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May 18, 2021

Begich and Parnell Concede

Mark Begich has officially called to congratulate Dan Sullivan on winning the senate race. I’m thinking maybe a constitutional challenge is in order now that Ohio has three senators. Alaskans didn’t used to fall for the carpetbagger who moved here just for a senate seat. But the times they are a-changing. The following statement was released by Begich, after calling Sullivan today. “Alaska is a place unmatched by any other, and the opportunity to represent Alaskans and all of Alaska’s communities in the U.S. Senate has been a tremendous honor for which I am eternally grateful. Alaska deserves a bright…

Cruz to Wasilla

Fueled by Jitters coffee and a sugar cookie the size of a frisbee, I was as ready as I was ever going to be. I and two companions were on a political road trip north to the Valley. As we arrived in Wasilla, a small plane flew laps over the AT&T sports center, towing a sign that read “Sullivan for Senate.” In a media market filled to capacity with political ads, this apparently was the only air time left. Inside, Toby Keith, Neil Diamond, Eminem, Corey Hart, and an unlikely play list of songs presumably chosen for themes of freedom, America,…

Whiny Sullivan Operative Must Work in Hellhole

Outside Republican Sullivan operatives haven’t quite figured out how the internets work. Senate candidate Dan Sullivan is having a hard time convincing people he’s from Alaska. Most of his contributions are from Ohio, because… well, he’s from Ohio. And while he may be sticking around Alaska long enough to try to get a Senate job in DC, some of his campaigners can’t wait to get out of this godforsaken hellhole populated by dumb rubes. (Psst! Hey, “RepublicanPolitico,” we can hear you!) Yes, Sullivan’s guns for hire pulled field programs in October because of the weather. Nahhh… nobody does any field work in…

A Sullivan Win Puts Alaska Last

Poor Dan Sullivan, I think he was born with a pair of silver flip flops on. His Cleveland, Ohio, parents were caught last week by the Center for Public Integrity trying to funnel $300,000 to a super PAC supporting their son. The contribution was originally listed as coming from the Glenmede Trust Company — a wealth management company that manages over $25 billion for rich folks. Unfortunately for the Sullivans, they mistakenly listed their $3 million beachside condo in Florida instead of Glenmede’s Philadelphia address on their filing. Oops. This donation is on top of the other $250,000 that Dan’s…

Judge Confirms Lt. Gov’s Incompetence

The job of Alaska’s Lieutenant Governor really has only two duties to speak of. 1) Care and maintenance of the state seal. Not the animal – that would be hard, and require lots of work. I’m talking about the little round metal disc that turns stuff official. I don’t really know what care and maintenance that seal requires, but I’m guessing there might be buffing involved, or maybe some kind of chemical paste and a soft lint-free cloth. Perhaps it’s nestled in a velvet-lined wooden box, and needs to be checked on from time to time, to make sure nobody’s…

Palin: In or Out, or In… Or Out. Maybe.

In the never ending edge-of-your-seat boredom that is Sarah Palin’s future “political career,” we’ve got some hot breaking news! Remember how she wasn’t considering a senate run in Alaska? Then, she was… unless someone other than Joe Miller and Mead Treadwell stepped up to run. Nobody has. Still just them. Yet now she says she currently has no plans to run. Someone else can do it. But she’s also not ruling anything out. She’s not closing the door. Back in the day, an open door was God’s message to “plow through.” Now, it’s merely an option. It’s just there, open,…

What are Republicans Doing to Themselves?!

The Republican Party, after crushing defeats in the last two Presidential elections, and seeing newly elected members of Congress display racial intolerance, homophobia, and misogyny the likes of which have not been seen in recent history, has had to really sit down and do some soul searching. To their credit, Republican voters seem to have given some real thought to the condition of the not-so-Grand Old Party, and how it might be changed as they move forward to remain relevant, and serve the will of the majority in an evolving America. src=”http://ap.lijit.com///www/delivery/fpi.js#?z=186829&u=themudflats&width=300&height=250″> In that spirit, they’ve decided that Republicans simply…

Sarah Palin Top Choice for Senate?!

Stay calm. Just sit for a minute. If you’re an Alaskan, do not start loading up the motorhome for your political asylum road trip to Canada. If you are from the Lower 48, do not stop reading here and put a big red Sharpied ‘X’ over Alaska on your desktop globe. Let me explain. A few weeks ago, the ex-half-governor unhinged her maw, and some words fell out. Seemingly, she is considering a run for the U.S. Senate against incumbent Democrat Mark Begich. Pollsters tilted their heads to the side like a dog who hears a whistle. Then they got…

Begich on a Palin Senate Run

Remember that line from Brokeback Mountain, “I wish I knew how to quit you?” Well if Sarah Palin were Jake Gyllenhaal and Alaska were Heath Ledger, she’d have been all, “I’m outta here!” And now that she’s considering a run for the Senate in the very state she quit, the Senator whose seat she’s looking to fill had a few things to say about that. “I don’t know if she’s a resident. She’s been away from Alaska a lot and has probably lost touch with what’s going on… “Most Alaskans I see on a pretty regular basis, but I haven’t…

Chicken & Waffles, & John Boehner?

STRANGE OMEN #1 I should have know something was afoot in the universe when this happened just down the road from my house, begging the question, “Why?” Just to be clear, I have never actually seen a chicken cross the road, nevermind in this visually perfect allegorical fashion. I have never even seen a chicken in my neighborhood at all, though clearly there is now photographic evidence that they exist. About a quarter mile and a few hairpin mountain road turns away from the chicken sighting, is something relatively new to Alaska – a fancy gated community. It is called…