because of wanting to know the truth after all of the media filters against my First Amendment rights also there is a reason I am mentioning that remark in particular, which is because David Letterman who I think may be a Jewish man because of "letter" and "man" and he just said on his show that when that gotcha! Katie Couric media contestant asked me when I was wearing my pink suit and we were taking a walk that I couldn't think of any letters that I read. But I could! It was such a gotcha! moment and the first letter I thought about actually after that moment when I had some time to relax after a short nap on my tanning bed in the belly of the plane was E because of which this same reason as"elite."

So after thinking about it my belief is that anyone who was a real American and also by chance if possible in this great country an editor could suggest an open door that would be a chapter title then although I already have won through the grace of God one title of Miss Congeniality *thank you* I would use that title, too, and write about any topic at all that is suggested and rears its head in my airspace.

[bonefish]

bwahahahahahaaaaaa Any time if find myself thinking clearly, I know where to come to be sure my brain gets properly scrambled.... ROFLMSAO

[the problem child]

"I am tolerant of tolerating their right to be tolerated"

Oh, lynnski, I almost choked! Like swallowing a turkey bone while gobbling word salad!

[Quince]

Chapter 45.9: Election Night

Gosh darn if that Cindy isn't hogging the camera again although thank goodness she's not wearing orange again cause even I haven't got a rack of orange suits there in the plane belly cause the next thing you know they'd be writing about how Alaskans dress like salmons even though you know I'm not kidding you when I say it's probably one of my ten best colors, being a winter, and frankly a bottled blonde shouldn't be wearing that.  Now Ivana Trump, there's a woman who could carry off orange and you just know she's a natural blonde because I think she's from one of the blonder regions of this great planet and so appreciating that she would be a role model for our young girls because you gotta have some glamour.  And some lev....lev?.....some cheerfulness there, and glamour too.  So here I am in the shiny blue suit and the kids are looking kinda miserable and wouldn't you know I've got a run in my stocking, but missing this, really, I'm going to be.  And I'm thinking, ya know, heck, if they didn't want me out of the box and they didn't want someone with killer heels or whatever that public TV lady was gettin' at in the debate then why not let me give my speech tonight anyway?  Thinking maybe the blonde lady didn't want me out there tonight in front of all those people who let's face it are not going to be out there in the Arizona heat there in the great mid-part of this great nation just on account of the other half of the ticket and would be so cheered thinking ahead to oh-one-two and they're maybe not feeling so great tonight though and want to think ahead and know that I'm gonna be there for them plowing through for them.  So anyway the speech I didn't get to give was pretty darn good, wrote it myself, but I'm not gonna make a big fuss that they told me not to give it.  Not going to be pointing those fingers backwards, looking to the past, playing the blame game.  But I had a really great speech to give that night, almost as good as the one when I pardoned the turkey, which is another kinda funny story which I'm going to get to in my next book, "Piper Becomes a Vegetarian."     

[mimi]

Chapter 1 - I was born stupid    Page 1   Illustration:
Chapter 2 - I didn't learn anything growing up  Page 2    Illustration
Chapter 3 - I was stupid during my adult years   Page 3   Illustration:
Chapter 4 - I died stupid.  Page 4   Illustration:   

The ecologically friendly book of 4 pages - Save a Tree

[jenny in maine]

Chapter Ninehundredandninetynine- On the Role of the Vice President

The Vice President there, they’re in charge of the U.S. Senate so, if they want to, they can really get in there with the Senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for the people of this great nation.  Well, our founding fathers were very wise there in allowing through the Constitution much flexibility there in the Office of the Vice President. And we will do what is best for the American people in tapping into that position and ushering in an agenda that is supportive and cooperative with the President’s agenda in that position. We have a lot of flexibility in there, and we’ll do what we have to do to administer very appropriately the plans that are needed for this nation. And it was my executive experience that is partly to be attributed to my pick as V.P. with McCain, not only as a governor, but earlier on as a mayor, as an oil and gas regulator, as a business owner. It is those years of experience on an executive level that will be put to good use in the White House also when I am elected in 2012.  My position of the VP running mate to the great maverick John McCain which therefore is solid experience naturally to now take on the role of president also  Maverick!


edited to add: sadly most of this is verbatim from a transcript.  only minimal literary license was exercised there also

[bonefish]

I don't know how you all can do this and maintain any semblance of sanity! ROFL, yet again.

[Stuck]

http://www.236.com/news/2008/11/18/sarah_palin_getting_7m_to_prov_10302.php

Someone else took their own shot at it. Keep up the fantastic writing guys!

[PoliticalAmazon]

Lucy, I'm not offended at all by your posting of SP's conversation with God.

However, from my job of implementing government policy for city residents, no matter what you do or how you do it, there will be 5 to 10% of people who will gripe about it. And it's not just for my job, either.  It seems to be a condition with all situations.  Someone will gripe about something that you do, no matter what it is that you do.

 In fact, if Jesus Christ was to come down to earth from high, there would be 5 to 10% of Christians who would bitch because they didn't like his hairstyle.

So post away, my friend.  If we second guess what we do because of what others' reactions might be, we would be paralyzed and would never get anything done.

[Forty Watt]

                                          CREATIN' AND STUFF

   Let me speak specifically about things that need fixin’ in the unpatriotic parts of the Lower 48 of this Great Country who just don’t get it.  I may not say what elite liberal types wanna hear, but I'm gonna to talk straight to the American people and let them know my track record also. I’m not gonna hoist the white flag of surrender here against those who pall around with evolutionists--those who talk against their own country and their planet also which is made up of many continents, saying it’s gazillions of years old and just some sorta accident. Because if there is anything I can do to help there, bein’ a journalist myself as well as havin’ executive experience to help the American people to be able to trust the gotcha media from reporting stuff that a person really said infringing their First Amendment Rights and other amendments too if only we knew I will.  So this is my reply to the member of the liberal media who said I said dinosaurs walked on the earth at the same time as men they did you betcha
   You know, it's about education educatin’ our children.  It’s gonna to be a multifaceted solution that has to be found here creatin’ jobs also because job creation is a number one priority and creatin’ jobs for teachers that teach our children Truth it’s about setting us free also. That great American Charleton Heston and has a track record being Moses who held his gun however cold his hands got--and it gets plenty cold in the Great State of Alaska--says dinosaurs walked at the same time as men and he himself saw them.  Their footprints down there in Texas.  And I heard someone told me on the intertubes seein’ a live dinosaur to this very day in our neighbor Cambodia which coexists with the silk worms that make the camisoles on loan only from the RNC.  And no worm could make all that beautiful lace edging there without the hand of God being involved.
   Let me speak specifically about a credential that I do bring to this table and that's with the energy independence that I've been working on for these years as the governor of this state that produces nearly 20 percent of the U.S. domestic supply of energy or more even.  Oil is made out of dead dinosaurs.  That’s science--buried in the ground so heavy there they squash all that oil right of them also.  Now how could all these dinosaurs have died if there was nobody around to shoot them?
   Of course I tolerate evolutionists. That’s the way I’m wired toleratin’ but verifyin’ as the Great Ronald Reagan said. I don’t know any personally but I saw Al Gore on the Emmys and there was one at one of the schools I went to at least there was a rumor--spreading socialism and stuff.  There’s a better theory and it is proved by the Great food industry there.  Evolution says everything is made out of matter and energy--light and heat and vitamins and such through--by--with accidents also.  Now Chuck Missler who has a track record better than Al Gore being a preacher says that you could open a jar of peanut butter being matter also and sometimes being warm and a great peanut butter monster would spring out chompin’ and snortin’ and hollerin’.  But that never has happened in the 4000 year history of the world!  So food proves that evolution is wrong.
   D’ya think I would keep askin’ for a Doctor Pepper if I thought one day being thirsty also I’d pop that cap and one of those abortionist doctors would be comin’ right at me?  No! You betcha I might not have my gun on me.

[the problem child]

Forty Watt, I think you should move up to Sixty Watt or more. That is genius! Genesis, also.

[the problem child]

Mutheein'

Been wonderin' how I should bring this up, Pastor Muthee and all, bein' a black man, but not an African American, from Kenya, like Barack Hussein Obama, bless his heart, so also, but we've got to respect all colours and we are all God's chiildren, and he really did take me by surprise, a real gotcha moment, but not in a bad way, mediawise, but the media did still make it into a gotcha moment, but it really seems completely unfair that they would use that video of me in those pants that just make me look so wide, blame it on the angle, but you can be sure, won't be wearing a black blazer with white widelegs, no sirree! not though I haven't had my wide moments, like when I was pregnant with all five of my kids, and Trig, well he was wide in a different way, but I used a lot of scarves and such.

Worshippin' and hearing the voice of God, and then Pastor Muthee called me up and the seven mountains, but I didn't realize until later that he wasn't talkin' about the Chugach and Talkeetna ranges, but he should have, cause wherever you are, it's important to bring up the local sports teams and landmarks and such and get them right, especially if you are in Erie, Pennsylvania and they like don't like the Phillies, which seems kind of, like UnAmerican, but anyway, puttin' his hands on my shoulders and the other pastors holdin' me up, because I might have gone into a dive, otherwise and also with the power of the witches which lives in Wasilla and does the which abortions, but not anymore, he was prayin' out and askin' God to make a way, just as bold as you please, and I was thinkin' that's pretty bold, being the only black man for many, many miles, but it turns out that he had a pipeline to God and I now rely on him for pipeline advice as well as witchcraft casting outs, that the Native Canadians with their objections will not be able to.

[the problem child]

Didn't mean to quote, just to modify.  Re-modified to save space in the crowded intertubes. Thanks, Steve!

[Steve]

Didn't mean to quote, just to modify.

Tech advice: In future, watch for that Modify button, and Always click the Preview button for final inspection before posting. To fix this booboo, you can:
1) Open the Quote version, using the Modify button, then copy or cut the main text.
2) Delete any remaining contents of the input box, then click Save.
3) Click Modify in the first version, paste the copied/cut text into the input box, then edit, Preview, etc.
Tedious, yes, but it will work.

[theshrew]

Why is it that it's way funnier to read "fake" Sarah Palin word salad than the real thing?  Maybe because it's not as sad and scary that someone deemed to be a legitimate VP candidate would actually talk like that...