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May 18, 2021

DC Dan’s Embryonic Memory

US Senate hopeful Dan Sullivan (R-OH–>DC–>AK) has decided to boost his nonexistent Alaska cred by campaign-branding the most traumatic event in Anchorage history. In addition to slapping his logo on the Good Friday Quake, Dan pours on the “we remember.” Given that the quake hit our city roughly 8 months before Sullivan’s birth in Ohio, his precocious, in-utero grasp of geological phenomena like the shifting of tectonic plates must have been impressive. The actual Alaskan in the Senate race shows our visitor from Ohio/DC how it’s done: Translation: “There’s no need to explicitly remind you I was born and raised here….

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Social Media Wins & Fails of AK Politicos

ANCHORAGE, AK— There are two types of Facebook stati: those providing the reader with value of some sort—informational, cautionary, or even just escapist entertainment value—and those benefitting only the writer: appeals for sympathy or money, self-congratulatory piety, boastful one-upsmanship, you know all the flavors. The second type is never in short supply, but here are three examples of effective social media use by public officials which—while of benefit to constituents and the public, indeed for that very reason—will also pay dividends when the candidate makes an ask around campaign time. The Feedback Loop Fairbanks Rep. Scott Kawasaki’s approach highlights an…

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GOP Senator – Birth Control Irresponsible

I had a plan to write a column that was going to make the Anchorage municipal elections coming up to be the sexiest most riveting thing you’ve ever read. Then someone did something stupid in Juneau, so you’ll have to wait a week while I sort this doofus out. First, the reporting on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders from Kyle Hopkins and Marc Lester for the Anchorage Daily News has been incredible. Disturbing, and incredibly needed. Two percent of children born in Alaska have FASD. We need solutions and education. Sadly, we have a “think tank” formed by Sen. Pete Kelly…

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Don’t Tread On Grammar: Reader Response

So, a while ago I made this No Pebble flag using art by the inimitable Ray Troll. It’s a riff on the Gadsden flag. Someone didn’t like it too much. I got this in my e-mail.  Which, of course I forwarded to Jeanne. After some grade school corrections from Jeanne, I created this. Remember kids, fund public education.

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Too Many Dans

In the first of what we hope will be many chuckle-worthy screw ups, the conservative Club for Growth came out with an endorsement recently which was picked up by the Associated Press, and then reported by KTVA Channel 11 News in Anchorage. Somewhere along the line, Dan Sullivan got lost in translation. Dan Sullivan (R-OH->DC->AK) moved to Alaska to become a U.S. Senator. The carpetbagging political climber went from Palin’s second choice Attorney General, to the Commissioner of the Department of Natural Resources (the move that tipped us all off) and has been groomed and guided for quite some time….

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Giessel “Reallocates” Wealth to Donors

I’m still getting used to seeing the Walter J. Hickel Expressway signs. I still think Wally’s Way would have been better, but it gives me a chance to remember to read “Who Owns America” again. My copy has a brown signature inside. A treasure. So, as I pull onto Wally’s Way, heading south, the voice of Lori Townsend making me feel better about the news on my radio. Seriously. If there’s a meteor bearing down on Earth and we’re all gonna die, she should be the one announcing it-she makes even Alaska news sound better. My phone rings. “Did you…

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Ms. Underestimated in Fairbanks

FAIRBANKS –  Despite recent attempts by Republican Borough Assemblyman Lance Roberts to bully the Fairbanks Co-op Market into no longer carrying Ms. Magazine, this week a new shipment arrived and was stocked on the shelves. Roberts stated that he felt the magazine’s support of reproductive choice for women was tantamount to the Co-op Market condoning “genocide,” and announcing on his Facebook page that feminism was “heresy.”   When Roberts learned of the Co-op’s decision to discontinue selling the publication, he beat his chest in his own newsletter, reveling in the outcome of his threats to boycott the market, and the fact…

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Ms. Understanding Feminism in Fairbanks

**UPDATE** It appears Mr. Roberts has lost his battle to decide which reading materials you may purchase where. From the Co-op’s General Manager: “The next issue is on the way. The co-op does not make buying decisions based on one member-owners wishes.” Feminism is what tells women they can sleep around and just get abortions when they go to (sic) far. Feminism is women saying they want to do it their way and not God’s way, and it gives men the ‘out’ to do nothing. I see feminism as one of the worst heresies that have completely messed up our church today…

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Contraception’s Bang for the Buck

JUNEAU, AK—Opposition to abortion rights has been the political hallmark of Alaska State Senator Fred Dyson (R-Eagle River). He is also, as these ironies invariably go, opposed to expanding contraceptive access. “By and large, sexual activity is recreation,” the senator intoned today during floor debate on SB49. “The state shouldn’t finance other people’s recreation.” Does the senator favor elimination of all state parks? What of the Department of Fish & Game—some of which relates to subsistence, but which also serves recreational endeavors? Is he aware that it is public, state-financed roads taking us to our state’s ski resorts, or does he imagine…

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GOP Official Ms. Fires

FAIRBANKS, AK — A far-right elected official on the borough assembly has demanded Ms. Magazine be pulled from the shelves of a local grocery store. Lance Roberts does not like the publication’s support for the reproductive rights of women, and demanded the Fairbanks Co-op Market pull the magazine from its shelves so that other shoppers couldn’t make up their own minds on the matter. The store has complied with the politician’s demand, and in his newsletter a gloating Roberts is doing a little end zone dance: The Co-op Market had some left-wing political magazines they were selling, and at that time they…

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