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June 13, 2021

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Top 3 WTF Republican Mailers

Yes, ladies and gents, it’s primary time in Alaska and the mailboxes are crammed with giant glossy postcards touting the various legislative and gubernatorial candidates. Some are well-crafted, on target, and relevant. We’re not interested in those.

For now, we’re focused on those we’d like to file in our WTF folder. So here are the top 3, plus an honorable mention.

[drumroll]

Honorable Mention: Gubernatorial candidate Mike Dunleavy (R-Wasilla) <—what could go wrong, right?

Mr. Dunleavy used to be a State Senator, but he quit in the middle of his term to do the right thing for Alaska. (Ok, this is getting eerie now). ANYway, the latest mailer touting him as the most Republicany Republican that ever Republicanned shows him sitting with a rifle casually slung across his shoulder, proudly astride his trusty steed – the mascot of the Democratic Party. Doh!

#DonkeyWhistle

**I should make it clear that this mailer did not come from the Mike Dunleavy campaign. It came from a completely unaffiliated independent expenditure group – a group that is not allowed to have anything to do with the campaign. Never the twain shall meet, because ETHICS. So, if anyone sees Mike Dunleavy’s rich brother Francis from Texas who runs this group hanging around their headquarters which is next door to the official campaign headquarters, tell him you appreciate his restraint.

 

And now, our top 3 as chosen by a vote of … me.

#3) Lora Reinbold, in a hat, in Croatia, collecting per diem.

Reinbold (R-Eagle River) has made a name for herself as a fiscal conservative. Nary a state penny can be spent without Rep. Reinbold looking over the top of her glasses and scribbling furiously in her mental ledger. So nobody was as shocked as we were to see her take one on the chin for fiscal skulduggery. We especially liked the big floppy sun hat for that extra “I’m on vacation blowing your money” vibe.

 

 

#2) The Micchiche family… and a chain saw. For some reason.

Well, THAT’s a weight off our shoulders. We can all sleep tight now knowing that Senator Peter Micchiche (R-Kenai) is not going to chainsaw his family, or yours. See that chainsaw? That one right THERE? Not gonna touch it. Nope. NE. VER.

It’s like they say in politics – why be really clear with a good message when you can randomly add a chain saw?

 

#1) Joe Riggs, jackass extraordinaire, who put out a “hit piece” on his opponent Albert Fogle because… (I can hardly bring myself to say it)… he’s (gulp) GAY. [a child screams]

And not only is he… gay… he is in a stable marriage with, and I quote, “TWO BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN.” Ohhhh the horror!

 

Welcome to the late 20th and early 21st centuries, Mr. Riggs. There’s been a development since you went into a coma. There are GAY people. And they are pretty much like regular people. Except they have to deal with Neanderthals like you. (Apologies. I shouldn’t disparage our Neanderthal brothers and sisters with comparisons to Mr. Riggs).

Wait, what’s that? Did you say something, Alaska Landmine? Mr. Riggs was a sassy topless waiter in a gay bar? Ok, we can’t even with this guy. EJECT THE POD! And make sure Mr. Riggs is in it first.

If you’re in Alaska, don’t forget to vote early, or at the polls on Tuesday, August 21!

 

 

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