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September 19, 2021

Palin: Waterboarding is Baptism for Terrorists

It was reported a couple weeks ago that Sarah Palin, speculating on the whereabouts of the still-missing Malaysia Airlines plane, said it had “flown straight to heaven.” It turned out she hadn’t said that at all. The quote was part of an article written on one of the infamous news satire websites that continually dupe unsuspecting users of the internets. The good ones hit so close to the mark, it’s hard to tell.

A couple days ago, Sarah Palin was quoted speaking on the United States’ CIA torture program saying, “If I was in charge, they’d know that water boarding is how we baptize terrorists.”

“Enough is enough,” thought I, looking to see whether the source of the quote was The Onion, or the Daily Currant. It’s too easy to satirize Palin, and if they don’t watch it, people are really going to start getting offended by this stuff, and might actually feel sorry for her, I worried.

I suppose it speaks well of me that even I, who have had my eye on that flaming ball of crazy since the Wasilla days, believed that there was a limit. There was an edge to Sarah Palin’s moral universe that even she would not cross.

That universe, it turns out, spans an area larger than I imagined.

“They obviously have information on plots to carry out jihad,” she went on as she addressed the convention of the National Rifle Association. “Oh, but you can’t offend them, can’t make them feel uncomfortable, not even a smidgen. Well, if I were in charge, they would know that waterboarding is how we baptize terrorists.”

Conflating a fundamental sacrament of her own religion (which, technically, is supposed to be about turning the other cheek, and peace on earth good will toward men), with a violent act of religious torture? Yeah, I actually didn’t see that one coming. Neither did some conservative Christians, who publicly criticized the ex-half-governor turned sadism crusader.

From Joe Carter of the Gospel Coalition:

“For anyone to confess Christ as their savior and to compare one of the means of God’s grace to a reprehensible act of torture is reprehensible.

Yes, Carter went double-reprehensible in the same sentence and I, for one, am not going to correct him.

“I hope members of Gov. Palin’s local church will explain to her why her remarks denigrate the Christian faith. Such remarks bring shame on the Body of Christ and to our witness in the world. Even more shameful, however, is the fact that so many Christians would cheer her support of torture (and yes, waterboarding is torture).”

The Senate select committee on intelligence spent five years and more than $40m studying the CIA’s detention and interrogation program.

The findings of the study appear to conclude that the agency purposefully misled the White House, Congress and the American people; to confirm that unauthorised interrogation methods were used; that legal opinions were flawed; and that the torture yielded no useful intelligence.

John McCain, Palin’s presidential running mate, former prisoner of war, and torture survivor, decries the practice and concurs with that last finding. Using his own experience and what most would refer to as “common sense,” he figured out that a prisoner will say anything to make torture stop, whether it’s true or not.

Her other running mate, Jesus, is also believed not to have been a fan of torture.

Recently, intrepid investigative journalist Jason Leopold landed an interview with Dr James Elmer Mitchell, the architect of the CIA torture program, or as Palin might call it the “Smidgen of Discomfort Program.” He’s also been to Guantanamo Bay to report on conditions at the prison facility, the recent hunger strikes of prisoners, and the U.S. response.

Leopold is a friend of mine, so I asked for a quote. He hadn’t heard Palin’s comments until I shared them. He had this to say:

“Holy ************* ****! She actually said this?! She is * **** ******* ****.”

My sentiments exactly.

When asked if she really meant what she said, Palin declined the opportunity to distance herself from herself, and today her own Facebook page reiterated her attitude toward water boarding.

“Darn right I’d do whatever it takes…”

I’m glad she toned it down and didn’t use a swear word. Because that would just be un-Christian.



22 Responses to “Palin: Waterboarding is Baptism for Terrorists”
  1. aaqooauk says:

    this is the republicans base,she is the only one with guts to tell the truth about the politics of republicans today,if pubs want a shmidgen of a chance today,they need to feed her and her family the moneys to look presidential.Today it looks and sounds like she many more millions and maybe a few billion to win there America back.

  2. mike from iowa says:

    and god sad,let there be light. Whereupon Palin reared her ugly head. god said,don’t we have anything brighter?

    and god said,let there be love. Whereupon Palin reared her ugly head and declared she loved herself.

    Whereupon god summoned all the destructive powers at hand and verily cast upon that plague of Palin the “Big Bang” ,

    Whereupon god smiled and declared all was right in the universe.

    Whereupon Palin reared her ugly head and …………..

  3. Krubozumo Nyankoye says:

    Palin is a gift. She says out loud what the republicans stand for. By her own logic, let’s waterboard her for a few days or weeks and see what all she will confess to. After all, we are all equal under the law are we not?
    Isn’t that in the constitution? And it would be fun to baptize her as a terrorist. Because she is one. Palin should go to Bunkerville, Nevada. It would be like a hog fight on a rainy night. .On the other hand it would make a great episode for the sport channel if they could find a thawing pig sty in Wasilla….

  4. Dagian says:

    I have a friend who is a deacon, a Republican and even identifies himself as Tea Party Republican and he and I share the same sense of horror when it comes to Sarah Palin.

    Despite all of that, he’s still a good guy and a great friend. I’m his bleeding-heart left-wing pinko Democrat friend with a complete disinterest in faith – but decently acquainted with various religions.

    I really thought his eyes were going to fall right out of his head when what she had said came up in conversation – he was LIVID.

  5. AKblue says:

    Hey Sarah
    Jesus was tortured.
    Some people thought he was dangerous.
    He was innocent.

  6. AKjah says:

    The gift that keeps on giving.

  7. mike from iowa says:

    Bless my hear and bless my soul
    It walks it talks its Shane Holt,troll. 🙂

  8. mike from iowa says:

    McCain had the pick of the litter
    So he chose the Alaska victim

  9. Carol says:

    Calling John McCain. Calling John McCain. Calling John McCain. Hmm, he’s not answering the call.

  10. Megadeth says:

    Megadeth – Symphony of Destruction…

    Just like the Piped Piper – led rats through the streets – you dance like marionettes- swaying to the symphony of destruction…

  11. Zyxomma says:

    Sarah who?

  12. Rebecca says:

    One joke over the line, sweet Jesus
    One joke over the line,
    Set back on her heels at the trouble she’s facing,
    One joke over the line.

  13. Wugmump says:

    Shane Holt:

    So, terrorists can be identified instantly because of how they appear, and you are advocating shooting them all? Well THAT should simplify things! Now we can do away with due process and the rule of law! How very American of you. Hint: this is more complicated than a video game. The bad guys don’t wear black hats, or have floating tags identifying them.
    Remember, for every problem, there is a common-sense, folksy solution that is . . . . wrong. Collect all your wits and go buy a clue.


  14. Wugmump says:

    This is a great opportunity for Grampa McGrumpypants to finally admit he screwed up when he picked her for VP in 2008. He, of all people, should stand up and say “sit down and be quiet!”. But he won’t, of course.
    On the other hand, we have her (partly) to thank for a Democrat in the White House for the last two terms, and for the foreseeable future. Thanks, crazy woman!

  15. Tugster says:

    This would have been grampa McGrumpy’s best time to admit that he screwed up picking her for vp in ’08. On the other hand, we have her to thank for a Democrat in the WH. Thanks, crazy woman!

  16. RipleyInCT says:

    The first time I saw it on my twitter feed, I asked, “She didn’t really say that, did she?”, as I, like you, didn’t think she had quite that level of cray-cray and lack of supervision. Apparently, I was wrong and was directed to a link of the offense.

    Offensive to even those of us who don’t necessarily identify with teh religion.

  17. tallimat says:

    Well we knew she wasn’t the sharpest dimwit in the crazy nest.

    • No Name says:

      lol…I can breath when I stop laughing…

      Ok we gotta get some one liners going here people…

      Laughter is the best medicine…

      No it’s not funny what ‘wanna be Saint Sarah’ said…

      But the one liners in response to her incompetence is priceless…

      I will check in to see what you all come up with…

      Sarah Palin? One dumb damn broad….you can’t fix stupid

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