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September 19, 2021

Torches and Pitchforks for Parnell

There are certain times when a government crosses a line, and there’s really no other way to adequately express one’s feelings about it than by deploying torches and pitchforks. The glinting of the tines in the firelight, the surging of the crowd, the bellowing of moral outrage… Ahhh. There’s really nothing like it to get the ol’ blood pumping.

Well, I guess there is another way, but I’m reasonably sure it’s illegal, and though it might be satisfying the irony of retaliating against a bully by tarring and feathering him could not be overlooked, and might garner said bully some unwarranted sympathy. So let’s stick with the first plan.

Who’s gotten us all wound up and steaming from the ears?

I speak, of course, of Governor Sean (air quotes) Choose Respect (close airquotes)Parnell.

He thinks there’s really no way to respect two octogenarians who have helped to shape the history of our great state, like former First Lady Bella Hammond and Constitutional Delegate Vic Fischer, than to sue them for a million dollars. Yes, you heard me correctly.

The Parnell administration, headed by the man who whines about people telling Alaska to sit down and shut up almost as much as his shrieking predecessor,  is SUING 80-somethings Bella Hammond and Vic Fischer because they refused to “sit down and shut up.”

Are you feeling a little outraged by that? I think you are, because you are a decent human being who doesn’t like to see anyone bullied, let alone these two Alaskan icons. If you saw either of them getting harassed in the park by some two-bit thug, you’d have something to say about that, would you not? Because you, my friend, have a sense of right and wrong, a sense of justice, and a basic respect for those on whose shoulders you stand.  The governor, clearly does not.

The governor is the two-bit thug standing up not for them, or us, but for giant multinational mining conglomerates who don’t really feel like dealing with uppity old people with things to say, and back yards to protect, and Alaskan industries to preserve. That’s annoying to them, and they should not have to be annoyed while they take Alaska’s resources away to foreign lands. Stroking the fur of these corporations is such a bedrock principle to the governor that he even broke his quaint little oath of office to “protect and defend the Constitution” to make sure his pals don’t have any trouble from the locals.


The other thing you would do after rummaging around to find the pitchfork in the garage, is clear your calendar for

Wednesday, October 23 at 11:30am at which time you would go to 7th and E Streets in Anchorage,

which is right next to where the two-bit thug has his shiny office with the lovely view of the kingdom. There, you would join your fellow Alaskans, and stand before them and the media, and with your presence you would proudly proclaim that you stand with Bella and Vic, and  you throw your lot in with the growing number of Alaskans who do indeed think that the Governor should sit down and shut up, and let these two who have given so much of their lives to this state, have some peace. We should be thanking them, not suing them. And that’s what you would do.

That’s what I’m going to do, and I’ll see you there.




25 Responses to “Torches and Pitchforks for Parnell”
  1. slipstream says:

    Here is the Anchorage Daily News coverage of the rally:

    slipstream hisownself was there, as was mudflats herownself, but neither of us appears in the photo.

  2. Ice Gal says:

    This administration need to be relocated to Spring Creek in Seward, where they all could be put away for a very long time and no longer be able to harm Alaskans.

  3. mike from iowa says:

    Love the way Jeanne has expanded her stick figure horizon and threw in pristine white robes for just “that” special warm,fuzzy,comraderie effect. So little says so much. Strokes of sheer genius! 🙂

  4. It’s actually worse than AKM describes. Bella Hammond and Vic Fischer are more or less by catch in the bigger project of forcing nonprofit environmental advocacy groups out of Alaska.

    Trustees for Alaska, Alaska Conservation Foundation, the Moore Foundation; they have provided the lawyers and the money to try and hold the State of Alaska to account for its develop-at-all-costs agenda. In retaliation, the State and Pebble Partnership are trying to force the nonprofits to disclose the name and contribution amounts of their donors. If the nonprofits won’t divulge, then that State claims the State and Pebble should get their big fee awards. The State’s idea is that forcing disclosure will make the money dry up, and then those pesky lawsuits will go away.

    Think of it as yet another Republican extortion attempt: give us the information we want or Bella and Vic get their life savings whacked.

    If you aren’t outraged, you should be.


    • Alaska Pi says:

      Thank you WC. Fills in some blanks on questions I have about this.
      Outrage doesn’t begin to describe what I feel about this though…

  5. davispty5 says:

    I wish I didn’t have to work — I’d be there with my pitchfork!

  6. Pat Gaedeke says:

    Lest we forget, Bella Hammond and Vic Fischer were instrumental in putting the vote to repeal SB21 on the ballot in 2014. Parnell is all about revenge.

  7. COalmostNative says:

    Hmm… How about using some of that tar sands? Roll the weasel in it, coat him with feathers- and run him out of town.

    Except none of us Lower 48ers want him, either…

  8. Linda Scates says:

    I do have a pitchfork that I turn my compost with. Are there any laws against open carry?

  9. Jag24 says:

    Can we also bring tar & feathers?

  10. Ripley in CT says:

    Make pitchforks and torches to bring. Out of something safe, I guess. Though, hard enough cardboard could give one a nasty paper cut if applied properly 😉

  11. NickWI says:

    At what point can Parnell be brought up on charges for failing his oath of office? i mean its there in the state constitution, Alaska’s resources are for the people, not for foreign companies who don’t give the a flying fruit basket about the locals. preserving them, by setting them aside for future generations, carries more value then whatever value the companies claim will come out of despoiling the land. people sadly dont not listen to those who have seen all the struggles of life. listen to those who lived through the depression, as they remember how much hardship they and their family endured, and how it affected so many. this governor is suing two people who have given far more of themselves to the state than he has, hes a slimy weasel who got into office because Sarah Who decided serving a full term was too much work.

  12. Zyxomma says:

    I can be there only in spirit, but should Bella and Vic need help raising money for their defense, I’ll gladly contribute what I can.

    Have a great rally, Anchorage.

  13. mike from iowa says:

    Having had considerable hands-on experience with 3,4,5,and 10 tine forks,one wonders which one would be suitable to skewer human waste and should the occasion call for formal attire,should one bring a white fork? 3 tine forks seem to be the choice for most get togethers,but with Parnell one might need a 10 tine manure fork to facillitate cleanup. You guys in Alaska have all the fun. Harumph! 🙂

    • mike from iowa says:

      It’s snowing,it’s snowing here in mikey land at 3:49 A.M. Central Standard Time. I’m dreaming of a white Halloween, not.

      • Alaska Pi says:

        No fairsies!
        We haven’t even had a true frost here yet and you are getting snow? Dang.
        Iowa sure has wacko weather…

        • mike from iowa says:

          Mother Nature must be mad cuz it is snowing again. Yesterday’s snow was gone by noon your time testerday. Stuff is melting as it hits the ground today. We can use the moisture. What I don’t want or need is bears of any description.Right now flakes are as big as silver dollars. And you are still my hero. 🙂

  14. juneaudream says:

    It occurs to me..that the rally..will be..a most excellent gathering..and yes..educational one..for the weak-minded ..parnell. What I doubt that he is aware that in very few years..his grandchildren, and those of many of his curr. ‘supporters’..will have joined the ranks of well Family of Man..groups..and be working against..everything he has worked to damage..beyond any..recovery. Your own blood..parnel, ..children..rising both feel humiliation..for all you covered yourselves the dirty , sneaky, land whoring political arena..and also, the children..of your most rabid supporters. I wait, and watch..these oily, linted bellys..trying to salvage the ruins..they will become. worth..waiting for. Gather..good people..GATHER!.

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