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Friday, November 5, 2021

Don Young Killed a Guy. He Says.

Last week Alaska Congressman Don Young (R) pulled a “Don Young,” and thanks to the magic of the internets and the television, it’s percolated up to the national media. Chris Hayes, on his show All In (see video above), talked about the incident that occurred at the Kodiak fisheries debate, in which Democratic challenger Forrest Dunbar made a terrible terrible mistake…

One that could COST HIM HIS LIFE!     (<——– Say this in baritone movie promo voice)

Forrest Dunbar… touched Don Young.

He. Touched. Him.

Not a “show me on the doll where Forrest Dunbar touched you” kind of touch. But one which nevertheless launched a cascading rage response from the rapidly decomposing fossil that represents Alaska in the House of Representatives.

He touched him right on the arm.



I know, right?

And we all know what happened the last time some punk had the audacity to touch Don Young on the arm. That whippersnapper on Capitol Hill got a good wrist wrenching.

Or at least we thought that’s what happened to the last guy. According to Don Young himself, the fate of the last guy may have been a bit more grim.

Challenger Forrest Dunbar had this to say about the events after the touching:

“He freaked out,” said Dunbar. “There is no other way to describe it.

“He kind of snarled at me and said, ‘Don’t you ever touch me. Don’t ever touch me. The last guy who touched me ended up on the ground dead,’” said Dunbar.

Before walking away from the congressman, Dunbar said he waved his hand in a dismissive gesture, saying, “Whatever, man.”

Young replied, according to Dunbar, with a taunting, swishing motion of his own hand: “Oh, you got a sweet swing. You got a sweet swing.”

We learn, much to our immense relief that the aforementioned arm-touching DC staffer did not in fact end up “on the ground dead,” but is alive and well as confirmed by Hayes’ team. That means that Don Young was either lying about his homicidal tendencies, or… there was another guy.




Dunbar’s account was substantiated by witnesses, but because no pictures were taken, we present these eerily lifelike sketches of the events as they occurred. We’re pretty sure that these renditions are mostly accurate.



If you are interested in representation by someone who isn’t insane, then may I humbly suggest you don’t vote for an insane person. And check out Forrest Dunbar’s website.




10 Responses to “Don Young Killed a Guy. He Says.”
  1. Robin Barker says:

    I have been so angy about the rapidly decomposing fossil’s conduct in Wassilla and in Matanuska today that my adrenaline was up to my ears and leaking out. Then I read this piece. When I got to the final pics I stated to laugh and couldn’t stop for full two minutes. Oh, no! I’m starting up again just thinking about the bolo tie.

  2. AKblue says:

    Maybe Don gave the guy a death stare, like he did the DC staffer, which you have captured perfectly, Jeanne.
    Along with the scruffy facial hair and bolo tie. Excellent likeness!

  3. mike from iowa says:

    Here is what is funny-I can use my mouse pointer and touch stick figure Don everywhere and there ain’t a damn thing he can do about it.

  4. Mike D. says:

    Young knows his constituency. He knows GOP voters get all warm and tingly when their politicians talk tough, threaten violence, and brandish weapons. Parnell, on the other hand, looks downright unconvincing in still photos sporting a hunting cap and rifle, as if the shot had been taken against a mural in Cabellas. Young has been playing his role for so long, he at least seems authentic. But in neither instance do these things have a thing to do with issues.

  5. mike from iowa says:

    Maybe it was one of them thar”wetback” tomato vaqueros down on the Young family Californy ranch when Don was a young fossil.

  6. juneaudream says:

    Around our part of this good country..people would have launched a full-on..Johnson Unit request..and be awaiting medical feedback. That kind of whiplash emotional a normal adult human..but a feral animal..near breaking point..verrrry near.

  7. slipstream says:

    I keep hoping that the guy Don Young killed will speak up and tell his side of the story.

  8. Mo says:

    Think I will exchange “rapidly decomposing fossil” for the “old road apple” I’ve been using up to date.

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