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June 21, 2021

Headlines:

Jesus Gets Punked by Exxon

Election day may be over here in Alaska, but now is when the fun begins. The results of a couple close races are hinging on absentee and questioned ballots yet to be examined, and shiny new lawmakers are angling for committee assignments and chairmanships. Pundits, meanwhile, examine and expound upon the results of the Citizens United meets Big Oil meets Jesus campaign machine. Let me be one of them. During this time, it’s good to remember the lessons of the past. The genius of Ronald Reagan was his ability to unite two completely different groups of people—with completely different policy…

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Giessel Loses It

by Thomas Dewar …on television. Making this fact even more stunning is that she herself paid for the air time. Oh yes, gentle reader, in Cathy Giessel’s latest bizarre ad, she gives you a stern talking to. Because who doesn’t enjoy being yelled at by the politicians we employ? Even under the best of circumstances the senator’s demeanor is one of barely contained rage and contempt, and a race she feels slipping away is far from the best of circumstances. Even her own, high-profile supporters have publicly noted that the race is surprisingly close. In order to cope with the…

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Get Skooled on the Issues

If the Tea Party has its way, you’ll be getting a call soon, because you simply have not been told the truth about the real Obama. Oh, yeah. Don’t you kid yourself. The lamestream media has been at it again, covering up, and whitewashing critical information to allow their Kenyan messiah to dismantle our liberties, use the Constitution to line the bottom of their bird cages, and turn the whole country over to their secret overlords at the United Nations. The Tea Party has been hard at work sending out blast emails. I know this because I get them. I…

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Mitt Romney and War by Other Means

“When our grounds are being attacked and being breached, the first response of the United States must be outrage at the breach of the sovereignty of our nation.“ The first response of the United States must be outrage. Yes, outrage! That’s what we need, some good old-fashioned American outrage. Because really, we haven’t spent enough time in the last ten years paying the tab on decisions that were made in the throes of outrage, right? Our first response should be outrage. That was wannabe Decider-in-Chief, Mitt Romney, in response to a statement issued by the United States Embassy in Cairo, Egypt,…

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Palin Wonders How Kerry Knows Her Name

  It’s a mystery.. Former Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin is apparently surprised that former Presidential nominee, Senator John Kerry even knows her name. I’m guessing he watches TV, or reads things that are put in front of him. Or goes to a bookstore. Kerry gave Palin the moment she’d been undoubtedly waiting for – attention from the big bad Democrats. Having an enemy is the WD-40 that greases up the Palin jaw hinges – Alaska Republican Party Chair Randy Ruedrich, David Letterman, President Obama, former State Senate President Lyda Green, former radio host Dan Fagan, Russia, the good ol’…

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The Other Side of the Conversation

  How many of you get those right wing “viral emails” from family and friends who are politically uninformed, raise your hand. That’s what I thought. Invariably, almost everyone has a coworker, uncle, mother-in-law, or ex-roommate who habitually blankets their entire contact list with these emails, usually about President Obama or the First Lady, with tales of secret college papers, birth certificate forgery, lavish White House redecorating, or some other horror du jour. They’ve gotten this email from someone they trust. This email is from a soldier, or someone who knew Barry in grade school. They’re doing it for our…

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Palin Hurls Self Into Spotlight. Again.

First I wrote about her to inform people. Then I wrote about her because she was a hilarious political train wreck. Then I wrote about her because she annoyed me. Then I started writing about her because she really made me mad. Then I ignored her. All of these actions shared the same unfortunate result. She did not go away. Well, she went away from Alaska, this is true. She said she did it for us. She’d be better able to work for Alaska from Outside, she said. Maybe while she’s out there, she can also find the “real killers.”…

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Sully Goes Viral!

Well, look at that. Mayor Dan Sullivan’s decision to skip town and take his oath of office in Hawaii has, apparently, gone viral. None other than First Lady Lynette Sullivan has sprung to his defense. She piped up in the comment section of the Anchorage Daily News to quell the rumblings of Anchorage citizens who thought that the Mayor actually ought to put his official duties first, and his tropical vacation second.  It’s worth reading, just to see if you can manage to keep your lunch down. My comments (as always) are in red. ********************* Hello Anchorage! This is First Lady…

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Hawaii Gets Sullied!

Mayor Dan Sullivan, who got elected recently to a second term, will take his oath of office not in his city… not even in his STATE.  No, Mayor Sullivan will be taking his oath of office in Honolulu, Hawaii on Monday. Kid you not. But the mayor won’t be too homesick. He’ll have his pal/Municipal Attorney Dennis Wheeler by his side. The oath, taken 3,000 miles away from Anchorage City Hall, apparently coincides with his annual vacation to visit the family of his much beleaguered wife. Sorry, Aloha State for the proverbial turd in your paradise punch bowl. Do feel…

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Levi Johnston Names Second Baby After Gun

We’d like to take a break from the trivial, frivolous matter of election integrity to delve deeply into a critical piece of developing news… Levi Johnston, the ex-fiance and baby daddy of former Dancing With the Stars celebrity Bristol Palin, and also former ex-almost-son-in-law of the former ex-half-governor and former-almost-second-in-command of these here United States, has gotten his current girlfriend Sunny Oglesby in the family way. Once again, the miracle of life began for Johnston on a camping trip, and once again, the pregnancy was unplanned. We do not know if wine coolers were involved this time. “We were out…

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