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June 21, 2021

Headlines:

DC Dan’s Embryonic Memory

US Senate hopeful Dan Sullivan (R-OH–>DC–>AK) has decided to boost his nonexistent Alaska cred by campaign-branding the most traumatic event in Anchorage history. In addition to slapping his logo on the Good Friday Quake, Dan pours on the “we remember.” Given that the quake hit our city roughly 8 months before Sullivan’s birth in Ohio, his precocious, in-utero grasp of geological phenomena like the shifting of tectonic plates must have been impressive. The actual Alaskan in the Senate race shows our visitor from Ohio/DC how it’s done: Translation: “There’s no need to explicitly remind you I was born and raised here….

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Racist Rant & School Board Voter Guide!

Anchorage School Board Seat D Before we horrify you senseless, we’ll start off with the good news. This one is going to be really easy for you when you stand in the voting booth. The things you read below might even GET you to the voting booth if you were thinking about sitting out the Municipal election on April 1. We give you incumbent Kameron Perez-Verdia vs. Don Smith. Kameron Perez-Verdia has an extensive resume of working in education, especially with high-risk children. He was appointed in a contentious process last year that was documented on The Mudflats. His pragmatism….

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Sullivan Website Screw-Up Quotes Ron Paul

Carpetbagging Republican Senate candidate Dan Sullivan (OH->DC->AK) is running against incumbent Senator Mark Begich (D-AK) this fall. When serious and professional candidates run for office, they usually hire someone to develop a website for their candidacy. And in the course of developing the design of the website, there’s often something that says this: Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum…

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Too Many Dans

In the first of what we hope will be many chuckle-worthy screw ups, the conservative Club for Growth came out with an endorsement recently which was picked up by the Associated Press, and then reported by KTVA Channel 11 News in Anchorage. Somewhere along the line, Dan Sullivan got lost in translation. Dan Sullivan (R-OH->DC->AK) moved to Alaska to become a U.S. Senator. The carpetbagging political climber went from Palin’s second choice Attorney General, to the Commissioner of the Department of Natural Resources (the move that tipped us all off) and has been groomed and guided for quite some time….

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Giessel “Reallocates” Wealth to Donors

I’m still getting used to seeing the Walter J. Hickel Expressway signs. I still think Wally’s Way would have been better, but it gives me a chance to remember to read “Who Owns America” again. My copy has a brown signature inside. A treasure. So, as I pull onto Wally’s Way, heading south, the voice of Lori Townsend making me feel better about the news on my radio. Seriously. If there’s a meteor bearing down on Earth and we’re all gonna die, she should be the one announcing it-she makes even Alaska news sound better. My phone rings. “Did you…

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(UPDATE) Parnell’s California Dream

UPDATE: Gov. Parnell’s illegal appointment has “withdrawn his own name,” the Anchorage Daily News reports. “A state law says board and commission nominees must be registered Alaska voters. Mandell told the Daily News he had not lived in Alaska since 1995. Parnell continued to back him, saying the Alaska Constitution required only that nominees be U.S. citizens.” Apparently the quaint notion that we have to follow state law is beyond the governor’s scope. If only he had some basic legal training. Oh, wait. ************************************** $2 billion a year is not enough. Sure they’re the wealthiest entities ever to have existed…

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Alaskans! Run!

The recent boondoggle with the Anchorage legislative office remodel is appalling enough by itself. However it also represents a much greater issue with this legislature. Members of that body are elected and sworn to act in the best interests of Alaska. Currently, they don’t. In negotiating a disastrous lease, they have Alaskans paying for an extensive remodel to a building we don’t own, and then a fivefold increase in rent, and finally locking us into a decade-long lease. This is a bad deal all the way around for the state, and a dreadful misappropriation of funds. Meanwhile, the lessor, a heavy campaign…

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Contraception’s Bang for the Buck

JUNEAU, AK—Opposition to abortion rights has been the political hallmark of Alaska State Senator Fred Dyson (R-Eagle River). He is also, as these ironies invariably go, opposed to expanding contraceptive access. “By and large, sexual activity is recreation,” the senator intoned today during floor debate on SB49. “The state shouldn’t finance other people’s recreation.” Does the senator favor elimination of all state parks? What of the Department of Fish & Game—some of which relates to subsistence, but which also serves recreational endeavors? Is he aware that it is public, state-financed roads taking us to our state’s ski resorts, or does he imagine…

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GOP Official Ms. Fires

FAIRBANKS, AK — A far-right elected official on the borough assembly has demanded Ms. Magazine be pulled from the shelves of a local grocery store. Lance Roberts does not like the publication’s support for the reproductive rights of women, and demanded the Fairbanks Co-op Market pull the magazine from its shelves so that other shoppers couldn’t make up their own minds on the matter. The store has complied with the politician’s demand, and in his newsletter a gloating Roberts is doing a little end zone dance: The Co-op Market had some left-wing political magazines they were selling, and at that time they…

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Miller Time: My Sunday With Joe

Hey Joe, where you goin’ with that gun in your hand? —Jimi Hendrix FAIRBANKS, AK — All three Republican US Senate candidates—Dan Sullivan, Joe Miller and Mead Treadwell—attended the Tea Party-ish Day of Resistance event in Wasilla last Sunday. But only one, Joe Miller, then braved the cold of the interior to attend the rally in Fairbanks. It appears Sullivan and Treadwell would like to peel off a few of the conservative and libertarian activists who are Miller’s base, as long as it doesn’t inconvenience them into having to head north. It was just as well, as candidates of tony…

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