The Biography of Sarah Palin By:Mudpuppies Unite!

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[Obamanos!]

Okay. Here's the drill.
This can be Chapter One: The Phone Call
Each entry should write another Chapter. Make it short, long, fun, happy, sad or just what it was...pathetic!
Chapter Two could be the convention. Or the roll out of Palin in Ohio. Or whatever, but try to stay in some kind of order. Each entry in this forum would advance the story through the campaign. For a trip down memory lane, just Google the campaign and all kinds of bad memories will be there for you. Or, just look back at the Forums on Palin from day ONE!
Oh, THAT would be funny!!! Include some comments from freaked out Mudpuppies! HAAAAA.
Anyway...Here is Chapter One: Remember, you are telling it in the voice of the one
the
only
Sarah
Palin
also
too
-------------
My Own Story:
From There to Here
By: Sarah Palin

The phone rang. We were walkin' around and havin' such a good time at the Alaska State Fair there and also I just didn't want to answer my phone this time. Dang it. Oh well, it could be another oil company that I showed 'em how to listen to a tough Alaskan gal there, I answered it, also to shore up any foreseeable problems on the outside, I thought, I better do what's right in the name of this great nation.
"Hello," I said loudly into one of my three phones. "It's me, John McCain, can ya talk?" he said. I was too busy avoiding that mean ex-brother-in-law in that stupid bear suit to notice that it was THE maverick of all mavericks. THE true war hero who could protect her from those who seek to destroy us. You know that terrorist Obama would never call me to help answer to those who want to talk about the stinkin' corpse and also to help America and her ideals.
I could barely hear him, so Todd , at that time, in line for another funnel cake for Bristol, said to me that the maverick probably wanted to make a team of mavericks there and that I could be best served on the outside to try to assist this great nation in her time and need if God wanted me to plow through that door or crack as Hillary made 18 million of them and I called Hillary to tell her thanks, but no thanks on that bridge to feminism also there Katie Couric can be so left wing gotcha questions that only Sean Hannity there can also understand what it's like to break up the good 'ol boys as I did up there in Alaska.

Chapter Two
The convention there in Minnesota and all I ever asked for was a Diet Dr. Pepper

[0whole1]

The phone rang.

I think there needs to be a section in there where she asks the girls if it was ok for her to run.

=========

"And I turned to the kids -- aw, the kids just love that fair thing with those rides, the up and down ones and the circley guys and the horses also -- and they're all about job creation, you know?  The rides, not the kids.  Those carnivals, that's where real America is, you betcha.  Anyway, I turned to the kids and I said, "So, whaddaya think, me a V.P.?"  And by golly, they couldn'ta been more supportive, with their hootin' and their hollerin'.  Well, everybody but that pistol Bristol.  She was all, "Well, what does a V.P. *do,* Ma?" and I was all, "Stuff it, sister, or I ain't carryin' you an' your so-an'-so boyfriend's blessed rugrat on my health insurance!" and she was all like, "Whatever."  Kids are just so precious, aren't they?  So my family all said go for it, even the ones that weren't there, although of course they all *were* there, I'm sure.

===========

[anne]

The phone rang. We were walkin' around and havin' such a good time at the Alaska State Fair there and also I just didn't want to answer my phone this time. Dang it. Oh well, it could be another oil company that I showed 'em how to listen to a tough Alaskan gal there, I answered it, also

 

This is way too hard for me to emulate. Like parodying McGonagall, another unique talent, also. At least they weren't pallin' around. (Um, isn't the apologetic apostrophe somewhat NewEngland-centric?)

Dunno how I missed this post from Language Log - interesting analysis of Also.

My money is on Andrew Morton for the biog. Right, I'll get out of the way of the burgeoning word salad. Let it sprout!

[Steve]

I don't have a chapter to contribute (can't wrap my mind around her style), but this might be interesting material for someone:
Washington Post: Palin's Strengths Rooted in Alaska

[Lucy]

I'm a little reluctant to post this.  I truly to do not mean to be offensive to those who find comfort and sustenance from God and prayer. I've been known to do the same on occasion. Please write me PM and let me know where I crossed the line.

I got this idea from  Brian aka Snooker Hinge Palin (18:27:09) who wrote the following on today's blog:  I’m sure God is wondering just what he has to do to get through to Sarah. First, he slams the Vice Presidential door in her face. Next, he has the RNC send out a team of lawyers and accountants to retrieve the stolen underwear her family is hiding. Now he slams the door to the Senate shut. Can Sarah take a hint?


SP:  Dear God: Thank you for your blessings and for thinking me worthy to be president of the United STates?
God:  Huh? :huh:
SP:  I'm so grateful for the opportunity to build a foundation for your plans for my future run as President of the United States?
God:  Huh? :huh:
SP:  I've met so many wonderful people who will help me to build a better tomorrow, and also this great nation that needs to work together.
God:  double Huh? :shocked:
SP:  And thank you for the wardrobe.  That was such a special blessing.  I know not everyone gets the opportunity to be able to buy so many beautiful clothes, and it was just a fun, fun blessing you gave me.
God.  Okay, I don't think you're understanding me.   Remember the lawyers who came to town to inventory your clothes?  And your promise to give the clothes to charity.  And your father telling the world it included underwear for your children? an the slip that let everyone know it was silk underwear for your husband?  Does that sound like a blessing?
SP:  I can see that you have big plans for me.  I can see you cracking doors open - and trust me,  I will be your faithful servant, and work hard, and sacrifice, and I will not hide my candle under a bushel basket, but will be light shining from the mountain for all to see your glory and your work and how you've blessed me because I have followed you and accepted you into my heart, and also accepted your son who was so brave.
God:   Now I'm sure you're not understanding me.
SP:  Thanks for opening the doors for all the interviews on my victory tour for Jesus.  I am blessed to be able to have a job, and a mission for you that is important for everyone, and also honors you. 
God:  Do you know hwat a closed door looks like?
SP:  I can see why you closed the door on VP - working for J McC may not have worked out so well, and I trust your wisdom.   He and I were not always on the same wavelength.  I woul probably have been stifled and also not been able to, others would have dimmed my lights. SAme with the Senate race.  If STevens won, and then I replaced Stevens, I would have ended up at the bottom of the heap, and can see your wisdom in closing that door too with the election of Begich.
God:  hoo boy.  Good thing I love you.  :kiss: This job is a little frustrating sometimes.  But it's okay. I'm a big guy.
SP:  I look forward to finding those cracks in the door.  I'm so ready to be your servant and look forward to continuing to serve you and glorify your name, and also to help our youth go out and make you proud.
God:  <sigh>  Good night Sarah.  I love you.

Thanks Brian, for the inspiration

[SC Cluckhead]

 

I see nothing offensive about it, but then I am not in the group that you are worried about.
(I do not belong to a church and couldn't be a fundamentalist in ANY case)

I don't know if I can contribute a chapter. My mind hurts after listening to her, but it's a challenge and I'll see what I can come up with. Later.

[Sauerkraut]

Anne - about your word salad -->  will that be baby spinach, radichoke, iceberg, or something else?  Trying to develop this a little bit futher.  Maybe it won't work cuz yanno, I just fell offa that turnip truck.

[Deep Blue]

I WISH I were funny and creative enough to write a good post for this thread. But I will be here as a cheerleader, LMAO......

 

[the problem child]

Chapter ?

First bumps


So, anyway, I hopped on that plane to Arizona so fast it woudda made my head spin, didn't blink, you betcha, if I was sure I had it with me! HOOBoy, it's off to the races to meet the Maverick, a real war hero and to help him to shore up the economy and the war and the Lord's will, doncha know.

But in the back of my spinning head, there, there were these two big problems. Numero, uno, first all I had was my overnight bag, and I knew I couldn't wear my pooh-bear sweatshirt on the campaign trail, of course, and I got it at Target in Anchorage, cause we don't have one yet in Wasilla, workin' hard at that, but after the campaign that would be a big disappointment to come home to, also.

The other one was about Bristol. Bristol had gotten herself - but with help from God and Levi, also - a little bit pregnant, not too much pregnant, but you know it's a life and a blessing and a sin to kill it, even though Bristol is pretty good at changing diapers already and she said she never stopped abstinence, just got a bit confused about anatomy one night there with the PCP dust and the Stolichnaya, too, that one's from Russia, so it hardly even counts as imported, they make it so close there, also, and Putin reared his head and got my little girl, who maybe doesn't look so little any more, and will have to do a lot of growing up, also, too, much faster than Todd and me would have wanted, but anyway, without a doubt, an open door and she let him walk right through it.

So needing to tell THE maverick's maverick that I didn't have a thing to wear and also could we budget for maternity clothes also. But I never did get to tell him anything because at the airport I was met by Nicole Wallace who was a real sweetie until she wasn't all of a sudden and we had a real girly heart to heart and she said it would be no problem to stop by Neiman's and Bergdorfs also on the way to the convention and let's just put this on the campaign credit card for now, and I should just keep quiet about it and didn't I look just amazin' for having just had a baby and I just sort of slipped it in there that Bristol was expecting to get married but might not be able to now with the campaign and me needing her bridesmaid and flower girl also to decorate the stage behind me also and why she was getting married, too, and Nicole was just great, just a real mover and a shaker, and she loves her blackberries, too, also.

[Irishgirl]

@The problem Child
I am giggling like a fool. That was sooo funny.

 

[Misfit]

Convention night came  and I walked out on that stage, all dressed up in my brand new clothes also and I just wow'd that crowd too. I could just feel all the LOVE beamin up at me and the country just needs a maverick like me to lead them to the glory and the salvation and create jobs from oil and kill wolfs from planes and tax payers just love to pay for my family travels and Putins rearin head hunkered back down in fear our our Maverick team.  I just knew it was my time also and I told the Lord "you betcha, I am ready to jjst plow through that door"

[Husky in Florida]

It's late afternoon, and my beverage of choice today is diet coke.....and now it's splattered on my screen.

It's your guys's fault, and also,too, the great Ronald Reagan....

[anne]

Anne - about your word salad -->  will that be baby spinach, radichoke, iceberg, or something else?  Trying to develop this a little bit futher.  Maybe it won't work cuz yanno, I just fell offa that turnip truck.

Well, Sauerkraut, that would be all of the vegetables that we're growing right up here in Alaska, here in the state that I am executive of, for the benefit that will help all of the people that we have up here to have healthy lives and the children also. Let me speak specifically about a salad ingredient that I do bring to the table,  overseeing the production of it and it's about nutrients and the wonderful landscape we have here in Alaska to be able to live and be protected with inalienable rights that I believe are God-given, and that's pasture patty.

[Obamanos!]

 

You all are cracking me up!

I LOVE this line about Target....OMG....you can SEE her face and HEAR her saying this very sentence.

"Target in Anchorage, cause we don't have one yet in Wasilla, workin' hard at that, but after the campaign that would be a big disappointment to come home to, also."---THAT WAS SOOOOOOO FUUUUUNNNNYYYY

[the problem child]

Anne - about your word salad -->  will that be baby spinach, radichoke, iceberg, or something else?  Trying to develop this a little bit futher.  Maybe it won't work cuz yanno, I just fell offa that turnip truck.

Probably not arugula.

[jenny in maine]

Chapter 803- The Campaign Trail Was Just Like My College Years

As I left that stage with all those proud Americans who placed their trust in the reform we mavericks are committed to for this great nation and also for the change and reform that is what our great party stands for, I began a journey across this vast country on the campaign trail.  The next two months reminded me of those years as a young college student where I traveled from one great state to another gaining valuable experiences experienicing the experiences of all the fine institutions I was priviledged enough to attend. 

I have vast experience with the college degree also in that I attended many of them, the fine universities our proud country possesses and therfore I am more experienced than Senator Obama who only attended one undergraduate college.  I attended five universities in six years.  That's two more years than my, I mean, John McCain's opponent.  Senator Obama only attended college in one state for only four years.  I studied in 3 states of this proud country and since one is in the pacific ocean, I have eastern foreign policy experience in addition to my foreign poilicy experience in Alaska, as it sits next to Canada and Russia.  I also have a breadth of executive experience and training as I studied Business Administration as well as journalism, and thus therefore am highly qualified, if the people of this great nation so chose to give me that opportunity of which I would be so proud.  Hawaii, Idaho, Idaho, Alaska, Idaho.  Campaignin' brought me back to all that jumpin' and travelin' during those formative years of which I was priviledged to attend those great schools.  Maverick.....

[bonefish]

You all have me laughin' in my jammies, you betcha, by golly!

[Obamanos!]

Jenny in Maine, are you really Sarah Palin? Sarah, is that YOU?
Your chapter was funny AND scary!
Hilarious.
The experience thing was too great.
You talk a wee bit too much like her.........aaaaggggggggghhhhh!!!!
Very funny!

[jenny in maine]

Me?  Sarah?  You betcha'!

I have dozens of chapters to add.....

[the problem child]

Gosh , the intertubes also played such a pivotal, but so important role, and I followed it on my blackberry, but also, I wish they'd used a picture that acknowledged and recognized my executive experience, also, although I love that picture from when I was Miss Wasilla, but also, so much has happened and I've been so blessed with my five children and also.

Gotta say, I had amazing support from a number of people in the intertubes community especially in the beginnin' that our great Alaskan Ted Stevens, not to be mean, but he was so OLD and such, even when I was growing up in the great community that we have there of Wasilla, and we've got to be thinkin' positive, 'cause he brought a lot to the table and to the debates that we were havin' there over just how much we needed those earmarks there that brought so much to the great City of Wasilla that I had the honour to be the mayor of. Oh, and the great support was from websites that I'd never even heard about because I was so productive as governor, sayin' thanks, but no thanks to that bridge to nowhere, but also I had the tee-shirt, and progressin' the great state of Alaska for the betterment of this great country first. But also, my favorite had to be http://vpilf.com/ , havin' such great information and educatin' the people about this great Vice President I'd Lilke For My Comtry but I don't really know why they shortened comtry down like that with the period in front instead of behind. Because also my daddy who was such a great outdoorsman and example to me and taught me how to field dress a moose was a teacher also and I'm pretty sure he said that periods go after an abbreviation, but I'll try to find some and get back to you on that, although they don't use anything for "My" so maybe that's what the period is for, speaking of periods, the blessed change is finally upon me, and so no more of that kind of fun for me, but Todd will be so sad that Bristol's kid won't have any uncles younger, too, God bless him, he's such a blessin' from God, bless his heart.

Okay, a few small edits, but I couldn't think of a good title earlier