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September 17, 2021

Parnell – Dug in Like a Tick

Separated at Birth? Photo by Jeanne Devon, enhanced by OzMud.

Separated at Birth? Photo by Jeanne Devon, enhanced by OzMud.

Well, I’m surprised. Gov. Sean Parnell announced Friday that he will run for governor again.

“Fantastic! I get to vote for Sean Parnell as governor again!” said no one within earshot of me ever. The anticipation of his announcement, and the speculation around it, was fierce. Would he give Mark Begich a run for his money for the U.S. Senate? Would he figure his work was done, having succeeded in passing a bill to give billions to oil companies for no guarantees, and just start picking out wallpaper for a K Street office?

He’s dug in like a tick.

I realize that hoping he would pull a Palin and quit was just wishful thinking.

There’s not as much drama with Sean as we had with Sarah, but there’s a downside to that. Parnell seems awkward in public, a strained smile and that math teacher laugh — which is probably why we don’t see him as often.

Sean Parnell, constitutionally speaking, is the worst governor Alaska has ever had. Ignoring the principles of the Owner State, he has taken us from surplus to deficit spending and we didn’t even have to invade Iraq to do it.

Parnell said, “I think we’ve got a lot more work to do.” I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean fixing all the backward legislation he shoved through a gerrymandered Legislature. Pebble mine hasn’t been permitted yet, but he’s already bending over backward to sacrifice our renewable salmon resource on the altar of foreign mining interests.

The Chuit River hasn’t been REMOVED yet for coal extraction, so that will be on his to-do list. Putting the state into debt to make energy available for said mining projects is yet to be accomplished — though we’re getting close. While the governor’s idea for the puny little gas line to Cook Inlet passed the Legislature this year — in a clever move akin to shipping sand to the beach — someone might yet see what a waste of money that is and make a fuss, so he needs to baby-sit that.

The for-profit school voucher vultures are still circling for their piece of the pie. And someone needs to guard the borders to keep health care out.

Parnell went further: “I think Alaskans trust this administration.” News flash, buddy, government doesn’t run on trust. It runs on accountability. But good luck with that, citizens. The Parnell administration is so secretive and so dismissive of open government rules, we’re all turning into mushrooms.

“I think they know what they can expect, that we will continue to look out for them, and I want to do that.”

Who wrote that line for the governor? We’re so confident the governor is looking out for us that hundreds of volunteers are collecting thousands of signatures to repeal SB 21, the governor’s grand legacy, the bill to give away the farm without so much as the promise of an egg. If that endeavor succeeds, the governor will be running in a primary on a ballot that includes dumping his signature “achievement.”

The Republican Party is ripping itself apart in a power struggle between the corporate overlords and the don’t-tread-on-me crowd. Sean Parnell may have to actually debate someone who doesn’t agree with his vision of Alaska as an oil colony. Bill Walker isn’t going to bring a library book about knife fighting to a gunfight.

But here’s the truth of it: Reelecting Sean Parnell will be a disaster for regular Alaskans. There’s too much at stake for us to zone out and let this one pass by. Let’s get ready for fishing season now, but in August, let’s send him packing.

[This article is cross-posted at The Anchorage Daily News.] 



9 Responses to “Parnell – Dug in Like a Tick”
  1. Mo says:

    That “Bloated Tick” metaphor – or is it a simile? I forget – may have some campaign potential in it.
    “Conoco lobbyist sucks state money” and a suitable photoshop….

  2. Zyxomma says:

    He doesn’t just look like the unholy bastard son of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, he ACTS like it, too. At least pond scum and slime mold have a purpose in life. Everything about SP 2.0 is just WRONG.

  3. Alaska Pi says:

    Good job Shannyn!
    I am tired of the secrecy, the patronizing don’t-worry-your-lil-self-I’ll-take-care-of-things, and total disregard for any opposition of Mr Parnell’s administration.
    Governor Torpedo has quietly and stealthily damaged this state with his open-for-business-at-all-costs , phony and costly fights with the Fed and the like.
    Given he launched the SB21 torpedo in broad daylight and so close to shore, no one can pretend they didn’t see it hit the good ship Alaska broadside.
    Trust him? Pffft!
    Some old drunk guy tried to sell me his shoes in a bus station 40 years ago and made a rilly, rilly big deal about how he wasn’t going to spend the money on booze. Yes siree Bob- like I believed that then, even being a hick kid in the big city. You betcha- he just needed some cab fare to go somewhere important in his bare feet.
    And I trust that guy’s lie more than I trust Cap’n Torpedo about anything !

  4. akbooklover says:

    How do we find a place to sign the SB21 petition? I want my name on it!

  5. Then fumigate him like a tick... says:

    With the smoking votes that will chase him out of Juneau…we need to find someone to hire in the meantime…
    It sounds like we need a pit-bull attorney to run for Governor…any takers? know someone? pass it on…
    We will need an attorney for Governor to undo all the illegalities that occurred and restitution to those damaged by the corruptions…jail time for officials involved…inter-agency cooperation…a teachable moment for Alaska…

  6. windpond says:

    Let’s not forget Parnell’s ‘Road to Resources’, whatever that means. If there was ever anything good about SB21, and there isn’t, it would be the state not having enough money to push a road into the Brooks Range for the big mining companies.

  7. mike from iowa says:

    You must be a clever writer,you had me feeling sorry for ticks. At least ticks motives are altruistic.Gov.Torpedo-not so much.

  8. bubbles says:

    dear Alaskans there is only one hope. send Sean to Ru Paul’s Drag Race. a little makeup, a wig and a cheap dress will make Parnell a rival for Palin’s base. imagine him on the O’Reilly Show, or speaking to millions from his living room. he can make an outstanding Republican candidate for the Presidency. the world awaits. send him south today!
    seriously, i wish you guys well. i hope you find someone awesome to run against him.
    loove Bubbles

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