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September 17, 2021

Alaska and Exxon – A Romance Rekindled.

pitchfork

It’s been a while since we’ve had a good episode of Mudflats Theatre.  This one’s a romance, although I don’t know if it’s a good “date night” movie.

The scene opens in the bedroom. (I promise, this is rated G….well….PG)

We see a couple in bed.  They are wrapped in a sheet.  She’s nestled in the crook of his arm.  The scene seems peaceful, and we understand immediately that there is a bond between these two lovers.  There is a story here.

“Mmmmm.  What are you thinking?” she asks, in a sort of dreamy soothing voice.

“Oh…I don’t know.  It’s nothing.”  He stares at the ceiling.

She props up on one elbow and gazes in his smoldering yellow eyes.  “It’s something.  Tell me.  What?”

“Well, it’s just that I never thought I’d be back here with you, you know, like this.  It just seems so unlikely.  I mean after all we’ve been through…I just thought…”

“Life is funny, isn’t it?” she smiles.

“Hold on, I need to flip the pillow.  Damn.”  As he lifts his head, we notice that the indentation on the pillow is slightly discolored and is actually beginning to smoke.  He blows on it, like you would a cup of tea, and flips it to the cool side.  She seems to sense what he will ask next, and hops up to open a window.

“I forgot about that,” she giggles.

“And sometimes I just wonder why.  I mean, let’s face it,  you could have anyone you want, so I just ask myself…why me?  I mean, I know you have this thing coming up and you kind of need someone to go with you so you can look good, and I can do that for you…”

“You mean 2012?”  Her eyes flash.

“Yeah… 2012.”  He looks away, not sure if he’s really put his hoof in his mouth this time.

She reaches over and touches his jaw. She gently turns his face toward hers.  “You just said yourself I could have anyone I want, right?  Well, I want you.”  As she says the word “you,” she touches the end of his nose with her fingertip, and follows up with a quick playful kiss.

He  looks consoled, but is obviously still a little incredulous.

“Do you mind if I smoke?”  She hands him a pack of cigarettes from the night table.  He pulls one out and puts it in his mouth where it immediately ignites.  “It’s just after everything…you know.  When I trashed your house with all that horrible toxic crap and your kids got really sick…”  He exhales and watches the smoke rings drift upward.

“You said that was an accident.”

“I know, but I didn’t do a very good job cleaning it up, and then I kind of left it for you to deal with and took off.   And when I kept promising you I’d get a job and make some money, and then I never did and when you put the pressure on, I took you to court?”

“Oh, sweetie…”  She runs her fingers through his hair and strokes his temple with her thumb.  “That’s all in the past.”

“And then I kind of abused your kids pretty bad.  I think they’re still pretty scarred by the whole thing.”

She puts a finger to his lips.  “Shh shh shhhh….”

He is obviously still agitated.  “I mean I just can believe that you would take me back after that…”

“Honey, look.  You gave them some money, right?”

“I know, but I dragged it out for years, and kept using the courts to lower the settlement. Don’t you remember that?”

She rolls over and stares at the ceiling for a while in silence.  “It’s going to be difficult for us to move forward together if you keep bringing all this stuff up.”

“OK….I’m sorry.  I’m sorry.  I promise never to bring it up again.”  He makes the “cross my heart” symbol on his red scaly chest, even though no heart resides in it.

She smiles. “We can talk this all through and iron out the details if you want.”

“Forget the details,” he says.  “We can work all that out later after we tell the kids.  But first, I have one more question,”  he says with a devilish twinkle in his eye.

She returns his flirtation.  “What is it?”

“Wanna be spoons?”

They lock eyes.  He crumples out the cigarette in the palm of his hand and flicks the butt on the floor.   They snuggle up under the covers, and Exxon reaches over with long red fingers, and turns off the light.

Comments

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Comments
55 Responses to “Alaska and Exxon – A Romance Rekindled.”
  1. HAHAHAHA, laughing to hard to comment, that is between the tears of outrage…..

  2. seattlefan says:

    AKM…You rock! This is so funny and actually true. Wonderful way to get the story out! (Love the visual of the cigarette lighting spontaneously….LOL!!!)

  3. Karin in CT says:

    That was one fun read! And I hope (not at the expense of Alaskans) that GINO gets royally screwed at the end of the story.

    AKM, I just love how you keep this place fresh by mixing up all of your different writing styles!

  4. oregonbird says:

    Yes, that’s where I’m going myself. She reversed two Republican lawmakers statements *about their own opinions* and claimed their support. Will those lawmakers come out and retake the ground? And will the legislature welcome Exxon back into Alaska, with the support of — face it — a conservative population with money problems. It would have to be proven that the corporation will be detrimental immediately… such are people.

    Oh, and that was a lovely vignette — encore! Maybe when there’s a response, you can have an enraged husband break in… and haul his scaly sweetie back to heck.

  5. tigerwine says:

    She has mentioned twice when asked about the AK lawmakers who weren’t as enthusiastic about the gas pipeline that there were two who opposed it because they are running for office. Does anyone know who they are?

  6. Gardenslug says:

    Sorry for the off-topic post above.

  7. Gardenslug says:

    I saw a funny post on Huffpo by “RTTucson”
    Top Ten Reasons Sarah Palin is Mad at David Letterman

    10. He”s palling around with humorists!
    9. Can see her hypocrisy from his house.
    8. Keeps mentioning small town newspapers he reads.
    7. When he says “Bush Doctrine” it sounds dirty.
    6. CBS won”t replace him with Joe the Comedian.
    5. He shoots like a girl.
    4. Thinks he”s so high and mighty because the Brooklyn Bridge actually goes somewhere.
    3. His recent marriage makes her unwed daughter look bad.
    2. The “gotcha” main stream media won”t give me my own show!
    1. Blatantly uses Bristol to promote his show� oh wait, that”s Sarah.

  8. mt says:

    So much for going against big oil and their corruption.

  9. ericmiami says:

    Brilliant, AKM. Nice going on the keyboard.

  10. BigSlick says:

    Ooops. Wrong thread, the above was OT. Sorry.

  11. BigSlick says:

    Did Sarah just make a threat against Letterman? Or did Willow? Or was Sarah encouraging Willow to assault Letterman?

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/11/sarah-palin-today-show-in_n_214587.html

    “Hey, take it however you want to take it,” she said. “It is a comment that came from the heart that Willow, no doubt, would want to stay away from David Letterman after he made such a comment. And you can interpret that however you want to interpret it.”

    “Well is that not perhaps in bad taste also, governor?” Lauer asked.

    “No, it’s not in bad taste,” she said. “Hey, maybe he couldn’t be trusted because Willow’s had enough of this type of comments and maybe Willow would want to react to him in a way that maybe would catch him off guard. That’s one way to interpret such a comment.”

    Here’s how I would respond if I were Dave:

    Hehe hehehehehe hehe

  12. Ennealogic says:

    I looked at the pictures on the AK.us site announcing this amazing giant step forward. The men in the picture look like cats who swallowed canaries. They are in the driver’s seat, and the “media whore from babble on” (I love you, whoever coined that) is being used and she doesn’t have a freakin’ clue.

    Thanks AKM for putting in words what many Alaskans probably really feel about this match made in hell.

  13. Dr. Truth says:

    27 Lacy Lady Says:
    June 12th, 2009 at 1:14 PM
    If I am correct—there is a problem with land owned by the Indians.
    ***************************************************
    Don’t we still have a “land” problem in Wasilla on the rink deal ? Dumb-ass needs to go back and retake Real Estate 101.
    Wake the F@$K UP Alsaka !

  14. 10cats4me says:

    Maybe giving the money back was part of the AGIA deal anyway. Big companies never give anything away without a price attached. When did the deal go through? Don’t remember

  15. Karen says:

    Brilliant!

  16. Isabella says:

    Palin was elected in 2006, we believed she would put Alaska first. But once elected, she put Sarah first.

    Because of her national ambitions, she is promoting an agenda that will allow Outside corporations to dominate Alaska’s resources, including our energy and the jobs it provides.

    Over my objection, the Governor negotiated a contract last year with TransCanada under AGIA, supported by the legislature, that will now provide ExxonMobil Corporation with half of $500 million of state funds.

    I have urged the Governor many times to lead our state in another direction. We should build and own a natural gas pipeline from Prudhoe Bay to Valdez and ship Liquefied Natural Gas (LNG) to world markets.

    She has taken another road.

    http://community.adn.com/adn/node/141753

  17. BigSlick says:

    It certainly looks like Sarah basically handed Exxon back the money they paid in damages by giving the $500 million to Transcanada and allowing it to then pass through to Exxon.

    If anyone has proof she influenced or even knew that things were going to play out like this, the Feds will find it.

    Whoever has that proof owns a Palin. Maybe two of ’em.

    Now, where has that bridge disappeared to?

  18. Mike from Everett Wa says:

    I feel so dirty, where’d I put the bleach. That’s not strong enough, maybe an everclear bath.. That’d work. I can drink and bathe at same time… Drink away the horror, and sanitize the dirty feeling.

    *walks away shuddering from the unclean feeling* good story

  19. nswfm CA says:

    #23 Ripley in CT Says:
    June 12th, 2009 at 12:38 PM

    Ew. I need to go bleach my brain for picturing her in bed with anyone.
    ——–
    Yeah, me too.

  20. Blooper says:

    The catch in all of this is that Sarah is not going to be able to say she liberated Alaska from the clutches big oil anymore (one of her 2006 campaign promises).

    Of course, I’m sure she’ll conveniently ignore the significance in this sudden change in views and say that she worked to bring Alaska & Big Oil together for the betterment of everyone.

    Political expediency at its finest.

  21. mattie says:

    aren’t you going to be afraid you are going to be accused of sexually exploiting an old beauty queen?

  22. honestyinGov says:

    If GINO is trying to get close to Exxon… is there anybody that thinks that this is a way to get some high-paying Lobbyist position out of them after she leaves the Gov’s office in 2010..?

    We know she won’t get re-elected, maybe this is a back-up plan. She does LOVE her big Money, and Exxon has plenty of it to share with ‘ friends ‘.
    Maybe the quid pro quo is not in writing… but she is looking to make friends there. Not as crazy as those sea pee conspiracies because don’t all the powerful Washington people who leave office become ‘ paid consultants ‘ after office.

  23. BigSlick says:

    @ #28 UK Lady

    Maybe the pipeline should be christened “Damien”?

  24. CO almost native says:

    I’m looking forward to Saturday: no more Sarah Palin popping up on every news program imaginable. I also saw her on the Today Show and CNN; I was disappointed in Wolf Blitzer (and emailed him), as he didn’t ask any hard questions- at least Lauer tried to get Palin to concede points before she kept talking and rolled over him. She keeps insisting the the Lower 48 would looove to have Alaska’s oil/gas; doesn’t matter that here is a glut, and we have plenty of our own, thanks but no thanks.

  25. BigSlick says:

    #21 Nan,

    I agree, I think Exxon is going to bite her bad.

  26. UK Lady says:

    Oh! Good Grief!!

    Does that make the pipeline ……………………….

    ‘Rosemary’s Baby?’!

  27. Lacy Lady says:

    SHE’S back! GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
    If anyone beside myself watched CNN with Wolf B . and the Witch from the North, they are sick—–big time.
    I think I remember reading about all this pipe line stuff, during the election.
    If I am correct—there is a problem with land owned by the Indians.
    Don’t remember how much money was spent on this pipe line, but remember that vodoo man praying over her in her church.
    Today on CNN, she was taking on David Letterman. It seems to me, that the family would be better off to get their children OFF the stage and keep them home. And now she said that her daughter is in College??? Did she ever graduate from high school? ——Where is she going to college?
    And where is the little one? Where is the father of this child. Has he hired an attorney.—–
    So many questions——and no answers.
    But one thing for sure——she still can’t put a sentence together, and that voice–OMG—–Like scratching a black board.
    Hope to hear Keith tonight.
    I have missed all the people on this site. It is still the best show in town

  28. Lacy Lady says:

    SHE’S back! GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
    If anyone beside myself watched CNN with Wolf B . and the Witch from the North, they are sick—–big time.
    I think I remember reading about all this pipe line stuff, during the election.
    If I am correct—there is a problem with land owned by the Indians.
    Don’t remember how much money was spent on this pipe line, but remember that vodoo man praying over her in her church.
    Today on CNN, she was taking on David Letterman. It seems to me, that the family would be better off to get their children OFF the stage and keep them home. And now she said that her daughter is in College??? Did she ever graduate from high school? ——Where is she going to college?
    And where is the little one? Where is the father of this child. Has he hired an attorney.—–
    So many questions——and no answers.
    But one thing for sure——she still can’t put a sentence together, and that voice–OMG—–Like scratching a black board.
    Hope to hear Keith tonight.
    I have missed all the people on this site. It is still the best show in town.

  29. redwoodmuse says:

    Wurzelhexli Says:
    June 12th, 2009 at 10:54 AM

    Interesting article:
    Oil and Indians Don’t Mix

    http://www.truthout.org/061209A

    Yep, Greg Palast is one of my heroes. For those who don’t know, he’s a meticulous investigative journalist who takes no prisoners. He did several devastating pieces on the theft of elections by the Bush brothers as well as some very in depth reporting on Valdez oil spill. There he pointed out that a drunk skipper was beside the point as the accident was caused by Exxon refusing to replace a defective piece of equipment (a compass I think) on the ship.

    redwoodmuse

  30. Bret says:

    Wow, great story AKM! And, this little “romance” is going to cost Alaskans $500 million. I think that of the big three oil companies, Exxon Mobile was the only one that posted a 4Q profit?

  31. Ripley in CT says:

    Ew. I need to go bleach my brain for picturing her in bed with anyone.

  32. Physicsmom says:

    Wonderful job AKM and terrific analogy! You really painted the picture perfectly and kept us right in the moment. This might be a bit esoteric for HuffPo, but it would be nice to see it get broader distribution. I agree with Grainne that the story needs to be refocused on this instead of the drama with ARod. (teehee)

  33. Nan says:

    Now that was a little scary, glad it was daylight when I read it.

    What it makes me think of is that song, “The Snake” (Cynthia Geary sang it on Northern Exposure in one of the odder episodes)

    1st verse:
    On her way to work one morning
    Down the path along side the lake
    A tender hearted woman saw a poor half frozen snake
    His pretty colored skin had been all frosted with the dew
    “Oh well,” she cried, “I’ll take you in and I’ll take care of you”
    “Take me in oh tender woman
    Take me in, for heaven’s sake
    Take me in oh tender woman,” sighed the snake

    (snake winds up biting her. duhh)

    I hope this last verse doesn’t come true (again):
    “I saved you,” cried that woman
    “And you’ve bit me, tell me why?
    You know your bite is poisonous and now I’m going to die”
    “Oh shut up, silly woman,” said the reptile with a grin
    “You knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in”

  34. msbeader says:

    Great story. I believe she envisions herself as a seductress; oil, men, GOP. Could this make it’s way to KO???

  35. Irishgirl says:

    Paula Says:
    June 12th, 2009 at 11:25 AM

    Raped by big oil, twice, and liking it, huh?
    ——————————————-

    Sad, but true.

  36. Grainne says:

    we need to make some noise that will drown out all the dramatic hubub over big l and the deranged mama grizzly’s cubs.

  37. Nan says:

    Wurzelhexli Says:

    Interesting article:
    Oil and Indians Don’t Mix

    http://www.truthout.org/061209A
    ___________________

    Wonderful article – thanks for posting it.

  38. Gramiam says:

    honestyinGov Says:
    June 12th, 2009 at 11:41 AM

    This is too good.
    It has such detail… you could almost believe you were there.
    ( Except she is NOT speaking any word salad)

    But if she WAS… we would never be able to understand the story…. you have to use some imagination.

    AKM…. can you get this posted on Huffpo so that the National audience will get off the Letterman rant and see GINO for her true self…. and what she is doing.
    ***********************************************************************************
    Yes, please, AKM. This is too good not to share, and much more pleasant reading also, too.

  39. Mac says:

    AKM – that short story made my skin crawl! I guess that’s the effect this whole sordid affair is and will have on those victimized by Exxon. Creepy…

  40. honestyinGov says:

    This is too good.
    It has such detail… you could almost believe you were there.
    ( Except she is NOT speaking any word salad)

    But if she WAS… we would never be able to understand the story…. you have to use some imagination.

    AKM…. can you get this posted on Huffpo so that the National audience will get off the Letterman rant and see GINO for her true self…. and what she is doing.

  41. Blooper says:

    Wow, loved that short story. The funny thing is that it didn’t take much for me to suspend my belief when reading it. 😉

    Palin desperately needs something big to put on her resume. She’s frittered away her precious time in the Governor’s seat chasing fruitless, polarizing issues. Her legacy is starting to atrophy before she’s even left office.

    So yeah, hello Exxon! However, at this point I think the real question should be is this too little, too late?

  42. GA Peach a/k/a Lance the Boil aka Crust Scramble says:

    Great job, AKM, of reminding me that sarah doesn’t care who she gets in bed with. Did she have on those red shoes?

  43. Paula says:

    Raped by big oil, twice, and liking it, huh?

  44. Irishgirl says:

    Great post AKM. I was getting a bit worried for a minute at what was going to come next! 🙂

    She is indeed sleeping with the enemy.

  45. Sueinjuneau says:

    From ADN today – Wally Hickle’s statemetn is right on:

    “First some context: The Republican Hickel was co-chair of Gov. Sarah Palin’s 2006 campaign for governor. But they had a hard split when Palin dropped her active promotion of the proposed “all-Alaska” natural gas pipeline route from the North Slope to Valdez, an idea Hickel is passionate about.

    Below is Hickel’s statement:

    When Governor Sarah Palin was elected in 2006, we believed she would put Alaska first. But once elected, she put Sarah first.

    Because of her national ambitions, she is promoting an agenda that will allow Outside corporations to dominate Alaska’s resources, including our energy and the jobs it provides.

    Over my objection, the Governor negotiated a contract last year with TransCanada under AGIA, supported by the legislature, that will now provide ExxonMobil Corporation with half of $500 million of state funds.

    I have urged the Governor many times to lead our state in another direction. We should build and own a natural gas pipeline from Prudhoe Bay to Valdez and ship Liquefied Natural Gas (LNG) to world markets.

    She has taken another road.

    Unless the people of Alaska rise up and oppose the TransCanada -ExxonMobil deal, we will revert to the situation in territorial days when Outside interests controlled our lives.

    Alaska must not lose its way as an Owner State. We have created a state based on commonly-owned resources and lands. That model is alive and well in Alaska. It’s an important concept for the world, and we mustn’t lose what the founders of our state created 50 years ago.”

    Please make her go away. She could just develop a line of slutty sandals and boots and be set up for life.

  46. Mae says:

    The silla sultress drifts off to thoughts of hiring a ghost writer, for her long pent up ideas of improving the self esteem of young teenage girls.

  47. ENOUGHwiththetrainwreck says:

    someone needs to give another award to AKM. brava !!1 excellent script. i could smell the sulfur fumes mingling with the new york boutique perfume all the way down her in the southern states.

  48. greatgrammy1 says:

    This is one of the funniest stories yet. Good job, AKM, I love it. Wish it would make it’s way to Keith O.

  49. Wurzelhexli says:

    Interesting article:
    Oil and Indians Don’t Mix

    http://www.truthout.org/061209A

  50. BigPete says:

    Hungry markets

    The Secessionist in Palin probably still harbors some resentment against the “outsider” oil companies, but if God wants her to be a national GOP figure, she’s more than prepared for a stint on the casting couch.

    “she asks, in a sort of dreamy soothing voice”?

  51. pvazwindy says:

    And what do Alaskans think of this affair?

  52. pvazwindy says:

    I need a breath of fresh air

  53. Martha Unalaska Yard Sign says:

    My day will never be the same – Exxon and The Twit spooning. That’s about right even though it’s so disgusting I need to close my eyes for a few moments and recall the beauty in my life, my friends, my family. Ahhhhhh…. much better!

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